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Title:
Every Two Weeks: Gifts Given and Received
Author:
Terri
Disclaimer:
I don't own anybody but Jack, who is from Eighteen Different Beers to Find
a Favorite. He somehow wound up in this little universe too.
Rating:
PG-13
Archive:
Ask, and I will gladly give
Feedback:
Please! Pretty please?
Summary:
Sequel to The Heart Has Its Reasons. Logan finds his past, and gets
a job. Rogue helps.
Comments:
Did I mention that this was going to be a sweet, foofy series? 'Cause
maybe I should've said that. The other potential series, the one that's
my brbf's favorite is darker and angstier with more action, and if I start
that one too, it'll balance this one out. If not, well, you're stuck
with the light foofiness. Sorry. They just get to deal with some
day-to-day problems here, nothing too heavy, and they're remarkably angst-free
(well, you know, for them) while they do it. Also - this one is dedicated
to Rachel - who provided the 'tool of the patriarchy' line that Rogue says
here. Hope you don't mind me plagiarizing (um, borrowing, I mean borrowing,
yeah) from your My Girl feedback :)
---------------------------------------------------------------- "I like
this one." We've been shoppin' for campers for two days. I knew
it wouldn't take too long to get the money for one, but we got pretty lucky
runnin' into that tournament on the way up. I won, of course, and the
purse was over $7,000. Pretty damn good for a day's work, and plenty
to cover a used camper. Hard on Marie to make the money this way -
she hates watchin' me fight and every time I'd take a look over at her, she'd
have this real pained expression on her face - but we're makin' some headway.
I hope gettin' her to pick out the camper'll make her feel a little better.
"It's nice.
And I think it'll fit the truck. We can afford it."
"The bunk
is pretty small, but I don't mind if it's a little cozy." That's for
damn sure. She plasters herself to me every night in bed. Weird
sleepin' like that at first, but I'm pretty used to it now. Still worry
about the claws comin' out at night some, but it hasn't happened so far.
"Me either.
Whaddya think? Should we get it then?"
"Yeah.
Yeah, I think this is the one." She looks pretty cute today - that
green scarf is rapidly becomin' a favorite.
"OK, then.
Let's go see the guy."
"We have
a camper." She's all excited now that it's on. She's even bouncin'
up and down in her seat a little the past few miles.
"Yeah, we
do."
"It's -
it's like our first big thing together, a camper."
"Yeah." Big
smile, happy smile. I noticed right away that things we do or have
'together' make her really happy for some reason. At first, I thought
it was 'cause she still might not be too sure of me - you know, gettin' 'together'
stuff and doin' 'together' things might make her a little more sure that
I wasn't gonna get rid of her or somethin'. But then I started to worry
that she was unhappy because she was worryin' about that, so I said somethin'
and she said it wasn't that. She said some stuff about us bein' together
just makin' her happy and she liked it when we did stuff that made us a 'we'
because that's how she felt, really a lot. I think the gist of it was
that she likes to do stuff and have stuff together, simple as that.
So I decided to quit worryin' and just be happy that she was happy.
"It's the
Logan and Marie camper." It's actually kinda amusin' that she likes
it so much. Gotta tease her a little 'bout that.
"How much
coffee *did* you have with breakfast?"
"Hey!"
Playful little swat of her arm. "How much longer to the province line?"
"'Bout an
hour." We've been takin' our sweet old time getting' to Alkalai Lake.
Shoulda taken about three days, but it's been a couple weeks. She hasn't
asked why I'm not in more of a hurry, and I'm glad. I wouldn't really
know what to tell her. I wanna know about my past. I do.
But I don't want my life to change right now. This - drivin' around,
fightin', spendin' time with Marie - it's pretty good. Truth is, I'm
scared. I'm scared that I'm gonna find somethin' at that place that's
gonna change how my life is. I don't want that. But I do wanna
know. "From there, about another two hours or so."
"Are you
sure you don't want me to go with you?"
"Yeah.
I'd rather go alone." I know she likes together things, but not this.
Not this.
"OK.
If you're sure."
"I am.
Could be some rough sights to see in there, and I'd just a soon you don't
see 'em." Plus, I wanna find out myself first. It's - I don't
have any illusions about what kinda bad shit about my past might be hiding
in there, and I'd just as soon have a chance to decide whether to tell Marie
about that shit or not. Insteada her just stumblin' over it or somethin'.
'Cause I don't mean to be dishonest, or to hide shit from her, but I'd just
as soon never hafta see her look at me with horror or disgust for shit I did
before that I can't even remember now. I mean, those things - whatever's
back there - it don't mean nothin' about what I'm like now. It don't.
"OK.
Be careful, all right?" Reachin' out to squeeze my arm. She's
been more touchy lately and that's good. It's a sign that she's not
always so scared of what her skin's gonna do, and it's a sign that she's
gettin' pretty comfortable bein' in close quarters with me. I woke
up this mornin' with her runnin' one hand up and down my arm. Nice
wake up call, that's for sure. That's - that's exactly the kinda thing
I don't want to change.
"I will,
honey."
OK, Logan,
just go in. You're a badass motherfucker, and whatever's in there, you
can handle it. It's just an abandoned building, that's all. Just
go in.
Maybe I
should go back and check on Marie. I mean, I left her in the truck,
which I think is safe but maybe I should just check to be sure. Only
take me about ten minutes to walk back and - no, no, just go in. Just
face it.
This place
still smells medical. I fuckin' hate that smell. Looks like they
left in a hurry when they left here. Didn't take time to destroy a
lotta shit and you'd think - whoa. Whoa. That - I've seen that
in nightmares, that tank. All busted up and down on it's side now,
but I'm sure it's the same tank. Fuck. You know, part of me was
hopin' my subconscious just made some of that shit up.
Records,
focus on lookin' for records. That's what Chuck said might have some
information. Look for the records. There's - that looks like
it mighta been an office. In there. I bet there's stuff in there.
Hmm.
Old paper files. I wonder what I'd be filed under - Wolverine, I guess.
I mean that's the name on the tags, the name they called me, I bet - shit.
Shit. There it is. A file that says "Wolverine." Layin'
right there on the floor with papers and shit spillin' out of it. Fuck.
Last chance.
Last chance, Logan. Last chance not to know. Last chance to take
what you have now, the good and bad in your life, take it and walk away.
Fuck what might be behind door number three. Shit. Shit.
I think - I think I gotta know. I just gotta know.
Subject Wolverine
has completed the structural reinforcements previously scheduled. Subject's
mutation has performed above expectations. Subject's mental state, however,
has deteriorated. Suggest psychotropic..
Fuck, fuckin'
paper's all ripped up. Fuck. There's more in here, though.
..Wolverine
destroyed subject Phase in under two minutes. Claw reinforcements performed
above expectations. Subject then had to be subdued via tranquilizer.
Subject destroyed subject Persephone in..
What'd they
do? Match me up against some other poor fuckin' mutants? Let
us go at it like two animals in a - shit! Shit! Like two animals
in a cage. Fuck.
Subject performed
required activities and eliminated target as well as target's wife, daughter,
and nanny. Subject did not return to base when return signal was activated,
however. Subject's homing device was subsequently found to have been
ripped from his skull by....
There it
is. There it is. That's what you were. A killer.
A child killer. That's what you were.
.....subject
killed twelve armed guards before being sufficiently subdued to return to
base.
Well, good,
at least I took some of those bastards out.
Subject
refused to follow regime. Subject refused....
Shit!
That's it. That's all it says. Fuck! There's gotta be more.
There's gotta be more somewhere around here - there's just gotta. There's
- there's..shit. Good God, what am I gonna do now? There's -
there's no names, no sign of who the bastards that did this were. I
don't even - I don't even see any charts or x-rays or shit of what they did
to me. Goddammit! ARRRGGHHHH!!
Whoa.
Whoa. Calm down. Calm down. Can't lose it. Can't
lose it. I've gotta - I've gotta destroy this file. No one -
and especially not Marie - ever needs to know about this shit. That
I was a murderer, that I killed children, that I - God, that I fought other
people in a cage for the amusement of a bunch of sick motherfuckers just
like I do now. It's not all them. It's not all what they made
me. It's partly me. Shit, it's partly me that's like that 'cause
I still fuckin' do it. Fuck!
Well, I'm
not - I'm not gonna be that way now. I'm not. So Marie
- she's - she's safe with me, she is. I wouldn't hurt her, not ever,
no matter who did what to me. I'm not gonna be that way now, and she
don't need to know.
"Hey.
How'd it go?"
"Fine."
Got to try to keep my face neutral. Took my time walkin' back to the
truck. Got to not give anythin' away that'll make her worry any more
than she already is. I can tell by the look on her face that she's
pickin' up on somethin'.
"Did you
find anything?"
"No.
Nothin'." Just gonna start up the truck and get goin'. Drivin'
- that's normal, that'll work.
"I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry." And she is. I can tell she's really, genuinely
sad for me. That makes me feel like shit, lyin' to her like this.
"Yeah."
Just gonna drive, just -
"Wait -
Logan - " And now she's huggin' me, real gentle, real nice. I
feel like such an asshole. "I'm really sorry you didn't find anything.
I know it meant a lot to you."
"Yeah."
I know I shouldn't hug her back like this, but -
"Whatever
- whatever happened before, LoganYou know I'll always love you, right?
You know that don't you?" Ah, darlin'..easy for you to say that now,
when I'm your hero, not some child-murderin' monster. But part of my
gut is sayin' she might - no, no, don't think like that. "Logan?"
"Yeah, honey,
I know." Not ready to let go just yet.
"I'm sorry
it didn't work out."
"It's OK.
It's OK. Maybe - maybe it's better left alone, you know? Maybethere
could be some bad shit in there and maybe it's better left alone."
Shit, how'd that come outta my mouth? Shouldnta said that. She'll
know somethin's -
"Hey."
Pullin' away a little to get a look at my face. Yeah, she knows somethin's
up now. Way to go. Fuck. "It's - if there's ever anything
you need to tell me, if you do find something and it's bad, even - even if
it's very, very bad - you can tell me. I don't - I love you enough
to deal with it, absolutely. I do." She does know somethin's
up. She knows.
"Marie,
I - I coulda done some bad shit, you know? More than - worse than you're
thinkin' about."
"It's OK."
Real soft voice, gentle eyes. I almost believe that. I almost
wanna tell her what was in there. But even if she says - "Logan, please?
Tell me what's going on, OK? Just tell me what you found."
Shit.
She's askin' and I can't really lie to her right out like that. Keepin'
her from knowin' - well that's one thing, but lyin' about it to her face when
she's askin', that's harder than I thought. Fuck. "What - what
would you think if I told you that they had me do things - kill people?"
"I'd hate
them for it. I'd hate them for it a lot. And I'd feel sorry for
the people you killed. But Logan - it - it wasn't you. Not how
you are now, not how you really are." She seems so damn sure of that.
"Maybe it
is. Maybe I still do things now that I did then - like fightin'.
Maybe how I really am is really, really bad. Maybe that's why they
took me."
"I don't
believe that. How you are is really, really good. It is.
You - "
"You're just
sayin' that 'cause I saved your life and shit. Because I've been good
to you." Gotta push her away from me a little even though I know I'm
gonna see hurt in those big brown eyes. 'Cause if I keep this up, I'm
gonna tell her everythin', I know it.
"Logan, please.
It's not - it's in you. What you did for me, that came out of you and
it's good. You're a good person, you are. What they made you
do - killing people isn't something you'd just normally do, not for no reason,
not to meet someone else's agenda. I know it."
"Let's not
- I don't wanna talk about it any more. Let's just drive."
"Wait -
let me - let me just say one more thing. A couple more things.
You - you can tell me anything. I mean that. Anything, no matter
how bad. And whatever it is, whatever you say, I'll still love you.
I can give that to you. I promise. You promised to take care
of me, and this is how I'm going to take care of you. That's - that's
my promise to you."
"Marie -
" Promises mean somethin' to her and that's a big one to make.
She can't know what she's gettin' into, sayin' that. She has to -
"You can
tell me. I won't - I won't make you, but you can tell me."
She looks
so sure about that. So damn sure. And she's heard some of it.
That 'what if' shit don't fool her. Maybe, maybe I could"I..I killed
people Marie. Children too. Other mutants. I'm - they used
me for that. They used me to kill." There it is. Out.
Just like that.
"Logan, I'm
so sorry." Huggin' me. I'm kinda surprised and kinda not.
Somethin' - somethin' about her made me tell her. I just looked at
her and she made it seem OK to tell her not ten minutes after I was swearin'
to myself and any Gods that might give a shit that she'd never know.
How - how'd she do that? "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve what
they did to you and I'm so sorry it happened."
"Marie?"
She promised, but she's not sayin' -
"I love
you. I love you, Logan. A lot." Whew. OK. That
wasthat was OK.
"Thanks."
Squeezin' me real tight and I'm squeezin' back pretty good too.
"Hey, I'm
- I'm sorry about what happened, but - but we're here now, we've got each
other. We're both - we're both safe and well. And, you know,
we've got a pretty spiffy camper." Tryin' so hard to cheer me up a little.
It's workin'. "I'm sorry about what happened, but we're OK and things
are pretty good."
"Yeah, yeah
they are. Kiss me." Oops.
"What?"
"Nothin'.
Nothin'." Didn't mean to spring that one on her. I mean, she
said she loves me, but I know the physical stuff is a little different.
"You said
'kiss me'."
"It just
popped out."
She's not
sayin' nothin' to that. Well, good one, Logan. Ask her to kiss
you after all this shit - that's gotta be the single most stupid thing -
"Can I?"
"Yeah, honey."
I dunno if she means with or without protection, but either way is fine by
me right now.
"OK."
Twistin' her scarf in her hands. She's gonna use that. "I might
not - I might not do it right." Shy all of a sudden. That's what
gets me. Two minutes ago, she was all confidence and she was totally
carryin' us both through all that crap, and now she's all flustered at the
thought of kissin' me.
"Kiss me,
Marie." I'm pretty damn sure however she does it will be plenty all right
with me.
Little smile
and - oh, yes. That's nice. She's doin' it pretty good.
The scarf is pretty thin, thin enough to feel the heat of her lips. Very
nice, yes - wait - don't - that wasn't enough.
"Was that
OK?" Lookin' at me like that, all cute and lips red from me kissin'
'em - that just makes me wanna grab her and throw her in the Logan and Marie
camper and do all kindsa things. I wanna show her - *show* her how
much I love her so bad. But I know it'd be too much, just too much
right now. Probably for the both of us, to tell the truth.
"Very OK.
Kiss me some more."
Big smile
now. I could get used to this. Marie-hugs. Marie-kisses.
Marie-love no matter what. I sure as hell don't deserve it, I don't
know how I got lucky enough to have it, and given what shit I just found
out, it should probably be taken away from me, pronto, but I wanna keep it.
I wanna keep it.
"Maybe you'd
like carpentry."
"Maybe."
It's been two weeks since Alkalai Lake and fightin' is gettin' harder and
harder. Every time I do it, it reminds me of what they did with me.
Yeah, the money's good, but it's buggin' the shit outta me. We gotta
think of somethin' else for me to do to support us. There ain't much
else I've ever done or am too good at.
"You know
- "
"No.
No way, Marie." I can tell by her tone of voice, she's gonna suggest
her workin'. I said no. I meant no.
"Logan,
I love you, but you *are* a total tool of the patriarchy." Huh?
"Why can't I work?"
"Because
I don't want you to waitress - I don't want guys checkin' out your ass and
pinchin' ya and shit."
"I don't
necessarily have to waitress. I can do other things."
"I don't
want you to have to worry about bringin' money in. That's my job."
Even if I don't know what exactly she said I was a tool of.
"What's
my job then?"
"Sit there.
Be happy." Just be Marie.
"Seems like
I'm getting the better end of that deal."
"Look, Marie
- "
"At least
let me - "
"No. No
way."
"Hmph."
Now she's pouting. I don't thinks she's really mad, not really, but
she's irritated.
"Look, we'll
figure somethin' out, OK? We will. And I can keep fightin' until
we do. I know how to do that. It makes money. We'll be
OK. The next stop - it won't be bad. I've known the guy who owns
the place for a while, and it won't be bad. He'll let me fight as much
or as little as I want and we can see how it goes. It won't be bad."
Got lucky
here, real lucky. Jack - he's a good guy. I've known him ever
since I can remember. And I mean that literally. I think he sees
that me and Marie, we're in kind of a spot. He's seen me fight for
years, and I've probably never been that uninterested in my life. It's
real good luck that we happened by right before he got the news that he's
gotta go to Anchorage 'cause his brother just had a heart attack. I
mean good luck for me and Marie, not him or his brother.
I won't
mind takin' over the bouncin' and bartendin' duties for the two weeks he'll
be gone. It'll be some pretty good money. Not as good as fightin'
but I guess I'd better get used to that. Marie, she's insistin' on
helpin' me out, and I guess it's better to keep her in my sight than stash
her in the camper while I'm workin'. Jack's trustin' us a lot here,
to take care of things. But he knows me pretty well, and he seemed
to take to Marie pretty good. Hell, who doesn't?
"Are you
going to teach me to mix drinks?"
"No.
'Cause I'll be doin' that. You just - you just help out with pickin'
stuff up and clearin' off the bar, OK? And stay away from the people,
all right?"
"Got it.
Stay behind bar. Stay close to you. Stay away from people."
She's makin' fun of me there.
"You're
a pain in my ass, you know that?"
"You like
it." Well, she's got me there.
"Just be
careful. It's gonna be a rough crowd."
You know,
I shoulda known that some shit like this would happen. I was all worried
about her mixin' with the roughnecks and assholes that populate this shithole.
I was all worried one of 'em might get rough with her or some shit.
Well, I shoulda known.
"So then
I told her I hated her. I know I shouldn't have said that, but.."
That's Bill. Tough guy. Took a helluva beatin' from me the last
fight we had back in Calgary a couple years ago. I know for a fact
he's killed guys, worked as a merc for a few years. Shit, one fight,
he broke some guy's jaw and practically yanked out his tongue. He's
been bendin' Marie's ear for the past twenty minutes.
"I'm sure
she knew you didn't mean it. I mean, she's your mom, and she loves
you no matter what, even if you get mad at her."
"I guess."
"Maybe you
should call her. You know, just to see how she's doing and to be sure
she knows you didn't mean it. It sounds like she's the kind of person
who'd understand, and who'd appreciate the call." Marie's givin' him
a refill on the Wild Turkey and her best advice. Just like she's done
for about a dozen of the baddest bad-asses that have crossed these doors
in the past two weeks. It's kinda like they gravitate to her or somethin'.
She's some kinda bad-ass magnet. Shit, I thought it was just me.
"Do you
think she'd be mad at me still?"
"Only one
way to find out. Might as well know."
"Yeah, you're
right, Rogue. You're right." Oh-oh. He's startin' to give
her the look. The I'm-beginnin'-to-realize-what-a-babe-you-are-and-what-a-nice-person-too
look. The You're-just-the-kinda-woman-a-bad-motherfucker-like-me-needs-to-redeem-himelf
look. The God-I-could-get-lost-in-those-big-brown-eyes look.
Grrr. "You're a pretty smart woman." Flattery? Oh, no way.
Don't even try it. You ain't gettin' anywhere with her, bub.
"Thanks.
Now go on, give her a call." See? She's my girl. She says
thank you real polite and walks away. That's right. I'm the bad-ass
that's got her. Uh-huh.
"He botherin'
ya, honey?"
"No, no.
He's a good person, deep down. I hope the phone call with his mom goes
well. He really misses her." Now, she's a good person, on the
surface and deep down. She really, genuinely means that, what she just
said about Bill. She's standin' there, wipin' off the bar and really
*thinkin'* about his mom and him and hopin' it goes good. Once again,
ladies and gentlemen, how someone like this let herself get hooked up with
me, I have no idea.
"He was
checkin' you out."
"Oh, he
was not." She never thinks they do even though you can practically
tell their eyes are constantly glued to her boobs. Those boobs are
Wolverine territory and I don't like people lookin' even if they ain't gonna
get to touch.
"He was."
"He knows
I'm - you know, with you." She still blushes a little when she says
stuff like that. "He's not going to try anything."
"Hey - come
here a second." Maybe she needs a 'Stay Away' sign of some sort.
'Cause even if she don't notice or care that most of the men in this place
are givin' her more than a casual once-over, I do. And somebody's gonna
get a claw shoved up their ass for it sooner or later. Wouldn't wanna
scare away Jack's customers.
"What -
what are you doing?"
"That should
be fairly obvious, darlin'. I'm givin' you my tags. So, you know,
people know for sure that we're together. So nobody gets any ideas."
Just gonna put them over her head. Yeah, I kinda like how they look
on her.
"But - but
these are yours. You took them back from Sabretooth and everything.
I can't take them."
"Yeah, you
can. Look, it's just - it's just for my own peace of mind, OK?
So these assholes know you belong to me." Maybe she don't like wearin'
a 'Stay Away' sign. She's gettin' that same eye-roll goin' that she
had when she said I was a 'tool of the patriarchy.' Still gotta look
that one up next time I pass by a dictionary. "I mean 'belong' in the
good way. Not in a bad way or anythin'."
"I think
everyone knows about me and you from the way I blush whenever I see you shirtless.
Or from the way you slap my butt every time you pass by me. That's
not exactly subtle. But thanks. Thanks. I'll wear them
all the time."
"Good."
I'm likin' the way she's wearin' them a helluva lot already - they fit pretty
good in her cleavage. And I can look all I want 'cause that's my territory.
Heh. Not, you know, that we've done much more than kiss, but it's like
- I've planted my flag on the country that is Marie and it's just a matter
of time before the Great Cleavage Territory is fully explored. Yeah.
She'd probably call me a tool of the patriarchy for thinkin' that, for sure.
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