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Title:
Every Two Weeks: The Heart Has Its Reasons
Author:
Terri
Rating:
PG-13
Disclaimer:
I still don't own them, although they may own me by this point
Archive:
Ask, and I will gladly provide.
Feedback:
Please! Although the surgeon general warns that nice feedback may lead
to more fic
Summary:
Logan decides not to leave the mansion.
Comments:
I've been writing stories like this for the past week or ten days.
This is a "pilot," as my brbf calls them, for a series. That sounds
so much more pretentious than "some crap I wrote," doesn't it? I think
I'm sticking with "crap I wrote" from now on. Anyway, this is something
we tossed around as a series and we still are trying to decide whether to
do this one or another one..but I like this one best, and I'm the writer,
so I'm posting it! Haha! (And, um, sorry, chica, I'll post your fave
too...um, eventually..) Let me know what you think. The concept
is that we check in with Logan and Rogue for a day or two every two weeks.
The title of this one is taken from Pascal's Pensees - La coeur a ses
raisons que la raison ne connait point; The heart has its reasons which
reason knows not. Dammit! That sounds pretty pretentious too.
That's it - if we do this as a series, the next one is going to be based on
some stupid quote. Maybe from a Milli Vanilli song or something. And
one more comment - if you haven't experienced the wonder that is Steak and
Shake, come to the midwest immediately. Trust me, it's worth it.
-------------------------------------------------------- "I don't
want you to go."
"Um."
You know, I hate this shit. I just feel all squirmy. Now she's
looking at me and everything and I *did* promise to take care of her and
shit. But I'm packed to go. I really should go. I really,
really should go. I should let her have some time.
"Not that
I want you to stay, you know, i-if you don't want to. I just
I'll miss you. That's all." She's tryin' to be strong, put on
a brave face for me, but I can see that she's a little nervous about me leavin'.
Shit. Well, I did make a promise. I did. And I kinda
I kinda wanna stay. Those two assholes Mystique and Sabretooth
they're still out there. Plus, I just wanna somethin' in me says
to stay close to her.
"Look, how
much how much more school do you have left?"
"Four weeks.
That's all." Her eyes got big and there's a smile. Shit, shit,
shit. I ain't goin' nowhere now and she probably knows it too.
"OK, look.
Here's the deal, kid. I'm gonna stay until you're done with school,
OK? Then then we'll talk, OK? But after that, after four
weeks, I gotta get going." And God knows what I'm gonna do then
go ahead and take her with me? Oh yeah, Chuck would fuckin' love that.
But you
know what? He said somethin' the Professor said somethin' about
not needin' to establish a guardianship for her since she was eighteen.
She can make up her own mind if that's so. You know maybe this
is actually a good idea. Let her hang here for a while, let her try
out stayin' with the x-geeks, and let her get to know me a little more.
Then she can decide. She's legally an adult. She can decide what
she wants. After all, it ain't exactly fair to leave her with people
she don't really know and it ain't exactly fair to take her with me now since
she don't really know me either. This way, she gets some information
to use to make a decision. And she don't have to be all on her own.
I can stick around in case she needs me.
"Really?
You're going to stay?" She's practically jumpin' up and down now.
"Yeah.
For four weeks. That's it. Then I gotta go, OK, kid?"
"OK.
OK." Ooomph. That's a helluva hug. Shit, she mighta cracked
a rib. "Thanks, Logan. Thanks. It really means a lot to
me. Thanks."
"No problem."
"And then
Bobby said you were pretty and that it was too bad about your skin, but that
it didn't really matter to him that much, he still liked you and everything,
it was just that he felt bad about you not being able to control it because
it must be hard for you and then "
"Uh, Rogue?"
Shit, I hate her little friends. They all talk so goddamn much and in
such a high-pitched voice. All of 'em. It's irritatin'.
I don't know how she stands livin' with 'em. I live next door and I
can barely live with hearin' the screetchin'.
"Hey."
She looks good lately. And she always looks pretty happy to see me.
I think me stayin' was a good thing. "What's up?"
"You comin'
with me into town?" She said she'd go with me to look for some parts
for the Jeep I'm fixin' up and to get a Chilton's from the bookstore.
I have no fuckin' idea where the bookstore is. Besides, it's been two
weeks, and she's been hangin' out with me some, but mostly, I've just been
lettin' her do her thing school and friends and shit. Time to
spend some me and her time now.
"Oh, yeah!
Is it 3:30 already? Sorry we got carried away talking."
Yeah, I know, kid, I could hear ya loud and clear through the flimsy ass
wall between our rooms. I thought about askin' Chuck to move, but I
kinda like bein' close on hand for Marie. I know she's woken up in
the night a few times from nightmares probably mine. I thought
about goin' over to make sure she's OK, but then again, I thought maybe she
wouldn't want me to do that since they were my fuckin' nightmares in the
first place. Maybe havin' me show up would just freak her out more.
So I settled on tellin' her I heard her and she could always come over and
wake me up if they got too bad. She just kinda smiled and thanked me
and said they weren't that bad and that she'd be OK.
"Ready to
go, kid?"
"Yeah, just
let me put these away." Schoolbooks and shit. Hope she don't
have any homework or anythin' that she needs to do. Not that it probably
matters. She's gonna graduate, no problem. It's good that she'll
have her degree. That way she can do what she wants with her life a
little more easily. It's somethin' I never had, at least I don't think
so. I'm just not the kinda guy who goes in for that school shit.
"Ready."
"Rogue!
You'll miss dinner!" I think that one is called Jubilee. She's
the one always in yellow. I guess now that I'm stayin' here, I should
really try to learn their names.
"Um, that's
OK. Don't worry about it. See you later, guys."
Whew.
Finally. Escape from the Planet of Teenage Girls. Can't get to
the garage fast enough.
"Sorry
I got to talking with Jubilee and Kitty."
"They're
irritatin' as hell. How can you stand it?" Especially 'cause
she's not like that at all she's not all screetchy and giggly and shit,
ever. I mean, she's happy sometimes, like now she's laughin'
a little at me now. But she's not silly like that.
"Oh, they're
not that bad. They're just dying to get me hooked up with Bobby, that's
all."
"Which one's
Bobby?"
"The one
that Mystique impersonated, the one that is in my science class. You
know the one who makes ice."
He seems
harmless enough. She should date get out, meet boys her age,
have fun but I wanna make sure she's not gettin' in over her head.
She's young, and vulnerable right now, and she don't need no dickhead pawin'
all over her. But Bobby seems harmless enough. "So are you gonna
go out with him?"
"I don't
know. I I don't really like him that way. Just more
like a friend. But I kind of feel like I should go out with him since
he's been really nice to me, and maybe I should just go on one date to see
if there's anything more than friend stuff going on."
"You don't
hafta go out with him if you don't wanna. I mean, he's supposed to be
nice to you. You don't have an obligation 'cause of that."
"Oh, I know,
I know. I just I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I want
to keep him as a friend."
"Then tell
him that."
"You make
it sound so easy." She's amused by me for some reason I can see
her smilin' even in the dim light of the garage. "Are we taking the
truck?"
"Yeah, I
already put the tool box in back." This is gonna be fun I always
loved diggin' around for parts in a salvage yard. More fun than just
goin' to an auto parts store there's the challenge of findin' the part.
You gotta hunt for it. I've always liked a good hunt.
"And we're
looking for what now?"
"Alternator.
I can show ya what one looks like when we get there." I know it wouldn't
seem like it to most people, but I kinda thought that this would be a fun
thing for us to do together. I mean, she probably don't know jack about
cars, but it's somethin' useful I can teach her, and we can work together
to do somethin' fun. You know, insteada workin' together to try to
save her life and shit.
"I know
what one looks like. I even know what one does. I told you, I
got a lot of you in my head." I still don't know exactly what that
means. She don't talk about it much, and I'm kinda afraid to ask.
She can't have everythin', all my memories, 'cause she'd be runnin' for the
hills, not climbin' in a truck with me to go alternator-huntin'
"Well, then,
maybe I'll let you put it in the Jeep." She's smilin' at that
I'd kinda like to see her try it, actually.
"I can't
believe you finally found one for the Jeep."
"I knew
I would, kid. Just took a while." Yeah, two hours. But
it has been kinda fun, the both of us diggin' into cars, workin' our way
through the salvage yard.
"Can you
get it out?"
"Yeah.
Hand me that wrench." Kinda weird that she knows which one I mean.
Maybe it's time to talk a little about that. "Hey, Marie, you know
how you said that I'm in your head?"
"Yeah."
"What's that
like for you?" Bolt ain't comin' loose. Might have to shear it
with the claws. Give it a couple more good tugs first, though.
"Hmm.
It's like having a separate person living in your mind constantly.
It's weird. I didn't like - well, it kind of goes without saying that
I didn't like Magneto, when he went into my head. But you - you were
different. There was a lot more of you, and, I don't know, we just
seemed compatible. You know - like we could both live together in my
head. It's not like that with Magneto - I always have to fight to keep
him back."
"I'm sorry
about that, kid. Wish I coulda saved you sooner, spared you some of
that shit."
"Oh, it's
not your fault. And actually, you do a pretty good job of helping me
keep him contained. I mean, the you in my head. And it's kind
of neat - it's like I'm never alone, you're always up there with me.
It makes me feel safe, and, you know, close to you to have you around like
that."
"Did you
get my memories and things?"
"Some.
I remember a fight you had in Dawson City - you really hated the guy because
he kicked you in the um, privates." She's blushin' at that.
Well, I can imagine there's a lot in my memory that'd make her blush.
"What else?"
"I remember
the recent things stronger - like when you landed on top of the Statue of
Liberty and saved me. You were really scared I might be dead."
She says that like she's surprised. Wonder why. "I remember you
figuring out I was in your trailer and thinking that I had a lot of nerve
to hitch with you after I'd seen the claws."
"I really
couldn't figure that one. Umph. Damn bolt. I mean, you
shoulda been scared shitless - little kid, all alone in the world - umph!
- sneakin' a ride with a dangerous mutie freak like me."
"I wasn't
a little kid, even then. And you're not a freak." Whoa.
Serious tone of voice there. And she's now that I look up at her, she's
upset. Good. Great. This was supposed to be fun for her.
"Why do you always call me 'kid'?"
"'Cause..well,
'cause.."
"I can't
really figure it out from the you in my head. I mean, I can remember
what you thought the first time you said it. You went to grab my hands
- my bare hands - and I flinched away. And you said 'I'm not going
to hurt you, kid.' Your brain was thinking - I don't want her to think
I'm trying to get over on her. She shouldn't feel unsafe. Maybe....maybe
it was just your way of saying you weren't going to hurt me, that you saw
me as someone to protect, I don't know."
"You don't
like it when I call you kid, huh?"
"It's not
really that....I just it reminds me of what I won't ever have, you
know? I'm not a kid. I stopped being a kid when I left Mississippi.
I wasn't - I had to take care of myself. Kids don't have to do that."
"But I'm
here to take care of you now."
"Not that
way. You are - you do take care of me and you do a really good job,
but not like a child. Not really."
She's callin'
me on that. You know, I think sometimes I look at her and I call her
kid 'cause I want to think it's that way. It's simpler, safer.
But she's right. It ain't quite like that. "You can be a kid
now if you want, for a while. While you're at Chuck's. That's
why I wanted you to stay here. So you could do that. You deserve
some time for that." She's startin' to tear up a lot now. I wonder
-
"Thanks.
Thanks. I - I appreciate that. But it's.I can't go back to being
that way after what happened with Magneto. I can play games and laugh
and gossip with the girls, but inside, I'm not..I don't know, innocent.
I'm not innocent anymore. Not after that. I can see and feel
things Magneto went through, things you went through, not to mention what
I had to go through. Something changes in you when you know those things
happen, when you're exposed first hand to the awful things that are possible
in the world. And once you know, you can't go back. Once you
see something, you can't un-see it. It's there. Sometimes....sometimes
I really hate that and sometimes I think I got lucky."
"Lucky?"
"It's -
it's true, real. All those things - they're bad, but they're true.
And I got good things too. A lot of good things from you. I mean,
how many people can say they know - really, really *know* - that another
person would give their life to keep them safe? I know that from you.
That's so amazing and beautiful and - I, uh, I'm babbling, huh?"
I musta
been lookin' at her real intently there. "Nah." I didn't know
she was so deep like that. She don't let on that she is well,
not with her friends. Not with the x-men. Not with Chuck.
Then again, maybe none of them talk to her about deep stuff. Who knows?
"You know
what? Let's have a total change of conversational direction."
She's embarrassed now that she told me all that shit. She shouldn't
be. "How's that alternator coming?"
"Hey, Marie
- you're not babblin'. I'm glad you told me all that."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
I wanted her to get to know me, but maybe I wanted to get to know her too,
a little. If I'm thinkin' of takin' her with me that's - well, it's
a commitment. I had an instinct about her from square one, but maybe
I wanted to really get to know her to be sure.
"Oh.
Well, OK." Smilin' now, and not embarrassed anymore. Good.
Much better.
"You know,
we did miss dinner. We're going to have to raid the fridge for leftovers
when we get back."
"Let's get
somethin' out." Cookin' at the mansion leaves a lot to be desired.
Not that I don't appreciate hot meals on a regular basis, but they hardly
ever make it taste like anythin' - bland as hell. "Where's a good place
to go?"
"Hmm.somewhere
casual, definitely. We're kind of covered in dirt and grease."
"Maybe fast
food? I could kinda go for a burger about now." I like a good,
greasy cheeseburger every now and then. It's not like I hafta worry
about high cholesterol or any of that shit.
"Sure.
How about Steak and Shake? They have good milkshakes."
"Sounds
good. Drive-thru?"
"And go
back to the mansion?" You know, I noticed this before - she doesn't
call it home. Always 'the mansion.' I wonder if it means she's
not comfortable there or she doesn't want to stay for too long.
"Nah.
Maybe just park and eat in the car. I don't feel like goin' in to eat,
but I don't feel like headin' back yet either."
"OK."
Smilin'. Must be what she was thinkin' about doin' too.
"What do
you wanna get?" I can see the Steak and Shake up the road. Gotta
love a 24-hour restaurant with a drive thru.
"Hmm.chocolate
milkshake, definitely. Maybe a cheeseburger or maybe a chicken sandwich,
I can't decide."
"Honey, the
place is called *Steak* and Shake for a reason. You don't wanna get
chicken." Seriously, if she's got me in there pretty good, I dunno
how she could even be thinkin' about chicken at a -
"Did you
just call me 'honey'?"
Hmm.
Wondered if she'd catch that. "Thought you'd like that better than
'kid'."
"I do."
Real nice smile there.
"Hello,
welcome to Steak and Shake, may I take your order?"
"Yeah.
Gimme a chocolate milkshake, a vanilla milkshake, and four steakburgers with
cheese."
"That will
be $10.42, please pull forward."
"Four cheeseburgers?"
"I'm hungry."
Diggin' up alternators is hard work. And so is thinkin' up somethin'
else to call her besides 'kid.'
"So tell
me somethin' else."
"Something
else about what?" She's puttin' away that food pretty good. She
musta been hungry too.
"About you,
or whatever." Oh, subtle, Logan, very subtle. Why dontcha just
say - hey, Marie, I liked our deep talk over auto parts, let's do it some
more?
"Well, there's
not much that you don't know already. I mean, you know me pretty well.
Hmmm...I bet you don't know that I was a majorette back home in Mississippi."
"What's
a majorette?"
"You know,
the girl in the little outfit that twirls a baton with the marching band?"
"Oh."
Interestin'. Wouldnta pictured that for her. Seems like she'd
have been more of - well, an outsider. Not involved in school stuff
and shit. But maybe that's just how she is now, after her mutation.
"I kind
of liked it, but my mom was really the driving force there. She was
one in high school too and she really wanted me to follow in her footsteps."
That makes a little more sense to me. I can see Marie tryin' to please
her parents, doin' somethin' she maybe wasn't wild about 'cause she knew
they'd like it.
"What were
your parents like?"
Ohoh.
That's a helluva frown. Bad question. Shit. "I don't really
like to talk about them, if you don't mind." Dumb ass - you know she
ran away from home, why'd you go askin' what her parents were like?
That right there gives you the answer - they musta been pretty shitty.
"Sorry."
"It's OK.
Why why don't you tell me something about you? Your turn."
She's tryin' to cheer back up a little. Hmm. Can't be too much
that she don't already have in her head.
"I never
picked up a hitch hiker before you. But I bet you got that up here."
Just gonna tap the side of her head a little, play a little to lighten up
the mood.
"No, that
didn't surface. At least not yet. So just me, huh?"
"Yep."
To this day, I still couldn't tell you in words why I did it. Just
somethin' about her.
"That's..flattering."
And it did cheer her up. A lot.
"You're
blushin'." It's cute.
"Logan -
you're not supposed to point that out, that'll only make me blush more."
Her bein' all fidgety and squirmy only makes it cuter.
"Your turn.
Somethin' else about you."
"Ummm.I
like to paint my toenails, even though no one sees them and even though I
have really big feet."
"What color?"
"Right now
they're electric blue. Your turn."
"When I
clear out in a few weeks, you can come along if you want." I was gonna
save that, talk with her about it at the end of the four weeks. But
I'm sure now. I'm sure that'd be a good option for me, and for her
if she chooses it. Might as well let her know now.
"Really?"
She stopped raisin' her shake to take a sip - it's just hangin' there in midair.
Musta surprised her when I said that.
"Yeah, really.
Up to you. If you wanna stay, I'll be back soon as I find out what I
need to know." Couldn't explain why that is in words, either, but it's
so.
She's thinkin'
now. Weighin' it out in her head, decidin' what to do there.
"OK. OK. I think - I'd like to go with you when you leave, after
school. If that's OK with you, I'd like to go."
"You can
change your mind if you want. But good, we'll plan on that then.
We'll plan on that for now." I don't think she'll change her mind.
She's comin' along. Good to know that. Glad I brought it up now.
It'll give me plenty of time to think how to break it to Chuck.
"Thanks.
I - I just can't tell you how much it means to me that you'd take me with
you. It's a lot - a big thing and I - I'm really grateful.
Thanks."
"I wanted
to." She *is* really, really grateful. Makes me wonder if she
don't really like it at Chuck's too much. After all, that's a pretty
vague offer. And I don't have a plan for her like Chuck would.
"Logan, can
I tell you something?" She's real serious now. "I really..I have..Let
me start over. I feel like I want to stay close to you, you know?
It's weird, but there's something in me saying that we should stick together."
"Yeah.
I got that too. So let's do it - let's stick together."
"But I -
I don't know how....I mean, I don't know what kind of relationship you want
with me. I, uh, I don't have brother-sister feelings for you, or just
friend feelings, you should probably know that."
"I know."
Jeannie told me, but it's pretty much written all over Marie too.
"And?"
"It'll work
itself out."
"Oh."
Now why is she frownin'? 'Cause I thought that was actually a pretty
tactful thing to say about the whole thing.
"What?"
"No
I mean, it's OK. I understand. And I'm glad you still want to
stick with me."
"You understand
what?" 'Cause I'm not so sure we're on the same page here.
"That -
that you don't have those same feelings for me and - "
"That's not
what I said." We're *not* on the same page here. Well, no worries,
that's easily fixed. "I said it'll work itself out. I'm not in
a hurry to push you or anythin'. Those feelings - well, either they'll
change or they won't, and we'll see how that goes."
"But - but
do you feel - "
"Yeah, I
think so. I mean, yeah, I do, but I'm not really sure how that should
go right now. I know you have those feelings too, but I just saved
your life and shit, and you could just be thinkin' about me that way 'cause
of that. Whatever happens there, we'll stick together. Don't
worry about that either. It's you and me."
"Yeah.
I like that. You and me." I think that's the happiest I've seen
her so far. Good. I think it's the right decision for both of
us. Good.
"Rogue!
You're back! It's past curfew, girl!" Good God, I'm never gonna
get to sleep with those two roommates of hers cacklin' up a storm.
"It's three
minutes past curfew, Jubes."
"Still, out
with Wolverine past curfew that's soooo naughty! And look at
you - you're all dirty. Just what were you two doing, chica, hmmm?"
"We went
looking for an alternator."
"Oh, is
that what they're calling it now?" Heh. That was kinda funny.
"That's what
they call it when you're actually looking for an alternator, yes. And
as soon as Kitty's out of the shower, I'm next."
"Cool.
So tell me, what else did you guys do? Was it fun?"
"We got
some burgers at Steak and Shake and talked. That's it. It took,
like, two hours to find the alternator."
"Burgers
at Steak and Shake? Girl, that's a cheesy date!"
"It wasn't
a date of any kind, Jubes, it was me and Logan having burgers."
"Still,
he could've taken you someplace nice, someplace romantic.."
"Jubes.."
"Come on,
girl, you know you've got it bad for him." Maybe I should start payin'
attention to this conversation.
"Jubes.."
"You do!
And who can blame you? I mean, the dude like, totally saves you - not
once, not twice, but three times!" Three times? Once from Magneto,
once from when I stabbed her when's the third time? Wait, maybe
she's countin' pickin' her up on the road. That might be the third
one.
"Jubes.."
"And he's
totally droolworthy! I mean, we all look, we have to! His butt
just doesn't quit!"
"Jubes,
enough about his butt, OK?" Marie sounds embarrassed.
"Plus, he's,
like, into you, totally."
"Is Kitty
taking the mother of all showers in there? What's taking her so long?"
"Don't try
to deny it. He's always looking at you and stuff." I am?
Gotta try to be less obvious about that. Didn't know I was doin' that.
"Jubes!"
"Not looking
in the bad way, not looking at your boobs or anything - looking in
the 'Where's Rogue? I must know where she is at all times so I can
protect her with my big, strong, manly life!' kinda way."
"He's protective
of me. It's a good thing. It's saved my life three times already,
OK?"
"Oh, I'm
not saying there's anything wrong with it, girl. Oh, no. I'm
saying it's proof that he's digging you."
"Jubes.."
Marie's voice sounds real sad all of a sudden. "You don't understand.
It's not - it's not like that, OK? He's not doing things for me because
he wants sex, he's not. It's not like that."
"Don't get
riled. Would it be such a bad thing if he wanted sex from you?
Isn't that what you want?" Definitely payin' attention now. Wonder
if Marie knows I can hear all this.
"Iit's complicated,
Jubes. It's not a normal relationship." Oh-oh. That's not
a good thing to hear. She thinks we've got some kinda abnormal relationship?
"It's really special, and just..just different. It's not like anything
else." Well, good. Good. That's a lot better than abnormal.
"He - he wouldn't do what he's done for me if it was just sex. He -
I think he really cares about me. I think he does, and I just....I
don't want to screw that up, OK?" That's a helluva lot better.
Good girl. But why would she think she'd screw anything up?
"Whaddya
mean screw something up?" Ah, yes, Jubilee does have a purpose in life.
Thank you.
"By hurting
him or by doing something he doesn't want to do. By making him feel
obligated to me. I don't think I'm doing those things now, but..let's
just say it's really important to me to try to keep him in my life.
He's, like, the best thing ever that's happened to me." That's really
nice. I'm glad she said that. 'Cause it's true the reverse way
too.
"Awwww!
That's so sweet!" Ugh. I bet only me and dogs could hear that
squeal.
"Thank God,
Kitty's done."
"Hey, Rogue,
What'd I miss?"
"Nothing.
Just Jubes being Jubes. I've got to shower."
"What's
up with her?"
"Total denial
about her Wolvie-love. They went out. He bought her food.
But she still denies datage."
"No way!
Where'd he take her?"
"Steak and
Shake, can you believe it?" Hey - I don't think there's anythin' wrong
with Steak and Shake.
"Ugh!
How awful! Well, no wonder she's not admitting to datage. That's
not a real date. I'd be embarrassed if some guy took me there."
Jesus Christ, it was just burgers! We were hungry! She suggested
it! It's not some statement on the value of Marie!
"Anyhoooooo..I
think she's totally, totally in love with him. We just have to get
her to admit it. She did say he was the best thing in her life."
"Hey!
What about us?"
"I think
she meant - you know 'cause of the life-savage and all. We just
save her a seat at breakfast and stuff."
"Yeah.
She's lucky. He's hot." Good Lord. I am not 'hot'.
I wish they'd stop -
"Yeah.
It's the butt." You know, if I never hear those two discuss my ass
again, I'd be thrilled. What I put up with for Marie......
"No!!!"
Marie. Marie screaming. "Uh! Oh." Nightmare, I think.
You know, maybe I should just go over in case -
"Girl, are
you all right?"
"Y-yeah.
It's j-just a n-n-urmph!"
"Ew, are
you gonna spew? Yuk!" She's throwing up? Something's wrong,
something's wrong. I'm goin' over there. Where's my gloves?
Where's my damn gloves?
"At least
she didn't mess the bed."
"Where is
she?"
"Whoa, dude!
Put a shirt on!" Dammit, that contains absolutely no Marie information.
"Rogue?!"
She's in here somewhere, she couldnta gone -
"In here."
Bathroom. OK. OK.
"Hey - shit!
- you all right?" Looks like she threw up a lot. At least she
made it to the toilet.
"I threw
up." She looks all pale and clammy and shit too. Fuck.
"Yeah, honey,
I see that. Are you OK?"
"I-it was
just a bad nightmare." She's holdin' her stomach, and I bet I know
which one it was. The one where they leave me awake while they're reachin'
in and pullin' my guts out piece by piece. Fuck.
"You're OK.
They didn't do nothin' to you. That was me in your dream. You're
OK." Better help her up and flush the toilet. Smellin' that'll
just make her throw up again. "Come on, stand up." She's real
shaky. Musta been bad. I'm used to the evil fuckers by now, but
she's not. She's not.
"Let me
- let me get my toothbrush."
"Rogue,
chica - you all right in there?"
"Yeah, fine.
Just - just a little sick. Sorry." Brushin' her teeth'll make
her feel better. Get the taste outta her mouth. Just gonna pull
her hair back outta her face while she rinses her mouth out. Lucky
she didn't get any vomit on her. I can tell she's gonna start cryin'
now, any second. She's tryin' not to, but I can smell it on her.
"Go ahead, just let it out."
"I c-can't.
I'll keep them awake." That's just about the saddest little whisper
I've ever heard. She's told me before how bad she feels when the nightmares
wake up the other two. Why the fuck Chuck didn't give her her own room,
I don't know.
"Come on,
I'll put you in my bed. Come on." She can wail as much as she
wants in my room and those two'll still probably be able to sleep.
The wall's thin, but they're pretty oblivious when they wanna be.
"O-OK."
Still shakin' a little. "Hey, you're wearing gloves." For some
reason, that made the tears start spillin'.
"Yeah.
Come on." Just gonna put her in my bed, just gonna walk her over there
and let her cry it out and fall asleep.
"Thanks,
Logan." More tears. Shit, I wish I hadn't given her this.
I wish there was a way to take it back.
"Sure thing."
Better say somethin' to the terrible twosome. "Hey she's - she's
gonna be next door. You two, go back to sleep." They're lookin'
at me like deer in the headlights. Kids.
"Logan?"
Is that - is it Chuck?
"Yeah?"
Fuck, musta fallen asleep again. Marie's still out, despite Chuck's knockin'.
She must be exhausted.
"May I come
in?"
"I'll come
out." Don't wanna wake Marie up. If she's that out of it, she
probably needs the sleep. Just gonna get outta bed. "Whaddya
want?"
"How is
Rogue?" Shoulda known he'd know about that.
"Sleepin'.
She needs it. What's up?"
"I thought
perhaps I should come to check on her." He's got a way of sayin' things
that say what he didn't say. I mean - "She's had quite a difficult time
lately."
"Yeah.
But I think she'll be OK. Look, I need to tell ya somethin'."
Might as well get it over with. There's not really a good way to break
it to him. "She's - we're gonna head to Canada, to Alkalai Lake when
she's done with school."
Ya know,
I expected a lecture or some shit from him, but he's just noddin'. It's
irritatin' as hell when people don't act the way you expect. "This is
Rogue's decision?"
"Yeah.
You can ask her if you want." What'd he think? I'd drag her off
by the hair or somethin'?
"No need.
I hope you will both enjoy the remainder of your stay here. And Logan
- should Rogue need anything, please let her know I will be here to help her."
There it is again - sayin' what wasn't said. He's one smart fucker.
"Will do,
Chuck." Now that he's headed back down the hall, I wanna go back to
bed. I just -
"Hey."
Marie, sittin' up in bed a little.
"Hey, you're
up. How do you feel?" She looks a helluva lot better color
in her face and everything. Eyes are a little red from all the cryin',
still a little shaky, and her hair's all messed up - well, actually, that
one's kinda cute.
"Better.
Still kind of exhausted, but better."
"Good.
You slept OK?" She kept scootin' over to me in the bed, pressin' up
against me. I wasn't sure how she'd be able to sleep all curled up
to me like that, but once I stopped scootin' away and tryin' to give her
some space, she went into deep sleep right away. And by the time I
woke up, I'd wrapped myself around her pretty good too.
"Much better.
Thanks."
"Sure.
I'm I'm sorry as hell you got the nightmares, honey." Just gonna
sit in the bed with her a second. I think that's OK.
"It's not
your fault." But she looks sad. "You shouldn't have to have them
either."
"You got
class today?" You know, I really can't keep my hands off her.
Not not in a sex way, but just to put a hand on her body somewhere,
her leg, her arm - just to feel that she's OK and here. Just to let
her feel that I'm here for her.
"No
it's Friday. I don't have any classes on Friday."
"How's your
stomach?"
She's twistin'
her lips up in a funny face. I don't think she realizes she's doin'
that. "Empty. And growly."
"You wanna
go get some breakfast?"
"Ugh.
I think we missed breakfast. It's almost ten."
"We'll go
out." And I'll take her to someplace better than Steak and Shake so
her little friends can shut the hell up about that.
"Yeah?"
Smilin' now sleepy smile.
"Yeah.
Go get dressed."
"Logan -
" Now she's touchin' me - my arm, where it's covered by the short sleeve.
" - thanks for last night. Thanks." It would be so easy to fall
back into bed with her, let her curl up to me all over again.
"Not a problem.
Go on, get ready. Breakfast's waitin'."
This is
the last one. Last Marie test. I've been leavin' her alone for
the most part this last week, lettin' her get her studyin' in. I think
she'll do good. This last one is math, though, and she hates math.
I'm not really any help to her there. If she was takin' an ass-kickin'
final, I might have somethin' to contribute, but math
Once she's
done, then one day to pack, and we're gone first thing Sunday. Neither
one of us wanted to stay an extra two weeks for the official graduation ceremony.
I'm actually kinda surprised by how nobody's said nothin' for the most part.
Of course, you know Scooter had to put his two cents in with Marie - 'Are
you sure you know what you're doing? You don't really know him.'
Dumbass. She's got me in her head she probably knows more about me
than all the other people in the world put together. I don't think
Chuck said somethin' to her, at least not outright, I'm sure. But he
did give her the keys to a damn nice truck, new, sittin' in his garage.
I think givin' it to her was his way of makin' sure she had somethin' to
fall back on besides just me. I guess that's sayin' somethin' in his
own way.
I think
she's sad to be leavin' some things behind her friends, the safety of
the mansion, a roof over her head, regular meals and all that shit.
I understand, I do. She's got a lotta confidence in me, but part of
her's got to be wonderin' how we're gonna live on the road. I told
her I've been makin' money, but I haven't really said how 'cause I know she'll
worry. She don't like the idea of me fightin'. And I've just
done it a little on the side, late nights on weeknights - when she's gotta
be in bed for school. Made a decent amount of money, so we should be
OK for the most part. Can always make more on the road. Plus,
I got some money stashed away up in Whitehorse. Can always go get it
if I need to.
We'll head
to Alkalai Lake first. And I'll find a safe place for her to stay while
I go check it out. I don't want her seein' none of that shit.
Her nightmares are bad enough as it is, and besides, I don't know what might
be in there about me. Might be some shit I wouldn't necessarily want
her to know. I don't wanna scare her or anythin'. We'll just
hafta see.
After that,
after that's when it'll be time to make some decisions. I'm not really
one for livin' a settled kinda life, but I can't go draggin' her across Canada
and back for the rest of her life. We gotta come up with a plan.
By then I should have some idea of what works for her how much movin'
around is OK, how much not havin' a place of her own bothers her, how much
she can tolerate me fightin' for a livin'. We can try it out and see.
'Cause if
there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I'm stickin' with her. She's
I know she's got warm feelings for me, love feelings. And I don't think
they're all because I saved her life a few times. I don't. And
me..well, she's spent five nights in my bed, cryin' from nightmares, and
I haven't laid a hand on her, not that way. I wanted to put my hands
on her, though. I wanted to, and the weird thing is - I thought about
touchin' her face or her hair, about kissin' her stomach, about rubbin' her
hip bone with my thumb. And I thought about doin' those kinda things
because I had a picture in my head of how good it would make *her* feel.
These are not my normal thoughts when layin' in bed next to a beautiful woman,
it kinda goes without sayin'. Those are love thoughts and that tells
me somethin'. That tells me I should hang on to her with both hands
and not let go. I always listen to my instincts.
"So we're
headed to Alkalai Lake?"
"Yeah.
Gonna be a long drive, couple of days, probably." She packed pretty
light for a girl. Two bags. She left a lotta stuff Chuck had
given her there. She seems pretty happy, in a good mood. I know
she was sad sayin' her goodbyes and all, but she looks pretty happy now.
"OK, sounds
good. Hey Logan - where are we going to stay along the way? I
know you used to have a camper, but now...."
"Motels
at first. When we have enough money, we'll get another camper."
"Hmm."
Maybe she don't like that plan. Maybe stayin' in seedy motels and livin'
out of a camper hitched to a pick-up wasn't her idea of - "Sounds good.
I'll try not to incur the wrath of any camper-exploding mutants this time."
Teasin'. She's just teasin'. I guess I'm a little nervous about
all this, about how she'll take to all this, about it just bein' me and her.
Don't know why. "You're thinking of making camper money by fighting,
aren't you?"
"Quickest
way to do it, honey. And you know I'm good." I can tease too.
I can relax a little and tease too.
"Yeah, you
are. But are you are you going to be OK fighting? I mean,
you won't get hurt, will you?"
"Nah.
Been doin' this long as I can remember. Never been permanently hurt
so far."
"Have you
ever done anything else to make money? You know, like a job?"
Must not
have that piece of info in her head. It's weird what's up there and
what's not. She says sometimes new things 'surface,' but a lot stays
buried. It's probably better for her that way. "No. I don't
have at first I didn't have a birth certificate or any papers or anything.
So I just started doin' odd jobs, but I figured out that you can make a lot
more money fightin'."
"Have you
ever lost?" Teasin' a little again. You know, that's really cute
when she does that.
"Nope.
Not a one."
"Just
be careful, OK? I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
Not teasin' any more. Hmm. Well, shit, no wonder she's a little
worried about me fightin'. I'm all she got now and if somethin' does
happen, she's screwed. Especially on her own, out here. "Don't
worry. I'm gonna take care of ya. Nothin's gonna happen."
"Well, I'd
like to believe that one, but things seem to kind of happen a lot in our
lives, don't they?" Laughin'. She's got a cute laugh. I
like to hear it.
"Yeah, you
got me there. But things are gonna be different now." Very different.
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