Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

The Unexpected Life

Title: Alter-Eighteen: The Unexpected Life

Author: Terri

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own anybody but Sam and Jack, and I'm definitely keeping them

Archive: Ask, and ye shall receive

Feedback: Please! With a cherry on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome.....

Summary: Alternative version of events in the movie and the Eighteen series. Logan's life doesn't go at all as he expects.

Comments: This one was triggered by the last With Marie. Although it's not quite the same Sam here, the idea of Logan having a son was sticking with me. I also started thinking about some things in my own life and how upset people get sometimes, how confused and disjointed, just because something isn't going the way they expected it to. Some of the best things in my own life have been surprises, and I thought that maybe Logan could learn that with me.

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Logan bellied up to the bar and ordered a beer, plopping down a few bills to cover the cost. He'd had a good night - lots of challengers and a big purse - but that didn't make for a good mood. He shifted on the barstool, frowned a little, and tried to watch the TV, but eventually, as he had every night for the past two weeks, he pulled out a small notepad and a pencil and began writing a letter.

Marie,

Well, that's a good start, he told himself sarcastically.

I'm OK. I'm in Canada.

Like she gives a shit, he thought. But there was a part of him that knew at least that much still mattered to her.

Jeannie probably came back to the mansion by now, but if she hasn't, she's not with me anymore.

Logan looked at that last sentence for a while, then grumbled and erased it. Why mention Jean? That's only going to remind Marie about it. He'd come back to the mansion after only a month away, spent one fantastic night with Marie, then freaked out when she's said she loved him. Going to Jean and begging her to run away with him had been a mistake, a big one, but he'd done it. Logan often wondered what Marie's reaction had been when she found out. He winced a little and went on writing.

I'm on my own now.

That was better. No mention of Jean to stir up all those bad memories for Marie.

And I wanted to write to say I'm sorry for running out on you like that. It was wrong.

That's good, he thought. Get that part out first - that I'm sorry and that I know I did wrong by her - and maybe she'll read the rest of it instead of ripping it up.

And I'm sorry it took me so long to write this.

It's been almost a year to the day, he realized, a year to the day since he'd seen her last. He'd stayed with Jean all of a week before ditching her at a no-tell motel in Manitoba. If he had to make a guess, he'd bet that Jean spent a while looking for him, then gave up and went back to Scott. By now, they'd have patched things up. Maybe by now, Marie would be ready to think about talking to him again, maybe even ready to think about forgiving him.

I've been thinking about you a lot and I miss you.

Too mushy? Well, it was the truth, and he might as well say it, she should know.

I don't know if you wanna talk to me or see me or anything or if you're still mad, but

Logan took a swig of the beer and let out a soft grunt. Here was where he always got stuck. He never could figure out how to ask her to - to what? - take him back, give him another chance, go back to the way things used to be between them, what? He knew that those were things he wanted but how to say that and what could he even try asking her for were the things that he never was able to figure out.

I was hoping we could talk or that I could come see you.

And what if she *is* still mad, what then? What if she sends something back that says she doesn't want to talk at all? Maybe it's better to give her more time, he thought, maybe it's too soon.

<Logan.> What the hell? Has to be my imagination, he thought. <Logan, it is Charles Xavier.> A stab of panic ran through him - it *was* Chuck, and something had to be wrong. Marie was in trouble somehow and they needed him to heal her or rescue her or something.

<Rogue has asked me to contact you.> Dammit, I knew it! Logan's anxiety level shot through the roof. <She has asked me to inquire as to whether you can return to the mansion immediately.>

<What's wrong with her?> He braced himself for news of the worst, trying to keep nightmarish visions of a broken, bleeding Marie out of his head.

<She is fine. She is on a mission and she is currently somewhat limited in her communications.> Mission? Logan's blood ran hot at that. They hadn't talked about her joining the team when he'd come back, but he'd assumed she wouldn't, that she'd teach, maybe, but he didn't want her on the team. <She has only said that it is an item of high importance and to request that you return immediately. She will contact you here when she is next able. That is all the information I have.>

It was not nearly enough information for Logan's tastes. <What the hell is she doin' on a mission?>

<Logan,> An iciness pervaded the Professor's mental 'voice' and Logan was momentarily taken aback. <are you returning or not?> Looks like Marie's not the only one pissed at me, Logan observed.

<Yeah. I'm comin' right now.> He nodded to the bartender, put away the notepad, and headed for his truck.

When he arrived at the mansion, all hell was in the process of breaking loose. He'd made good time - three days across a big chunk of the continent - and he'd headed directly for the Professor's lower level office, figuring that he'd get an explanation quickest that way. And if Marie was on some kind of mission, that's where the x-men would be - in the lower levels, monitoring her, making sure she was OK. What he found as soon as the elevator door opened were people - most of them obvious mutants, most of them seriously wounded - lining the hallways and x-men scurrying back and forth in scorched leather uniforms. He prayed to God that Marie was all right as he made his way to the medlab.

He noticed Jean rushing down a hallway and followed her to the examining room he'd woken up in so long ago. It was cluttered with dead and dying mutants. There were several people he didn't recognize working in the room, trying to save whoever they could, and one person he did recognize - Marie. She was seated at someone's bedside, and she looked like she was crying. In the chaos, he called out to her. "Marie!" Her head snapped up and she turned sharply to look at him.

He had wanted to go to Marie, to shake her and yell at her and go over every inch of her to make sure she was all right, but instead, Logan could only gasp at what he saw. She was covered in dirt, grease, and blood. There was a large tear in her clothing across her shoulder and chest. She wasn't wearing a uniform. Her face bore a light but noticeable scar that ran vertically from her temple to her jaw on the left side. Her hair was pulled back, and Logan saw the telltale bulge of a gun through her jacket. She'd been crying hard and still was a little. It was then that Logan noticed she was holding the hand of the man lying in the bed in her gloved ones and that she wasn't wearing the tags he'd left with her.

"Logan. I'm - I'm glad you're here." She didn't smile at all when she said it, she just kept crying, and she made no move toward him. "Can you give me a minute? I'll meet you outside." Logan numbly nodded and retreated to the waiting room. No one, not even Jean, seemed to notice his presence. Logan wondered at how surreal this all seemed and moved to stand by one of the windows.

The man in the bed was already dead, he was sure of that. Even if he hadn't been able to smell death on him, nobody was attending to him. He'd been forgotten by everyone except Marie. At first, Logan thought he couldn't be a boyfriend or lover - he was older, with almost all gray hair and with a strong body that looked like it had seen it's share of abuse over the years. Logan thought that the man would've been too rough-and-tumble for Marie, and there were definitely too many years between them. The fact that the same was true of Logan himself wasn't what changed his mind - it was the way Marie bent over the man now, the way she tenderly touched him and kissed his face, the way his head had turned to her in what must've been his final moments. She'd gone on, Logan realized, she'd found someone else to love, someone else's life to light up with her presence. She'd taken off his tags, turned her back on him, and gone on.

It shouldn't have surprised him that she did, given the circumstances under which he left. But all he could think was that she'd told him she loved him. She'd said those words to Logan, and she was supposed to be loving him still, waiting for him to ask forgiveness. Not crying over her dead lover, not living her life without him. He watched as she kissed the man's unmoving lips one last time and let go of his hand. She remained facing away from Logan, taking a few moments to gather herself. Finally, she turned and moved toward the waiting room.

Before she reached him, Marie was stopped by someone he didn't recognize - a young man, probably a teenager, not wearing the x-man uniform. She talked briefly to him in a business-like tone, then nodded and continued her progress toward Logan. She was stopped again just after she entered the room, this time by a girl of about twelve. Marie knelt before her, and spoke in soft, sad tones. A few tears began to fall across her face, and Logan realized that Marie was telling the girl about the other man's death. Marie hugged her briefly, then pointed her in the direction of the stairs and sent her off. Finally, she reached Logan.

"Thank you for coming."

"Who was that?" Logan hadn't meant for those words to come out so gruffly, or at all, in fact. He grimaced and was just about to apologize when she answered.

"That was my husband, Jack." She said it very softly, almost regretfully, and she put a hand on Logan's arm when the words were out.

"Your husband?" He was floored, just shocked. Marie was only eighteen, and the idea of a husband wasn't within Logan's conceived range of possibilities.

"Yes. Maybe we should sit down for a moment." Marie guided him to a chair and sat close beside him. "There's a lot going on right now, and I need to help some of the people out in the hallway, all right? Once I'm finished with that, we'll talk. There's something important I need to show you, someone I need for you to meet. So don't go anywhere until we talk, all right?"

Logan just stared at her, unable to process what she was saying. "Your husband?" he repeated.

Marie let out a long, watery sigh. "Yes. We were married about three months ago. Logan, I have to go help the wounded. We can - we can talk about all this later. Please, just - stay here until I have a chance to talk to you. It's very important. Can you do that? Will you stay?"

Logan nodded, still overwhelmed, but beginning to hear her words through the confusion. "Are you all right?" His eyes found the scar that marred her face. I wasn't there to protect her, he thought. I wasn't there to heal her.

"I'll be just fine." She smiled gently and patted Logan's arm one last time, then rose and left. Logan stared after her for several long moments before heading for the upper levels.

"The only candidates for the mission were Rogue, Scott, and Hank," the Professor explained to Logan as they sat in his upstairs office. "They were the only ones who would be credible with the Morlock populations we sought to infiltrate, the only ones whose mutations were extreme and obvious enough that they may have, in fact, been driven from normal human society. Hank was needed here, so Scott and Rogue volunteered, and were sent to two separate Morlock settlements."

"What's the point of all this? Who gives a shit if they wanna live underground by themselves? Why try to infiltrate them?"

"There are several reasons." The Professor's clipped, cold tones reminded Logan that the man was angry with him. He probably didn't want to be having this conversation with Logan, but he was probably doing it to spare Marie the trouble. "One, many of their numbers have been recruited to the Brotherhood. If we could begin to understand their culture, perhaps we could offer another option. Two, they often engage FOH forces, and on some occasions, they have raided mutant experimentation facilities. That is why they are all here today. About a month ago, the group Rogue has been living with, as well as Scott's group, raided a compound. The government counterattacked their underground settlements in retaliation. We estimate that more than fifty percent have perished. We are working to save the rest, and will offer them a place here. Perhaps we can benefit from their knowledge of these groups, perhaps we can join forces."

"So you sent an eighteen year old girl to live in primitive underground conditions, to get involved with dangerous people, to raid labs, for christsakes?! What the hell were you thinkin'? Didya marry her off to that guy as part of the deal, was that it?"

"No. She elected to wed Jack. He was their leader. And Logan, she volunteered for the mission. After you left, she was lost. This gave her purpose."

"Don't you put this on me - you took advantage of an upset, mixed up kid!" The Professor frowned and leaned forward in his wheelchair a little. If Logan hadn't known he couldn't move from that chair, he would've gotten the distinct impression that Xavier was about to rise up and start kicking Logan's ass.

"I expect that you'll do as she asks and that you will discuss with her the matter of importance she's brought you here for. Then I expect that you will leave. Are we understood?"

Logan said nothing, but gave the Professor a hard look as he rose and exited the office.

"Hello." Marie sounded well past exhausted when she found Logan sitting in the kitchen, smoking a cigar. "Sorry to have taken so long." She puled out a chair and seated herself across the table from him. Logan grunted in reply and looked at her with a mixture of wariness and longing. "Thanks for coming."

"You didn't need to tell me you got married. I didn't wanna meet the guy." He'd had some time to think about it, and he'd decided that must be what she'd been talking about, it must be the important thing she wanted to tell him in person.

"That's not why I asked you to come." The exhaustion in her voice was replaced momentarily by irritation. Logan shifted in his seat and met her gaze. "About a month ago, we raided a lab near International Falls, Minnesota. There were children, Logan, lots of them. Most of them - well, most of them we couldn't save." Marie's eyes fell to her lap and she took a deep breath before continuing. "But we did save some." She raised her eyes again and looked at him levelly. "Logan, there's no easy way to tell you this, but I think one of them may be your son."

"What?" It seemed to him like each conversation today brought some new life-changing shock. "My son?"

"Logan, think back. About - about four, four and a half years ago. Were you with anyone? Is it possible that - "

"No. No. I always - I always used protection. Unless the girl was on the pill or couldn't have kids or somethin'. I was careful."

"Is it possible that one of the women you thought was on the pill or sterile could've lied?" Marie had a compassionate look written on her features now, and that expression tugged at Logan's heart. The idea that she still felt something, anything for him was the first welcome surprise he'd had all day.

"What're you sayin', Marie? That - that someone got pregnant by me on purpose? Just to have a kid to experiment on?"

"I don't know. That's a possibility. Or it could've just been an accident, and the government found the mother later, I don't know. The records had been mostly destroyed by the time we fought our way inside. All that we know about him is that he heals, he's got bone claws, and that he's the spitting image of you. The only identifying information was a metal bracelet on him that said Sample #104. We started calling him Sam for short."

Logan leaned back in his chair. A son. He could have a son. A son that in some sick, disgusting twist of fate was experimented on just like him. Like some kind of horrific family tradition, he thought morosely.

"Logan, I'd like for you to meet him. He's here and he's all right. But he's very shy with strangers. Even after a month, he's only ever felt comfortable with Jack and me. But I think you should meet him. Maybe - depending on what you think - we could do some tests to determine if he really is your son." Logan sat in stunned silence. "Do you want to meet him?"

"Yeah." The answer was unsure, but Marie nodded and rose from her chair. Logan stayed her movement with a light touch on her arm. "Marie - is he - is he OK? I mean, in the head? Is he messed up from what they did?" She sighed and sat back down. She didn't remove Logan's hand.

"I don't really know. He hasn't - we haven't been able to get him thoroughly examined until now, and I'm not so sure that even now, we'll be able to do that. He's just absolutely terrified of anything medical. I had to put him upstairs in your old room while I went to the medlab. And he's only three and a half. He's - his speech, his verbal skills are a little slow for his age, but his motor skills seem OK. There are some emotional problems, obviously, but we don't really know the extent. I don't know what he remembers about his life before we found him. I'm so sorry, Logan." She rose from the chair again, gently taking Logan's hand in hers. "Come on, let's go meet your son."

Marie instructed Logan to wait outside with the door closed until she called for him to enter. She said she needed a while to explain to Sam that Jack had died, and that she wanted Sam to meet Logan. Logan listened to her talk with the boy through the door, hanging on every word.

"How're you doing?"

"'K." The kid sounded scared, terrified almost.

"It's OK. Come here. I need a hug." Logan could just picture Marie opening her arms to the child, carefully holding him to her, comforting him. "I have to tell you some hard things now. You can cry if you feel like it. It's OK, it's just us here now."

"'K."

"Honey, Jack - Jack got hurt. He was hurt pretty bad." Logan heard and smelled Marie's own tears begin. "We all tried really hard to save him, but we couldn't. He passed away. I'm so sorry, Sam."

"N-no. I want Jack." A wave of pain ran through Logan at hearing his son call for another man. He felt like breaking something, felt like letting the claws out, but he settled for gritting his teeth and running a hand through his hair. He had to keep some semblance of calm. He didn't want his son's first look at him to be of the violent, animal side of him. He had to keep control.

"I'm sorry, Sam, but Jack died. I wish he hadn't too. But he did." The child began to cry a little. "It's OK, it's OK. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to take care of you."

"Wogue." Sam sobbed, muffled by her body.

"Shhh. It's all right, you just cry it out, honey. I'm right here." The child did just that, sobbing for several long minutes. Logan thought he could hear Marie rocking him, stroking him to comfort him. He definitely heard her let out a sob or two herself. When both of their tears had slowed, she asked, "Sam? You OK?"

"Uh-huh." He still sounded unsure.

"I need to talk to you about something else too. It's not bad, but it could be a little confusing, so you just ask any questions you think of, OK?"

"'K."

"I want you to meet a friend of mine. Now, I know you kind of don't like new people sometimes, but this friend is very special to me."

"N-no. I don't w-wanna."

"Because you're a little worried about it? Would it make you feel better if I promised that he won't touch you, he won't try to hurt you at all? And I'll stay with you the whole time." There was no reply from the child, but Logan heard some movement in the room that sounded a lot like Marie shifting to hug him or hold him tighter. "I know you've had a really hard and scary day, honey. Me too. And I know it's hard for you to meet new people. But remember what I said about him being a special friend? He would really like to meet you, and you can stay right close to me the whole time. If you just feel like you can't do it, we don't have to do it right now, but I'd really like for you to try, OK? I'll be right here the whole time."

"'K."

"OK. Thanks, Sam. I'm going to just pick you up and go let him in now, OK?" Again, there was no reply. The door knob turned a few seconds later to revel Marie holding a sturdy, dark-haired little boy dressed in tattered clothes and without shoes. His face was buried in her shoulder and he was clutching her tightly. "Come on in." She winced a little as Sam wrapped both legs around her waist. Until then, Logan had almost completely forgotten she'd been injured, which wasn't like him at all. It was a testament to the shocks he'd been processing. "Logan, this is Sam. Sam, this is my special friend Logan. Can you say hello?"

"Hewwo." Sam hadn't eased his grip on Marie or turned to see Logan.

"Hello," Logan answered softly. "It's nice to meetcha, Sam."

"Honey, do you want to take a look at Logan? I bet he'd like to say hello to your face." Marie gently rubbed the child's back in encouragement. He turned a little, and laid the side of his head against her shoulder.

Logan let out a soft "oh" of surprise. Marie hadn't been exaggerating - the boy was a spitting image of him. Unruly dark hair, lots of it, hazel eyes just the same shade as his, big hands, broad shoulders, the same facial features and structure - he was unquestionably Logan's son. Logan unthinkingly took a step toward them, causing Sam to bury his head in Marie's shoulder once more.

"It's OK," she soothed. "He's not going to touch you." She said that as much to warn Logan as she did to comfort Sam. "He just wants to meet you and say hello, that's all. I know you don't like it when new people touch you."

"Uh, yeah, that's right. I just - I just wanted to say hello to ya." Sam cautiously turned his head to look at Logan again. Logan smiled at the boy warmly, and he seemed to ease a little in Rogue's arms.

"You wook wike me."

"That's right," Marie assured him. "Logan might be related to you, he might be part of your family. That's why he wanted to meet you and say hello." Logan wished she'd told the child he was his father, but he resolved to follow her lead. She knew the boy better than he did at the moment. "Maybe later you two can talk and get to know each other a little bit. What do you think?" The boy nodded, almost imperceptibly, but Logan's heart leapt at it. "OK, then. What do you say we say good night to Logan and get cleaned up? We can talk more in the morning."

"'K. 'Night." Marie looked to Logan, gesturing with her head for him to leave. He didn't want to, and at first, he didn't move, but when she gave him a slightly sterner look, he complied. He waited in the hall, though, listening to them bathe, listening to her help him dress for bed, listening to her sing him to sleep. A few moments after Logan heard his son's breathing and heart rate even out, Marie opened the door and appeared in the hallway. She smiled gently, and shut the door behind her.

"I thought you might still be out here. What do you think of him?"

"He's beautiful," Logan's heart answered for him.

"Yeah. I like to think so." Marie leaned back on the wall a little. "I think he likes you. It's pretty unusual for him to warm up to strangers that quickly, and especially after a day like today" She absently pushed a strand of hair away from her face, and Logan caught sight of the simple silver band on her left hand.

"I'm sorry, Marie."

"For what?"

"Everything since I met you so far." He answered earnestly, without a hint of humor.

"Logan, you saved my life. Repeatedly. Everything else.well, everything else did kind of suck, now that you mention it." Logan didn't know whether to laugh or hurt at that, but her soft chuckle settled his confusion. "I shouldn't have told you I loved you. I should've known what you'd do. I have you in my head, after all. I just felt it so much then." Logan noticed her use wistful of the word 'then,' taking it to mean - then, not anymore. "And I was still pretty young. Nine months of undercover work solves that for you. Nine months of undercover and having to take care of kids even younger than you." Logan flashed back to the medlab, to the teenage boy and young girl Marie had spoken to, realizing that Sam hadn't been her only responsibility. "But enough about me. How have you been?"

"Shitty." That was another honest answer. "I missed ya. I didn't - I didn't know all this was happenin' to ya." He immediately chastised himself for saying that - of course he didn't know - he hadn't called or written or come home to see her in a year. But she only smiled.

"I thought about trying to let you know I got married. But it was hard to get messages out without blowing my cover or alerting our enemies. The Professor didn't even know until a month after the fact. Even with telepathic messages, you had to be careful."

"Didya - why didya get married, Marie?" He'd seen her love for Jack on display in the medlab, but some part of him perversely hoped that she'd say it was for the mission, or out of some necessity.

She let out a long sigh and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Logan duplicated her actions and waited for her to gather her thoughts. "I guess the simple answer is that I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me too. When I first started this whole thing, I - I went to his settlement, and he was in charge of the place. He pretty much saw right through me. He knew I was there working some angle, so I came clean, and admitted pretty much the whole story. I asked him to let me stay anyway, to trust me that the Professor only wanted to find a way to connect with them, to believe that I wouldn't sell them out. And just like that, he did. He never said a word to anybody." She started to cry again, and she didn't try to fight it.

"He'd been married before, about twenty years ago. She died - she'd died before I was even born. Since then, he'd been just..just living." Logan understood that well. "He said later that when he met me, he felt something for someone for the first time since his wife died. He didn't care about my mutation, he didn't care that I was so young - not many of the Morlocks live to get gray hairs like Jack did - and he just - I guess he just accepted me for who I was and where I was in my life." Marie let out a little laugh. "You know, for a while, I felt like I was making all the same mistakes I had with you. I was so sure I was doing it, but somehow I just couldn't make myself stop." Logan winced at that, but Marie didn't notice. She was wrapped up in the explanation, wrapped up in telling the story. "I just ran with my feelings, I let myself get attached to him, I let myself cast him in the role of father, lover, and protector. When he took me to bed a few weeks after we met, I told him I loved him, and I did, just like I fell so in love with you. But when I said it he didn't look pained and upset, he just smiled and said it back. I knew then it would be different." Logan let out a grunt at that. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "You asked."

"Nah, it's - it's the truth, right?"

"It is, but I - I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I didn't say it to hurt you." She was crying more now, and Logan knew some of those tears were for him.

"It's OK."

"No, it's really not. I - I was mad, really mad, when you first left, but lately, after living this life - there's just no reason to hold grudges, you know? You hurt me pretty bad, but I can't live the rest of my life punishing you for it and being upset about it. That's no good."

"So - so you forgive me?" Logan's heart soared in hope. "You could do that?"

"Of course." She reached out and took his hand. "Of course I forgive you."

"Could you give me a second chance?" Her expression darkened and she removed her hand from his.

"That's something different, Logan. That's - that's about trust. And I don't - right now, I just don't know if I can trust you. It's enough of a risk with Sam. If - "

"Whaddya mean it's a risk with Sam?"

"Logan, you're not renowned for your ability to stay in one place or for your overwhelming sense of responsibility." Her tone was soft, even a little joking, but it was also unyielding. "I don't think I'm out of line by saying that there's a chance you won't always be there for Sam. He needs some stability now, he needs people in his life who will stick with him and care for him no matter what. I know you'd love any child of yours with all your heart. But Logan, loving someone and taking care of them are two different things. I don't want Sam to get attached to you and then have you bail when things get rough or when you feel too tied down or too emotionally involved for your own comfort. This isn't all about you anymore, and I'm not sure you can do what Sam is going to need."

"Well, thanks, Marie. Thanks for that piss-poor opinion of me as a father. Thanks a lot." Logan rose angrily, but Marie just sighed. "I suppose I can't fault ya for thinkin' I'm that big of an asshole but I thought you knew - no, never mind." He turned to go, and stomped off down the hall. Marie let out one more sigh, then joined Sam in getting some much-needed sleep.

Logan paced back and forth in the mansion study, puffing on a cigar and drinking whatever liquor he could find in the cabinet. It was too much - too much information, too many surprises, too many things that hadn't worked out like he'd hoped. He had a son - a *son* - that Marie thought he couldn't take care of. Marie - hell, she'd gone and fallen in love with someone else, just like that, just that easy. She'd even married the guy, she'd even been caring for *his* son with the guy. Unbelievable. That was what he was supposed to have - Marie, his son, a life. But Marie took all that away from him - she didn't wait for him, she didn't keep loving him no matter what. She went and found somebody else and appropriated his child to boot. He began pacing faster, letting the anger carry him away.

Eventually, he noticed the smell of someone else nearby. He whirled around, finally seeing Scott standing in the doorway, smirking. Just like him to gloat, Logan thought.

"I smelled the cigar smoke," Scott explained. "Thought it might be you."

"Get lost." Logan was in no mood to entertain one-eye.

"Nah. I live here, you don't."

"Fine, then." Logan grabbed a bottle of fine scotch and made for the door. Scott blocked his path. "What? You wanna fight, huh?"

"I want to tell you a few things."

"I ain't interested in hearin' 'em."

"I think you might be."

"I don't." Logan pushed past him and into the hall. He was a few steps away when he heard Scott speak.

"She cried for two solid weeks when you left. She loved you with all her heart and soul, with everything in her. You fucked her and walked away, just like she was one of the - what? - hundreds? - of women that meant nothing to you at all. After all that, she still doesn't hate you. She still risked her life to give you your son." Scott hadn't turned to face Logan, but he was pretty sure there would be an interesting expression on his face right about now.

"What are you sayin'?"

"They raided the lab and took heavy casualties. Our group was with them, I was keeping an eye on her, no pun intended. I saw her, Logan. She spotted Sam hiding underneath some debris, and I could just tell that she knew he was yours right away. I mean, look at him, how could there be any doubt? We all tried to coax him out, but he was too scared to move and we couldn't reach him. She thought it was all the people, all the commotion, and she ordered us out. She ordered us to leave her there with him even though the whole building was crumbling down around her. Shit, when we retreated and Jack found out we left her in there, I thought he was going to kill each and every one of us on the spot. We had no choice, she was technically Jack's second in command. I couldn't stay and help her without blowing my cover and I couldn't do that. But before Jack could even go in after her, she came walking out, holding Sam in her arms. The building fell maybe a half a minute later. They both would've been killed. I know she risked her life for *Sam* - I know she loves him. But she loves him so much because of you and she was so determined to get him out because she wanted to give you your son." When there was no response from Logan, Scott continued. "And what do you decide to do about that? You come down here pissed off because things worked out like they did. Let me tell you something, Logan, you're the kind of guy that's stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. You're pacing around down here, thinking about everything that you hate about the situation, instead of trying to figure out how to deal with it. You're going to push both of them away, just like you pushed Marie away the first time. But hey, don't worry. We'll be here to pick up the pieces again. I don't think 'Ro will hop in your bed or run away with you, but who knows? I'll stick around. I'll hold Marie while she cries herself to sleep. I'll teach your son to throw a ball and to read and write. You throw away a hell of a lot of priceless people, Logan, and we're happy to have them if they're not good enough for you."

Logan was suddenly right at Scott's back, whirling him around. Hazel eyes filled with rage tried to penetrate Scott's ruby glasses. "You're not takin' nothin' that's mine."

"Why not? You took something of mine. Fair's fair." Logan shoved Scott into the wall forcefully. "Besides, neither one of them is yours now. Marie's her own person, and Sam - well Sam doesn't even know you. They're not even yours to lose. *That's* how things are. *That's* how you've made them. Deal with it." Logan let out a low growl at that, gave Scott one final shove, and walked away.

"Dumbass." Scott straightened his shirt, and headed for the liquor cabinet himself.

"More!" Logan heard Sam's voice in the kitchen and altered his path to head that way. He'd been up most of the night thinking, reluctantly, about what Scott had said to him. He wanted to at least prove Scott wrong - he wouldn't push Marie and Sam away from him. He wanted to prove Marie wrong too, and show her that he could be a good father to Sam and a good man to her. How to do that - what to do and say to make them really believe and feel that - well, that was the hard part. Logan hadn't come up with any good ideas so far.

"More, please," Marie instructed.

"More, pwease."

"OK, hang on a second. I think there's more juice in the - ooof!" Sam had leapt from his seat at the table and careened into Rogue's leg at the sight of Logan's head in the doorway. "Oh, hi, Logan." She smiled down at Sam. "It's OK. It's my special friend Logan from last night, remember?" Sam nodded, but didn't move. "He probably surprised you a little, huh? Well, that's OK. Look, I've got more juice. Let's go back over to the table." Sam shuffled along with her, finally climbing back into his seat only after she sat down and scooted her chair right next to his. "Want to join us?" She smiled up at Logan reassuringly.

"Sure. Is, uh, is that OK, Sam?" The child didn't look at him but nodded a little, squirming closer to Marie as he did.

"There's still some eggs in the frying pan if you want. And I made coffee." Logan nodded and helped himself, noting that Sam followed his every move with his eyes. When he'd gotten a plate of food and cup of coffee, he sat opposite Marie and his son.

"I was, uh, actin' like kind of a jerk last night."

"Yeah, you were," Marie agreed nonchalantly as she sipped her juice. "But I know it had to be a lot to deal with all at once."

"That ain't really an excuse." Sam was watching the two adults talk, breakfast forgotten. "I'm gonna try to be less of an ass in the future."

Marie sighed and softened. "You're not an ass. And I didn't mean to imply that you'd be a bad - " She looked down at Sam for a split-second. " - f-a-t-h-e-r. I just - I - "

"You don't hafta explain. Can I tell ya the truth about somethin', Marie?"

"Sure."

"I got a little pissed last night. I got a little pissed that you married somebody else, that you let that guy help raise my son. That's why I acted like a jerk. That's not how I thought it was gonna be."

"Do you realize how self-centered that sounds? You got mad because I got married after you left with Jean? You're mad because I asked my husband to help care for a son you didn't even know you had, a son we rescued?" Marie kept both the tone and volume of her voice carefully controlled, so as not to upset Sam.

"Yeah, I know it's not - it's not how I'm supposedta feel, but it *is* how I feel and I wanna be honest with you. Maybe that'll explain how I been actin'. All this - it ain't what I expected."

"What *did* you expect me to do, Logan? Just sit in my room and cry for you until you got tired of Jean and decided to come back?" She was still careful about her volume, but a sarcastic tone seeped in to her voice. Sam watched her intently. "Didn't you think that there might be someone else out there who would care about me, who might even love me? Why would you begrudge me that?"

"I don't - I thought you knew - I thought you knew how I really felt and would figure out that I was just scared and that that's why I left with Jeannie. I don't - "

"I did know all that, Logan." Marie glanced to Sam again, and took a deep breath before continuing in the best tone she could manage. "I just thought that you cared about me enough to try to deal with those feelings. But I wasn't worth it to you. You wanted things the easy way. Logan, that's why I said what I did last night. It's not that I don't think you feel those things, but you want things the easy way and your own way. That's not going to work here."

"Wogue?"

"Yes, honey?" Marie took another deep breath. Sam pushed his juice glass over to her. She smiled at the child-like gesture of support and took a small sip. "Thanks. I was talking a lot, wasn't I?" Sam nodded enthusiastically and turned back to his breakfast.

"It's not that I - " Logan was about to say that he didn't do things the easy way - the easy way would've been to leave her on the road in Canada. But he realized before he said it that it would be hurtful, and that he *had* taken the easy way out with Marie in some ways. "I guess you're kinda right. Sometimes I didn't wanna deal with it. But you're wrong about bein' worth it. You are worth it." He tried to think of something to say to convince her of that, but came up miserably short. Sam was nibbling on a strip of bacon and watching him with some curiosity. Logan gave up the struggle for words and smiled at Sam.

"You know what? Maybe we've had enough deep talk at breakfast, hmm?" Sam nodded in agreement. "Maybe Sam would like to talk for a while?" Marie smiled to encourage him.

"Good food," Sam commented.

"Thank you. It's Sam's first bacon and egg breakfast. We used to have mostly oatmeal or cereal before, right?"

"Wight."

"What's your favorite, eggs or bacon?" Marie ate some of her own breakfast while she waited for Sam to answer.

"Hmmm. Bacon." A real carnivore, just like his daddy, Marie thought.

"I like bacon too," Logan joined in, earning a smile from Marie.

"It's good," Sam replied tentatively.

"Sure is." Now Logan was smiling too, happy for a little success with Sam.

"Weave you some?"

"What?" Logan didn't understand what Sam was asking.

"Weave you some?" Sam insisted.

"He wants to know if he should leave you some of his bacon," Marie translated as Sam nodded.

"Oh. Oh, no, that's OK. I'm good with the eggs." Sam shot him a dubious look and placed a strip of bacon onto Logan's plate. "Uh, no, I - "

"Just say thank you," Marie coached.

"Thanks, Sam."

"Wekkome." Marie smiled, seemingly pleased with the whole bacon transaction, and Logan tried to make an expression that conveyed his gratitude for her help with it.

"I was thinking that maybe after breakfast today Sam and I would go for a walk around the grounds. Maybe Logan would like to come along on part of the walk?" Marie looked to Sam, not Logan for an answer.

"'K," Sam answered simply and continued eating.

They walked from the mansion toward the edge of the grounds together, with Sam keeping Marie between himself and Logan. While he was warming up to Logan incredibly fast, he still wasn't anywhere near as comfortable with him as he was with Marie. As they walked, Marie pointed out different trees and plants to Sam, most of which he'd never seen before. He'd spent most of his young life confined in a lab or underground.

"That's a blackberry bush." Marie pointed one out near the hiking path. "Those little things hanging off of it are fruit. The ones that are darkest are ripe, and you can eat them. Want to try one?" Marie had often gorged herself on blackberries on walks with Jubilee or Kitty. Her hands would be dark purple for days. Sam nodded and let Marie lead him over to the bush. "These ones, not the green ones, OK?" She was still working on teaching him colors. Sometimes he needed little reminders. Sam grabbed a berry and ate it with glee.

"Good!"

"They really are," Marie agreed.

"Wogan want some?" Marie looked to him and Logan nodded, reaching into the bush for a few berries and eating them. Sam seemed quite pleased with getting Logan to join in. "Good?"

"Very good. Thanks, Sam." He smiled at Logan's approval and went on eating berries. Marie sat down on the ground, uncaring about purple stains on her jeans. She'd only been up a few hours but she was already getting tired. The effects of all the trauma she'd been through would wear on her greatly in the days and weeks to come. Logan sat down next to her. When he was sure that Sam was sufficiently distracted with berry-picking, he asked, "Have ya given any thought about what to do with Sam?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're kinda his mom now, you're the only one he feels comfortable with, I figure you have some ideas about what'd be best for him."

"I actually haven't had too much time to think beyond survival stuff lately. I guess I want him to get to know you, and let's see how it goes with that. You're his father, I'm almost positive you are. You should be the one with the final say." Logan mulled that over for a while, picking at the grass beneath his legs.

"I was hopin' you'd be stickin' with him for a while. He needs ya." Logan kept his eyes on the grass; what he'd said wasn't true just for Sam.

"I'll be there for him as long and as much as he needs, but, Logan - we're not - I'm not his mom. You and I - our relationship isn't like that." Her head tilted to the side, and she looked at Logan appraisingly. "Do you remember the day you came back to the mansion?" He winced at that. "I remember you telling me that you'd always be around to take care of me. I remember the look in your eyes when you said it. There was so much love in you then. If you can - if you can make that promise to Sam and keep it, he'll be in good hands no matter what happens to you and me."

"I'm sorry I didn't keep that promise to you."

"I know." She looked at him softly and laid a small, gloved hand on his thigh. "But we need to focus on Sam now."

"Wogue! I got lotsa bewwies!" Sam reappeared from his berry hunt on the far side of the bush with two large handfuls. "Want some?"

"Sure - are there enough for Logan too?" Sam dumped the berries in her lap and paused to consider her question.

"Yeah!" Both adults smiled and nodded, and embarked on their berry feast.

Logan and Marie decided to stay at the mansion for the time being, and while not everyone, and perhaps most of all the Professor, was thrilled with having Logan back in residence, most of the x-men wanted to help get Sam and Rogue back on their feet. To his credit, Logan mostly kept to himself, staying especially clear of Scott and Jean. He settled into a room that had a connecting door with Marie and Sam's room, and spent a lot of time each day playing with Sam. After six months, Sam was finally as comfortable with Logan as he had been with Marie. And while Marie was still fairly emotionally consumed with mourning Jack, Logan thought that there were perhaps signs that she was learning to trust him again. Like this afternoon, for example, when she fell asleep with Sam in Logan's bed.

They'd all been watching Sesame Street on the bed together while Sam hunkered down for an afternoon nap. Sam liked to lay on his side with Marie curled around him, his head safely tucked into her chest. They'd both been worn out by a morning of medical testing for Sam. He'd held up relatively well, calling for 'Wogue' at times, but dealing with blood samples and CAT scans as best as could be expected. The blood tests were already in - the boy was definitively Logan's son - and the CAT scans didn't show any obvious abnormalities from the experiments Sam had been made to suffer. But it was a taxing process for them both, and a nap was clearly in order.

This wasn't the first time Logan had watched them sleep. They both slept in Marie's bed every night, and on more than a few occasions, especially early on, Logan waited for them both to drift off, then snuck in to look at them. On those nights, sometimes he would imagine life as he had once expected and hoped that it would be. He would imagine Marie as his wife, wearing his tags instead of Jack's silver band. He would imagine Sam as their child, not the product of some long-ago cheap one-night stand. Moreover, he would imagine Sam as he should've been - happy, outgoing, confident - instead of the still quite shy child that feared strangers. He would cast himself as the wise and loyal father and lover, watching over wife and son as they slept, protecting them from all threats.

Lately, though, he'd taken to simply watching over them, enjoying the sight of Marie shielding his son with her body as they slept. Occasionally, now, he thought about what life might be for them, what possibilities it held, with everything as it is. He hoped that Marie would one day see her way clear to giving him another chance, and was ashamed of the gratitude he felt at her bond with Sam. That was the one thing, more than anything else, that might assure that Logan got his second chance. He often reminded himself of Scott's words to him that night - 'she risked her life to give you your son' - and thanked God she'd found a way to love Sam, even when she wasn't willing to trust Logan. He knew it was the only thing holding Marie so closely to him now, the only thing that was allowing him another chance to earn her trust back. Logan had consciously tried to behave in a manner worthy of her trust, and Sam's, in the past months - staying close to them, toughing it out when it got to be overwhelming.

The first time he had heard Sam's 'I wuv you' directed at him, Logan had badly wanted to bolt. Everything in him was screaming at him to run, to leave before things got messy, before he got too attached, before Sam started relying on him. He thought that Marie probably sensed it. She stayed especially close to Sam in the days that followed and lavished him with even more affection than usual. But Logan gritted his teeth, made himself stay, and, at the end of it, once the urge had passed, felt better than he had in years. Now, 'I wuv you' was music to his ears and he even said it back once in a while. There were still times when the instinct to run surfaced, but it was much less intense than usual. Marie, intentionally or instinctively, always seemed to send a little extra warmth or attention Logan's way during those times too, and that helped immensely.

Marie shifted a little in her sleep, tightening her hold on Sam and sighing. In those first few days, she had refused to talk to Logan about the Morlock mission, wouldn't say much about Jack, and declined to disclose how she'd gotten the scar on her face. He'd let it go for the most part, not wanting to push her. He tried to remember that those things were hers, that her life was hers, and she would have to be the one to choose to share it with him. Logan had found out a few things about those subjects, though - he'd heard her talk in her sleep, twice.

Once, she was whimpering and covering her face with her hands. She cried out "No!" and then "Stop!" and kicked her legs beneath the sheets. Sam woke and shook her a little until she came out of the dream. She wouldn't talk about it, she just apologized and rubbed at her scar a little. The second time was harder for Logan to witness. It was three days after Marie had buried Jack, and she'd spent most of those three days crying at one intensity level or another. As much as Logan felt for her, wanted to comfort her even, he'd still been angry that she'd married someone else, and he couldn't honestly say he was sorry that the man was dead. Marie went to sleep with Sam, as usual, but had gotten up in the middle of the night and curled up to sleep in an armchair. About an hour later, she began murmuring in her sleep, sometimes giggling. Logan cautiously approached her.

"But I look awful in brown." She spoke as though she were carrying on a conversation. "You always say that." She smiled and shifted in the chair a little. "No, no, I believe you, Jack." Logan's temper surfaced at that and he fought to contain it. "I know you're not like him." Marie's smile changed, became softer and deeper. "Come on, let's just go to bed now." Logan growled at that, not at all quietly, and it shook Marie out of her dream. Logan crept back to his own room just before she'd woken completely. He was fuming, over-the-top angry. As he turned what had just happened over in his head, though, he realized something - in that dream, Marie was happier than he'd ever seen her, even happier than the moment she'd told him she loved him, the last moment Logan had held her in his arms. His anger deflated at that realization - what right did he have to be angry anyway? Whatever hurt Logan had put into her, Jack took away. Shouldn't he be glad for that, grateful? Even if it seemed so very *wrong* to him, even if it *was* wrong, how could he be angry with her for it now? She'd been granted a little happiness after all the pain she'd been put through and if he really did care for her at all, not just for himself, shouldn't he be glad for her?

He did a lot of thinking that night. He never knew if Marie noticed or not, but he stopped casting dark looks at her wedding ring and her bare neck after that. He stopped cringing when Sam would say Jack's name. And he began trying to make Marie giggle like he'd heard her do in the dream. To this day, he hadn't quite succeeded, but he hadn't given up trying either. In fact, he reflected as he watched her shift in her sleep again now, maybe she'd told him all he needed to know about her relationship with Jack in that dream. Maybe the other details would never be important.

As he gazed at her, lost in thought, Marie lazily opened her eyes to look at him. "Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

"I fell asleep, huh?"

"It's OK. Go back to sleep if you wanna." Logan idly reached out and stroked Sam's cheek a little. "He's still out like a light."

Marie blinked sleepily and smiled. "He did really well today."

"Yeah. He's a brave kid."

"Mmm. Gets that from his dad, I bet." When the blood tests came back - Logan practically begged Jean to process them immediately - and Logan was officially declared to be Sam's father, tears came to his eyes. He was still reeling from that a little, and Marie's words put a lump in his throat.

"I can never pay you back for what you did for him, Marie. You saved him, you raised him - you still are. I can't ever pay ya back for all that."

"I can't pay you back for what you did for me either. That's just kind of how it goes between friends." She smiled warmly and took his hand in hers.

"I want us to be that, you know. Friends." Her eyes changed and all of a sudden he couldn't read her.

"We always have been. We always will be. That's never been the question, has it?" Logan squeezed her hand a little and grinned lopsidedly.

"No, I guess not." He began caressing her hand with his thumb, very gently. "I guess the question is what kinda family are we gonna be? 'Cause I think we've always been that to each other too."

Marie nodded and teared up a little. "Yeah. We have. And we have time to figure out what kind of family we all want to be. We have time." With that, she closed her eyes and fell back into sleep, her arm lying over Sam, her hand still holding on to Logan's.

Sam woke from a nightmare a few weeks later, just like any of the nightmares he'd had since Marie rescued him from the lab. This time, though, one thing was different. For the first time, he called out for Logan. He was in Marie's room and in bed with them before Sam finished crying out.

"It's OK. I'm right here. I gotcha. Everythin's OK." Logan scooped him up into a hug and Marie rubbed Sam's back as Logan rocked him. The look on Logan's face - anguish at his son's feelings, subsumed beneath sheer joy at being the one he'd called for, the one he sought protection and comfort from - nearly brought Marie to tears. He wasn't scared that Sam called for him, wasn't afraid of Sam needing him. He welcomed it, wanted it, maybe even needed it.

"Wogan....." Sam clutched him more tightly, and Logan kissed the top of his head.

"It's all right. I'm here now and nothin' bad's gonna happen. I gotcha." Sam relaxed a little at that, the words finally reaching him.

"Wogue too?"

Marie exchanged a look with Logan and waited for him to answer. "Yeah," he whispered softly. "I'm lookin' out for her too, don't you worry. You guys are my family and I'm gonna look out for the both of ya." He was nervous saying it, Marie could tell. She moved to carefully hug Logan, sandwiching Sam between them.

"Come on," she whispered, "let's lie down, OK? Let's try to get back to sleep." She lay back, gently pulling Sam with her, watching as Sam pulled Logan down with him. Sam's eyes stayed with Logan, slowly easing into sleep as both adults continued to caress him. At length, Sam's eyes closed and Logan turned his gaze to Marie.

"Thanks," he said simply. "Thanks for givin' me this." She smiled serenely in reply. "I meant it, Marie. I'm gonna take care of him, I'm gonna keep my promises to him and to you too. You're the best thing I ever had, outside of this little guy. I dunno - I dunno what you want for your life, I dunno if you want me. Could hardly blame ya if ya didn't. But I wanna love both of ya. I ain't scared of that any more. I wanna love you and give ya both whatever you need."

"I know," she said lightly. "It's kind of written all over you right now." He smiled at that. "I'm glad you feel that way."

"We can make it work - if you wanna stick together, like a real family, I know we can make it work. That - that don't mean you and me hafta - "

"We are a real family. We are, Logan. And we're going to stay together."

Logan reached out to stroke her hair. "And you and me?"

"It's too soon." He nodded sadly. "It's too close. I'm still - I'm still working my way through a lot. But I'm not - it's a possibility. I think I might like that one day." That answer was enough for both of them, for all of them, for now.

Logan sat at the small, rough-hewn kitchen table, writing and then erasing what he'd written on a fancy sheet of paper over and over again. He'd been trying to get it right for the past two weeks, and had absolutely no luck so far. It had been almost a year since they'd moved to Logan's cabin, the three of them, almost a year to the day. That meant that it was almost Marie's birthday, and family tradition dictated that Logan and Sam gave her homemade birthday cards. Both of them had picked birthdays at Marie's insistence, and Sam was the first to receive the homemade cards. Marie's was elaborate, and included a poem and a cartoon. Logan's simply said, "Happy birthday, son. I love you." He knew he'd have to do better with Marie's.

They'd gotten a lot closer in the past year, both physically and emotionally. Marie had finally asked him to make love to her a few months ago. She was still cautious, though. She didn't jump in to loving him as she had the first time. She didn't let her emotions pour out - she carefully monitored them and showed Logan only what she was ready to. She *was* opening herself up, but incrementally and very slowly. Logan could wait, he was patient. One day, she'd be able to say "I love you" to him again. Until then, he would enjoy her kisses and caresses, her smiles and her sparkling eyes, her laughter and her passion, and he would thank God each day for what he had instead of cursing what he didn't.

He huffed and set his mind to writing again.

Dear Marie,

That's not the hard part, Logan thought.

Happy Birthday.

That's not the hard part either.

I really love you. You're a great mom to my son and a great wife to me.

No, no. That won't work. She's not technically my wife, we're not married.

Youre a great mom to my son and the best person I've ever known.

That's good. It's true.

I want to make sure you know that I'll always be here for you and Sam, no matter what.

Logan sighed. All that was fine, but it wasn't great. It wasn't perfect.

"Whatcha writin'?" Sam was back in from playing outside and was now peering over his father's shoulder. Anyone looking at the two of them couldn't mistake them for anything but carbon copies of one another.

"Birthday card for mom." They'd made a group decision to go with Mom, Dad, and Sam once they moved to the cabin.

"What's yers say?" Sam was still learning to read and Logan's handwriting wasn't the easiest even for accomplished readers.

"Dunno yet. What's yours gonna say?"

"Mine says 'Happy Birfday mom. You are very smart and pretty and I love you.'" Rs and Ls had gotten easier for Sam to pronounce but 'th' still eluded him sometimes.

"That's good." Logan knew she'd love it.

"Maybe you can put some stuff about how pretty mom is in there too. She likes when you say she's pretty."

"Yeah."

Sam said to tell you how pretty I think you are. You're hot and sexy and gorgeous and beautiful and remarkable and the best thing I've ever seen in my whole life. Sam's right. I think you're very pretty.

"Got any other ideas?"

"Tell her you like her a lot."

Sam said to say I like you a lot and he's right. I like hanging out with you and living with you and raising my son with you.

"You're good at this, Sam."

"Yeah." Sam grinned. "Did you tell her happy birfday?"

"Uh-huh."

"I think that's good then."

"You go on and get your mom outta the garden. It's almost dinner time. Go on, I'm gonna add one more thing." Sam scurried outside and Logan looked after him with a blissful smile on his face.

I don't deserve all the good things you've given me and you don't deserve all the crap I've given you. I love you. Always have, always will. With all my heart and soul, with everything I got. Happy birthday, kid.

Logan smiled, finally satisfied. He folded it and put it away, turning to greet his family as they returned home.