Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Title: Dueling Diaries

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these charming people. Rats.

Archive: WRFA, Mutual Admiration, Peep Hut-everyone else, please ask.

Feedback: Please! With a cherry on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome

Summary: Logan exercises some bad timing, and Marie lets her Jean Issues get in the way of LoganLoving.

Comments: Just a foofy little ficlet. This was inspired by a plot bunny (and I've lost the e-mail and forgotten who tossed it-BadWriter!-so please let me know if this bunny is yours!) that wondered what if Logan knew about the self-deprecating thoughts Marie has about herself? (There was also an element wondering what Jean would do with that knowledge, but I decided to cut her a break since I was pretty darn evil to her in the last fic). Also, I've been wanting to do a journal/diary fic for a while, so voila. Lastly, I would like to say that any misspellings, grammatical errors, etc. you find in the headers are all mine, not Keli's-happy now, woman?

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I'd just like to say this is stupid. It's one of the stupidest things I ever heard. I'm not a deep-thinkin, write down your feelings kinda guy. But Chuck made all the teachers do it as some kinda get-in-touch-with-your-inner-mutant thing. I really don't get it. I mean, he's not even gonna look at it, so why do I hafta write shit down anyway?

I don't know if this counts, but I'm just going to start Professor Xavier's project here since I already have a journal going. I think that it's an interesting idea-he wants us to be a little more reflective, more introspective, and I think that's good. I'm not one of the ones who needs it, I don't think, but I'm probably one of the few who will really do it-Logan's probably just drawing pictures of bikes or naked women in his, and Scott's probably scribbling battle plans or something. 'Ro will probably do it. Jean probably wouldn't mind doing it, but between planning her wedding and research with Hank, she probably won't have time. Hank-I bet he'll do it. He's probably my best friend besides Logan.

Hmm. Let's see. Remy-he'll probably use his for a black book. Then again, maybe not-he's been full of surprises. Who knew he'd be good enough at math to teach it? I wonder if the Professor will keep one too. I bet telepaths are introspective by nature. I bet he doesn't need any development in that area.

So what's in my brain tonight? Well, Logan's weirdness continues. I know he's heartbroken over the whole wedding thing, but he's starting to seriously annoy me. At first, I thought-well, he's just reaching out to me because he's upset. And then I thought-well, it's kind of flattering that he's making moves-at least he sees me as a sexual being, eligible for drown-your-sorrows flings. But even though I told him all about my not wanting to be the Rebound Mattress that he uses to get over his feelings for Jean, he's still kind of been sniffing around me. And that-well, that pisses me off.

I know I don't really have the right to get mad about that-the guy's saved my life multiple times and if I owe anyone a little slack, it's him. And I have cut him a lot of slack-when he started making moves right after Scott and Jean made the announcement, I played it off. I kept on ignoring it for weeks. When he wanted to crawl into bed to 'sleep-just sleep, OK?' with me, I gently, and if I do say so myself, with a lot of tact, gave him the Rebound Mattress speech. I didn't even get upset (well, OK, not until after he left) that he looked all hurt that I wasn't going to let him get with me to help him forget Jean. The very next day, I sucked it up, played with the pain, and sat down beside him at breakfast, like always. Chirpy, happy, friendly Rogue with absolutely not a care in the world, going right on laughing and joking and trying to cheer him up. The man just does not appreciate the emotional torment he's putting me in and the extent of my buck-up-itude.

He's got to even out eventually, though, right? I mean, he's not going to be lovesick for Jean for the rest of his life, is he? The mopeyness has to lift sometime soon, I think. Maybe he just needs to get on with that drown-your-sorrows fling. You know, I should introduce him to Betsy.

Fuckin women. Marie-I just don't fuckin understand her. She's obsessed with me and Jeannie or somethin. Yeah, OK, so it wasn't the brightest thing I ever did to finally decide she was a few weeks past 18 and ready to, you know, get with me the same night that Jeannie announces she's lost enough of her mind to get married to Dumbass. But I told her, like, a hundred times, her and me don't have nothin to do with all that. She just don't believe it, though, and today she even goes and tries to push me to get together with some new chick at the mansion. Nice lookin woman, sure, but she's no Marie.

Look, I know she's probably got some images in her head about what I'd like to do with Jeannie. I'm sure that's gotta suck for her. But don't she have all the other stuff too? All the stuff I think about her? Maybe it don't work that way, maybe she don't get everythin, but why in the hell did she hafta get that insteada her stuff, huh?

I dunno what else to do or another way to go about gettin her fixation on Jeannie outta her head. If I gotta hear that Rebound Mattress thing one more time, I'm gonna lose it. I gotta figure somethin, though, 'cause she's gettin awfully cozy with Remy. That blue guy too. 'We're just friends, Logan. Don't worry you're my best friend.' Christ. I gotta do somethin soon.

OK, so the Logan and Betsy thing didn't quite take. I've got to start looking around for other doable women for him because if he doesn't cheer up soon, I'm going to lose it! Example-today I'm in the hallway, talking to Hank. Emphasis on the 'talking.' Not touching, not even a little, not doing anything but talking. And we're talking about something totally un-whatever-Logan-thinks-is-going-on-between-me-and-Hank. Something like class schedules or something. But Logan strolls by and starts giving me dark looks. Not only that, he waits until I'm done talking to Hank and then he starts grilling me-'What's going on between you two? You looked pretty cozy. Smart guys, is that what you go for?' Sheesh. At that point, I was tempted to tell him-look, I go for guys who aren't out to bone me just because their fantasy woman got hitched and I'm in the vicinity!

But do I say that? No, I forebear. I say Hank and I are friends. And what does he bust out with-'oh, yeah, like you and Remy are friends, uh-huh.' What the freaking hell? I mean, I can understand him maybe thinking that about Hank-he's got a lot in common with Logan-big, strong, hairy-but, honestly, Remy? I think he's nailed every living thing at the school. I got pissed when he said that about Remy, and I stomped off. He came up to me later and tried to be nicer-and he was. It was actually kind of fun to hang with him for a while. He didn't make any moves and we just talked and watched TV.

Why can't we just go back to being like that? I realized a long time ago that I'll never measure up to Jean. I know it, he knows it, we all know it. I mean, really, let's compare and contrast, shall we?

Beautiful, charming, educated, sophisticated, poised, brave

Weird hair, short legs, screamed the whole time I was kidnapped, barely passed high school and am eternally grateful for pity appointment as mansion art teacher

Has very useful mutation and can completely control it; in fact, uses it to fight evil

Has freaky, scary-ass mutation that I can't control at all and has been used to hurt (and make comatose) my nearest and dearest

Has saved Logan's life

Necessitated life savage referred to in the Jean column

Professor's favorite

Professor's least favorite due to having his best friend/ex-lover/mortal enemy stuck in my brain

Has a noble profession-doctor

Has a useless profession-artist

Has testified before congress, well-respected as a mutant-rights leader

Has testified before Scott when covering Jubes for breaking curfew, most respected for my ability to blow smoke rings from cigars

Has support of family and friends

Family disowned me; friends like me, but keep a safe distance at all times in fear for their lives

Can touch during sex

No dice, unless you have a death wish

Has much younger, very attractive soon-to-be-husband who is also team leader

Sadly single with zero prospects

Can cook a fabulous seven course meal

Has set the kitchen on fire on more than one occasion

And so you see-I come out woefully short in comparison. It's not even close. Oh well, I guess I just have to ride it out. I mean, Logan will get it together and get over her eventually (I think) and sometime soon, he'll meet a hot babe that he just can't resist nailing. I'll just have to keep my stiff upper lip firmly in place until then.

Can't sleep. Didn't make no headway with Marie today. Everything sucks. I wish I knew what was really goin on in her head. I wish there was some way to find out what she's

You know, I forgot to write in my journal yesterday. I thought for sure I left it out on my desk, but-wait a second. There it is. It's on the desk. But I didn't leave it open-hey! Somebody looked at it! They not only looked at it, they wrote in it and - oh!

Beautiful, charming, educated, sophisticated, poised, brave

Weird hair, short legs, screamed the whole time I was kidnapped, barely passed high school and am eternally grateful for pity appointment as mansion art teacher

Best thing I've ever seen, Jeannie included - got street smarts and brains - real talented at art

Has very useful mutation and can completely control it; in fact, uses it to fight evil

Has freaky, scary-ass mutation that I can't control at all and has been used to hurt (and make comatose) my nearest and dearest

Got a mutation that lets me live with her in her head-pretty cool

Has saved Logan's life

Necessitated life savage referred to in the Jean column

Worth risking life for

Professor's favorite

Professor's least favorite due to having his best friend/ex-lover/mortal enemy stuck in my brain

My favorite-screw Chuck

Has a noble profession-doctor

Has a useless profession-artist

Don't mind that my profession is ass-kickin, plus I like the paintings she does

Has testified before congress, well-respected as a mutant-rights leader

Has testified before Scott when covering Jubes for breaking curfew, most respected for my ability to blow smoke rings from cigars

Has always told me the truth, has always played it straight with me

Has support of family and friends

Family disowned me; friends like me, but keep a safe distance at all times in fear for their lives

Got me, and she's the only thing I got that's even close to family

Can touch during sex

No dice, unless you have a death wish

Would look damn good during sex and there's lotsa ways to get around the skin thing

Has much younger, very attractive soon-to-be-husband who is also team leader

Sadly single with zero prospects

Should get it through her head that I ain't interested in Jeannie and I ain't doin the rebound mattress thing with her

Can cook a fabulous seven course meal

Has set the kitchen on fire on more than one occasion

Always picks restaurants that make me a good steak

Knew she'd come over sooner or later. Well, she's either gonna be real happy or real pissed off. Might as well find out which one it's gonna be.

Well, she's smilin', so that's gotta be a good sign. And it's one of those teasin' smiles. Haven't seen one of them in a long time. Too long-way too long. "You know -" Oh yeah, and the sultry voice. I haven't heard that one in forever. "I think someone was looking at my journal."

"Really?" Come on, let's play. We haven't played together in a helluva long time.

"Mmm-hmm. They even wrote in it." Heh. She's playin'. She's playin' with me.

"Mmm-hmmm. They wrote some very nice things, but, you know, it's still a pretty bad thing to go looking at another person's private thoughts." That's it, come on over and sit next to me. On the bed. Come on.

"Well, I'm sure whoever it was probably only wanted to know what you were thinkin', maybe so they'd figure out how not to keep pissin' ya off or somethin' like that."

"You think?" Those big brown eyes are sayin' some interestin' things right now.

"I have another theory."

"Yeah? What's that?" She can tell me while I take that little book of hers outta her hands and start touchin' her hair. That should be no problem.

"Maybe they were trying to tell me something. Maybe they were trying to say they kind of liked me and not because they were on the rebound."

"Mmm" I haven't been close to her like this in so long.

Right. Talkin'. Conversation. Got it. "That could be so. If your theory's right, would ya believe them?"

"Maybe." She's almost-almost kissin' me. Those lips are real close to my sideburns. Real close. Come on, Marie, do it. "But I'd still probably want to go a little slow just-just to be sure, just so both of us could be sure."

"Slow's fine as long as we're goin'." There-there it is. First Marie kiss. Soft, real nice. But too damn short.

"Deal." Wait-where's she goin'? I'm not - she's not-"I've got to go write in my journal now. Missed yesterday's entry, you know." Back to playin'. I'm gonna like this.

"Need any help with that?"

"Maybe." Swayin' those hips as she's headin' out the door. Heh. I'm sure as hell followin'. After all, she might need a little help, uh, writin'. Yeah, that's it, writin'.