Pick Your Poison - Chapter Ten Title: Pick Your Poison Author: Terri E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com Rating: R, frank discussions about delicate topics Disclaimer: I only own Zach and Mary - the rest aren't mine. Darn. Can't I just have the big blue one? Archive: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Dolphin Haven Peep Hut - anyone else, please ask and I'll happily provide :) Feedback: Please? Pretty please? Good, bad, and ugly welcome. Summary: Sequel to Chapter Nine. All of the options got written this time, and I'm kind of glad I did it that way since (thanks to Yahoo!Mail) I got a vote very late that would've made it a three-way tie ;) Comments: This is a little late, due to my Dad. Well, actually due to the doctor that performed my Dad's knee replacement surgery who apparently made a little boo-boo, causing my Dad to be rushed to the hospital Sat. morning to get it fixed. He's OK, but he's going to be laid up for a while. Unfortunately, while I can sue his doctor for malpractice, I can't get damages for delaying the fic production schedule ;) Sorry! I'll try to get back on track this week.. ------------------------------------------------- "Hank, you got a minute?" Logan had caught his friend a little off-guard. He was finishing up a late breakfast in the kitchen and thoroughly absorbed by the latest issue of Neuroscience. "Hmmm?" Hank looked up a little, still not quite paying attention. "I need to talk with ya if ya got a minute." Logan repeated, seating himself at the table across from Hank, and letting his coffee cup come to rest with a clank. "Got a problem. Got a coupla problems, actually." That had Hank's full attention. "X-men related problems? Are they headed this way again?" "Nah. Not that I know of. It's a Marie-related problem. And the other one's a Zach-related problem." Logan fixed his eyes on the table and shifted around in his chair. "The Zach problem is the, ah, events leading to the barn collapse?" "Yeah. I should, ah, talk to him 'bout all that. Birds and bees and whatnot." Logan looked like he'd rather be doing just about anything but contemplating that particular talk. "But I was hopin' you'd talk to him too, you know, give him another take on that whole, uh, thing. Just in case I leave anythin' out." "I would be happy to do so - perhaps after dinner this evening?" Hank didn't share Logan's trepidation at the thought of such a talk. In fact, he delighted in performing the role of a surrogate parent. "Is someone speaking with Mary?" "Marie is - I think she's doin' that right now. But I'm sure she'd appreciate a backup talk too. You're a doctor, after all." "It will be my pleasure to assist in this matter." Logan eased a little at that, but Hank still saw tension in his expression. "I suppose that was the easier of the two problems." "Yeah." Logan fidgeted in his seat for a few moments, gazing intently into his coffee cup. "I kinda messed up somethin' with Marie last night. It's a delicate topic, and personal. But I'm kinda at a loss for what to do here, and Marie suggested talkin' to you this mornin' if I still didn't feel quite right about it. I don't feel right 'bout it." "What happened?" Hank unconsciously cast the scientific magazine aside and leaned across the table toward Logan. "We were, you know, together last night and I got a little - well, not like I usually am with her. A little wilder, a little rougher." "Rougher?" Concern was evident in the question. While Hank couldn't imagine Logan harming Marie, he didn't like the very sad look on Logan's face now. "Rougher," Logan confirmed. "I left a mark or two on her. Not - not enough to hurt her, but it's there and the whole time I kinda wasn't payin' too much attention to her. I was focusin', uh, more on myself. Marie - she said it was OK. Well, after she freaked out 'cause I jumped outta bed when we were done and I made her think she'd done somethin' wrong." He ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "She got real upset and hid in the blankets and started askin' what was wrong with her, didn't I like what we did? I think I finally got it through that everythin' was OK, that I was just worried 'bout how I was, nothin' 'bout her. She said she wanted us bein' together, you know, like that, to be for me for a change 'cause it's always been for her before. I dunno 'bout that. I mean, it should be about her. She needs to feel love, not - not lust. I don't wanna go messin' anythin' up now that she's finally talkin'. I don't wanna make a mistake. Marie, she said I should float it past you if I was still worried. Whaddya think?" "Hmmm," Hank considered, taking a sip of his coffee. "I do not think there is any cause for great alarm. If Marie is feeling all right with what transpired between you, and we are not talking about anything more than a minor bruise or two, I think that you have nothing to worry about. It is quite common to, ah, enjoy the purely sexual aspects of a relationship, and, indeed, it is a healthy response. In fact, Marie's desire to, ah, give, as it were, rather than just receiving, is a good sign, a sign that she is feeling more comfortable and is able to be more assertive in your relationship. As long as you both consent to your activities, I do not think there is a problem." "But that's just it - is she consentin'? I mean, I know what you said before when we first started gettin' together - she's mentally OK in the eyes of the law and doctors, but what if she's just doin' this as payback or 'cause she feels like she owes me? I don't want that." "Ah. Well, it is likely that she has feelings of gratitude toward you, and would wish to please you. But I do not believe that that necessarily means that she is acting under duress. If she is able to see that you are deriving happiness, pleasure from her actions, it may give her a sense of satisfaction, a sense of more equal participation in the relationship." Logan digested that for a moment. "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" Hank sat back in his chair and gave Logan a broad, friendly smile. "I would stop worrying, my friend, and enjoy the fact that Marie is healing and making such wonderful progress. Things of an intimate nature will work themselves out in time, and I believe that your strong instincts to protect and do right by Marie will prevent against any serious misconduct in that area. I suppose what I am saying is - trust your instincts, and enjoy being with Marie." Every muscle in Logan's body eased with that. Hank could tell he'd gotten through to him. "Thanks." The men exchanged gruff nods. "I gotta go find Zach." Hank chuckled as Logan rose, tension gathering in his features once again. "That may be the more troublesome problem after all. Good luck." Logan gave him a sardonic smile, before venturing out to find his young charge. Back in Westchester, Scott was attempting a similarly serious talk with Jean over the remnants of lunch. "All I'm saying is that I can tell something's wrong and I want you to know you can trust me with whatever it is. You've been on edge for a long time now, and I - " "I'm not on edge," Jean said, rising from the table to clear away her plates. "And the only thing wrong is that I'm tired of hearing what an awful job I did with Rogue." "It's apparently Marie now, and no one's said you did a horrible job. We all know you tried your best, honey." "Then why are you pushing me to discuss it?" "It just seems like you get tense whenever I mention it. It seems like something's bothering you." "I thought I was the telepath," Jean remarked. Scott didn't respond, and she turned to look at him. Judging from his expression, he'd been upset by that comment. "Sorry. I didn't mean anything by that. I have a lot of work in the lab today. I'll see you at dinner." "Jean - wait - let's talk about this. Jean - " "Not now," she said, a little more gently. "I'll see you later." Jean resolutely turned away from Scott and headed for the lab, fighting back tears. It felt like everything was falling apart. Ever since they'd found Rogue, ever since McCoy's documents arrived, she'd felt under attack. It was partly her own paranoia, she knew. She'd destroyed all of the electronic and paper records of her mistake, and there was no way anyone would find out what had happened. Or at least they wouldn't be able to prove anything, she thought. It had all happened so fast that night - Rogue being brought in, completely out of it and so very violent. Jean remembered being terrified that Rogue's skin would touch hers. That kind of invasion of body and mind was her worst nightmare. It held too many echoes of when she first began to manifest as a telepath, when she didn't know how to keep the voices and thoughts of others out of her head. Sometimes they were horrific, disgusting thoughts, and she didn't want to imagine what Sabretooth's might have been like or take the chance they might bleed over from Rogue's mind should she touch her. Jean gave up trying to push the thoughts of that night back and let herself replay the moment of the mistake. She'd been getting the sedative together and preparing to administer the mutatol as well. She knew Rogue would need a massive dose of the sedative if she had, in fact, inherited Sabretooth's powers. It had been a simple mistake, really. She hadn't meant to prepare an equally large dose of the mutatol. It was just that she got distracted - in all the chaos and worry over being touched by an out-of-control, malicious Rogue she had one moment of inattention. Just one small moment. It all happened so fast. Thinking back on it now, Jean reassured herself that she'd done the right thing. It was a simple mistake, but Jean Grey didn't make mistakes, especially not in the emergency room. If they knew, she thought, they'd never trust her to treat them again. None of them would. Wasn't it better, wasn't it for the greater good, that she have the confidence of the students and staff so that they would trust her to help them when they needed it? And we can't be sure, Jean thought, that the initial load of mutatol was what pushed Rogue over the edge. All the other doses were normal strength, and her response seemed just as poor. Even if McCoy's suppositions about the drug are true, there's no way of knowing whether Rogue wouldn't have been just as unable to recover, just as violent, just as unmanageable. No, she decided, no one needs to know, especially not now. There's no changing the past, and besides, there's no real harm done. Rogue is recovering nicely now. It's over, Jean told herself. The records were gone, she could shield from the Professor and Scott, and the only one who might be able to smell a lie on her - Logan - was thousands of miles away and very inclined to stay that way. It's over, she told herself again, stop worrying about it. Turning her attention back to her work, Jean resolutely pushed those thoughts from her mind. "So, uh, what I'm sayin' is you gotta, you know, be responsible about that kinda stuff. I ain't gonna tell ya not to do it 'cause - well, 'cause I ain't. But I'm tellin' ya to be careful and not just in the sex way to avoid makin' a baby either. She's younger than you, and she's been through a shitload of trauma. Sure, she might wanna kiss and hold hands and do, ah, other things with hands, other touching things, but you're the more stable one, you're the man. You gotta be the responsible one. Got it?" Zach fidgeted in his bedroom chair as Logan paced back and forth in front of him. He'd expected some kind of reprimand because of the barn incident, but getting the sex talk from Logan wasn't what he'd expected at all. At least not one this elaborate. Something along the lines of - "Quit screwing around in my barn!" - was what he'd pictured. "Uh-huh." Logan raised an eyebrow at him as he continued pacing. "Don't say uh-huh if you don't agree. Say somethin' else, and we'll, you know, discuss it or somethin'. Or you can discuss with someone else." "Is Hank around?" Zach choked out. "Yeah, he's gonna come up and give ya his talk after dinner." "Whew." Zach noticed that eyebrow of Logan's creep up again. "I mean, uh, he's a doctor and he'll use, you know, his medical knowledge to help me out here. Not that - not that you don't have knowledge, I just - uh - " Logan smirked and decided to let him off the hook. "I know what you mean. Sometimes you gotta ask a doctor." "Yeah. Yeah." "So, ah, you like Mary then? Or is this kinda an exploration thing?" He'd stopped pacing, and he was looking at Zach appraisingly. "'Cause I know, believe me I know, sometimes you just wanna look around, get the lay of the land, get some experience behind ya, see what's what. 'Specially when you're just gettin' goin' inta this, ah, sex thing. But those're two different things. If it's a like thing, then there's different rules than if it's just an explorin' thing." "Um, what do you mean? I mean, I think - I think it's a like thing, but I'm, uh, also curious, you know, about the land and how it lays. I mean lies. I mean - " Zach had turned completely red by that point, and Logan decided to bail him out a little again. "I getcha. And I'm gonna help you out here. Hank'll probably tell ya the same thing too. If it's a like thing, then you gotta think with your brain, got me? Can't let any other parts do the thinkin' 'cause that leads to problems. You gotta, you know, talk to her and figure out if it's a like thing for her or just an explorin' thing. You gotta - " "You don't think - you don't think she's just exploring, do you? Because I go the feeling that she really liked me and she acted like she did and what if she doesn't, then what - " "Whoa, whoa, there." Logan held up one hand in a 'stop' gesture, cutting Zach off. "This is what I'm sayin'. Don't guess. Talk. Trust me, it's not as painful as it sounds at first." Zach nodded along. "Good. Then, if both of you like each other, you just gotta remember a coupla things to be sure that'll go OK. Play straight with one another, don't fuck around on her, protect her, and think about what she wants, what she needs some of the time. Got it?" "Got it. That's - that's good advice, sir." "Yeah." Logan exhaled. The talk was over. Hank can cover the rest, Logan thought. I'm not getting into condoms and pregnancy and - "Is that how it is with you and Miss Marie? I mean, is that why you two get along so well? Because you followed those rules?" Logan's expression softened at Zach's earnest question. "I guess so. Mosta the time, we work things out pretty good. I got a good woman there, and that's part of it too, findin' someone who's a good person. Mary seems like a good one." Zach beamed at that, and Logan recognized it for what it was - getting your father's (or pseudo-father, in this case) approval of your choice of mate. Logan had never known what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that feeling, but he was glad he could give that experience to Zach now. "Thanks, sir." "No problem. See ya later." Logan left the room feeling much lighter than he had all day. Things were working out, he thought, x-men visits, sex screw-ups, and barn collapses notwithstanding. "He's probably freaking out! I mean, one little kiss and - poof! I totally lose control!" Mary dabbed at her eye with a Kleenex while Marie patted her hand. Marie shook her head a little to contradict Mary's words. "He's been really nice about it and all, but I'm sure he's thinking - what a freak!" Marie shook her head a little harder. "Oh, I've messed everything all up, I just know it." Marie shook her head yet again, and grabbed for the notepad and pencil she'd brought with her. She'd hoped she'd feel OK talking to the kids - Logan had said they were safe - but she wasn't sure if she'd be ready, willing, and able to get out everything Mary needed to hear. She scribbled some words on the paper, then handed it to Mary. "He understands?" Mary read aloud. "Do - do you really think so?" Marie nodded vigorously. "I - I don't know.." Marie grabbed the paper back and wrote more words, then turned it upside down for Mary to see. "It's worth a try. He's a good young man." Mary just frowned and fidgeted after reading the words. She looked unconvinced. Marie simply gave her a questioning look, then an alarmed one, as Mary's eyes began to tear up. "Oh, Marie," she cried. "I just don't - I don't know what I was thinking. He - he doesn't know anything about what happened to me, about what people did to me. I can't tell him. I can't ever tell him and he doesn't deserve to - he'll just think I'm dirty and he doesn't deserve to have someone like that. He *is* a good man, he is, and he's been so nice to me this whole time and even when it happened and after and I - " Mary broke off into sobs and Marie gently gathered her to rest her head on her shoulder. She made small shushing noises and rocked the younger girl while trying to think of how to say what Mary needed to hear. After Mary calmed a little, Marie parted from her, then wrote quickly on the pad, filling up several note pages. She handed it to Mary to read with a determined and sympathetic look on her face. "It's your decision whether to tell Zach about before, and how much to tell him and when. I think he will understand. He knows it doesn't make you bad. It's not your fault, no one thinks that except the kind of people who like to hurt other people. I don't think it, Logan doesn't think it, Hank doesn't think it, and neither will Zach. You deserve to be happy. You're a good person. You're not a freak, don't ever think that. You're not." Mary paused, having run out of words on paper, only to be handed another stack of paper with fresh writing from Marie. "I used to think for a long time that I was bad, because I was different. Because there were things wrong with me. I learned that I'm not bad, not because of the things wrong or because of my mutation. I'm just like you - I can't control it either, and I could kill someone with it. I've been on the road, like you. I've had bad things happen to me too. But it doesn't mean I'm bad and it doesn't mean you're bad either." Mary looked up to see Marie giving her a definitive nod and one last stack of papers. "I'm not saying you have to fall in love with Zach or tell him everything about your past. It's up to you. I'm saying - don't give up on the chance to find happiness, to live your life like you want. You don't have to live afraid. You can be yourself. Logan and I will always be here to support you. Hank too. Take a chance, Mary. It's worth it. And we'll all be here to catch you if it doesn't work out. I think it will. Take a chance." Mary hugged Marie tightly. "Thank you. Thanks." Marie pulled back to give her a questioning look. "I'll - I'll try. I don't think - I don't think I can handle telling him and everything, not yet, but I'll try it. I'll try." That earned Mary a huge grin from Marie. She let Mary go, reaching for the pad yet again. Marie dashed off a quick note then handed it to her. Mary read it silently, then blushed. "Yes, I do want to talk a little bit about the sex stuff," she said shyly. "Just in case one day we ever - you know. I'd like to know." Marie nodded, and reached for the pad again. The Professor sat in his office, looking out upon the grounds. He'd been mulling over the debrief from Jubilee and Kitty for quite some time now, trying to decide what to do about the facts they'd uncovered. He had come to a few decisions. He'd picked up a stray thought from Jubilee about the girls' plan to self-experiment using the mutatol, to try to prove Dr. McCoy's assertions. He'd warned them against it, of course, and thought that they would heed his advice in this matter, especially since he had promised to fully look into it himself. That had prompted his decision to contact an independent lab to do the tests, one funded by Xavier's family and one that would keep things quiet. He did not share that information with the girls, or with Jean for that matter. Another decision he'd reached was that they needed to discern what Logan was doing with the mutant children he was apparently taking in. Were they receiving proper care? Proper schooling? What was Logan telling them about the x-men? Did he promote mutant-human understanding, separation, or warfare? These questions plagued the Professor the most. The idea of Logan building a mini-Brotherhood in order to seek revenge upon the x-men for the mistreatment he perceived they had visited upon Rogue was a very disconcerting one. Just how to obtain that information was something the Professor had not decided upon, although he was leaning toward attempting some covert reconnaissance. The direct approach had not worked well, and even the girls seemed no longer welcome at Logan's door. And Xavier doubted that he himself would be of any use - Logan seemed to blame him the most for what had happened to Rogue, since she was technically still a minor in his care at the time. That suddenly prompted an idea. Perhaps he had been going about this all wrong. Perhaps what he needed to do was disregard Logan for the moment, and approach one of the children staying there. According to Jubilee and Kitty, not many of the children had seen them. None had seen Bobby, Remy, or St. John, that was certain. Yes, Xavier thought, perhaps an approach through one of the children, casually making friends with one of Logan's residents and filtering information back - perhaps that would do the trick. Xavier was excited by the idea, but he resolved to think it through carefully before acting. He could not afford to waste another opportunity or to make another mistake. Perhaps he should talk things through with Scott, get another perspective, someone to help him analyze the idea and create the plan. Scott was biased, and more than a little, but Xavier believed he could keep his objectivity and he had excellent strategic skills. Yes, Xavier thought, we will pursue this option. We will form a plan. And then, we will have the information we need to decide what action to take next. He sat back in his chair, satisfied. "Are there any more questions? I would be happy to discuss the relative merits of the different forms of birth control if you like." Hank smiled at Zach a little to encourage him. "Ah, no - no thanks. I don't think we're quite there yet, you know. But I will - I'll come and talk to you if that gets, you know, imminent." "Very well." Hank rose to leave, but Zach stopped him with a hand to his forearm. "Yes?" "Can I ask you some non-medical questions? And maybe - maybe some questions about Mary specifically?" Hank nodded, and sat back down. "I know you can't tell me, uh, the medical stuff about her, but I know she was probably hurt, and not in a nice way, if you know what I mean." Hank frowned, neither confirming nor denying Zach's suspicions. Zach pressed on. "If - if that's the case, if someone you kind of liked and wanted to, you know, be with as a girlfriend went through something like that - well, I was just wondering how to act with her. Mr. Logan gave me some good advice but - but I didn't want to ask him because that's kind of personal, you know, between him and Ms. Marie, because I know she was hurt too, but in a different way, and - and I just didn't want to intrude. But I could kind of use a guy perspective on that. Just - just, you know, in the hypothetical case that that might be something that someone I might possibly be interested as a girlfriend in would, um, have." Hank said nothing for a moment, and furrowed his brow. "Did that make any sense?" "Yes," Hank answered kindly, pulling out of his thoughts. "I should tell you, Zach, that I do not have encyclopedic knowledge of inter-personal relationships of the romantic kind. My actual experience in that area is somewhat limited, and I have never faced the, ah, hypothetical situation you are proposing." "But what would you do if you did? I mean, you're - you're a really smart guy and a *good* guy and I really trust your judgment. I - I don't have encyclopedia knowledge in this either." "Encyclopedic is the adjective," Hank gently corrected. "Very well. I suppose I would proceed in both physical and emotional matters slowly and incrementally, taking my cues from my partner to help determine her comfort level. I would encourage communication. I would try to convey my support for her. But most of all, I suppose that I would go to great pains to make it seem as though I were *not* going to great pains. I would want her to feel normal, and not to feel as though I were being especially cautious due to my perception of her emotional state. Does that make sense?" "A lot," Zach sighed in relief. "Thanks, Dr. McCoy. You know, you give great advice." "You are quite welcome, and thank you." Hank smiled at the young man. He was really quite proud of all of the children, but especially Zach and especially at this moment. "I am off to bed now. Please feel free to call upon me if you wish to discuss things further." He'd already completed his talk with Mary, and, although he was very glad to be of service to both the kids, he was getting tired. "Good night." "Good night, Dr. McCoy," Zach answered, already climbing into bed himself. As Hank shut the door, a strong surge of affection went through him. These kids had added so much to his otherwise sparse emotional life. He felt privileged to be able to help care for them, and grateful for the chance to be at least a surrogate parent to them. Smiling once more at the closed door, Hank went off to bed. "So, uh, that was OK?" Marie nodded vigorously. "You sure?" Another animated nod. "'Cause, you know, I really liked that." Now, Marie was wearing a big smile and blushing. That, combined with her current topless state and the memories of the very pleasurable activities they'd just finished, made Logan more than a little excited. "Me too." "You did? Um, well, good. Good. Maybe we can do that again sometime." Warmth bled through his whole body at the thought, and the urge to go again was making itself felt. "What wouldya like to do now?" Marie frowned a little, thinking. "'Cause I got to pick one, so now it's you. I could do kinda what you just did for me there, if you wanna." That caused her to blush wildly, but she also nodded. "OK. Just lay back. I'm gonna - " Marie halted his movements with a small, gloved hand. "Darlin'?" "Love you." He opened his mouth to respond in kind, but she shushed him with a finger. "Let me say it. I love you, Logan. A lot. I love you. I want to be with you all the time and I want to make you happy. I want you to always be happy with me. I'm really happy with you." "That's real sweet, darlin'." He settled himself on top of her and stroked her hair a little bit. "I'm very happy with you. I always have been, you know?" Her eyebrows knitted together at that. "It was hard, though, before, wasn't it? When I was." She trailed off, averting her eyes a bit, but Logan knew what she meant. "Nah. I'd look over at you then and think - thank God she's with me, thank God I got her outta there. I was so happy you were still alive and I just knew you'd get better. I just knew it, in my gut. I dunno what I'd do if I hadta be without you. Darlin', I can't remember a time that I was ever happy outside of the times I've been with you. I know I ain't a gushy kinda guy, but you gotta know that you're everythin' to me. Just everythin'." She smiled at that, and he leaned down for a quick kiss, touching his bare lips to hers. "Come on now, lemme show ya." He gave her a playful wink, and began tending to her. Soooo......it's time to pick your poison, and this time there's no talk, all action ;) 1) Jubes and Kitty ignore the Professor's warning and experiment on themselves with mutatol 2) Xavier and Scott send Bobby to Canada to connect with one of the young residents of Logan's house 3) Scott discovers Jean's 'mistake' and confronts her on it And the winner is #3.......NEXT