Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Eighteen Songs to Converse By

Title: Eighteen Songs to Converse By

Author: Terri

Email: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Rating: PG - 13, swearing, violence, sexual innuendo

Summary: Sequel to Eighteen Minutes. Logan and Rogue fight, drive, make up, and shop. Logan decides to turn on the radio while they do, and eighteen songs provide a window into their feelings.

Series: Eighteen #9

Disclaimer: Neither the songs or the characters are mine.

Archive: Ask, and I'll say yes.

Feedback: Please! Pretty please?

Comments: This would've been done a lot quicker if I could've found my Cowboy Junkies CD in less than two days. If you'd like the lyrics to any of the songs I included just a snippet from, just ask and I'll be happy to provide. And I just wanna say that I've always thought (well, since I saw the movie) that Steve Earle = musical voice of Logan. Oh yeah, and Joni Mitchell = goddess.

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Until It Sleeps - Metallica

Load

......And the fear still shakes me

So hold me until it sleeps.....

....So tear me open but beware

There's things inside without a care

And the dirt still stains me......

"Are you doing that because you don't want to talk?"

"No. I'm doin' it 'cause I wanna hear some music."

"So, that's it, you're done yelling at me, and you're just going to listen to the radio, give me the silent treatment for a while?"

"Goddammit, Marie, I just don't know what the hell you coulda been thinking! When I tell you to fucking run, FUCKING RUN! You coulda been killed!"

"OK, apparently, not done yelling at me. You want to know what I was thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking, 'Hey, maybe Logan's gonna get killed, why don't I help him out?' That's what I was thinking."

"Don't fucking help me, do you understand? You get to safety. You do not worry about me. Do you know what that motherfucker could've done to you? Do you?"

"I have everything Magneto knew about him. I have a pretty good idea."

"Then what the hell were you doin'? Do you think I wanna see you get hurt like that? Goddammit!"

"Watch the road. I didn't get hurt. I'm fine."

"You're not fucking fine! You're bleedin', I can smell it!"

"I have a few scrapes, that's all. I'm fine."

"How can you be so fucking calm? Do you know how close you came? Huh? Jesus Christ, try to take this fucking seriously, Marie. You could be dead right now, real easy."

"I know that."

"That fucker can't kill me, nothin' can kill me. You don't worry about me, you run when I tell you to run, do you fucking understand?!"

"You're not invincible, Logan. Going around thinking you are is going to get you killed one day, or worse."

"I've already seen 'or worse,' kid. And I don't really give a shit what happens to me if it means that you're safe."

"I'm not going to just leave you if you need help. That's not how it works."

"Yes, that is how it fucking works. That's exactly how it fucking works, goddammit! I am not worth it, Marie. Your life is more important. I promised to take care of you, not vice fucking versa!"

"I told you before, we take care of each other. That's how it works."

"Dammit, kid - "

"No, I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear all this crap about how your life isn't worth anything. That's bullshit. It's worth something to me."

"How can you be so fucking calm? You're talkin' about this like it was a Sunday fucking picnic."

"It was no picnic."

"You're not even upset. What is it, just another day, huh? Get kidnapped, get mauled by Sabretooth, wait for dumbass Logan to show up and try to rescue you? Is that it? Huh? Hang around so maybe he can watch you die as a bonus?"

"Stop it."

"Then tell me what it is, dammit. Too much of an adrenaline junkie already? That just wasn't enough to get a rise outta ya?"

"You know what, fuck you. I can't let myself get upset about it, I can't even really think about it until you stop yelling and calm down. Because we're not in the clear yet and one of us has to keep a fucking level head, Logan. And you can't stop indulging your own emotions right now, so I guess I have to be the calm one. I'll tell you what, if it'll make you happy, I'll have a huge fucking nervous breakdown as soon as you return to your normally grumpy-ass mood. Would that do it? I can cry and be scared and tell you how I felt like I was gonna throw up the whole fucking time. I can tell you how every one of Magneto's memories of that sadistic bastard played back in my head in vivid fucking detail. Hey, I'm sure I'll even have lots and lots of gut-wrenching nightmares about it. Would you be satisfied that I'm taking it seriously then?"

"Shit, Marie - "

"Don't talk to me."

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Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet

100% Fun

......But I'm sick of myself when I look at you

Something is beautiful and true

In a world that's ugly and a lie

It's hard to even want to try

And I'm beginning to think

Baby you don't know........

"I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Nothing. She's not even looking at me. She turned her whole body to face away from me. Even pulled her legs up underneath her. It's like she's trying to get as far away from me as possible without leavin' the car.

"I was outta line. I shouldnta said those things. I didn't mean them, I was just mad."

Still nothing.

"Marie, talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"OK."

Fuck, I have no idea what to do now. She's never been this mad at me. I know I was outta line, way outta line, but, dammit, doesn't she realize how much it shook me up to see him go after her like that? He threw her a hundred yards if he threw her an inch and it was just pure dumb luck that she didn't smack up against a tree. She has to get the idea through her thick skull that she is the priority, not me. Goddammit.

What was that? She made some kinda little noise. Aw, shit, she's crying. Or about to. Fuck. I can smell the tears, but she's not breathing different. Fuck. Great job, Logan. Made her cry again. Way to go. Way to comfort her after a life-threatening experience.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, but can I talk to you?"

"Not...not right now, Logan. Just leave me alone for a little while."

"OK."

Fuck.

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Your Winter - Sister Hazel

10 Things I Hate About You Soundtrack

......What else, what else can I do?

I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry

I said I'm sorry, but what for?

'Cause if I hurt you then I hate myself

I don't wanna hate myself

Don't wanna hurt you

Why do you choose your pain

If you only knew how much I love you, love you

Well I won't be your winter

And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry

And we can be forgiven

And I will be here.........

Goddamn motherfucking wire. This is the eighth fucking time. Hate this fucking car.

"Stay put. I'm sure it's just the wire. I'll just go fix it."

Nothing. She's still not really crying and I have no fucking clue if that's good or bad. I didn't mean to do this. Fuck, she has me in there, doesn't she know I didn't mean it? Don't she know how crazy it makes me to see her in danger? I mean, wouldn't the fact that I stabbed myself through the fucking chest to get free and save her from Magneto give her a clue? Shit.

The bitch of it is, she's right. I was mean to her on purpose because I was mad. I let shit come out of my mouth without checkin' in at my brain. I didn't think about her at all, I just said it to make myself feel less mad, to get it out, and to punish her for makin' me so fucking scared for her. I really am a selfish, stupid, fucking bastard. Here I am saying I'll take care of us now and she still feels like the one who's gotta keep a fucking level head.

Bitch of that is, she's probably right. Fuck, Magneto and Sabretooth and Mystique coulda been holdin' a carnival by the side of the road for the past ten goddamn miles and I wouldnta fucking noticed. I'm still pretty pissed.

Have to not be, though. Fuck. Have to convince her. Have to take care of us and keep my promise.

"There we go. Fixed the wire, no problem."

"Where are we going?"

My heart just stopped. Christ. I didn't think she was gonna talk to me again. I thought I'd have to try to draw her out. If she'd talk to me ever.

"Up north. I know a place. We'll be safe there."

"OK."

"Look, Marie. I'm calm now. I promise. Whatever.....whatever you wanna do, you just do it. I got a level head now."

Nothing.

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Good Enough - Sarah McLachlan

Fumbling Toward Ecstasy

.....I never would have opened up

But you seemed so real to me

And after all the bullshit I've heard

It's refreshing not to see

I don't have to pretend

She doesn't expect it from me

So don't tell me I haven't been good to you

Don't tell me I haven't been there for you

Just tell me why nothing is good enough.....

"Do you want to stop?"

I don't trust myself to talk to him. If I open my mouth, I'll start crying and I won't be able to stop.

"Marie?"

I can't, I can't. He says he's calm but he's not. He's not even paying attention to his driving, he's all over the place.

"It's just that this'll be the last town for a long while."

I can't. He's trying so hard to keep his voice even, but I can hear the strain. He's still upset.

"Maybe we'll just stop, and you can decide what you want to do."

Breathe, just breathe. God, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about it. Just push it back, you can deal with it later. Just keep it together. He's not paying attention and if we stop, I need to be on the lookout. Either one of them could still be out there, could be following. Deep breaths, get it together.

"Are you OK?"

I am so fucking far from OK - no, no don't think it, don't feel it, don't. You have to keep it together, Rogue. You can. You have to. Just a little while longer. When we get where we're going, you can let it out. Just keep it together now. You did it through everything at Los Alamos and after, you can do it again now.

"Look, I know you don't wanna talk. Just, just nod your head or something if you're OK."

Deep breath. Big deep breath. Steady, now. "I'm OK."

"Good. Marie, I - "

"We can stop."

"OK. Look, Marie, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"I know."

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Keep Myself Awake - Black Lab

Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV Soundtrack

I hate to talk like this

I hate to act as if

There's something wrong that I can't see

I have this dream at night

Almost every night

I've been dreamin' it forever, it's easy to remember it

It's always cold

It's always day

You're always here

You always say

I'm all right, I'll be OK

If I can keep myself awake

Keep myself awake......

"Why don't you let me drive for a while?"

"It's OK, I got it."

"Logan, I'd really rather drive. It'll help me stay calm to have something to do."

"All right."

"Thanks."

"Do you - do you wanna talk now?"

"Not really."

"OK."

"I'm sorry, I just don't....I just don't wanna talk yet."

"You don't hafta apologize. I know I pissed you off."

"You didn't piss me off. You hurt me."

"I'm really sorry."

"I know that."

"I'm really, really sorry."

"I said I know that."

"I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to fix it."

"We can fix it later. Just tell me which way to go."

"Take a left, then a right at that light up ahead."

"OK."

"Let me know when you get tired."

"I will."

"Let me know if you get a headache. I'll take over."

"I'll be fine."

"I'm really sorry."

"I know."

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Stay (Faraway, So Close) - U2

Zooropa

.........And if you look, you look through me,

And if you talk it's not to me

And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

If I could stay......then the night would give you up

Stay, and the day would keep its trust

Stay, and the night would be enough.......

Different car in the rearview. Good. Probably means we're still OK.

I don't think Sabretooth could've followed. There's no scent trail and no blood trail from me after we got in the car. Mystique....God, who knows what she'd do. My mother. Christ. Won't Logan be thrilled when I tell him that? Maybe I won't tell him. Shit, I can't think about it now.

Thank God he found me. He's right, Sabretooth could've - no, no don't think about that now. Thank God he found me.

Starting to snow pretty good now. Can hardly see the road. I wonder if I inherited my skin from her. I mean, isn't that how she changes shape? A mutation in her skin? I wonder why it turned out different in me. She didn't say anything about my father. God, it can't be Magneto, can it? I mean, how long have they been together. No, no they weren't together that long. It's not him. Who knew there was a perk of having him in my head? Whew.

Whatever I tell Logan about Mystique, I have to tell him what Sabretooth said. Maybe he just said it because of the general, but maybe he knows something about how Logan was experimented on beyond that. God, how could he say Logan was just like him? What an asshole. And to tell me he likes the taste of my blood - there's something I could've lived my whole life without knowing. Don't think about it now, Rogue. Just drive.

Logan just keeps looking at me. He looks sad. I can't deal with it right now. He is calming down a little, though. Good. I can use rational-Logan. I don't know what I would've done if Sabretooth had killed him. I know he thinks he can't be killed, but I don't think that's true. Jesus, I almost killed him, twice. I know I would've if I'd hung on any longer, especially the second time. He's not indestructible.

And he's got to get rid of this idea that it's all about me. It's all about the both of us, and we're a team. Neither one of us is going to get to have a normal life. It's always going to be something - evil mutants, parents that drug and kidnap you, life-sucking machines, mad scientists financed by the government - we'll never just, you know, eat dinner in front of the TV and become accountants or something. He has to learn that we're in this abnormal mess together.

I know he just yelled because he's upset I could've been hurt. I know he's sorry now. I just....I'm just not ready to have the big emotional conversation about it. I should try, though. He looks sad.

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All of My Life - Steve Earle

Transcendental Blues

........Everybody wants to be somebody's somethin'

Ain't nobody wants to be blue

Ain't nobody anywhere never loved nothin'

Half as much as I love you

Somebody somewhere said "love is a prison"

But no one really wants to be free

I have to be crazy to ever think someone

Could love a nobody like me

I've been waitin' all my life

All my life

I've been waitin' all my life

All my life

I'm here all alone in the dark

But I know where you are

'Cause I can hear you breathin'

You were meant to be mine

And you're the only reason....

Look, I know I'm not a smart man, or a good man, or a dependable man, or anything that she probably remotely deserves. But you know, I thought that she would understand. She has me in her head, and she has to have seen me fuck up a thousand times if she's got half of what I did in there. But it must be different or worse somehow to her because she's still mad and she won't talk to me. And what if she never does get over it? I mean, fuck. What then?

She said we'd fix it later, so she's not totally pissed, like, beyond forgiveness pissed. Then again, maybe she just said that to put me off, buy a little time. Maybe she's thinkin' later - like twenty years later. Or later, when I can finally get rid of your sorry ass, later. Fuck.

What the hell exactly was I thinkin' hookin' up with her in the first place? She's a young kid who don't need no God-knows-how old asshole taggin' along with her. Shit, tellin' myself I'm keepin' her safe. Like I'm some kind of bodyguard for her. Fucking truth is, I just like havin' her around. Truth is, I took her outta Westchester 'cause I missed her, knowin' full well she wouldn't say a peep against it, if I said it's what was best. Used her trust in me and fear of those Brotherhood bastards to drag her outta the one home she's got now. And why? So I could watch her draw and sleep and smile at me. Jesus. Look at me, selfish bastard and pansy-ass all rolled into one.

And what good did that do her? So far, we been runnin', nothin' else. She's had to put up with all kinds of shit from me, all kinds of danger on the road. I shoulda left her in fucking Westchester. She's gotten nothin' from me but a head full of nightmares and a lotta heartache. And she's probably the one person I've known who deserves it the least.

All that stuff she pushed out of her head and into mine, all that good stuff and I go and fuck up like this, bein' careless and hot-headed. She's always careful with me, what she says and what she does, and she always tells me the truth. More than that - she always lets me see her, lets me see all of her, and how do I repay her? Bitchin' about the damn car, givin' her nightmares, lettin' her get kidnapped - for the second fucking time, three if you count me bein' in some hole outside the arctic circle lookin' for who-the-hell-knows-what while Sabretooth grabbed her. Oh yeah, and accusin' her of liking getting kidnapped by Mystique or takin' it for granted that I'd rescue her or whatever the hell she's thinkin'. Real good, Logan. Just goes to show you that even when something good comes into your life, you manage to find a way to shove it right back out. Fuck.

Now she's lookin' over at me a little, at least. She still don't look none too fucking happy. And why should she be? Shit. She looks like she wants to say somethin' or do somethin' but not really. Like she's makin' herself or somethin'. Fuck, that can't be good. I gotta try to fix this. Maybe let her scream her lungs out at me, hope she gives me a chance to explain some shit and apologize. Then, I'll look out for her like I'm supposed to have been doin'. She can tell me to go to hell or whatever she wants, but I'm keepin' that promise to her about not leavin'. I don't hafta be in her life, she doesn't ever hafta speak another word to me, but I'm keepin' that promise. Gonna keep her safe, hide her up in the mountains, let her just live her fucking life for a few months. I won't lay a hand on her, or ask her for a damn thing. I'll just keep her safe. No more being a selfish bastard, not where she's concerned.

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Everything - Lifehouse

No Name Face

Find me here

Speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That is leading me

To the place

Where I find peace again

You are the strength

That keeps me walking

You are the hope

That keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose

You're everything

And how can I

Stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me

How could it be

Any better than this?

You calm the storms

You give me rest

You hold me in your hands

You won't let me fall

You still my heart

And you take my breath away

Would you take me in

Would you take me deeper now

'Cause you're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything

Everything

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk now?"

"Yeah, look, I know I acted like an asshole. I know I hurt you and I'm - "

"I meant - me talk, you listen, OK?"

"OK."

"I really love you a lot. I really do. And I think you know this. I can't stand to see you get hurt, and when I saw Sabretooth rip your throat out, I could've just died. I couldn't stand it. I can't just walk away from you and say whatever happens, happens. I can't."

"Marie - "

"Let me finish. I hoped that when I touched you, you'd feel how much you mean to me. It's not gratitude, it's not a crush, it's not even really love, because it's too deep and too profound for something that gets said on candy hearts and valentine's day cards. It reaches all the way into me, and if I ever lost you, it would be like pulling my spine out through the top of my head. I wasn't about to let you get hurt if I could help it. I can't tell you I'd act any differently in the future. I can't tell you I wouldn't give up my life for yours, because I would. You mean something to me. I can't act like you don't. I get upset when you get mad at me for it. I get upset when you imply that I somehow don't really get how serious everything is. Because I do. I see everything that could happen in a situation like that, all the bad things that could take you away from me, and I take it very, very seriously, Logan. It hurts because you're thinking that, that I......I-- "

"Don't, don't cry. I - "

"It's OK. I just....I need a second. OK. I can finish now. It-it hurts because it's not some game to me, and you thinking that makes me feel like you don't know me at all. I would give anything to never have hurt you, to never have seen you get hurt because of me. Anything. I've seen you hurt because of me enough, Logan, I don't need to ever see it again. I wish I knew how to make you understand that. I-I'm not really saying this right, I'm sorry."

"Can I talk now?"

"Yeah."

"You said it right. Let me - I, I just don't wanna be the cause of somethin' bad happenin' to ya. I don't wanna be the reason you get hurt. I couldn't live with that. And, like you said, we've already had too many close calls, the both of us. Fuck, I still wake up in cold sweats seein' my claws run you through. I keep promisin' to protect you and take care of you, and I keep fuckin' up."

"You promised to take care of the both of us. That includes you."

"I know, but you come first. Darlin', I ain't never done anything good in my life before you. At least not that I can remember, and from what I found out, it's a pretty sure bet it's true for what I can't remember. You're just about everything to me, even if I don't always show it. I was pretty much an asshole back there, and I wouldn't blame you one bit if you wanna tell me to go straight to hell."

.........

"Say somethin', please? Marie? Aw shit, are you cryin'?"

"Yeah. It's OK. It's OK. It's just that, you know, sometimes you say exactly the right thing."

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A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Blue

......On the back of the carton coasters

In the blue TV screen light

I drew a map of Canada - oh, Canada

With your face sketched on it twice

Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter and so sweet

Oh, I could drink a case of you, darlin'

And I would still be on my feet

Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter

I live in a box of paints

I'm frightened by the devil

And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

I remember that time you told me

You said love is touching souls

Surely you touched mine

'Cause part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time...............

He's really beautiful. I don't always notice. OK, that's not true. I usually notice. But when he's relaxed like this, just driving and humming with the radio, he's really beautiful. And who knew he liked Joni? This song, it fits him.

Every now and then, he peeks over at me, checking to make sure I'm OK. I'm still crying a little, it's coming out now. I can let go a little.

He probably thinks it's all because of him. Have to be sure to let him know it's just everything. How am I going to tell him about Mystique? God, he hates her. Actually, so do I. Should her being my mom change that? Too much to think about, and I'll just cry more.

"Hey."

"Yeah darlin'?"

"How long to the place you mentioned?"

"Twenty hours, longer if the snow keeps up. You gettin' tired?"

"A little, but we can't really stop, can we?"

"It's not safe. Not for the night, not right now. But we're gonna have to stop for supplies before we make the last leg. I got a place in mind."

"OK."

"You doin' all right over there?"

"Yeah, just need to cry it out a little. It's not because of you. That's settled."

"You sure? You can bitch me out some more, I have it comin'."

"Nah. I'm all bitched out."

"Why don't you get some sleep? I know you gotta be beat, and we won't be stoppin' for about ten hours, at least."

"You're really beautiful."

"I'll be the same old ugly bastard when you get up. Go ahead, darlin'. Get some rest."

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Transcendental Blues - Steve Earle

Transcendental Blues

In the darkest hour of the longest night

If it was in my power I'd step into the light

Candles on the altar, penny in your shoe

Walk upon the water - transcendental blues

Happy ever after 'til the day you die

Careful what you ask for, you don't know 'til you try

Hands are in your pockets, starin' at your shoes

Wishin' you could stop it - transcendental blues

If I had it my way, everything would change

Out here on the highway, the rules are still the same

Back roads never carry you where you want 'em to

They leave you standin' there with them transcendental blues

She's out. Like a light. Still cryin' some in her sleep, but not bad. She'll let it all out when she's ready. When she thinks it's safe, when she thinks she's safe.

For a while there, thought she might not wanna fix things between us. We're both frazzled, burnt as hell. Been through too much in not a lotta time. Fuck, she's still not over Arizona, I know that for a fact. We'll get some time at Snowshoe. Tuck her away up there, no one'll be able to find us, and no one'll be able to get there once winter sets in even if they did find us. She'll be OK. She'll be OK.

Shit, a quiet winter will be good for both of us. If we head in by November, come out in March, maybe early April, that'll give us time. Time to get our shit together. Time to teach her to protect herself, defend herself a little better. Time to let things between us get better without -

<Logan.>

"Chuck?"

<Yeah. We're fine.>

<No.>

<Christ. Fine.>

Goddamn telepaths.

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Hanging by a Moment - Lifehouse

No Name Face

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

Standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

I don't know what I'm diving into

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That could change my mind

There is nothing else

"You up?"

"Yeah. God, how long was I asleep?"

"'Bout seven hours."

"The sun came up."

"Yeah. It does that."

"Uh, is something wrong?"

"I got a call from Chuck."

"He called us? Wow. I must've been out, I didn't even hear the cell phone ring."

"Not on the phone. You know, in my head."

"Oh. Is something wrong?"

"Nah. He just wanted to make sure you were OK."

"Oh."

"And he wanted to know if you wanted to go back to the mansion. You know, after everything that's happened. He thought it might be a good idea."

"What do you think?"

"I think we can go back if you wanna, but I don't think it's a good idea, no."

"I feel better, safer with you."

"Well, Chuck thinks that history doesn't really favor me here. He's probably right. They helped me find you, you know. Chuck used Cerebro."

"You called them to help find me?"

"I knew it'd be the fastest way. You coulda been in deep trouble if I hadn't had them to fall back on."

"Why are you saying all this, Logan? Do you want me to go back?"

"I want you to do what you want. What you feel best with."

"But do you want me to go back? Do you want to drop me off there?"

"Huh?"

"Are you saying all this because you want to send me back?"

"Whaddya mean 'send you back'? I ain't sendin' you anywhere. If you wanna go back, we're both goin'."

"Oh, God, you scared the hell out of me for a minute."

"What, you thought I was just gonna ship you back there?"

"Sorry. I just thought....I thought you might me mad at me or something."

"Look, kid, I ain't mad at you. Not for anything that's happened, OK? And I'm not about to let you out of my sight for a second, let alone ship you to another fucking country. Ain't happenin'."

"Whew. You sure?"

"Hell yeah."

"Why'd you bring it up then? Why didn't you just tell the Professor I'd be staying with you?"

"'Cause Chuck said I had to discuss it with you before telling him no."

"Hmm. You didn't have to ask. You could've just told him no."

"Well, that's what I did in the first place, but then I thought you might wanna go back."

"Why would I want to go back?"

"Marie, honey, I hafta tell you, I don't really know what you're thinkin' half the time. I didn't really get a chance to tell you the plan, that we're gonna hole up for the winter. I didn't wanna keep you out here, pack you away in the mountains, if you didn't want that. Not just because that was my plan. I wanted to check with you."

"We're going to spend the winter in the mountains?"

"Yeah. What are you smilin' at so much?"

"You and me, in the mountains. All winter. Surrounded by nothing but snow."

"Yeah....."

"I like the sound of that."

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Promises - Sons of the Desert

Whatever Comes First

.......You promised me honesty and your word was good

And you came through on everything you said you would

You gave your heart, you gave your all, and nothing less

And all you kept were your promises......

<Rogue?>

<Hello, Professor. Logan said you wanted to talk to me.>

<Yes. How are you feeling?>

<I've got a few bumps and bruises, but I'll be just fine.>

<Good. I am glad to hear it. Rogue, I wanted to discuss something with you.>

<Yes. I believe you would be safest here. At least for now.>

<Rogue, may I ask why that is?>

<Yes, that's an apt way of putting it.>

<You're a very determined young woman, Rogue.>

<I'll do my best.>

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All I Want is You - U2

Rattle and Hum

You say you want a diamond on a ring of gold

You say you want your story to remain untold

All the promises we make from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you.....

.....You say you want your love to work out right

To last with me through the night

You say you want a diamond on a ring of gold

Your story to remain untold

Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

All I want is you

"Hey - everything OK with Chuck?" He didn't convince her to go back. Or she wouldn't be smilin' at me like that.

"Yeah. It's weird, you know, to talk to him in my head that way."

"Tell me about it. Made me jump like a scared cat when he called last night. He try to convince you to go back?"

"Yeah. Are we nuts?"

"I can't vouch for myself, darlin', but you seem OK."

"I don't think we're nuts. I think you're a good basket."

"What?" See, this is what I meant when I told her I don't know what she's thinkin' half the time.

"Nothing. He thinks I'm putting all my eggs in one basket staying with you, and I told him maybe, but you're a good basket." She's just earnest as hell sometimes. I like it.

"Huh." Gotta set somethin' straight before we get to talkin' any more. "You know, I wouldn't just ship you off somewhere. I promised that you don't hafta worry about me leavin' anymore."

"I know. You just....you caught me off guard, and I just woke up. I forgot you promised for a minute."

"Well, I'm not gonna forget that promise."

"Good." Damn, I haven't seen that kinda smile in a while. Maybe she's bouncin' back a little. Wait, wait a minute, there goes the smile. Somethin's up.

"Logan? Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Actually, it's a couple somethings."

"OK."

She's takin' a deep breath, sortin' out how to say it. Must be serious.

"There's really no easy way to tell you this, but Mystique, she kidnapped me to tell me that I'm her daughter."

What the fuck?

"I was adopted. My family, my mom and dad in Mississippi, they adopted me when I was only one month old. Mystique, she said she's my birth mother. She said she suspected who I was when Magneto captured me, but she wasn't sure until a few months ago."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Logan? Say something?"

"She's lyin'." Blue bitch playing some kinda head game with her, gotta be.

"I don't think she is." Uh-oh. She looks like she's gonna cry. Fuck, I've seen that look entirely too many times on her lately. I know what to say to make her feel better.

"She has to be lyin'. She just has to be. That can't be true."

"Look, I-I understand if you - I mean, I know you hate her and I understand if you feel weird about me being her daughter."

Shit, shit, shit, I fucked up. Now she thinks I -

"I just, I can't really get my head around it myself, but I thought you should know. I mean, I don't - it's not like I'm going to invite her to dinner or anything, and I know how much you hate her, really - "

"Hey. All I meant was that it can't be possible that somethin' as good as you came from somethin' like her."

Maybe that's better. Shit, I hope so. I really don't know what to say here.

"But, Logan, I did. I-I just know she wasn't lying. I saw her eyes. She.....she was telling the truth."

"Even if it is true, it don't mean nothin'."

"Maybe it does. Maybe it means I'm just like her. At least a little. At least some." She means that. Oh, fuck, that bitch did do a number on her head.

"You couldn't be farther from her if you were on a different fucking planet. Don't think - don't think that it's anything bad on you, even if she is your mother."

"I just don't know what to do about it."

"What do you wanna do about it?"

"I don't know. Kill her? Make her go away? Go back to not knowing? All of the above?"

Wish she'd said somethin' before. Didn't know she was thinkin' about this the whole time.

"We'll figure something out."

"How do you feel about all this?"

"Don't change anything about me and you. Not one bit."

Ooomph. Really gotta try to hang on to the steering wheel when she launches at me like that for a hug. She's strong for her size.

"Thanks."

"Anytime, darlin'."

"Logan - there's one other thing."

"Yeah?" She looks real grave. But hey, no worries. Nothin' can top this shit about Mystique, I'll tell you that now.

"I think Sabretooth knows something about you, about the experiments that were done on you."

Fuck, you'd think I'd know better than to think things that tempt fate like that, huh?

"What did he say?"

"Just that you and he were experimented on the same. I don't really know what that means, or if he's just talking about the general or what, but I got the feeling it was something."

"Fuck." Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck-fuck. Shit.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"We'll figure it out."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks

Fly

.....I wanna sleep on the hard ground

In the comfort of your arms

On a pillow of bluebonnets

In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me, I said

Cowboy take me away

Fly this girl as high as you can

Into the wild blue

Set me free, oh I pray

Closer to heaven above and closer to you

Closer to you

I wanna walk and not run

I wanna skip and not fall

I wanna look at the horizon

And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one

For miles and miles

Except for maybe you

And your simple smile.....

"So once mid-November hits, we probably won't be able to come back out until spring thaw?"

'Right."

"Which is when?

"Usually late March or early April. We get stir-crazy, we might be able to make it down the mountain around mid-march. All depends on the weather."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"How did you get this place?"

"Won it in a fight. 'Coupla years ago. Been there once or twice in the summer. There's some fishin', good spot for a little solitude. Maybe three or four other people in fifty miles."

"Whoa. That's pretty isolated."

"That gonna bother you?"

"No, but I don't think I've ever really been that far away from, you know, people."

"Well, I'll be there."

"Yeah. Ooooh!"

"Huh?"

"Just thinking - I'll have you all to myself for a while. Just think how much of you I can get drawn."

"Hmmm... there's some interestin' possibilities there, darlin'."

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Misguided Angel (live) - Cowboy Junkies

200 More Miles

"Well, this is a song about falling in love with

somebody you probably shouldn't."

Well I said Mama, he's crazy and he scares me

But I want him by my side

Though he's wild and he's bad

He's sometimes just a plain man

And I need him to keep me satisfied

I said, Papa, don't cry, 'cause it's all right

And I see you in some of his ways

Though he might not give me

The life that you wanted

I'll love him the rest of my days

Chorus

Misguided angel hangin' over me

Heart like a Gabriel

Pure and white as ivory

Soul like a Lucifer

Black and cold like a piece of lead

Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead

I said, brother, you speak to me of passion

You said never to settle for anything less

Well, it's in the way he walks

It's in the way he talks

His smile, his anger, and his kisses

And I said, sister don't you understand

He's all I've ever wanted in a man

And Im tired of sittin' alone

By the TV every night

Hoping on finding a mister right

Chorus

He says, baby, don't listen to what they say

There comes a time when you have to break away

He says, baby, there are things

That we all cling to all our lives

It's time to let them go and become my wife

Chorus

OK, so I know Logan isn't everyone's ideal match for me, or me for him. But you know what? He fits me, he really, really fits me.

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London Rain - Heather Nova

Siren

I'm coming home to you

I'm alive, I'm a mess

I can't wait to get home to you

To get warm and undressed

There've been changes beyond my dreams

Everybody wants me to sing

There've been changes beyond my grasp

Things I'm sinking in

So keep me in your bed all day

Nothing heals me like you do

And when somebody knows you well

Well, there's no comfort like that

And when somebody needs you

Well, there's no drug like that..........

"How you doin' darlin?"

"I'm all right."

"Good."

"You keep asking me that every hour or so."

"Just makin' sure."

"Hey, Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saving me. Again."

"That's my job, darlin'."

"You know what?"

"Hmm?"

"I really do feel OK now."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlin

Fumbling Toward Ecstasy

Your love is better than ice cream

Better than anything else that I've tried

Your love is better than ice cream

Everyone here knows how to fight

It's a long way down

It's a long way down to the place where we started from

Your love is better than chocolate

Better than anything else that I've tried

Your love is better than chocolate

Everyone here knows how to cry....

"OK, you weren't kidding when you said it was in the middle of nowhere." This place is the white-trashier version of Wal-Mart. By several degrees. At least they have good taste in piped-in music.

"It's the last store that'll have lots of stuff before we head up. Get whatever you think you'll need for the next four or five months."

"Do we have money for this?"

"We have about $800 to spend on stuff."

"Do we need to get food?"

"Not much. We'll hunt what we need."

Ok, number one - hunt? And number two - "'We?'"

"OK, I'll hunt. You cook."

"You do know I can't cook at all, right?" I love the little smile he tries to hide when I tease him.

"All right, I'll hunt and cook. Just what the hell are you good for, then?"

"Amusing you." And he knows it. Hey! Did he just slap my butt? He did, he just slapped my butt.

Focus on the shopping, Rogue, not the butt-slapping. "We'll need some of these. And I'd like to get some First Aid stuff, you know, for the non-super-healing-mutants."

"Sure, darlin'." Sometimes he's just so cute. Like now. Let's see, this aisle - baby stuff, vitamins -oh. Oh-oh.

"Uh, Logan." I can't believe I'm going to say this, but he said four or five months. Alone. Together. In a little secluded mountain cabin. Alone. "Do, ah, do you think we should get some of these?"

"Condoms?"

"Um, yeah." I have to be about seven different shades of red right now.

"Uh...." OK, I didn't expect this. He looks embarrassed too. Maybe I read him wrong and he's not thinking - "I, ah, hmmm." All right, time to put him out of his misery and bring a screeching halt to what has to be the single most uncomfortable moment of my entire life.

"We-we don't have to, I mean, I was just thinking, you know, that you might want to, um, you know, and we could get some just in case, but if you don't think it's a good idea, or if you don't want to, we don't have to - "

"I think it's a good idea." I've never heard him talk in exactly that tone of voice, slow and deliberate. "We can, uh, get some of these. Is there, ah, any specific kind you like?"

"I don't know what kind I like, I've never - " OK, Rogue, don't say the v-word. That's not gonna make this any less embarrassing. " - used them before."

"OK." Oh, God, he's reaching for a package that says "ribbed for her pleasure." I'd be surprised if there's any part of my entire body that's not blushing. "You know, if you'd, um, like to, you know, use these at some point, I had an idea."

"Yeah?" OK, that's three packages, and I know he's got the healing factor and all, and I realize four or five months is a long time, but -

"You know those little tights you have? The black ones?"

"Yeah....."

"I was thinkin' that somethin' like that would be pretty sturdy and would still be kinda flexible. They'd keep you mostly covered, uh, during, um - "

This man is a genius. "I can go look and see if they have a few more pairs here." Especially since we've now got seven packages with twenty condoms each in the shopping cart.

"OK. Ah, Marie?"

"Yeah?" Let's just slowly steer away from the condom aisle.

"How long have you been thinkin' about this?"

"A little while." You know, constantly.

"I, ah, when I read your journal, you know, when I was sick, it said you weren't ready."

"I know. I'm not sure if I am now, to tell you the truth, but I think I will be before we come back down the mountain, and I just.....I just didn't want to not be able to if we wanted to."

"OK." He looks a little odd. "You know, I'm not gonna, um, do anything. I'm not in a hurry. I'll, ah, let you let me know."

"OK."

"Marie?"

"Yeah?" Maybe we should get some toilet paper. Oh God, I'm going to have to get some tampons too. Great. Most uncomfortable moment number two, coming right up.

"I've been thinkin' about it too."

Wait, stop. Logan had sex thoughts about me? I wanna hear about this. All about this. "For how long?"

"Honest?"

"Yeah." My money is on since we entered the condom aisle.

"Since I picked you up."

Whoa, whoa. I didn't see that one coming. That wasn't in his head at all and -

"Not really that I wanted to have sex with you, not then. But more of a just general wantin' to have you around."

That's maybe the single sweetest thing I've ever heard him say. And he's had a few damn good ones since we've been on the road.

"Marie?"

"Hmmm?"

"You gonna say something?"

"Yeah. Let's go find some tights for me. And - I really, really love you a lot right now."

He's smiling, real big, right out in the open. You know what? I'm gonna make it a point to see how often I can get him to do that from now on. I like it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Don't Wanna Lose You Yet - Steve Earle

Transcendental Blues

Baby it's a cold, hard world out there

Broken-hearted people everywhere

Takin' whatever love they get

I don't wanna wind up like that, so

Chorus

Baby throw your arms around my neck

Lay your pretty head against my chest

Listen to one heartbeat then the next

'Cause baby I don't wanna lose you yet

You know I love you and you love me

It's everything that love's supposed to be

But I don't wanna look up one day

And find out we let it slip away

Chorus

Can't tell you nothin' 'bout love I guess

That you don't already know

But girl, when you're in my arms like this

I don't wanna ever let you go

Chorus

Baby maybe I'm wrong but what if I'm right

And everything's depending on us tonight

Maybe we'll pass this way again

But honey I don't wanna wait 'til then

Chorus

"What's this?"

"I thought I'd make a drawin' for you for a change. I ain't no artist, but I thought you might like it."

"It's beautiful. You draw a good stick figure."

"Thanks."

"Logan - is this really how you see me?"

"Yeah. It's got lots of hair, like you, and a big smile, like you. You know, when I'm not pissin' you off or you're not gettin' kidnapped or nothin'. And big brown eyes. That there - those are supposed to be my tags."

"It's the best present I've ever gotten in my life. It's just beautiful."

"Well that's because you are, darlin'. Even a piss-poor artist like me can't stop that from comin' through."

"How come you're being so sweet to me? Where's the bad-ass I know and love?"

"Dunno, just - I don't wanna lose you. Thought I'll probably fuck up again sooner or later, and I figured I'd better do somethin' to remind you why you might wanna stick around."

"I don't think you could get rid of me if you tried, sugar."

"Just the way I want it."