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Title:
Alter-Eighteen: Ten Things I Know About You
Author:
Terri
E-mail:
xgrrl26@yahoo.com
Rating:
PG-13
Disclaimer:
I don't own them, but by now, they might own me..
Archive:
WFRA, Peep Hut, Mutual Admiration. Anyone else, please ask and I'll
say yes. Feedback:
Please! Although it will probably just encourage me if it's good.All
varieties, good, bad, and ugly welcome.
Summary:
Alternative version of events in the movie and eighteen series. Logan
rescues Rogue and ends up learning a lot about her.
Comments:
This story is the result of a Keli-tossed plot bunny. She asked for
a story where Rogue spent her whole life with Mystique and Sabretooth until
meeting Logan and where Logan tells Jean he loves her. Ah, but this
was no ordinary bunny - the story also had to be relatively foofy and angst-free.
You can see my predicament ;) She ruthlessly flung this bunny at me
right before vacation, and while in Canada, the movie Ten Things I Hate About
You was on one night. Voila, we have a theme and a vehicle for this
mutant bunny ;)
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Damn, time
to get the hell outta here. That roar's the Brotherhood's plane, probably
Magneto. Which would be pretty shitty for me. I have no desire
to spend six months getting my fuckin' metal skeleton straightened ever again.
Besides, we got the files we came for.
"Logan,
move it!"
"Comin' right
now, one-eye." Just gotta grab that one last disk and-hey, what's that?
It's got eyes-brown eyes, big ones. And maybe hair. "Hey-come
outta there." Hidin' underneath a desk-can't be a Brotherhood attacker.
"Come outta there, come on." It's a girl-young, eighteen, nineteen
maybe. And she looks like shit. Wait-she's got a white streak
in her hair. There was somethin' 'bout a mutant like that in the pre-mission
briefin'. Aw, shit, I really should pay more attention to those things.
"Come on outta there." She looks scared shitless, so I don't think
she's a hostile. Wild hair, all matted and a dirty face-or maybe those're
bruises? "Come on out. I won't hurt ya."
"Logan!"
"Yeah, yeah,
keep your pants on!" There she is-still scared shitless but comin' out.
"Hey-who are you?" No response, but her eyes got real big. Well,
whoever she is, she can't stay here unless she wants afternoon tea and an
ass-kickin' with the Brotherhood. "Look, we gotta get outta here.
You can come with us. We're, uh, the good guys and the bad guys are
about to get here. C'mon." Maybe if I just reach out my hand
a little-yeah, there we go, she's comin' closer.
"Logan!"
"Christ,
all right!" No time for get-to-know-ya. "Let's go, kid."
Whoa, she definitely didn't like me grabbin' her arm like that. "Look,
we gotta go. We really gotta go now, so come on." Somethin's
tellin' me-somethin' strong-not to leave her here. Well, I can always
throw her over my shoulder if she don't wanna help me out here.
"Logan, what
the hell-" Fuckin' Scooter. I said I was comin', dammit.
"What are you doing?!" Now why's he gettin' all hyper? Raisin'
his hand to his visor like the girl's some kinda threat. "Get away
from her-that's-that's the Rogue!"
"The Rogue?
Shit, she's just a scared girl."
"She's the
most dangerous mutant in the Brotherhood. Step back. And you-don't
try anything."
"Look, dumbass,
she was hidin' under a desk. She can't be-"
"We've got
to go!" Fuck, Jeannie. Well, looks like the big bad Brotherhood
Rogue is goin' over my shoulder.
"Oooh!"
She don't like it, but we definitely gotta go right now. That plane's
comin' down.
"Logan,
you can't-"
"Move it!"
All that bitchin' that we gotta go and now dumbass wantsta have a discussion.
"I got her, let's go!"
"Why are
you refusing to answer our questions, Rogue?" Well, she hasn't said
anythin' at all-nothin' on the plane, nothin' to me, nothin' at all.
Maybe she can't talk or don't. She just looks like she's about to cry
now.
"I toldya
I found her hidin' under a desk, scared as hell. I'm tellin' ya, you
got it wrong, she's not a threat."
"Really?"
I hate Scooter when he gets like this. All 'I'm the big leader, I know
everything, I listen at the pre-mission briefing.' Yeah, yeah, whatever,
asshole. "Because our best intelligence-five years of it-pegs her as
Brotherhood. Her mother is Mystique and her father is Sabretooth."
She *really* looks like she's gonna cry now. Well, if somebody said
that to me, and I was, you know, a scared little teenage girl, I'd be pretty
fuckin' upset too. If it wasn't true, it's one helluva crappy thing
to say and if it is-well, that just sucks.
"Intelligence-more
like our best guess. Our intelligence is half-assed on a good day.
Why don't you ask her somethin' insteada interrogatin' her?"
"She hasn't
answered a single question so far-you think you can do any better?"
I can always - *always* - do better than Scooter. I bet my expression
is sayin' that pretty good right about now. "Fine, you try."
"Fine.
I will. Uh, hi. My name's Logan and the dickhead that's been
pissy for the last half hour is Scooter. What's your name?" Shrug.
Huh. "Don't you got a name?" Shakin' her head no and lookin'
down. "Well, that bites. Sorry." That got a little bit of an
almost-smile. "Do you talk? I mean, can you talk?" Noddin'
yes. Well, OK, that's progress. "Wanna say somethin', uh, anythin',
whatever's on your mind?"
"What are
you going to do with me?" Oh God, that's the saddest little whisper
I ever heard. I got this urge to go over and hug her. Where's
that comin' from?
"We're gonna
talk to you a little, figure out what's what, and then we'll see. Maybe
you'll wanna stay here. We got a lotta mutants here that-"
"Logan!
You can't offer a home here to one of the Brotherhood."
"Oh, Christ,
use some goddamn common sense, wouldya? She's no more a Brotherhood
agent than I am a ballerina. Probably just some kid that got mixed
up with them."
"I'm not.."
"What?"
I know I heard somethin' come outta her, but she's just lookin' down again
now. "Did you say somethin'?" Noddin' yes. "Could you,
ah, say it again, and a little louder so Scooter can hear too?" Noddin'
yes and takin' in a deep breath.
"I'm not
Sabretooth's daughter." Oh. Well, good.
"But you
are Mystique's daughter, aren't you? And you have a name-it's Rogue."
You know, I wanna pound Scooter even more than usual right now. A lot
more than usual. She's not sayin' nothin' and those tears are comin'
out now.
"Lighten
up. Look, why don't you go find a new pole to shove up your ass or
somethin', huh? Let me talk to her for a while."
"I can't
leave you alone with her. She could attack you. According to
intelligence, her skin-"
"Is lethal
even to me-yeah, yeah, I heard you the first dozen or so times you said that.
Go on, hit the road." Maybe I'll just smile at her a little. Show
her I'm on her side.
"Fine.
Get yourself killed. Don't say I didn't try to warn you."
"Yeah."
Whatever. Don't let the door hit ya on the ass on the way out.
Bye-bye. "So, uh, I know he's pretty much a tight ass, but, uh, is
Rogue your name?" Confused look. Hmmm. Maybe she don't
know.
"It's not
my real name. I don't think I have one." She's really, really
scared. I can smell the hell outta her even from across the room.
"Well, I
know how ya feel there. I can't remember what my last name is.
I just kinda made up one. What'd your name be if you could make one
up?"
"Marie."
She's calmin' down a little. Lookin' at me with those big eyes, a little
more curious than scared now. Heh. I knew I'd do better than
Scooter.
"That's
pretty. Why Marie?"
"I saw a
movie once about Marie Curie."
"Who's she?"
"A scientist.
She discovered radium. She-she was smart." You know, I bet this
kid would be real cute all cleaned up. She's got those big brown eyes
that just draw ya right in. Now me, I've always been partial to redheads,
not to mention I don't go for young girls, but-but Marie'd be cute.
"I bet you're
pretty smart. You were smart enough to hide when things got rough."
"I was trying
to run away." Whoa-head hung pretty low.
"What happened?"
Not sayin' nothin'. Well, it probably sucks enough for her not to wanna
talk about it if she was tryin' to run away from it. "Or we don't hafta
talk about that."
"He's right.
Mystique-she's my mom."
"Oh."
Lotsa tears now. I hate fuckin' Mystique. Bitch. She probably
don't have a maternal bone-or spot of goo or whatever she's made out of-in
her body. "Well, you're, uh, old enough to be on your own now, so you
don't hafta stay with her if you don't wanna. You can stay here with
us."
"I don't
know.." She's probably thinkin' that she don't wanna live under the
same roof as tight-ass. Well, I thought so too at first. Hell,
I still think so most days. But it ain't a bad deal, even with that
thrown in.
"You don't
hafta decide right now." But I'm pretty much decided. She's about
as far from bein' a danger to us as it gets. We could keep her here,
let her get her feet on the ground and shit, and I bet she'll do real good.
I could even look out for her a little. You know, help her settle in.
"Do you have any, uh, questions for me?" Frantic head shakin' no.
I bet nothin' good came of her askin' questions back where she was.
"It's OK, really. I won't get mad or nothin'." Little look like
maybe she's gonna try that out.
"What-what
are you going to do with me?" Flinch there, almost like she expects
me to smack her or somethin'.
"Nothin'
bad." Let's get that out right away. "Nobody's gonna hurt you
here." Oh-oh. Big frownin'. She don't believe that, not
at all. "I ain't gonna let no one hurt ya. Look, I know Scooter's
kinda paranoid. But he'll come around, and so will the Professor.
He's a good guy." Still not convinced, and there's that big urge to
hug her again. "I'll look out for ya. I'll make sure you're OK
and nobody messes with ya."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
What just happened there? When she said that my breathin' stopped and
I went and promised, just like that. Her mutation's supposedta be lethal
skin, not promise-indcuin'.
"Thanks."
Nice smile. She is pretty cute.
Alarms.
That can't be good.
<Logan,
the Brotherhood is attacking.>
<Here?>
I didn't think they'd have the balls for that. We usually kick their
ass and on our home turf, we're definitely gonna kick their ass good.
<I believe
they are after the Rogue.>
<Fuck!>
Poor kid's only been here a week. And she's been doin' better.
She talks a lot now and everythin'. Well, she talks to me.
<Sabretooth
is headed to her room. Logan, move to intercept - >
<Already
on the way, Chuck.> 'Cause I promised to protect her and I'm itchin'
to kick some mangy Sabretooth ass. I got an idea of what that fuckhead
did to her, and this time, he ain't walkin' away.
Just one
more corner to go around and then-fuck! Door's right off the hinges.
Motherfucker!
"Noooo!"
"I said
shut up!" Got her by the hair, draggin' her on the floor. He's
got Marie. He's got Marie.
"Hey!
Asshole! Pick on someone your own size." Claws out. Good
to go. Come on, let her go. Let her go and come and tangle with
me.
"Stay outta
this, runt. She's mine. Back off."
"She ain't
yours no more." And why did I almost say 'she's mine?' I really
gotta look into that once I'm done decapitatin' this jerk.
"She'll always
be mine." Get-get your hands off her. Don't grab her like that.
Nobody touches her like that. Grrrrrr. "Isn't that right, gi-oof!"
Heh. Good for her-elbow to the ribs. Just enough for him to drop
her and for me to pounce.
"Rrrrrr!"
Slice and dice time and hey wait-what the hell? Is that some kinda
collar he put on me and-shit!!!!!!!!!!! Why ain't I healin' from that
swipe to the gut? Somethin's wrong, somethin's really wrong.
"No!
Stop! Stop it!"
"Run, Marie,
rununnh" Shit, I'm hot healin' at all and I can't get this damn collar
offa me. Fuck.
"Heh.
'Marie?' Is that the name he gave you, huh? I toldya, you're
nobody, you don't have a name. You. Belong. To. Me."
Gotta help her. She's too scared to run and I gotta help her.
Fuck. Can't-can't quite stand up. But I can crawl. I can
crawl to her. I promised to protect her and I'm not lettin' her down.
"Go away!"
Just a few more feet. She backed herself up against that far wall and
just a few more feet. "I'll-I'll do it! Stay away!"
That mangy
fucker's got an ugly laugh. "You ain't gonna do shit. I've had
every single inch of your body and you never did shit. I know it hurts
you as much as me, bitch. Now stop fuckin' around. Get up and
let's go."
Almost there.
Hang on, Marie, hang on. "Stay away." Oh-oh. She took
a glove off. She means to touch him. But I think he's right-it'll
hurt her a lot too and I can't let that happen. Just gotta stay conscious
and keep enough of my guts in until I can-
"Arrrrghhhh!"
Shit!
"Marie!
Let him go!" She ain't lettin' him go. I can see it in her eyes-never
seen her look like that before. She ain't lettin' go, not until he's
dead. Not until he's gone. Fuck. "Stop, Marie, stop."
It's almost done, I can tell. He ain't even shakin' anymore.
She's-she's in bad shape, though. She's lettin' go now, but she's gonna
pass out, I can tell, and -
"Logan!"
Christ, finally.
"Jeannie-get-help
Marie. Help her. Help her."
"Logan,
you're-you're not healing."
"Yeah.
Get this thing offa me."
"Good God!
It's a-"
"Collar that
negates my powers, yeah, I know. Look, help Marie. Just-just-aaah!"
That fuckin' hurt like hell! "Stop pokin' my guts!"
"Sorry!
Sorry! Let me get the collar off. I think-I think this button
here should-ah, yes. There."
"Great.
Peachy. Now would you fuckin' help Marie?" 'Cause I only said
it, oh, a hundred fuckin' times and she's layin' there unconscious to boot.
"She's out.
I can't-I can't reach her telepathically. Did she kill Sabretooth?"
"Yeah.
With her skin." She's gotta be OK. She's just gotta. Come
on, Marie, come on, baby. "Then she passed out. Sabretooth said
somethin' about it hurtin' her to use her skin. Jeannie, you gotta
help her."
"Logan, I
don't-her vitals are stable, physically, she's fine. I don't know how
her mutation works. I don't know what's wrong."
"Jesus Christ,
you gotta try somethin', you can't just let her-"
"Logan,
we're needed elsewhere. The fight's still on."
"You gotta
help her, Jeannie, you gotta-"
"There's
nothing I can do for her now. Logan, we've got to-" That's the
look of her gettin' a message from Chuck. "Oh. They're retreating.
The Professor said-he sensed that Mystique-she saw Sabretooth's death and
ordered a retreat. They're afraid of her skin, very much. They-they-they
seem to think she'll wake up."
"Well, pardon
me, Jeannie, but I don't really give a shit. You gotta get her to the
medlab. You gotta do somethin' to help her, you gotta try." 'Cause
she's gotta be OK. Gotta be. I can't lose her, not now, not so
soon, not like this.
"OK.
OK, Logan."
Fifteen hours.
She's been out fifteen hours. Jeannie's no fuckin' help and neither
is Hank. Don't know what's wrong with her, don't even know how to begin
to try to find out. Fifteen hours. She's gotta wake up eventually,
right? Even if it's somethin' wrong with her head like they say, her
vitals are OK. Her body's OK. That means her head's gotta come
around eventually right?
"Hey, Marie,
I was thinkin' that when you wake up, maybe you and me'll do somethin' together,
you know, take a little vacation or somethin'." I know Jeannie said
there's no guarantee she can hear me if I talk to her, but I kinda think she
can. And I think she'll like gettin' outta here for a while.
It's been hard on her this past week-they all still kinda don't trust her
and nobody really talks to her or does stuff with her except me. Maybe
if there's some time for her to just hang out with me, just someone who likes
her, you know, she'll have a little bit easier time handlin' what happened.
"I remember you talkin' 'bout Alaska and we could sure go there if you wanna.
I wouldn't mind goin' back across Canada at all. Been a while since
I've been up there."
"Or we could
go out to the desert. You were sayin' you wanted to see the Grand Canyon.
Might be a little hot there-well, 'course it would, it's the desert-but we
could go out there if you wanna. I can teach ya some more stuff on
the way, you know, about math or history or whatever. I could even
get ya some of those books you liked-the Civil War ones. I think your
readin's gotten better even in the last week. You read pretty good
now."
"I wish
you'd just wake up, Marie. I'm-I'm a little worried. I made ya
that promise and everything and, well, I fucked up. I guess it's a
little selfish, but I really, really want you to be OK 'cause I want another
shot at keepin' that promise. If you do wake up, I swear, I'll do a
better job from here on out."
I know when
she wakes up, she'll probably be pretty upset about havin' to kill Sabretooth.
And that's another reason maybe we should get outta here for a while-Scooter
and Jeannie and even fuckin' Chuck are gonna question her on that.
They're gonna ask all kindsa questions about why he came after her and why
she killed him insteada just hangin' on long enough to knock him out or somethin'.
She's not gonna want to talk about all that, and she shouldn't hafta.
I mean, hell, Sabretooth was a walkin', talkin' piece of shit that didn't
deserve to live. I say the sooner he's offed, the better. And
it's justice, or at least as close as it gets to justice, for her to be the
one to take his life. He took a lot from her, stuff that she ain't gonna
get back easy.
"Mmmmm.."
"Marie?
Marie? Come on, kid, wake up. Come on, darlin', let me see those
big brown eyes."
"Logan?"
Oh, God, she's wakin' up. Thank God. She's gonna be OK.
She's gonna be OK.
"Right here.
Right here, Marie. I gotcha." I've been holdin' her hand the
whole time, you know, in case she could feel that while she was out, so she'd
know I was here, but maybe a little squeeze will make her understand.
"How're you feelin'?"
"My head-it
hurts so bad."
"Jeannie!"
Oh, shit, screamin' out like that probably wasn't the smartest thing ever-Marie
looks like that hurt her head pretty bad. "Sorry. I just, ah,
wanna get you some help."
"Sabretooth-is
he-is he-"
"He's dead.
Really dead. I checked. And I decapitated him just to be sure."
Scooter just about blew a gasket at that, but, hey, he was already dead, Jeannie
said so. I didn't make him any deader. Just a precaution.
Plus, I hate his fuckin' ass.
"I can't
feel him in my head. He's-he's gone."
"Ain't that
how it usually works?"
"No, no,
they usually stay in my head. I don't-all those years, I never touched
him because I didn't want him up there. That would be worst of all."
Fucker. Just the way she said that - I oughta go by his grave later
and defile it or somethin'. There's gotta be somethin' you can do to
fuck with him even if he is dead. "But my head just hurts."
"It's gonna
be OK, baby, don't you worry. Jeannie'll be right down and she'll fix
you right up." Gotta touch her hair, just a little. Don't really
know why, but I just gotta. My Marie
"Logan,
are you OK?"
"Don't-don't
try to sit up, yet, all right?" She looks so worried 'bout me, even
though she knows I heal. That's kinda-that kinda tugs at your heart
a little, you know? "I'm just fine. They got the collar offa
me and I'm just fine now. All better."
"Whew.
I was really scared. Really, really scared."
"For me?"
Noddin'. She was a little talkative right when she woke up, but I can
tell she's goin' back to bein' careful what she says and not usin' words if
she don't hafta.
"I hated
seeing you get hurt." Sad smile. That definitely tugs at your
heart.
"Same here.
I promise, Marie, I'm gonna take better care of you from here on out.
I promise that. I know I didn't do so good this time, but I'll make
it up to ya." I think that's OK with her. She's just rubbin'
at her head with her free hand and holdin' onta my hand pretty tight.
Where the hell is Jeannie, anyhow?
"I dreamt
that you said we'd go to Alaska together." Heh. Knew she could
hear me. No guarantee, my ass.
"That wasn't
a dream, Marie. I think-once you check out OK and all-I think that'd
be a good idea. Just get the hell outta here for a while, the both
of us."
"Really?"
Stopped with the head rubbin' and she looks just as happy as I've ever seen
her. I like that look on her. I like it a lot.
"Yeah, really.
You just sit tight, OK? I'm gonna go get Jeannie to take a look atcha
right now."
"A-a week,
Logan. That's how long you've known her, a week. You're leaving
us, the team, this life, all for her - after you've known her a *week*."
You know, I'd have thought that of all people, Jeannie would be the one with
the least problem with this. She's always bitchin' and moanin' about
the tension between me and her asshole husband 'cause of how much I hit on
her when I first got here. You'd think she wouldn't be this upset about
me goin'. The Professor, Scooter, 'Ro-none of 'em were upset.
A little surprised, yeah, but not mad or nothin'.
"Look, it's
a vacation. It's not like I'm permanently leavin'."
"How long,
then? A week, two?"
"Aw, I dunno.
However long it takes for Marie to get on her feet a little, deal with what
happened, and start feelin' OK. However long that is."
"Well, I
guess it will be permanent then, won't it? Even if her story's true,
even if she wasn't a willing participant in Brotherhood activities, it could
take her the rest of her life to overcome what's happened to her. All
she's ever known is abuse and that's not something that gets fixed over vacation,
Logan."
"Well, whatever,
then." I really ain't gonna discuss this. One thing I figured
out about Jeannie-she liked to hear herself talk. Don't matter a whole
lot what you say. "I've gotta meet Marie in the garage now. See
ya around."
"That's-that's
it? 'See you around?' Logan, you can't-you have to rethink this,
you can't just pick up, change your *entire* life, do-"
"Jeannie,
darlin', I love ya, I really do. But I gotta go. Look on the
bright side-I'll be outta Scooter's hair for a while." I swear, you'd
think I wouldn't hafta point out that particular upside to her. "See
ya."
Marie's probably
all packed and good to go. I know she hasn't got much stuff, just some
spare clothes from the mansion hand-me-downs and a few little things she
had on her when we found her. I told her to just pack whatever.
I went to the bank and got out all the money I had saved up. Bought
a car-Jeep Cherokee oughta be good for gettin' us where we wanna go-and a
few other things. We'll see how it goes. Got about $20,000 left-and
more in Canada if I need it. That oughta do us fine for a while, and
oughta cover whatever she needs too.
"Hey, kid."
She looks pretty nervous. I don't think it's 'cause she's scared to
go or scared of me or anythin' like that. Just-it's all new, you know?
She told me that they never let her out much and didn't even let her watch
TV or listen to the radio or things like that. Fuckers. Mystique-she's
definitely on my "To Kill" list. "You ready?" Noddin'.
"OK, lemme show ya the car." I hope she likes it. I really didn't
consult her and it's a helluva long drive to Alaska, but I kinda figured
I was the one who knew the most about cars anyhow.
"It's nice."
Nervous little smile. Maybe there's somethin' I can do to put her at
ease.
"Hey, you
know, I'm glad we're goin'. It'll be nice for us to get out for a while,
just you and me. Just a nice, relaxin' trip." I'll smile to let
her know I mean it. Good-she's smilin' back. "Let's get a move
on."
"Wanna stop?
They got a Tim Horton's." Noddin' and smilin'. If I've learned
one thing 'bout Marie in the four days we've been drivin' across Canada,
it's that the girl likes her maple donuts. And she especially likes
'em from Tim Horton's. She'll eat the longjohns, occasionally a chococate
covered donut, but she really likes the maple ones. Actually, I've
learned a lot of things about Marie in the last four days.
One-she likes
havin' a cup of coffee first thing in the mornin'. Usually likes that
from Tim Horton's too, a double-double-double sugar, double cream.
Me, I take it black, but she gets some kinda little kick outta havin' it
with cream and sugar. It's almost like it's some kinda decadent little indulgence
for her, coffee with cream and sugar in it.
I don't
think she ever had it like that before.
Two-there's
lotsa things she hasn't had before. Never been in a restaurant before
our little trip here, had no idea what the hell a menu was. Never pumped
gas before-I taught her how and she was real curious 'bout car stuff, so
I taught her some of that too. Once we get to Alaska, I said I'd teach
her to drive if she wanted to. Marie's never had a beer before this
trip. Never had hair conditioner until she ran across a little bottle
of it at the first motel we stayed at. When we went shoppin' and I
bought her a few clothes and things, I asked if she wanted any makeup or
other girlie stuff. She had no idea what makeup was. None. I
mean, she looks good without it, I wasn't tryin' to hint or nothin', just
tryin' to get her what she needs. She did end up gettin' some Chap
Stick but that's it. Makes me think her life before-well, I don't like
to think on that too much 'cause it pisses me off a lot. Suffice to
say, she's gonna get what she needs and see a lot more stuff from here on
out.
Three-Marie-not
a big talker. Mosta the time noddin' yes or no will do her. Even
when she does say stuff, it's in the least number of words possible to get
across what she's tryin' to say. I don't mind that at all and in fact,
I kinda like people who aren't chatterboxes. But I worry a little that
she don't talk outta fear or somethin'. The fact that, just for a few
minutes, right when she regained consciousness, she was talkin' some, well,
that makes me think that she kinda wantsta talk more but she ain't sure how
I'll take it. I made a mental note to encourage her when she does talk.
I think that's best.
Four-Marie
has issues. She's been through hell, so that's not really a surprise.
But she's got nightmares, bad ones, and most of the time she looks like a
puppy that's been kicked around all it's life but still hopes to get petted
insteada kicked every time. At first, I took that a little personal.
I mean, I've never hurt her and it's kinda insulting that she still acts
like that's what she expects sometimes, even when she's just with me.
But then I started thinkin'-she's had eighteen years of livin' her life one
way, and her whole outlook ain't gonna change overnight, no matter how nice
I try to be to her. I settled on just bein' nice all the time and lettin'
her get adjusted at her own pace. I think that's best, and I can see
little signs of progress. Like yesterday, when she hugged me outta
the clear blue sky just as we were leavin' the motel room to get back on
the road. Which brings me to the next thing:
Five-Marie's
very touchy about bein' touched. Ain't hard to figure out why, and
I'm careful about that. But the surprise has been that she does like
me to touch her sometimes-like the hug or the time I just put my hand on
her leg while we were drivin'. Did it without thinkin', caught myself,
took my hand away, but not a second later, she took my hand and put it back
on her leg. Blushed so red I thought she was gonna explode there for
a second, but I heard her heartbeat and breathing even out and I could tell
it was like some kinda comfort to her. So now, I do little touches,
and I encourage her when she touches me. Kinda like the talkin'.
And the truth is, I like touchin' her too. Keepin' a hand on her somewhere-well,
it settles me, knowin' she's right with me, right by me. So that's
workin' out well for both of us.
Six-Marie
likes baths. Not showers, baths. She likes to soak, and she likes
to use lots of towels to dry off. I think that's just a girl thing,
not necessarily a Marie-specific thing, but I think it's kinda cute.
Seven-She's
got a sense of humor. It's subtle, but it's there. When we were
checkin' in to one of the motels, this lady at the desk is lookin' all around
for her glasses, right? Well, they're on toppa her head, and Marie
points to her head, to let the lady know. Like I said, Marie-not a
big talker. Well, the lady gets it, puts her glasses on, takes care
of checkin' us in, and puts 'em back on toppa her head. But she forgot
to write down our room number in her book, so she grabs a pen and says, "Now
where'd I put those glasses?" I look over at Marie, thinkin' she'll
do the head-pointin' thing or somethin' to let her know, but instead she
just gives a shrug and gets this impish little look on her face. See?
Subtle.
Eight-she
likes nature. She's been real into seein' the sights and goin' to parks
and stuff. I don't think she got outside much and she likes bein' outside,
just like me. I told her that there's a lotta parks and neat places
to stay out west, and we could explore them a little if she didn't mind takin'
the extra time to get to Alaska. She nodded big at that.
Nine-Marie
likes me. And I mean, not just like friends or somethin'. She's
got a thing for me. She don't let it show too much, but I can tell
by some of the looks she gives me. From what I can tell, it confuses
her a little and she's not sure how to let me know. I think there might
even be a little nervousness or fear in there-given her past history, I can
understand why any kinda romantic anythin' would make her jittery.
But I'm pretty sure she likes me and she's slowly but surely gettin' ready
to let me know that. Which brings me to:
Ten-I really
like Marie. I dunno what it is exactly, but I think it musta been there,
at least a little, even from the first second. It's partly her smell,
it's partly this feelin' I got that she's mine, it's partly that the more
I get to know her the better I like her, and it's partly that I find myself
wantin' to hold her and kiss her and stuff. I mean, I'm the Wolverine.
I'm a lady killer, and I'm not big on the hearts and flowers aspects of it,
ya know? Most women want a good, hard, animalistic go-round from me,
and I have always been more than happy to oblige. They didn't want
talkin' or kissin' or holdin' or anythin' like that and neither did I.
But I got those urges for Marie, and that makes me think it's real, it's
somethin' true. I really like her, maybe even love her. It don't
make sense, but then again, what the hell has in my life so far? At
least this don't make sense in a good way.
"Logan?"
"Sorry, kid.
I'm comin'." Here I am just sittin' in the car, thinkin', in the parking
lot of the Tim Horton's. If that ain't love, I dunno what would be.
"Logan,
can I say something to you?"
"Sure.
Whatever's on your mind, darlin'." I think she's gettin' ready to tell
me. She's gonna frown a little, and her eyebrows are gonna scrunch
together, and she'll sigh when she's tryin' to get the words together right,
but I think she's gonna say she likes me. It's been three weeks since
we've been on the road, we're campin' out in Denali, it's beautiful, and
she's slept in the sleepin' bag with me for the past three nights.
She's gonna scrape her nerve together and tell me, I can feel it.
"It's not
an easy thing to say." That's the sigh. There go the eyebrows.
Come on, Marie, you can do it. "It's-it's a big thing, and it's a little-trying
to say it is a little-it feels like I'm jumping off of a cliff, you know?"
Good God, she *is* real nervous here.
"It's OK,
darlin'. I'm gonna be there to catch ya." That helped.
That got a little smile.
"I think
I-I-I-" Big sigh.
"It's OK.
Just let it out."
"I have
thoughts about you, like thoughts of maybe one day, if you wanted to, if
we could think of a way around my skin, maybe, at some time, if you wanted
to too, maybe kissing you." Oh, my darlin'. That was just the
sweetest thing I've ever heard. My Marie.
"I'd like
that. I was thinkin' that maybe, one day when you're ready, we could
use a hanky or a scarf or somethin' and we could kiss, you know, whenever
we both wanted to."
"You've been
thinking that?" She looks scared and relieved and excited and confused
all at once. She looks beautiful like that, you know.
"Yeah.
I don't wanna scare you or nothin', but I like you. I wantcha to know
that I'm not gonna ever - *ever* - do anythin' to hurt ya or do anythin'
you don't wanna do too. And I'm not in a big hurry. But I'd like
to kiss ya, darlin', whenever you're ready."
"Now."
Whoa. Whoa. "I'm ready now. If-if you want."
"C'mere."
This is workin' out good. OK, a little faster than I thought, but that's
good too. Kissin' Marie, underneath the stars-yeah, that's very good.
"Let's-I got a hanky in my pocket. It's clean. You wanna try
that?" Noddin'. "OK." Just gonna move in real slow, lay
the cloth over her mouth. Just gonna give her a real soft, real light
kiss and we'll see how that goes. She's not ready to play tongue hockey,
and I gotta remember that, no matter how delicious she might taste.
OK, here
we go. Kissin' Marie. Mmmvery nice. And I think she liked
it too. Maybe one more. One a little longer, but still nice and
soft. Very, very nice.
"That didn't
hurt at all." That-that's gonna break my heart, that amazed little
whisper.
"Never gonna
hurt you, Marie. Never."
"More.
More, please." More Marie-kissin' is somethin' I can definitely do.
Love that. Gettin' addicted to it already. "Oh."
"You doin'
OK?" Noddin'. And smilin', real happy, genuinely happy.
"Whenever you want, Marie, we can do that whenever you want."
"Just like
that?"
"Just like
that. Just nice and good. Just-just however feels good for you,
OK?"
"Did you
like it a lot too?" God, it hasta be love, 'cause when she looks up
at me with those big eyes and says stuff like that, I can feel it all the
way into my bones.
"I liked
it a whole lot, darlin'. A whole lot."
Well, that
went OK. I know they're not glad to hear it, but after a year away, they
can't be surprised that we decided not to come back. I'll miss some
of 'em, but livin' up here with Marie-well, it's been the best time of my
life so far. And hers too, I'm pretty sure.
"Are you
OK?"
"Yeah, darlin',
just thinkin'."
"If you
change your mind-"
"Not gonna.
C'mere." She's changed so much in just a year. She's so happy
now, so comfortable with me, so *free*. She comes right over and hugs
me, kisses me, touches me, makes love to me. She smiles when she does
it, and I know she feels safe with me, feels content. I love every
single minute of seein' that, and even though she offered to come back to
me with the mansion, I know she wouldn't be the same livin' there.
Up here, it's just a little isolated cabin in the mountains, it's just me
and her, and she can be who she wantsta be, her best Marie, without havin'
to deal with people who think bad on her. She's just gettin' on her
feet now, she needs time. Maybe one day, she'll be ready to deal with
it, but not any day soon.
And frankly,
that's OK, because it's gonna give me time to learn more about Marie.
"What're
you thinking about?"
"Oh, just
what I figured out about ya over this past year. Things like-you got
a great laugh. Really warm and rich and even when you're giggly, it's
full and hits all the good notes."
"Mmmm.....I've
figured out a lot about you, too, you know." That's another thing-talkin'.
She does a lot of it now-well, compared to before-but it don't bother me.
In fact, God help me, I think it's cute when she rambles a little.
It's probably 'cause I remember when she was too scared to talk and how much
that made me feel for her. I wanted to just hold her all the time.
Well, that hasn't really changed, to tell ya the truth. I still kinda
do. "You're beautiful, really beautiful, inside and out." She
almost doesn't blush when she says things remotely related to me naked.
Heh. "You're a wonderful cook. You can make yummy stew out of
all kinds of mountain critters. You're an excellent carpenter.
You're charming-you always make me smile and make me feel like I'm good,
like I'm pretty."
"You are,
darlin'." I'm gettin' a little excited with her sittin' on my lap like
this. I always let her take the lead, but sometimes I hint a little.
"You're a
very, very good poker player, but one day I *will* beat you." Love
it when she teases. Gettin' me excited for sure. "You miss watching
hockey on TV. But you kind of like not having a TV. You're always
up before me in the morning, but you're always considerate enough to let
me sleep in. But most of all," Oh, God, the look in her eyes-I haven't
seen anything quite like that ever before. "You're the best lover I
could ever ask for. You make me feel loved, always. You've been
gentle and patient and kind beyond belief, and I don't think I would've ever
known what love really was or ever had sex with anyone if it wasn't for you.
I want you to know that you gave me all that and I want you to know it means
everything to me. I just want-I want to give at least a little of that
back to you. I want you to know, deep down, that I really love you
with all my heart."
"I know
it, darlin', you show me all the time."
"Let me
show you now." I think she probably noticed I kinda wanna. But
I wanna say one more thing.
"Everything
I know about you, I love. I think I loved you from the second I saw
ya. I wantcha to know that'll be forever, darlin'." She's gonna
kiss me. She's bringin' the scarf over. She's gonna kiss me.
That never fails to get me goin'. Works every time.
"Mmmm."
"Wanna head
into the bedroom, darlin'?"
"I love
you."
"Love you
too." I know a lot about Marie, but that's the biggest thing, the one
thing in the world I know for sure.
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