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Title: Same Coin, Different Sides - Logan Author: Terri E-Mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Darn. Archive: Dolphin Haven, Peep Hut, Agony and Ecstasy - anyone else, please ask ;) Feedback: Please? With a rest from the peeps on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome……. Summary: AU. Shower songs. Tough missions. Miss ‘I Never’. Hand holding. Comments: Rogue’s *ahem* melodious offerings were fb-inspired :) Rogue’s POV on the way later this week…….and then a break to let other bunnies get a tooth or two in my behind ;) ---------------------------------------------- “Secret Aaaaaageeennntt Rogue, Secret Aaaaageeennnnnt Rogue, Se- ” “Darlin’ - sensitive hearin’, remember?” Although I gotta say imaginin’ the little dance she might be doin’ while she’s in the shower almost pays off for the pain caused by the tone-deaf singin’. Gotta be a lotta good parts jigglin’ to that tune. “Sorry! I’m just a little nervous, you know - first big mission.” That it is. Mission designed to test her, see if she’ll try and split, and one designed to give her a little more evidence than a buncha fancy reports about this secret lab shit to give her some incentive to stick around. Wouldn’t be surprised if Mags also picked this particular plan to show her she shouldn’t be so easy with me, so friendly. He knows what I’m like when I get anywhere near a lab, or doctors. Hmm. Probably wantsta make sure I don’t have the chance to get too friendly with her, either. He made some crack ‘bout me takin’ a likin’ to her ‘cause I’ve been trainin’ her personally, and I know he don’t like that ‘cause he wants everybody’s first loyalty to be to him. Well, fuck him. It’s just - we’re just - aw, shit, I dunno what me and Marie are, but whatever it is, it’ll probably be over the first time she sees me go bezerk and sink the claws inta some fucker. Still, might as well enjoy whatever this is while I still got it. It’s kinda nice. “You almost done in there? You ain’t that big - how long can it possibly take to wash all of you?” “I had to shave my legs. And my armpits.” “Why? You’re gonna be wearin’ a battle suit, not a sundress.” “In case I’m injured and someone has to help me - I don’t want them to have to deal with hairy armpits.” If you’re hurt on a mission, Marie, no one’s gonna help you. We ain’t the X-fuckers. You gotta watch your own back. But, this bein’ her first mission and all, I guess I could look out for her a little. Just in case. “How long is that gonna take?” “Oh, keep your shorts on. I’m almost done.” And there she is, wet hair floppin’ around her shoulders, wrapped up in a big towel - lookin’ good, smellin’ good. God, smellin’ real good. “There. The bathroom’s all yours.” “’Bout time.” After all, I gotta take a dump before we get goin’ here. No bathroom breaks on a mission. Heh. That’s another thing I bet is different from the X-fuckers. I bet they’d pull the jet over at a McDonald’s or some shit if one of the little fuckets hadta go. I can just see One-Eye sayin’ ‘everybody make sure you have a partner!’ and the rest of ‘em holdin’ hands goin’ inta the place. Heh. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be ready in five minutes.” Headin’ off to her room. OK, get a grip, Logan. It’s mission time. Quiet. She’s been real quiet on the drive back. Hasn’t said nothin’ at all after she saw me slice and dice on the first guy. Just quiet. “You see, my dear, I have not exaggerated the threat from the humans at all; in fact, I may have understated it.” Mags. Fucker. This is all one big object lesson to him, a big game. Still pissed he brought one of the docs back with us; still pissed as fuckin’ hell that he won’t lemme kill him. Well - he won’t lemme kill him right now. He promised I’d be able to, if he survives ‘interrogation.’ With Vic back at home base, waitin’ to ask the questions, somehow, I don’t think he’s gonna make it. “Rogue? Isn’t there anything you would like to say?” “There were kids there - teenagers, like me.” Shit. Never heard that voice from her before. It’s bad. Flat. Broken. Empty. Christ, I’d take tone-deaf singin’ at the toppa her lungs over that. “Yes, there were.” Look at the gleam in his eye. Bastard. He’s all happy that he’s provin’ his point, but I bet those kids’re gonna haunt Marie for a long fuckin’ time. Mags don’t think about that - he never thinks about the damage done to the troops, he just wantsta get the job done. Usedta think that wasn’t such a bad thing, but now….. “They would have done the same thing to you if they had gotten to you. The one girl - she looked very much like you, and must have been very near in age.” “Why? Why kids?” “Because they’re most vulnerable. Rogue - mutations manifest at puberty, which, as we all know, can be a troubling and difficult time. Children who are twelve, thirteen, fourteen - they are extremely susceptible to tricks, lures. Humans devise all manner of things to get them within their grasp. These men, these doctors - they have no respect for life, human or mutant. They have no ethics, no qualms about kidnapping children, even those whose families may be willing to accept a mutant child. Their conscience does not exist; therefore, it does not restrain them from maiming, killing, raping, experimenting - their cruelty simply knows no bounds. This, Rogue - this is what we are truly up against. Charles’ vision of a merely befuddled human population, of millions who would embrace us as brothers if they only *understood* us a bit better - that is a pipe dream, a folly. Surely you can see that now. This is the face of the humans. This is what is in those millions of black hearts. This is what we are truly up against. And no amount of education, no basket of good intentions, no ‘let’s all get along’ speech can stave off their genocidal compulsions. Think about it, Rogue - this is the real world, not Charles’ fantasy one.” She’s givin’ him a real hard look. Well, she ain’t dumb - I’ve learned that in the three weeks I’ve been livin’ with her. She knows he’s sayin’ all that for his own purposes, even if some of it might be true. Mags don’t have an altruistic fuckin’ bone in his body. He’s always after somethin’. “You’re right. That is reality. One reality. But I’ve seen good humans too. It’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be.” “Things seemed very clear back in that lab, did they not? I saw you fighting, I saw you trying to free those poor, wretched children from their cages, even though you had to know they were already dead.” Lookin’ at me now, and Marie’s just starin’ at the floor. “And things seemed very clear to your dear friend Wolverine. He did not hesitate to use his claws to mete out a little retribution, did he?” “Shut up.” Don’t give me that look, Mags. That was outta line and you know it. And Marie’s not even lookin’ at me at all. “Ain’t none of your business what I do. What I do, I do for my own reasons.” “Of course.” Fuckwad. “My point, Rogue, is that one can rationalize away almost anything in one’s own mind, but you cannot deny the reality of what you saw today.” “Does the Professor know about this?” “Yes, he does.” “Why hasn’t he - ” Cuttin’ herself off. Mad at herself now ‘cause she didn’t wanna give Mags the satisfaction of knowin’ he’s gettin’ to her. She might think she’s played the perfect little convert these last coupla weeks, but Mags - he ain’t stupid either. “You would have to ask him that question, Rogue, and what a very good question it would be. Perhaps these children weren’t powerful enough for him to be interested in, weren’t acceptable prospects for his team.” “I don’t believe that.” Some caution in there, but she wasn’t gonna let him talk that kinda shit on Wheels. “Perhaps there is another reason. In any case, we have almost arrived at Wolverine’s safe house. I shall wait here while you pack your things. I have prepared a room for you down the hall from Victor’s back at the base.” Damn asshole. I was right. Part of why he did do this was to get her away from me. Wants her to be attached to the team, to him, not just me. Used her attachment to me to get her on board but now that she’s seen what I’m capable of, what kinda animal I am, he knows he can’t count on that anymore. Manipulative bastard. “I’m moving?” “Ah, well, I assumed that after today you would feel………more comfortable if you were not in such close quarters with Wolverine.” Lookin’ at me with those big brown eyes. Nose scrunched up, thinkin’. Darlin’ I really dunno what you got to think about, ‘cause - “I’m comfortable where I’m at, thank you.” Whoa. Um, what? “Do you mean to say - ” “I mean to say that I’d just as soon stay where I’m at.” Mags looks pissed as all hell. She ain’t actin’ like he planned. Heh. Well, that’s probably why she’s doin’ it, to spite him. Odds are she’ll probably try to bolt sometime tonight or somethin’. I dunno what she’s got planned actually - but Mags sure looks like he swallowed a bug. Heh. “Thanks anyway.” “As you wish.” Make that a swarm of bugs. “Well, here we are. I trust that you two will have an…..enjoyable evening. I shall see you for a debriefing in the morning.” Pointed look at me. Yeah, I get it - don’t let her bolt. “Will do. C’mon, Rogue, let’s go.” “Logan?” Shit - is that her? Did I fall asleep? Aw, fuck, I was supposedta stay up and watch her. She didn’t say nothin’ when she came in, just went straight to her room and shut the door. Stayed there. I thought for sure she was gonna try to run, but here she is, hoverin’ over me in the livin’ room of our little safe house. “Yeah?” “Can I ask you some questions?” “Sure.” Now that I get a good look at her, she musta been cryin’. Yeah, smells like it, and those red eyes are a dead giveaway. “Shoot.” “Those men you killed, did you know them - you know, from before? Were they the ones who hurt you?” She knows a little about my past - what Wheels told her, and just what Mags or Vic or Mystique, if she ever gets back from playin’ around at the Mansion, woulda told her. I was in a lab for a long fuckin’ time. Got out a little while ago. Mags sprung me. Got the claws while I was in there. Not too damn happy about any of the above. Just the facts. “Nah, they weren’t the ones.” Just a nod from her and a few steps closer to me. “Do you always kill them, the lab people?” “Yeah.” “Will you kill the one they’re questioning now?” “If he lives through the questionin’, yeah, I will.” Thinkin’ that all over. Takin’ another step closer. Wish I knew what the fuck she must be thinkin’. “I really should - someone really should call the police or something and save that man, the scientist they’re, um, questioning.” “Ain’t gonna be me.” Lookin’ right at me now. Right in my eyes. “I know.” Frown and, God, I think she’s gonna cry. “I don’t think it’ll be me either. He helped - he helped do all those things to those kids. They’re just *kids*. They’re just……” Uh-oh. Cryin’ for sure now. “How do things like this happen?” “People are fucked up.” Watery chuckle - almost a chuckle, more like a chokin’ snort or somethin’. “I dunno, Marie. I don’t have a big explanation. It just *is*. People are fucked up and shit happens. I don’t try to figure it out, I just try to……I guess I try to even it out a little. Take out some of the worst fuckers. That guy they got, the ones I killed back there - they don’t deserve to spend the rest of their life in some minimum security fuckin’ golf club. They deserve what I gave ‘em - a painful, screamin’ death at the hands of someone who got screwed over by people just like ‘em. They reap what they sew, and it’s only fair that I get to be the guy who delivers that to ‘em.” “I don’t think I disagree with you.” And yet she looks really, really upset by that. And kinda panicked. “I know I should, and I know I should say something about two wrongs not making a right and I don’t think *I’d* ever, ever - ” Big, heavin’ sob. Yeah, darlin’, I can’t quite picture you ever killin’ someone and enjoyin’ it, even assholes like that. “But I don’t think I disagree with you.” “So you’re not runnin’ back to the X-fuckers?” Head snapped up at that. Yeah, she was thinkin’ about it, and now she knows I know that. “I don’t know if I could go back now.” “’Cause of what Mags said about Wheels?” Slow nod. “You know half of that is probably just - ” “I know. But half of it might not be, and I……..I don’t think I want to go back. Not now. Not yet.” “So you still haven’t made up your mind about joinin’ us?” Another ‘busted’ look on her. But I kinda like that she still said all that to me, still lets me in on what she’s thinkin’ even though she knows she shouldn’t. Still, I don’t think she’s gonna talk to me much about that particular topic. “I thought I was the one asking the questions.” “Yeah. Forgot.” Yep. Was right about that. But it won’t do no good to push her any more tonight. She’s spent, strung out. If she’s been cryin’ all this time insteada sleepin’, she’s gotta be close to exhaustion. “Can I ask one more question?” “Besides that one ya just asked? Yeah.” Shit, that didn’t even get a smile. Not even a hint of a smile. “Have you ever killed people like that, like you did tonight - people who weren’t working in the labs?” Hmm. Interestin’ question. “No.” I’ll give her an honest answer, but that question made me wanna ask a question of my own. “Marie - why’d you come back here with me insteada movin’ in with Mags?” “I like it here just fine.” “Not to spite him, not to fuck with whatever his plan for you is?” A little blushin’ and downcast eyes. Another ‘busted’ look. “Well, yeah, OK, there is that.” “Hmph.” “But I…….I know you. I like you. We’re friends.” “We ain’t friends, goddammit - quit sayin’ that.” Especially after tonight, especially after what you saw me do - don’t pull that shit on me, Marie. Anyone but you. You oughta know - I thought you knew I wasn’t dumb like a fuckin’ animal even if I am crazy like one. I ain’t dumb and I ain’t anywhere near dumb enough to believe that let’s be friends shit after you saw me hack a buncha people inta little chunks - “No. We *are* friends. *You* quit telling me we’re not. Logan - what did you think? Did you think that after living under the same roof for three weeks with you, after training with you, eating with you, watching TV with you - did you think that I’d just bolt the first time I saw you flip out and something really bad happened?” “I did a little more than flippin’ out, Marie - I went completely fuckin’ bezerk, let the animal have control, let - ” “Oh, what a pile of bullshit. Don’t give me that ‘the animal did it’ crap. You did it, you, Logan. Whatever is in you, it’s not a split personality or something, it’s a part of you. You did all that.” “Yeah, so if you’re so fuckin’ smart and you think it was all me, what the hell are you still doin’ here?” Gettin’ a little pissed - more than a little. She’s not makin’ any fuckin’ sense. I *am* an animal, a freak, a thing, a creation - *their* creation. “What am I still doing here? These are why I’m still here, for one.” Stickin’ out her foot, wigglin’ that dumb-ass bear claw slipper at me. Fuck, Mystique gave me those as some kinda fuckin’ joke - the three-clawed wonder, she calls me - and I dunno what the hell Marie thinks fuckin’ sarcastic-ass bear slippers have to do with shit. “You’ve been really good to me Logan - you know, good, given the circumstances and the kidnapping and all this other bullshit - and you think that I’m going to forget that that’s part of you too just because you went nuts on those people? On those child-murders? On those sick, twisted, *evil* people? OK, I’ll admit it was a little disconcerting to see someone pureed before my eyes like that, and it was gory and gross and disturbing, but you act like doing that nullifies the good things you’ve done. It doesn’t. The good things are still there too.” “Marie, dammit, there *are* no good things - there’s just what you saw today. The violence, the animal, the - ” “I saw a very pissed off, very traumatized person take revenge on people who did unimaginably horrible things to him and who were doing it to kids - to *kids* - and who were going to just keep on doing it if no one stopped them. They - they *burned* those children and cut them, and - ” Aw, shit, she’s cryin’ again. “And you’re not like the rest of them, you’re *not*, and I don’t know why you can’t see that.” “Shit, Marie - don’t - don’t cry, all right? I know - I know I’m not like those fuckin’ scientists.” And I do. I might be violent, but I ain’t cruel, and there’s a difference. There’s a big difference. “Not them, I meant the rest of the Brotherhood. You’re not like them.” Whoa. Now, that one I don’t get. I kinda am like the rest of ‘em. Don’t fuckin’ like humans. Wanna stop this experimentation shit and kill as many of the fuckers perpetratin’ it as I can in the process. I wanna - “You’re not in this for any other reasons - you just think it’s wrong and that they should be punished. You - you don’t care about money or politics or - or any of that. You just want to eliminate them, the people who do this. You just want them gone, once and for all. Logan, you don’t - you didn’t even make them suffer, do you realize that? If you were really bad, a bad person, you would’ve tortured them, would’ve enjoyed torturing them long and slow. You didn’t. You just killed them, wanted them gone.” Pretty much. I mean - dead is dead is dead, you know? “I guess. Still, it ain’t exactly somethin’ that makes me a man of upstandin’ character, darlin’.” “No.” Hmph. Well, Logan, what didya want her to say? Sure it does, you’re great? I still wanna stay here and all that bullshit? “It makes you human. It makes you as flawed as the rest of us. And it makes you someone I still want to be friends with.” “We’re not friends, Marie.” “Yeah, well, you’re in denial. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree about that.” Tears slowin’ down and now she’s movin’ over to me. Is she - shit, she’s sittin’ on my lap. Layin’ her head on my shoulder and puttin’ her arms around me. That she can do that after everythin’ she saw tonight, after seein’ the worst of me……….“Because I think we are. And I’m - I’m hardly ever wrong about these things. Mostly never. You’re just going to have to accept that sooner or later.” Sittin’ up a little and lookin’ deep inta my eyes for my reaction and I can’t help but put my hands on her. Flimsy little pajamas let me feel her heat, her softness, even through the material. Somethin’ inside me is kickin’ into gear, into some kinda gear I never even knew I had and I *feel* all these things. “We’re not friends, darlin’, no matter what you say. We’re - ” “We’re what?” God, I honestly dunno what was gonna come outta my mouth right then, but her scent is scramblin’ my brain and nothin’ is gonna come out right no matter what I say, so I’m just gonna go with what my gut is tryin’ to tell me. “You’re mine.” Surprised her, that, and I bet the squeeze I gave her ass surprised her too. But, God, I think that’s right, I think that’s true. “No, Logan. I belong to me.” Serious eyes. She means that. But her scent is still sayin’ - “But I could let you have a - a lease. I could let you have an option on me. I could be - I think I maybe could let myself be yours, if you want.” “C’mere.” Was a little rough, but I hadta move her legs to straddle mine. Wanted her to feel what she’s doin’ to me. And I wanted to be able to move against her, to make her scent come thicker and fuller with wantin’ me. Oh, God, Marie………. “Logan…….” Yeah, baby, move with me, just like that. Fuck, yes. “Stop - stop. We should stop. We should……” “No stoppin’. Marie, I wanna - ” Hard grind should get the point across. “I know, but I - I - I’m not ready. I’ve never……..” Never? Fuck me. “I’m just not ready for all that. I’m - I’m sorry.” Untanglin’ her body from mine. Oh no - not gonna let that happen, even if this ain’t gonna go beyond a little dry humpin’ on the recliner. I want her close. Now. Always. Aw, shit - where did that come from? I don’t think in terms of ‘always’ - but I can analyze that shit later. I gotta keep her close now. “Marie - wait. Don’t - just stay there.” “But, Logan, I - ” “I heard ya. Just don’t hop offa me. Stay here a second. I’m not gonna try anythin’.” Well, I’ll try not to try anythin’. “Listen, what - what are you ready for?” “Me?” Seems surprised by that question. And a little embarrassed. “I - well, um, holding hands would be good. And maybe kissing. I’ve used a scarf once or twice before with Bobby……” Yeah? No more scarf time with Bobby for you. That’s issue number one. But two - “I don’t hold hands, darlin’, and I don’t like kissin’.” We’re gonna hafta do somethin’ else here, ‘cause I gotta do somethin’. “Well, you must be doing it wrong.” Tease. Flirt. God - she’s actually flirtin’ with me. “I think I know more about sex than you do, Miss ‘I never.’ How would you know if I’m doin’ it wrong?” I can tease too, believe it or not. “Hey! I told you that ‘I never’ thing in confidence!” Swattin’ at my chest. She’s damn cute when she blushes. “I haven’t told anyone else.” “Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to make fun of me for it either.” “Ain’t makin’ fun.” Now that’s a look. “OK, maybe a little. But I’m tellin’ ya, I just don’t like those things.” “Have you ever tried them?” Smug eyebrow ya got there, darlin’. I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of answerin’ ‘no’ but I know you’ll know it when I don’t say anythin’. “I thought so. Come on, let’s try one.” “A kiss?” “No - hand holding.” “Marie, I really don’t - ” “Give me your hand.” Takin’ it for herself. Wigglin’ around so she can balance on me and hold it with both of her gloved hands. Sad that she wears gloves to bed. “I like your hands.” Look at her, concentratin’ really hard on it, strokin’ it and rubbin’ it all over. And now she’s - oh, God, she’s rubbin’ my knuckles. Right where the claws come out. “I was afraid for you today, you know. When you put the claws out, I could tell it hurt, and then when you were fighting - I - I thought you got shot or something.” “I did.” Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. “Logan - are you OK? Shouldn’t you see a doctor? I can - ” “Hey - don’t go anywhere.” Definitely don’t get offa my lap and do not let go of my hand. Just stay put, darlin’. “I’m OK. I dug the bullets out. Didn’t think you’d needta see that after everythin’ else, so I went inta the back room and did it. I’m fine.” Such softness in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right?” “Yeah, darlin’. Keep goin’.” You mighta been right about this hand holdin’ thing after all. Feels good. “Does it hurt, when they come out?” Little fingers back over my knuckles, rubbin’ gently. “Every time.” “I’m sorry.” Sad look, and I can tell she means it. God, what have I gotten into here? I feel like I can feel *everythin’* and I just want more and more of her and more of this - this soft touchin’, this kinda talkin’, this havin’ her right next to me. “You know what? I think you were right, kind of. I think maybe we’re not friends - at least not *just* friends. I like you.” So shy all of a sudden, and so beautiful. “I like you a lot.” “You’re mine.” I’m not gonna say some pansy-ass shit back like ‘I like you too’ no matter what weird feelings I’ve got goin’ on. Besides, what *is* goin’ through me is way too tame for ‘like.’ “Decided to take out that lease, did you?” Sparklin’ eyes and pressed-up lips. God, that mouth. Baby, the things I’d like you to do to me with that mouth……. “Well, I guess I could give you a reasonable rate. Maybe even a discount. The Marie Properties can be very, very affordable for the right buyer.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.” Quiet again now, and I can tell she’s gonna stay that way, but this time it’s a good kinda quiet. Just her hands on mine, her body pressed up against me, her scent fillin’ up my lungs. Not how I thought this evening was gonna end, but I’ll take it. I’ll definitely take it. |