Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Title: Complaint Desk

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. They think they own me ;)

Archive: WRFA, Dolphin Haven, Peep Hut - anyone else, please ask and I'll happily provide :)

Feedback: Please? With one of those handy take-a-number dispensers on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome.

Summary: A birthday bunny goes bad, and my muses take the opportunity to get some things off their chests.

Comments: This was inspired by my complete and utter choke at writing Elizabeth's birthday bunny, asking for an X-Men/Highlander crossover with an unknowingly immortal Marie. Sorry, Elizabeth! (But I did try to compensate for it, as you'll see..and I also can offer you a raincheck bunny - a second shot at flinging a plot bunny of your choosing.) This was also inspired by Sorciere's delightfully wacky Subreality fic. I almost never choke when trying to do a birthday bunny (even if they always don't turn out quite as the bunny-tosser intended..) and it was a little disconcerting to do so now. On the other hand, maybe I'm developing some kind of bunny-immunity! Whoo-hooo!

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"So you see my problem - as much as I like to do birthday bunnies, sometimes nothing comes out."

"Mph. I like the idea of an immortal Marie a lot, so I think you should try a little harder to make somethin' come out on that Highlander one."

"It's not that simple. I don't know anything about the whole universe. I haven't even watched the TV show or seen all of the movies. I just know that there's this cute guy that fights with a sword and - "

"Cute? Whaddya mean, cute?"

"Oh, you know, long hair, good body, nice looking, great fighter, that kind of thing."

"Mph. OK, maybe I'll letcha off the hook this time. Marie doesn't need any immortal cute guys in her life besides me."

"I wouldn't exactly describe you as 'cute,' you know. More like sexy or wild."

"Good. Good. Marie likes those things. Good. But I'm tellin' ya, you'd better come up with somethin' soon. And I want somethin' good, I mean it."

"Hey! I'm pretty nice to you guys, all things considered. You always end up together in my fics, and - "

"I got two words for ya. Two Lovers."

"I got a bunch more words for ya - The Writin' on the Wall."

"You see, my Hank muse lives here full-time now and he's really grown on me and - "

"And he can keep his big blue mitts offa my woman, got it? I don't have any objections to him gettin' some lovin' but he shoulda kept to that Keli woman in the other stories."

"She, um, wouldn't let me write NC-17 stuff with a character named for her in it. She thinks it's weird. I couldn't go against her wishes. If I did, she wouldn't be nice enough to beta for me and then there wouldn't be any fic at all for you and Marie."

"Mph. Well, ya didn't hafta give Hank Marie. And ya really *didn't* hafta make me act like such an ass in those stories. Where didya get the idea that I'd be like that anyhow? Don't I go through the whole movie bein' nice to Marie, savin' her life, all that kinda thing? I really wish I knew where people got the idea that I'm some kinda woman-chaser."

"Oh, maybe from those parts of the movie where you chase Jean even though she's got all the charm of a sack of wet noodles. Maybe from the part where you tell her she's got your heart. Maybe from the way you look at the rack of every female in the movie whenever you get a chance."

"You know, it was just a movie. All that - it wasn't my idea. Hell, there wasn't even anythin' in there 'bout me and Marie gettin' together, and you write all the fics with us like that. Don't tell me you're writin' me like an ass 'cause of the movie when you don't even pay attention to it otherwise."

"OK, OK. Look - I'm working on a sequel to Spring in Yellowstone and I'll give you plenty of quality time with Marie in that one, OK?"

"Yeah. Good. But don't ever pull that one on me again - burnin' me to extra crispy is one thing, but, darlin', don't go cuttin' off a man's family jewels. That's just wrong."

"Sorry. I got a little carried away there. But hey, they grew back, right?"

"Damn right. Hank's in that story and I'm not goin' through somethin' that long without little Logan and the twins to keep Marie happy. Hey - speakin' of twins - Marie needs to start havin' some babies in that one, dontcha think?"

"Babies? She's still a teenager and you just married her."

"So don't you think she needs some time to mature a little, to get ready for motherhood?"

"Are there gonna be babies eventually?"

"You have two of them in the With Maries - go over there if you want some kids."

"Yeah. Guess I could do that."

"Good. Now go, leave me alone so I can get something written."

"You, ah, doin' one of them After-Eighteens? 'Cause if ya are, I think it should be the Cellmates one, and I think I should get to kill lotsa people in it. After all, Gary got off pretty easy in the one you did."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll put that request on the list. Kill lots of people. Quality time with Marie."

"Not at the same time, though, 'cause that's just icky."

"Yeah. What's so funny?"

"I didn't think a badass like you would use the word 'icky.' Hee!"

"Sorry. Sorry. Look, I'll note your request for more homicide. Now, go, get a move on. I've got some writing to do."

"For me, right? Me and Marie? Not Hank and not that other guy you've been squawkin' 'bout."

"Who? The Mummy guy? Hey, I can't help it. He's got a dark charm and a tiny loincloth. Who could resist? I just saw that on TNT and my imagination is running amok. Of course, they totally screwed me on getting Evelyn together with the mummy in the sequel. I hope X2 doesn't screw me over too."

"Well, uh, you could just write what you wanted anyhow, right? Just ignore the sequel if I do somethin' weird like make a play for Jeannie. Or - or you'll find a way to explain it. You're good with that kinda shit."

"Um, thanks, I think. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. And you know, it could be something else - I mean, there's been some talk about having Remy in this one"

"Oh no. No way. No way, no how. That's my girl and the stinkin' Cajun had better stay clear. They can't get her together with Remy. Uh-uh."

"Well, go haunt Bryan Singer, or do whatever this is called. I'm sure he'd love to hear from a fictional character."

"Yeah. Might just do that. You know, I, uh, do appreciate the fact that you keep me and Marie together mosta the time. It's nice."

"Thanks. And I like seeing you together. That's why I write you. I'm not an angst queen, it's just not in me."

"You don't think separatin' me from the family jewels is angsty? Shi-i-it, woman."

"You're really fixating on this whole castration thing, you know. It's over and done with and it all grew back for goodness sakes. Besides, I had Marie lick you in that one. Plus, Hank got someone else. *Plus* I wrote Scott to be every bit the jerk you always say he is. Heck, you should be thanking me."

"Whatever. Just keep those parts of me attached from now on, got it?"

"Fine. Go talk to Singer now. I've got to get writing."

"Yeah. I'll be back to, uh, check in later."

"You mean to sneak a peek at what I'm doing with you?"

"Yeah, that. See ya."

"*Sigh.* Hey - one more thing. Do you mind stopping by Elizabeth's to wish her happy birthday and to apologize for the lameness of her birthday story?"

"And, um, could you give her a birthday kiss too?"

"Just a little one, a peck on the cheek? Come on, it's her birthday, and I couldn't come up with a good story for her birthday bunny. I bet a little smooch from you would go a long way toward making that all better"

"I'm not some - some gigolo! It's bad enough that I hafta kiss people who aren't Marie in the stories sometimes. I can't go around kissin' everybody!"

"Not everybody, just one person. For her birthday. Come on, I bet she's cute and Marie will understand."

"Oh, all right. But if Marie gets pissed, you explain it to her."

"Will do. And hey, think of it this way - it'll put me in a very good mood for writing."

"It better. I'll be back in a bit."

"Yep. Now let's get back to work. You were saying something about another installment of Writing on the Wall?"

"Yes. Yes, I was. And might I add that I thought Logan acted very characteristically in that fic? Not a woman-chaser, indeed!"

"Yep. Hank - I might do another one, and Marie doesn't seem to mind, but I'll warn you - Logan doesn't like to share."

"Well, I shall make it up to you. I shall cheerfully volunteer to bestow a birthday 'smooch' to the next poor person whose bunny does not turn out as they had hoped."

"Oh dear - no one asks for birthday fic with me in it, do they? Oh, my."

"No, no, that's not it - lots of people love you Hank, really. It's just that the birthday bunnies tend to be, um - "

"It is quite all right. I understand. I shall be in the kitchen, consoling myself with a sampling of your ample Twinkie supply."

"*Sigh* - muses. Can't live with them, can't get rid of them"

"That had better not be Logan back already - uh, come in."

"I've been looking all over for you! You and I are going to have a long talk, missy! I can't believe what you've done to me! I'll tell you something - I'm not some frosty ice queen or - or some cheating hussy or - or - evil!! I'm good! I'm the female lead! Don't you get that?!"

"Sure. Right. Hi Jean. Come on in."