A Rougher Ride

Title: Alter-Eighteen: A Rougher Ride Author: Terri Email: xgrrl26@yahoo.com Rating: R Summary: Alternative version of events in the movie and the Eighteen series. Rogue's had it a little worse than usual in making her way to Logan. Disclaimer: Nobody but Gary is mine, and I really don't want him. Archive: Ask, and I will say okey-dokey. Feedback: Please? Pretty please? Author's Notes: Once again, this is courtesy of blackmail/bribery by my brbf. What about doing a darker Rogue, she kept saying. What would really happen to a seventeen year old girl alone on the road, she kept saying. I mean, relentlessly. Day in, day out. It was like the plot bunny from hell had attached itself to my ass by the teeth. I kept saying that I'd never finish the Eighteen series in my lifetime if I kept writing AUs. It has to stop, I said. I'm trying to hang on to my sanity, I said. I don't even care if you refuse to beta the Eighteens  that just means I'll be done with them, and I can blame it all on you, I said. Then, finally, she persuaded me. She said  I'll throw in a case of beer, come on, do it. What can I say? I'm a weak, weak beer-lovin' woman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What the hell do ya mean, ya ain't got my money?" This asshole's about to get a chest full of metal. "I-I got somethin' better. Wait here." Shit. Dumb ass trucker. Shoulda known better than to fight this dickhead. Poor white trash written all over him. He better be comin' back with the title to his rig. 'Cause there's nothin' better than money, but that old heap can be converted into money pretty easily. Fuck. He's draggin' some little girl. Shit. "Go on, take her, she's yours." "What is this, your daughter?" Girl can't be more than 17 or so. Sick fucker. "No, no, just picked her up, she's a hitchhiker. Go on, take her." He's actually shoving her at me. "Hell no. What the hell am I supposed to do with her?" I can't sell her like I could the truck, that's for damn sure. I don't need company, and women - well, I've never had to pay for one in my life. I sure as hell don't need one as a door prize. "Do whatever you want. She's real sweet." She don't look sweet. She looks beat to hell - thin, starving, black and blue shadows on her face, swaying a little like she can barely stand up. He musta done whatever the hell he wanted with her, that's for damn sure. She looks pretty fucked up. "I don't want some girl you picked up outta the gutter. I want my money." "Come on, take her, she'll be real good to you." "I said no. I - " Shit, sirens, and close. Fuck. Cops comin' to bust up the fight club. Shit. Shoulda heard 'em before. That's what I get for not payin' any fuckin' attention. "We gotta get outta here, man, just take her!" Fuck! Shoved her right into me, and shit, she's out now. Completely unconscious. Fuck. Bastard's runnin' for his rig. Shit. Gotta get outta here now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mmmmph...." "Wake up." Good, finally. Soon as she's awake, I can dump her off at the next town. "Uh....." "Wake up. You hear me?" Come on, snap out of it. "Wha-what happened? Oh my God, who are you?" Shit, she's awake now. Must be a pretty fuckin' rude awakening to come to in a moving car with a total stranger. "That's not really important. Look - that guy you were with? I think his name is Gary? He gave you to me." "He did what?" "He gave you to me, he didn't have money to pay for losin' the fight, so he gave you to me instead." She don't look like she approves. "Look, I ain't gonna hurt you, kid. Just gonna drop you off at the next town." "Who are you?" Didn't she hear my fuckin' answer the first time? "Don't worry about it. Just - why don't you go back to sleep, huh?" At least that'll keep her quiet. "What are you planning to do with me?" Big eyes underneath that hood. Big eyes framed by black and blue underneath. Scared eyes. "I told ya. I'm gonna drop you off at the next town. It's about another eight hours or so, probably more with this snowstorm. I ain't gonna hurt you. So why dontcha just go back to sleep?" And stop looking at me like you expect me to backhand you any second. It don't look right on you. "Whatever you're going to do, I'd just as soon be awake for it." I can smell fear all over her. She thinks I'm playin' some kinda game? Tryin' to get her to go to sleep so - what? - I can fuckin' jump her while she's out? Shit, some bad stuff musta happened to her on the road. "I ain't gonna do nothin', all right? But stay awake if you want. Whatever." "You can't touch me." "Look, kid, I said I ain't gonna fuckin' hurt you." She flinched a little at that. Musta came out pissier than I thought. "Just relax, OK? I ain't gonna try any shit. You got my word." "Whatever you're thinking, you can't touch me." Darlin', if I was set on it, that wouldn't stop me. Probably hasn't worked for ya so far, huh? "I said - " "I'm a mutant. It's my skin. It - it hurts people. I just want you to know, if you are thinking of something, don't do it, don't touch my skin." "A mutant?" Well, isn't that some shit? Wonder what the odds are on that? "Yeah. I - my skin can hurt you. And if you touch me for long enough, it could kill you. Just - just don't, OK? It's - it's not a good thing for me either, it hurts me too. So just don't." I can't tell if she's bluffin' about all this or what. She looks sad, tired, hurt. Hard to tell what else is goin' on in there. "All right. I won't touch your skin." "Good." She seems a little relieved at that at least. "What do you want?" "Nothin'." "Look, just tell me what you want me to do." I get it. I get it now. Hell, shoulda in the first place. Even if it is true, lotsa things don't involve skin-on-skin. Especially if you really get off on inflicting pain, or makin' someone do what you say. I'd peg Gary for that. "I don't want nothin'." "Then why did you take me instead of the money? You must want something." "Nah. Just had to grab you and get out 'cause the cops showed up. I wanted the money." "Hmm. But why not just leave me there if you didn't want me?" "Dunno." Just did it, didn't think about it. "OK. Can I - can I ask where we're going?" "Sure. We're headed across the province line, to Laughlin City." Stinkin' hell pit of a place, but she might be able to get a ride there. I bet if I stand next to her when she asks, she might even get someone half-decent, or at least someone who ain't gonna beat the shit outta her. Make 'em think she's somethin' to me, make 'em think they'll have to deal with me and they'll think twice about fuckin' with her. I'm known pretty well up in those parts. "You're going to drop me off there?" "Yeah." "OK." "OK." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Fuckin' snow." "How far from Laughlin City are we?" "Shit, seven hours in good weather. In this shit, who the hell knows? We've been drivin' three hours, probably only made 50 kilometers. Can't even fuckin' see the road. Not exactly sure we're even still on it." Of all the times to get stuck in a fuckin' snowstorm. And she hasn't hardly said three sentences in three hours. Just sittin' there, cryin' a little sometimes, shakin' too. "Look, I'm gonna - I'm gonna pull over. We're just wastin' gas. We won't make it to the next gas station if we keep goin' this way. We're just gonna hafta wait it out." She probably thinks that's some excuse to get at her or somethin'. Fuck. "OK. But what about the cold? You can't leave the truck run." Shit, hadn't thought of that. All I got back in the camper is a few blankets, might not be enough if it gets real bad. Cold won't kill me, but it'll kill her for sure. Besides, bein' cold just fuckin' pisses me off. Hurts in my bones. Shit. "Um, whoever-you-are - maybe we could use those blankets to - " "Yeah, yeah. Look, I'll put one down and put the rest on top of you. Just - just let me get pulled over." "What about you?" Bet she was real nice once, bet she was one of those people that said shit like 'what about you?' and meant it. You can tell she's doin' it mostly on reflex now. "I'll be fine." "You'll freeze." She looks a little distressed by that. You'd think she'd be thinkin' - let him freeze, fucker won me in a fight and ain't even decent enough to tell me how he's gonna fuck with me. I know she thinks I'm tryin' to trick her somehow. Or at least she thought it, at first. Maybe she figures three hours of drivin' - if he ain't tried by now, he ain't gonna. Well, good. Maybe she'll stop cryin' so much eventually. "Nah. I'm a mutant too. My thing is I heal. Can't be killed by nothin'. I heal right up." Her eyes just got real big and her mouth dropped open. Wouldn't think it'd be such a huge fuckin' shock to someone who's a mutant herself. "What?" "But you didn't try to - if you can't be killed, not even by my skin, why haven't you tried something with me?" "Look, I told ya, I ain't gonna hurt ya. Shit, kid, I realize some fuckin' bad stuff went down with you - you got more bruises than anythin' - but I said I ain't gonna do that and I ain't." "Why not?" Her smell changed, all of it, all of a sudden. She's not - she's not scared any more, just......curious? "'Cause..." I was gonna say 'cause I ain't the kinda guy that just goes around hurtin' people 'cause I like to, but that ain't exactly true. I hurt people to make money, and because I like to fight. "'Cause I don't want to, OK?" "Do you promise? Do you promise you won't hurt me?" Her smell changed again and now it's - I don't know, I can't identify it. Her whole face changed too, it's like - like she took off a mask or somethin'. You can see into those eyes, and her face shows some expression. Shit, she looks about a thousand times better now. "Sure, kid. I promise. Let's get some sleep." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Same horrible dreams, and part of me knows they're just dreams but part of me don't. Now, in this one - it feels pretty real. I'm restrained to the table, and all those doctors, all those fuckin' bastards, are standin' over me. They're cuttin' me open, my chest this time. Burns like fire, pain like I never wanna feel again. But I heal, and they know it. Fuckers. Their hands - one of them's got his hands inside my chest. I can feel him movin' my internal organs around, and I can't breathe any more. Why won't I just pass out? Or die? Why the fuck can't I just die? It would be better than this. Stop, stop. Don't - don't do that. I can - I know that's the metal, the hot metal that you're gonna pour into my body, around my bones. I don't, I can't take it, just stop it. No more, no more, no more. "Hey?" Who the fuck is that? Is one of 'em talkin' to me? Fucker. Maybe I can break outta these restraints - I don't really give a fuck if half my organs spill out when I stand up. I'll fuckin' heal, and stabbin' one of these bastards is gonna be worth it. They ain't gonna heal. That I know. "Wake up." Fuckin' sarcastic bastards too. Well, fuck them. Fuck them. I'm gonna get them. "Arrrgh!" There! There, I got you, I - "Aaaah!" Oh God, oh fuck, it's the girl. Fuck! Got her through the gut. Shit. Gotta retract the claws. "Oooh!" "Sorry, sorry!" Maybe if I apply pressure, maybe if I - fuck, I got her good. Fuck, she's losin' blood fast already, I hit somethin' major. Fuck! "Mmmm...." "Look, I'm gonna get help, just - " She's shaking her head no - what the fuck? "J-just l-l-let me-e-e g-go." Oh God, oh God, her face isn't scared or in pain, just calm. Calm and peaceful. She wants to - she's ready to die. "No." No. Not gonna let you die. I promised you, shit, I promised you I wouldn't hurt you and look what I did. Look what I did. You didn't deserve it and I can't - I can't live with that - I - fuck - "sssss okkkkk..." "No. Fuck no. It's not OK." But I'm not gonna be able to - wait! Her skin, her skin - if it works like she said, if she wasn't lyin', maybe - "nnnn....." She's pullin' away - maybe that means, maybe that means it does work like she said. Gotta hurry, though. She's fadin' fast. Can't - no time to get my gloves off, fuck. My face. Both our faces are uncovered. That's it, that's it. Now. God, let it work, just let it work. Please, God. "Aaah!" Was that her or me - it hurts, it hurts and I'm losing......losing......... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Please..." Somebody's cryin'. Fuck, everythin' hurts. Shit, parts I didn't even know I had fuckin' hurt. "Please wake up, please....." "I'm awake." I think. Barely. I'm just gonna open my eyes. Yeah. Then I'll be awake. "Oh, thank God, thank God...." That's right, the girl. Oh shit, she's cryin'. Didn't it work? Didn't it - "Are you OK?" "Yeah, yeah, you - you saved my life." Whew. Close one. "I'm so sorry." "What the hell for? I stabbed you." Didn't mean for that to come out - oh, shit. Definitely shouldnta tried to sit up. Fuck. "B-but I hurt you. My skin - you were out for a long time." She's shaking all over, but she looks better somehow - wait - her bruises - didn't she have bruises all over? They're gone - musta been me. Shit, she looks much better. But why are her lips still blue? She looks really pale, too. Somethin's still not right. "How long was I out?" Just gonna lay here and hang on to the floor for a few. Until the camper stops swaying. "M-more than a day. It - it stopped snowing and it was night and then morning then it started snowing again and - " "I get the picture. Snowin' hard out there?" "Y-yeah. Worse than before. Sorry. I'm so sorry." "Fuckin' snow ain't your fault." Somethin's definitely wrong with her - her voice, it sounds weak. Maybe - maybe it didn't work, not the whole way, not internally or some shit? Fuck, I don't really know how this whole thing goes. "Hey - come here a second." "A-are you OK? Do you need something? Maybe you should just lie still for a while." "I'm fine. Just - just a little dizzy. Come here." There - there she is, I can see her again. OK, now, concentrate. What's wrong with this picture? Blue lips, that's wrong. Pale, almost white or translucent skin. That's wrong. If she's been cryin', shouldn't she be all red and shit? Shakin'. Well, she's scared. Sacred shitless. I fuckin' stabbed her, put nine-inch metal claws right in her gut, she oughta still be fuckin' shakin'. "What - what is it?" Weak voice, barely there. Not like it sounded before. Not like it sounded when she asked if I promised. "I dunno. Somethin's - what's wrong with you?" "Huh?" "Blue lips. You got blue lips." "Oh! I guess - I guess I'm cold. That's all." "Why're you cold?" She's - she should be under the blankets. They'll do an OK job of keepin' her warm. "Because it's freezing in here. A-are you OK? Are you sure that you're OK?" Wait a second - can't be that cold in here because I feel fine. Not warm, but, you know, not at all cold. Just - aw, fuck. "What'd you do?" "What?" "What'd you do - put the blankets on me or somethin'?" "Well, yeah." "For a whole fuckin' day? Dammit, I told ya, I heal. What were you thinkin'?" Wouldn't that be some shit? If she fuckin' froze to death after all this, tryin' to keep me warm? "I was thinking that I didn't want you to die." Shit - I think - oh, shit she really meant that. She really did. Fuckin' cryin' and freezin' for a whole day, worried that she killed me with her skin. Jesus Christ. "Look, take 'em. Take 'em back. Put 'em on you. You're gonna freeze." "B-but - " "Do it, kid. You're already turnin' blue in places. That ain't good." Maybe if I could sit up enough to shove some of 'em - oh, no that wasn't a good idea. Fuck. My head fuckin' hurts. "Don't - um, just lay back down, OK? You're not - you're still not OK. I'll just - um - " "Come here. Get under." "I-I don't think I should. I - I could hurt you again." What the fuck is up with her? Girl gets run through with metal claws by some asshole who won her in a fight and the thing she's scared of is hurtin' me? "Come on. You won't - you probably wouldn't hurt a fly. Come on. You're gonna freeze." "O-OK." Shit, she's already freezin' half to death judgin' by her body temperature - and shakin' somethin' fierce. Not all of that's from the cold, I know. Maybe she is scared that I'll claw her again. Maybe - "I'm so sorry. I - I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm really sorry. You've been - you've been really decent to me. I didn't mean to hurt you, honest." "It's all right. Hey - hey, you didn't do anythin'. It was my decision, OK? Just - just relax. Just lie down a second." For some reason, I just wanna - no, no you can't touch her. You can't. "OK. Are you sure you're going to be all right?" "Positive. I'll be up and about in a few minutes. Just need to lay still for a little while, OK?" Good, less shakin'. Maybe she's gettin' a little warm. Is she - she's puttin' her arms around me. God, she must be desperately cold to do that. She's seen the claws. Nice, though. Too nice. It sure as hell ain't helping me keep my hands to myself. Wonder if she'd mind me just - my hands are - they're right at her back, low, almost where my claws came out the other side of her. Wonder if I should move 'em or take 'em away or - "Thanks. Thank you. For saving my life. I-I'm glad. I'm glad you did." She squeezed me - like, like - what? A hug or somethin'? "No problem, kid." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "No....." Wha? That's not me. "Stop it, stop....." Shit, the girl. Nightmare. Fuck - did we fall asleep? "Stop, please....." "Hey - hey, wake up." I gotta ask her what her name is. Can't keep callin' her by 'hey.' "No...." "Wake up. You're havin' a nightmare." At least hers ain't gonna result in anyone losin' internal organs. "Nnn..." "Come on, darlin'. Wake up." "Am....am I?" "What?" I think she's awake but that didn't make no sense. "Sorry. Sorry. I....uh, did we fall asleep?" "Yeah." "Sorry." "It's OK." Actually, first good sleep I've had in a helluva long time. Guess bein' knocked out then layin' down with someone in a nice warm spot does that. It's a lot warmer with body heat from both of us. A lot. "What time is it?" Picked her head up off my chest to look at me. She looks....good. Color in her face again - those lips too - and she looks rested, almost healthy. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that we slept. "Dunno." "Umph." Dropped her head right back down. "I was having a bad dream." "Yeah, sounded like it." Whoa, that picked her head back up in a hurry. "Did I say something?" "Yeah, but just - 'no' and 'stop'. Don't worry, you didn't say nothin' specific." I know what that's like - bad enough you gotta have fuckin' nightmares, don't need nobody else knowin' about what gave 'em to ya. "Oh, OK." I should say somethin' like - do you wanna talk about it? But I got a pretty good idea what it's all about. And I don't think she does wanna talk. I wouldn't. "You wanna get up or sleep some more?" I could go back to sleep. Fuck the snowstorm, we're already fucked for makin' it to Laughlin in time for the fights. Who gives a shit now? And we're both real warm under the blankets. "Are you still sleepy?" Head back down. Good. "A little." "But you feel OK, still, right?" "Yeah. Whaddya wanna do?" "Sleep, OK? I'm - I guess I'm just kind of mentally exhausted." "Good." There's that squeeze again. It is - she is huggin' me. That's what it is. I don't think I got one of those before, at least not that I can remember. Not a hug. It's.....I guess it's nice. "Do you mind being close to me like this? I mean, are you worried about my skin? 'Cause I could - " "I don't mind." I'm gonna do the squeezin' thing. Give it a try. "OK." I wonder if it felt nice for her or if it just scared her 'cause I think she paused breathing a little there and I - oh, oh. That's nice. That little rubbin' on my back. And she's rubbin' her head against my chest too. Just a little. That's OK. That's nice. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- God, must be mornin' again. I must be losin' it. Unconscious or sleepin' for almost two - no three, if it's mornin' again - three days. Fuck. She's still asleep, I think. Breathing deep. I don't think she moved at all in her sleep and neither did I. What'd she say? 'Mentally exhausted?' Yeah, that must be it. "Mmmph..." I don't think that was a nightmare moan. Just sounded more like a sleepy moan. Maybe the light's startin' to wake her up too. Must be clearin' outside. Shit, I wonder where the fuck we are. Just pulled off, didn't really think too much about it at the time. I should get outta the truck and take a look when we get up. "Are you up?" That was a whisper. I wonder if I should whisper too. "Yeah." That wasn't too loud. "Me too." "Wanna get up?" "Um, OK." She's beginnin' to untangle herself from me - I think she misunderstood. "That was a question, not a suggestion." "Oh. Well, in that case, not really. Not just yet. OK?" Tangled herself back up with me pretty quickly there. Laid her head back down too. "Yeah. Look - I, uh, I don't know your name." Which is not unusual for women I've had sex with, but I don't think I've ever really slept with another person, and it just seems like something I should know. "Oh. It's Marie - what's - what's yours?" "Logan. My name's Logan." "That's a nice name." Again with a hug. Wonder if she was like that before - real affectionate. Wonder if she wants a hug back. "Thanks." Just a little squeeze. Probably still counts as a hug, though. "I think it stopped snowing. Looks like the sun came out." How she can know that all snuggled into my chest, I'm not sure. "I bet we'll make it to Laughlin today." "Somethin' wrong with that?" 'Cause she sure said it like there was. Now she's - she's pickin' up her head to look at me. "I guess I just liked it here. I know - I mean I know you probably want to drop me off as soon as possible, but.....I just liked it here, you know?" "We don't hafta go to Laughlin. I already missed the fights. No hurry." That's a smile. No mistakin' it. A little, kinda sad one, but a smile. Looks pretty good on her. Those lips look a lot better when they're not bruised, or blue. "Gonna try to make Hanover, then Dawson City. Might be able to catch up to the circuit." "How long to Hanover?" No more smile. She's figuring somethin'. Maybe she's tryin' to think if she ever heard of it before, or if she knows where it is or some shit. "'Bout fifteen hours, maybe less if we haul ass." Could go straight north at the main road, insteada west. That's probably only a few kilometers further. "Do you think....." Deep breath, all tense all of a sudden. And not quite lookin' at me anymore. "Do you think you might not mind taking me along? I mean, as far as you'd be willing to." "Hey - you got - have you got someplace you're tryin' to get to?" "I did. A long time ago. I thought - I thought I'd like to go to Alaska. Didn't make it there though." Eyes tearin' up. She's probably rememberin' the first thing - the first bad thing. I can remember lots of bad things, but it's always that first one - for me, wakin' up naked and cold as hell with the claws but no fuckin' memory - it's always the first one that hits you the hardest when you think back on it. "Don't wanna go there anymore?" She's - she's puttin' her head back down. God, that wasn't a hug - that was a helluva squeeze. Hard, tight, but quick. Did I fuck up or somethin'? "No. Going there got me - well, it didn't do me any good. I don't ever want to go there now." "All right, then." I really don't know what to fuckin' say. Never really had a need to come up with somethin' comforting before. "So what do you think? About - about taking me along for a little while?" I can feel my chest gettin' wet. It's her tears. So weird how she cries like that, just silent tears. That's sad. Fuckin' sad and real fucked up. "Sure. No problem." "Really?" There's the hug-squeeze again. "Sure." Give one back. That's good. That's workin' out good. 'Cause she's rubbin' me a little again, my back. "Thanks. I - I won't be any more trouble, I promise." "You ain't been any trouble so far, darlin'." Now that was just - that came out. That came out so easy, and I don't usually fuckin' even think shit that nice, let alone say it. I wonder if that's her? Gotta be her, I think. She's - she's bringin' that out in me. But I shouldn't be - I shouldn't let myself get - "Oh, no, just, you know, almost killed you. Other than that....." Jokin'. Fuck, she's actually jokin' with me. Who'd have thought that shit would happen? I think it's a good sign. And maybe I should let her bring shit out in me. It's not bad shit that's comin' out, right? "Well, I almost killed you first." Whoa. That was wrong, somehow, 'cause she froze. Hands stopped movin' and she's pickin' her head up to look at me. Fuck, she probably didn't know I was jokin' back. Well, no shit. She don't really know me, I'm just some guy who picked her up then gutted her. Fuck, I - "You healed me." That's not a mad look, or scared. I - I don't even know what that look is. Never seen anythin' like it before. Can't really look away or even breathe all of a sudden. "You healed me." "I know." That's a lame-ass thing to say with somethin' so intense comin' from her, but - "I mean - more than just the wound. You - you're good to me. You healed me. You're still healing me, now." "You hugged me." Now, that's a REALLY lame-ass thing to come outta my mouth. I really gotta get my shit together because - "I like to." "But - you saw what I am. You - what I did you, I - I'm not - I'm a killer." She should know what the fuck she's gettin' into. I got the claws, and I'm not a fuckin' - killers don't get hugs. Everybody I met up 'till now knows what I am. Why don't she? She should know best of all. "You're Logan. You're not - you're Logan who promised not to hurt me, then made good on it." My face, her hands on my face, her gloves - "I'm not - I'm not safe. I'm not safe to be around." 'Cause even if she wants to hang around, even if I want her to, she should know that. It's true. "Maybe." See, she's no dummy. She's not fuckin' stupid. "But it's safe for me to be around you. Safe for both of us. I promise. I promise that." "You do?" I hope she understands that that's a question, not a taunt or some shit. "Yeah. I do." "OK, then. However - wherever you wanna come along to. Fine. It's fine." "Good." Another smile, this one bigger and less sad. I've gotten into somethin' here - I don't know what - but I've definitely gotten into somethin' here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You, ah, wanna stop for food or somethin'?" She's been pretty quiet since we started drivin' again. Quiet, but not in a bad way. Just quiet. I think I even saw her smilin' once or twice. "Yeah, I mean, if you want. I could eat." "Sure. There's a diner about twenty kilometers down the road. We can stop there. Hey - when was the last time you had somethin' to eat?" "Hmm." Her eyebrow dips down when she's thinkin' about somethin'. "I really don't remember. Must be at least.....four or five days." "Shit, you've gotta be starvin'. I think - I might have some food in the back." She's too little to go that long without food. Ain't got a lotta body fat to burn up, she'll start burnin' muscle. If she's not already. "Yeah. I saw some pretzels. I think they're under your dirty jeans now." "Why didn't you just eat them?" I mean, you're hungry, you eat. Isn't that a basic operating principle or some shit? "Well, they're yours, and, you know, I wasn't really thinking about food when everything happened, and then we slept." "Go - go on back and get 'em. Eat somethin', OK? Now." All of a sudden, twenty kilometers seems like a long fuckin' way. "OK." "You - you feelin' OK? You're not feelin' weak or anythin', huh?" If she's only been eating every four or five days since she's been out here - God, how long has she been out here? - she could be seriously fucked up. "Nope, but now that I'm thinking about food, I am getting hungry. You want some pretzels too?" Just smilin' a little, holdin' the bag out to me. I was right, she is the kinda person that asks 'what about you?'. Even when she's eatin' for the first time in almost a week. "No, darlin'. You go ahead. I can wait 'till the diner." "Thanks." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "So your parents kicked you out?" She's eatin' OK. Not a lot - not as much as she probably should, but then, on the other hand, her stomach's probably shrunk down pretty good, and eatin' too much might make her sick. "Yeah. They couldn't deal. And, you know, it was a small Mississippi town. Not a lot of tolerance and openness toward mutants in general." "That bites." Exactly why I don't fuckin' tell people what I am. "Yeah." "Can I ask you somethin'?" She might not wanna talk about it, but we could run into him down the line. He fights the circuit. "How long were you with Gary?" There's a frown. Shit, she actually trembled a little. Startin' to feel like shit for askin'. "About seven weeks. Seven weeks, two days, and.....at least six hours. You know, before I passed out." Not lookin' at me, fiddlin' with her napkin. "Why didn't you just touch him? You coulda put him out, no problem." I need to know if she had some kinda thing for him, or if she's the kinda girl that likes that treatment. Not necessarily gonna make me put her out or nothin', and I'd guess no on both counts, but it don't make sense. She coulda defended herself. "It's....it's not that simple. When I touch someone, or they touch me, it's like they go into my head - their memories, their personality. I don't get all of them, just fragments. I - I didn't want him in my head. I've already got - there's already one or two in there that are like that, like him. You know, the first time someone tried anything, I did. I did touch them. I....I still have him in my head, a little. He's...he's always trying to get me to do things to myself and I....I just don't want anymore people like that in my head. It'd be worse than the beatings and the abuse. A lot worse." "Am I in there?" 'Cause, fuck, if I am, I bet I'm like that too - someone she has to deal with, someone that's all twisted and sick and fucked. "Yeah. You're very strong. Now that you mention it - I haven't felt anyone else for a while. Since you touched me. And you're not - you're not fading like the other ones do. Not even a little bit. Hmm." "Shit. Probably didn't do you any favors back there then, huh?" 'Cause there's some fucked up shit in there and not just my lack of memories. "What do you mean?" "Now you gotta live with me. That's why you were sayin' I shoulda let you go." Don't really blame her either. Then, I was just some asshole who - "No, no Logan. I said that because......I was in so much pain, emotional pain, I couldn't take it. I wasn't afraid of having you in my head. I was afraid you'd die, sure, but I didn't even think about not wanting you in my head." "But - " She didn't even really have a reason to trust me at all then, no reason to think I'd be anythin' but shitty inside her head. 'Cause I hadn't saved her life yet or anythin'. There weren't any squeezes or hugs or whatever then. "Hey. I like you up there. We're....compatible." She's smilin', real soft, real kind. She means it. "Yeah?" "Yeah." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Are you sure you're OK?" "Yeah, darlin'." I kinda like her worryin' after me a little. I know I shouldn't. But I never had anyone inclined to give a shit. It's nice to come home - well, to come back to a motel room - and have someone there waitin'. Someone you wanna see, who wants to see you. "You want a shower? I saved you some towels." I see she elected to steal one of my shirts. And some socks. And my thermal underwear bottoms. Maybe I should joke with her a little about that. 'Cause - oh, shit, wait. Wait. She did that 'cause she don't have any clothes of her own. She got handed off to me without jack shit. Shouldn't joke. "Logan?" "Yeah. Thinkin' for a second. I'm gonna jump in the shower then." "OK." "Marie?" Shit, the whole bathroom smells like her, strong. She musta just finished. "You need anythin'? You know, clothes or some shit?" "I, um, was hoping you wouldn't mind me borrowing yours." "No problem." Water's hot, good to go. "But what about, uh, like underwear and shit?" Gonna jump in the shower. I'll still be able to hear her, probably. If not, I'll - "I was kind of thinking I'd just do without." Her voice, close. Must be in the bathroom doorway. I can smell her. God, that's enticing. She smells pretty damn good clean. That, plus thinkin' about her with no underwear all the time.....but that'd be pretty uncomfortable for her, I bet. "We can get some stuff if you want." "Logan, I - you fought really hard tonight. And you got hurt. I could tell. I mean, even if you heal, it's got to hurt to take a beating like that." Yeah, I guess she knows that. From experience. "What's that got to do with your underwear?" Better hurry up in here. She's smellin' fuck all too good and I'm thinkin' about her too much and I'm gonna do somethin' stupid like go across the room to hug her or some shit. I can get away with it when we're already wrapped up together and layin' down, but - "I know how hard you work to get money. I don't want to - I guess I just don't want to spend it, knowing you had to get hurt to get it. Not unless it's for something we really, really need. I can do without underwear and clothes for me. Yours fit me fine." "They're about three sizes too big, darlin'. I don't mind gettin' ya a few things." Almost done. "I'd rather not, OK? I just - I have a little money. Twenty dollars and forty-three cents. I can spend some of that." "Hell no. Just keep it. Underwear ain't that expensive. I can cover it. Hey - Marie?" "Yeah?" "Comin' out now." "Oh, oh, sorry. I'll be - I'll just close the door." Back on the bed - heard the bed creak a little. That's gonna be a good-smelling bed with her rolling all around all over it. Usually can't stand the smell of motels or their sheets. "Hey, kid? Wanna see if there's anythin' on TV? Should be a Flames game." "Hockey, right?" Oh, my, you have a lot to learn, grasshopper. "Yeah, hockey." As in the best game on earth. As in the only sport where making the other guy bleed only gets you a few measly penalty minutes. As in the only sport that allows you to fly across ice wearing what're essentially knives strapped to boots and wielding a stick. As in - hey, wait a minute. When did I get in such a good mood? It's - it's a good mood, right? That's where the hell all these damn thoughts are comin' from, right? "Got it. It says - 'second period'." "Who's winnin'?" "Flames are up by one." "Good. But like I was sayin' I - " Whoa. She's already under the covers. "Logan?" "Uh, you ready for bed? We don't hafta watch the game, you know, or I can turn the sound down or some shit." Shoulda thought she'd be tired. Shit, probably still pretty exhausted. Not in the mood for a hockey tutorial. "No, no, I just, um, felt like laying down. I kind of was hoping we could, you know, lay down together, like before." Her face, it's turning colors and - blushing, she's blushing. "Sure, darlin'. That'd be good." Little smile, still blushin'. "You sure you don't mind the game?" Liftin' up the covers for me to get in. She's pretty much got all her skin covered. Gloves, too. So me bein' in boxers won't be a problem. Good. "Not at all. Logan - do you - um, would you like me to do anything for you?" "What, like sex?" Not that I ain't interested. Certain lower body parts are makin' their feelings on the subject known, but fuck, can't do that. "Yeah. Is there anything you would like?" God, she looks so good and smells so good - all innocent and shy and fuckin' beautiful. Never noticed until right now that she is - she is beautiful. She ain't makin' it easy to say no. "Marie, I told ya before I ain't gonna make you do none of that shit." "You're not. I'm offering." "No, no you ain't. You're sayin' that 'cause you think you owe me or some shit. That ain't how it is." Ain't how I want it to be. I'm not gonna be just another asshole in her life. "I know. I know you'd never ask - " "And I ain't expectin' it either. Look, we'll - there's time. We ain't gotta - there's time, OK? Let yourself get settled and shit. You've been through a lot." She's got the figurin' look on her now. Wonder what she's tryin' to work out. "Can I ask you for something?" Now, I didn't expect to hear that. But maybe she don't mean - "Somethin' sexual?" "Not - not really." "What?" Maybe she thinks she oughta ask me to touch her or somethin' and then it'd be different. But not really 'cause it's still her doin' it outta thankin' me or some shit. "Can I touch you a little bit? Like, on your face and maybe on your back? Would that be OK?" "Yeah, darlin'. You don't hafta ask - you don't hafta ask that." "My skin - I just wanted to be sure it was OK. My gloves'll protect you, but....it can be scary. I thought I'd better ask just to be sure." Sad eyes, and she's already touchin' me now. My face, just like she said. "Well, OK. But in the future, if you wanna, just go ahead." It was kinda nice of her not to just assume. I don't wanna make her feel bad about askin'. But really, she don't need permission. Safe to assume it's OK. "You know, you have very nice features." Hands moving across my forehead, over my nose. Which got broken three times today. "You have beautiful eyes." "Yeah?" That wasn't what I shoulda said to that. I shoulda said somethin' nice to her back, but she caught me off guard a little. Got a little caught up. "Yeah. Roll over, OK? Let me give you a backrub." "All right." "You - you like those, right?" "Yeah." Oh, yeah, that feels good already. She knows how to work my muscles and knows just which ones get tight after fightin'. Wait - she knows all that - how the fuck? Oh, yeah. Her head. Musta come over to her head. That's some weird shit. Glad it don't seem to bother her - me bein' in there - though. "That feels real good, darlin'." "Good. You feel pretty good to me too. I don't really - I don't really touch people. You know, voluntarily. But I like touching you. You feel good." All of a sudden, I wanna flip over, grab her hands, and kiss the livin' daylights outta her. But I ain't gonna. I ain't. 'Cause I just said we had time and shit. I did. And we do. We'll do that stuff, but - when she's OK with it. It's - I ain't usedta thinkin' like this, but I'm in this for a while, not just right now. Could be for a long while. And it's somethin' I ain't interested in fuckin' up. No way. I think - I think that's right, then. To not do it. To not kiss her. Not now. "So...." Her voice is all relaxed now, she's gettin' used to me. She feels safe with me. Yeah, I did the right thing. "You going to teach me a little about this thing called hockey or what?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "It's OK. It's OK, Logan. It's just a nightmare. You're safe." Oh, God, another fuckin' one about the lab. Fuckers. Wish I could remember their faces. "It's OK. You're OK." It's her, Marie and she's - oh, yeah, she's the one holdin' me, movin' her hands across my back. "Shit." "It's OK." That was a fuckin' bad one. Shit, I still have the claws out, and - "I didn't - oh, God! I didn't stab you or somethin', did I?" Claws back in. Claws back in right now. "No, no, it's OK. I'm fine." "Let go. Let go - let me look at ya." Whew. She is OK. No blood in sight. Don't smell any either. Whew. "I'm fine." She's lookin' at me like this is just some kinda everyday, normal occurrence. Fuck. I coulda - "Logan, really, I'm just fine. You didn't hurt me at all." "Oh, shit." "Hey." She's touchin' my face and - she wants me to look her in the eye. "It's fine. I'm OK. It was just a nightmare. I'm OK." God, ain't she scared that I coulda killed her? "No, sugar. Not at all." Shit, did I fuckin' say that out loud? "Sorry." "Nightmares aren't your fault. You don't have to apologize. Come on, lay back down with me, OK?" "Marie?" I know I'd probably be better off not askin' this, but somethin' in me hasta know. "You wanna - do you wanna still stick around for a while?" "'Course." "You don't gotta stick around just 'cause you ain't got nothin' else better. I mean - there's better people out there. People who ain't gonna maybe kill you in your sleep." There's the figurin' look again. "Logan, what would you do if it does happen again?" That was a question, but not the askin' kinda question. That was an I-already-know-the-answer-but-I-wanna-hear-you-say-it question. So I wonder why the figurin' look. "I'd fix it. I'd touch you." "So why should I be afraid? Shouldn't you be afraid? Maybe touching me will kill you next time." "Wouldn't matter. I'd still fuckin' do it." And I would. Dunno why, really. But I'm damn sure I would. Couldn't - couldn't live with havin' hurt her, let alone killin' her. "Yeah, exactly." She's puttin' her hand to my lips and those gloves are pretty soft. Can't really help but open my mouth to her fingers. "Logan, I'm sticking around. I mean, if it's OK. If it's OK, I'm sticking around." Movin' those fingers to my cheek, feels nice. "It's OK. It's OK. We'll just be....we'll be careful, darlin'." "You've been careful with me since we met. Come on, relax. Just - here, let me hold you a little." "All right, all right baby. Can I - can I ask you for somethin'?" "Sure, absolutely." I don't think she thinks I'm goin' back on what I said, about not wantin' anythin'. Maybe it's 'cause, maybe it's 'cause she's got me in her head. She knows that I feel shit for her. That I ain't gonna fuck with her. "I got a place up north, far north. Weather's settin' in now, but I think we can still get there. We'll need to stop, get some supplies first. 'Bout a three day drive, if the weather holds OK. Be nice and quiet for a few months. Just us." "I'll go." "Good." I can just - we can both just be quiet together. "Can I ask you for somethin' else?" "Sure." "Backrub?" 'Cause that last one was good. Real good. "Love to, sugar." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Do ya think you'll need any, um, female stuff?" I'm really, really not gonna explain beyond that. Really. I hate shopping. "Oh, ah, yeah. I'll get - I'll get some of those." Whew. That was handled with a minimum of embarrassment. "Dontcha think that's a lotta pencils?" She must have about a dozen in the shoppin' cart. Notepads of some sort too. "I used to draw. I was just thinking I might take it up again. You know, to have something for a hobby." "Oh." That should be interestin'. Never met an artist before. "I can use my money for that." "No, no that's fine." "You haven't said yes to anything I can use my money for yet." "We got plenty to cover all this." She keeps offerin', but I'm the man, I'll pay for it. 'Sides, she only got - what? - twenty bucks. She should keep it. "Um, Logan....." "Yeah?" Why're we stoppin' here? We don't need no vitamins or - oh. Oh. "Do you, ah, think we should get some? Because I know, I know you're not going to ask or you know, make me or anything, but I think....I think we're going to want to, you know, eventually. Before the end of the winter." Shit, she's blushin' almost fire-engine red. Almost as red as one of those condom packages. "I-I mean unless you don't want to, you know, we don't have to. If - " "No, no. I think - I think you're probably right. Let's just, uh, get a few of these." Ribbed and lubricated should be best. "I had an idea, you know." Still blushin' pretty hard, lookin' at her feet. "I could, um, wear tights. If you wanted to use one of those. I could wear some tights and we could...." "That's a really good idea." It is. I mean, borderin' on genius. 'Cause those things'll be soft, but they won't run like pantyhose. They'll be washable. Damn, that's a damn good idea. "Thanks." She's smilin' now, and blushin' some more too - proud blushin', not embarrassed blushin'. "You, ah, think we've got enough there?" Shit, I just kept puttin' 'em in the cart. Fuck. She probably thinks - "I'd get at least one or two more." Back to embarrassed blushin'. "You know, just in case." "Sure, darlin'." Three more. Just in case. "I think that's just about everything, then." "Yep. Ready to head up?" Probably about another day's drive. Snow hasn't been too bad. "Yeah. Hey - Logan?" "Hmm?" "I'm glad Gary was out of money. It was really lucky for me." "Yeah, me too. You know what? Next time I see him, I'll say thank you for that before I fuckin' kill him." 'Cause he's a fuckin' dead man, that's for damn sure. Shouldnta laid a hand on her. Ever. Gonna make for damn sure he don't ever do it again. "I want you to know - I really want to be with you. I really want - I want to be sure you're happy." Like she could ever make me anythin' but..... "Doin' a good job so far. How am I doin' on that, darlin?" "Outstanding. Definitely outstanding."