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Title: Dr. Hank Takes a Wrong Turn Author: Terri E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com Rating: PG Archive: Peep Hut, Dolphin Haven, Agony and Ecstasy - anyone else, please ask ;) Feedback: Please? With some good traffic karma on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome….. Summary: Hank takes a wrong turn, both literally and conversationally, and does his best Dr. Phil imitation. Logan is along for the ride. Comments: This one was inspired, as you might guess, by me sitting in traffic ;) I was coming back from vacation, was exhausted, and wound up sitting in traffic not once, but twice, on two of Chicago’s fine expressways - first the Kennedy, which was under construction when I first laid eyes on the city in 1987 and remains so to this day, and the Dan Ryan, which locals refer to as the ‘Damn Ryan.’ There is nothing more irritating than a serious traffic jam, and it can turn even timid, mild-mannered, endlessly patient and kind (cough, cough…..) folks like me downright cranky. Imagine how well Logan would cope, especially if Hank blurts out that something might be up with Marie…….One last comment - this story pretty much ignores X2, and I have a feeling that I’m going to be doing that a lot…….. ----------------------------------------------------- “Aw, dammit!” “I wholeheartedly share your sentiments. This traffic jam is most vexing.” “You can say that again, Big Blue. Ain’t anythin’ movin’?” “Well, technically, we *are* moving, just at an exceedingly slow pace. I do believe that our average is now…..2.84 miles per hour. Yes, that’s right.” “That ain’t reassurin’.” “Ah, yes. Right. Just a little something to entertain myself, you see. Something to take my mind off of the stress of - ” “Hey! You! Stay in your own damn lane! You’re not gettin’ over here, bub!” “Logan - do you suppose that you could refrain from yelling at our fellow motorists? My unusual visage attracts quite enough attention from passers-by as it is, and I would be forever in your debt if you could see your way clear to - ” “Yeah, same to you, asshole!” “Ahem. Never mind.” “What? Did you say somethin’?” “I was merely requesting that you approach our current predicament with a bit more Zen and a bit less, ah, well, I do not suppose that there is a religious or philosophical tradition that espouses uncontrollable rage.” “Zen my ass.” “I see.” “I don’t think ya do, Hank. I didn’t wanna spend my afternoon runnin’ this errand for Chuck in the first damn place and I definitely didn’t wanna spend the whole day sittin’ in a little car with a buncha other people in their little cars, all of us doin’ abso-fuckin’-lutely nothin’ but starin’ at one another. I don’t like *people,* Hank - I don’t like ‘em one at a time and I can’t fuckin’ stand bunches of ‘em. They’re *stupid.* I mean - look at that guy - he’s got a couch strapped to the roof of a midget fuckin’ car. What the hell was he thinkin’, huh?” “I do not know.” “Neither do I. What a dumb ass. Then there’s this lady here - puttin’ on makeup and talkin’ on the cell phone and tryin’ to drive all at the same time. What the hell is that? Shit, most people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time, and doin’ all that at once - ya know what that adds up to? I’ll tell ya - it adds up to a car accident. And it’d be just my luck that I’d be the one she’d run into - I’d be the one gettin’ my quarter panel dented ‘cause she just hadta get her mascara on.” “Actually, it would be my quarter panel, as this is my vehicle.” “But I’m in it and it’d piss me off - that’s my point.” “Ah. It is all about *you.*” “That ain’t funny. The only thing more irritatin’ than bein’ stuck here in traffic would be havin’ you go all Dr. Phil on me, Hank. Don’t even try it.” “Heh. I admit, I have occasionally wondered what it would be like to have my own talk show, to counsel my fellow x-men on their personal and romantic lives. I could adopt a grating Texas accent and chide people as they sat in uncomfortable chairs. I can see it now - Ororo, do you not realize that you are only punishing the rest of us with bad weather when it is ‘your time of the month!’ Charles, just because you are a telepath it does not mean that you know everything! Jubilee, you must stop pining over Remy and try to realize that St. John is interested in you! Bobby, you must stop pining over Rogue and get on with your life! Rogue, you must - oh. Ahem. Never mind. My point was - ” “Uh, Hank - who’s Rogue pinin’ over?” “No one. No one. She pines for no one. That - yes, that was the reason that I stopped speaking so abruptly, because there is no one for whom she pines and no conclusion to that line of thinking. Therefore, ah, ergo, no more speaking. On my part. From me. Rogue - she pines for no one. No one at all.” “You’re lyin’.” “Perhaps. I suppose that I cannot argue with your senses. But this is not a topic upon which we should converse. Oh, look - we have moved a few feet.” “Look, bub - Rogue. Pinin’. Who is it?” “No one, I assure you. It is not a matter for your concern. Well, we are really moving now - I believe that was nearly six inches.” “Hank, you’re gonna tell me who she’s after, and you’re gonna tell me right now. I ain’t in a good mood to begin with.” “I am well aware of your ill temper, but I still do believe that we should be conversing on this topic.” “I do.” “Ah, yes, but it takes a minimum of two participants to have a conversation and I am unwilling to - ” *SNIKT* “Please put those away. You are not frightening me.” “Grrrr……” “That will not work either. I have made a solemn promise to Rogue that - ” “You promised her what?” “Oh dear.” “What? What did you promise her?” “Nothing.” “Dammit, Hank!” “All right, I promised her that I would keep certain confidences of hers. Having this conversation with you would break that promise - nay, shatter it into a million pieces, and I - ” “She’s keepin’ secrets from me? She’s keepin’ secrets from me, but she’s lettin’ you in on ‘em?” “I would not characterize events in quite that fashion.” “You know, I thought she - hmph.” “Are you - are you *pouting*?” “Shuddup.” “You are pouting.” “Am not.” “Indeed you are.” “I am not.” “I must disagree. You are giving off all the indicia of - ” “Hank!” “Right. Right. Sorry. You are not pouting, not in the least. My mistake.” “Damn right.” “You know………..if you are concerned because she has not chosen to discuss certain…things….with you, I can assure you that you are expending needless emotional energy. She is - she considers herself quite close to you and trusts you a great deal. I daresay more than anyone else at the mansion, or anyone else in her life.” “Yeah, well, I usedta think that too.” “Logan, do not make mountains out of molehills. Rogue cares for you very much and she would be crestfallen should she think you angry with her.” “I don’t have any right to be mad with her.” “But you are.” “Hmph.” “Consider that you may be overreacting, Logan.” “I’ll decide how much I react, all right, Dr. Hank?” “Very well.” “I believe that it is clearing up a bit.” “Hmph.” “I can see definite movement ahead.” “Yeah - more creepin’.” “At least we are moving.” “Barely.” *sigh* “If you’re thinkin’ about givin’ me more shit, just don’t, Hank. I’m warnin’ ya - I’m in a bad fuckin’ mood.” “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” “Sarcasm don’t make it any better, bub.” “Nothing does, I suppose.” “What’s that supposedta mean?” “It means, Logan, that perhaps you should consider that it is not everyone’s duty to bear your distemper. It means that perhaps, when confronted with an unpleasant situation, you might once - just once - attempt to ignore your irritation instead of venting it upon whosoever may be nearest to you at the time. It means that perhaps, occasionally, you could be grateful for the people in your life instead of desperately latching on to any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to alienate them further from you. It means that yes, we are stuck in traffic, and yes, there are issues that Rogue has discussed with me that she does not feel comfortable discussing with you, but that it does not necessarily mean that your caustic attitude, hair-trigger temper, and sullen pouting - yes, I said pouting! - constitute an appropriate response, and I have grown tired of indulging you.” “Whoa.” “Indeed. And one more thing - those things, those things that Rogue has discussed with me and not you - do you really wish to know them? Because surely you know that she does not shield confidences from you lightly, and that she has never once refused to share something with you on those rare occasions that you have asked. Surely you realize that you have but to ask and she will tell you, no matter how uncomfortable it may make her, no matter how embarrassed or upset. Is that how you wish to see her? Because she will tell you, I am as certain of that as I am that the sun shall rise tomorrow - although I certainly hope it does not find us still stuck on this infernal asphalt Escher loop. She will indulge your temper, your invasive need to know what she wishes to keep private, and she will even do it with a sweet, kind smile on her face. It will matter little to her, perhaps as little as it apparently matters to you, that her discomfort will be extreme - she will seek to make you feel reassured in any case, and - oh, goodness gracious, woman in the Toyota! Move your vehicle!” “Hank - ” “I cannot imagine why she is sitting there, immobile, when the car in front has moved several yards. No, no, do not let that truck in front of you!” “Hank!” “What?” “Is it really gonna make her upset to tell me?” *sigh* “Tell me the truth, Hank.” “It will embarrass her. Logan, she is - she is still a young woman and some things are especially difficult for her to discuss.” “Is she hurt? Sick?” “No.” “Is she in trouble?” “Some would think so, but I do not. Although I have recently been given cause to wonder……” “What kind of trouble?” “She is not really in trouble, Logan. I apologize. That was a bit of - of cleverness on my part. She is fine.” “You swear it?” “Yes.” “You swear it on your - on your science stuff, your equipment?” “Yes.” “Even on the big microscope?” “Yes. Logan - she is fine.” “OK, then.” “OK?” “Yeah, OK.” “Ah, well……..good. Good, then.” “I’m not as big an asshole as you think. I don’t wanna upset her for no reason.” “Of course. Forgive me - I - I do not know quite what came over me. I lost my temper for a moment, and I apologize.” “Don’t sweat it. And Hank - you should lose your temper more often. It’d do ya some good.” “Many thanks, Dr. Logan.” |