Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Inspired by Jubilee and St. John, I too have decided to undertake an observation of one of the mansion residents. Chosen for his distinctiveness, intelligence, and because he's probably my best friend, I have selected the resident known as "The Beast," aka, Dr. Henry McCoy.

The Beast is an early-rising creature. Which is odd, since it is also a late-going-to-bed creature. Perhaps the Beast does not need much sleep. In any case, it must have risen with the dawn to beat me to the kitchen, and it is already cheerily attempting to communicate with me in its language. However, since at this hour of the morning the only word comprehensible to me is 'coffee,' I am unable to make out what the creature is saying. I will settle for taking up an observational post opposite him at the kitchen table.

After consuming several cups of coffee, I am beginning to understand what the Beast is trying to communicate to me. It seems that he is very excited about getting a new lab assistant. I am surprised to hear that he has finally chosen an assistant. The lab is the Beast's natural habitat and, although not usually territorial or aggressive, it defends its lab vigorously against all intruders. Especially those that clog the centrifuge with their Twinkie experiments. The search for a compatible creature has dragged on for years, leading me to believe that the Beast preferred a life of solitude. Upon hearing that he has chosen a female of the human variety to share his space with, I think I was mistaken about that.

I have taken up a post behind a large potted plant in order to observe the Beast greeting the female newcomer. She is clearly female, as can be noted by the, ah, pronounced frontal protrusions, long hair, and facial painting. She seems to share the Beast's excitement at her joining his habitat. I see that she is well-equipped for the lab terrain - armed with glasses, several books, and a big white coat, very similar to that seen displayed by the native species. The Beast unhesitatingly leads her to his lair.

My earlier suspicions about the Beast's territoriality have proven correct. He has allowed the female to roam his lab freely, but was frequently observed telling her 'don't touch that' and 'that is a very sensitive instrument.' These are not mating calls, but, as an impartial observer, I cannot break my cover behind the x-ray machine to tell him that. He will have to find out on his own that territoriality can put off a potential mate.

The Beast is feeding. Having procured sustenance from the wilds of the x-mansion refrigerator, he is indulging his infamously large appetite while also providing for the female. Her appetite appears much smaller, or perhaps she is a vegetarian, not a carnivore. Salad alone just can't be filling enough for all that hard brain work. Wait - wait - something extraordinary is about to happen. For the first time seen by human eyes, the Beast is splitting his Twinkie and offering the female half. Ooooh. The Beast has never before shared his species' staple food. Well, not voluntarily.

Truly, this is an exceptional and unprecedented day. The Beast is currently performing its mating dance. Begun with the ritualistic spilling of coffee on the female, his frantic gestures, made in a futile attempt to halt the cup's fall before it hits the floor, and his subsequent patting motions at the female's chest are accompanied by a wailing sound that closely approximates 'I'msosorryI'msosorry.' Although not a mating call, it is meant to endear the Beast to the female. And it appears to be working. Unlike reports of previous unsuccessful mating dances, this one has not ended with a slap to the Beast's face or a terrified scream. No, the coffee spillee is apparently enjoying the Beast's attentions. Her smile and gentle eyes veritably scream - take me now, big blue guy! Sadly, the Beast has yet to pick up on the mating signals. Perhaps a little assistance is in order.

I would like to have it noted that future observers should never, ever, in any way try to assist their subject. I am now reporting from the hall, as the Beast has bodily evicted me from its lair. Really, now, all I did was ask one little question about whether the creature would be dating the habitat's new occupant, and I find myself unceremoniously ousted from the lab. He even took my video camera.

It appears that the creature is preparing to leave the confines of the x-mansion. I heard whispered rumblings about the Beast and its female going to dinner to celebrate a successful day of mating preparations. Well, or a good first day of work, something like that. But I did not believe it until I saw it. Beast hardly *ever* leaves Xavier's, mostly because the public reaction to a big, blue, furry guy wearing glasses and a dress shirt is a little unpredictable. But somehow, the female has lured him out into the open. I hope she knows what she is doing.

Note to self - do *not* cross the female. If the way she dressed down the waiter who refused to serve her and the Beast is any indication, she is a vicious creature, utterly without mercy, but with a very sharp tongue. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was an attornicus, but I suppose that even the scientificus of the species has its moments. The Beast looks very uncomfortable outside his habitat, and he is hardly eating at all. However, the female's spirited defense of her mate is promising..

The Beast is downright miserable. Even though the creature lightened somewhat upon his return to the natural mansion surroundings, I fear that the difficult events of earlier this evening have taken their toll. I will prepare the creature's favorite treat to console it and restore its good humor - Twinkie-misu. But wait - I do believe that the female is trying to console the Beast. And Twinkie-less, no less. Hmmm.

"You will find far fewer incidences of that here in Westchester so long as you do not venture out in my company, I assure you. For the most part it is a - a quiet town, with - "

"Hank - it's been a great day. I had a great time finding my way around the lab and I know I'm going to like working for you. I'm sorry I insisted on going out to dinner. I'm sorry it went so badly. But - but I'm still kind of glad we did. I enjoyed your company."

The Beast seems back to normal. Consumption of large amounts of Twinkie-misu has restored him to his former even temper and congeniality. Perhaps it is time to venture another question to the creature on his mating plans.

"Your little stunt in the laboratory was quite enough on that topic. It is a wonder she didn't run screaming from her station when you popped out into the open and inquired about us dating."

"Well, even if that were so, I am certain that tonight's display of the joys of being publicly connected in any way with such an obvious mutant has put any lingering considerations on that front to rest."

"Her Ph.D. in chemistry from Cornell would seem to indicate that there are indeed scientists named Charlene. This is her first post-doc position, so I am sure she is a beginning scientist, but she is nonetheless one named Charlene."

"Hmm." An unusual female of the human variety. That bodes well. Our Beast is a unique fellow himself. And a degree in 'chemistry', of all things - that definitely bodes well. "You should date her. Charlene is a hottie name."

The Beast is finally snoozing, and thanks to yours truly, he is comfortably leaned back in his chair, not face-down in what's left of his Twinkie-misu. Tomorrow will bring new opportunities to further the mating ritual and to observe the female known as Charlene. Until then, this observer will rest soundly in the knowledge that his subject is secure here, in his natural habitat, among friends.