Bizarre Love Triangle Title:  Bizarre Love Triangle Author:  Terri E-mail:  xgrrl26@yahoo.com Disclaimer:  Neither Logan, Logan, nor Rogue belong to me.  None of the other x-men, either. Archive:  Sure, why not?  Just ask first :) Feedback:  Please!  With whipped cream on top? Summary:  Logan, Rogue, and Logan try to sort out their interpersonal relationships. Comments:  I started wondering what it would be like to live with someone in your head, constantly.  Even if it's someone you get along with really well, they're still there when you do things like pick your nose or fart or go to the bathroom (not that I, personally do such things, you understand.).  So, this started out as a comedic take on the concept of Rogue having an "inner-Logan" but quickly veered off course.  (Yes, yes, Terri going off course with an idea, how unusual..you can all stifle your shock now..)  The title comes from the song by New Order, which I highly recommend.  On a somewhat unrelated topic, I also recommend "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division - some of the bleakest love song lyrics ever, set to a bouncy, yet sparse beat.  Worth checking out (cough - Napster - cough.). ------------------------------------------------------------ [Good mornin', darlin'.] [Good morning.  How long have you been up?] [Just a little while.  Nice to watch you sleep.  You slept good last night.] [No nightmares, at least.] "Hey, chica, you up?" "Yeah.  What time is it?" "It's nine.  We've got shopping to do, woman.  Let's hit the showers." "OK." [Ah, shower time's my favorite, darlin'.] [You know, my hair's just getting drier and drier.  Maybe I should try a different conditioner.  Or maybe I need a hot oil treatment.] [Your hair looks good to me.] [Thanks.  I wonder what - ] [Marie!] [What?  What's wrong?] [Nothin', it's - it's me, I'm back.  I'm downstairs.  I can smell it.] [Oh, God, oh God - ] [It's OK.] [No, no it's not.  He's - he's been gone for over a year.  No letters, no calls.  What am I going to say to him?] [He missed you.] [I missed him too, but..] [But?] [I'm afraid.  I don't know what his reaction will be.  I don't know how he feels about me.] [Yes you do.  You know how I feel.] [You're different than outside-Logan.  It's not the same.  You've been living with me for a year.  You've been with me every minute of every day.  You've slept with me, seen me naked - ] [Yeah, and he'll want to be with you too.  I mean, I'm not stupid.  I know beautiful when I see it, darlin'.] [Are you sure?] [Pretty sure.  Go on, get dressed and go down to see him.] [What if - ] [Then I'll be here.  I ain't goin' nowhere.] [I'm sorry, Logan.  I'm sorry you have to stay in my head.  You know that, right?] [Yeah.  And you know I'm not sorry.  I wanted to stay.  'Cause I love you, kid.  Now, get goin'.] "Hey." "Hey, kid." "I'm so glad you're back, Logan.  So glad.  I really missed you."  [I know, I know, that sounds so sappy.] [We know you mean it.] "I missed ya too." [See?  Look at how he's all fidgety.  He missed you a lot.] "Did you find anything?" "Nah.  Not really." [Is he - I think he's lying.  He found something, something bad.] [I think you're right, kid.  Dammit, I wanna know.  Do ya think you can get him to tell us?] [I don't know.  I don't want to push him if he's not ready.] [Trust your gut.] "I'm sorry.  Sorry to hear that.  Are you staying around for a while?"  [Please, please say yes.  I missed you so much.] "Yeah, I guess so." [He's nervous 'bout somethin'.] [Me?] [Kinda.  It's like he doesn't know what to do around you.] [Shit.] [Don't worry, it's OK.  He'll even out.  I think he just needs a little time.  He really loves you, Marie, he does.] "Good.  Well, come on, I'll show you up to your old room.  It's empty now - no guests lately.  And maybe we can talk for a while - we have so much to catch up on.  I'm just so glad you're back"  [Maybe he'll say something about what he found when he feels more relaxed.] [I sure as hell hope so.  I gotta know.] [I know.  I'll try.] "So.what've you been up to?" "Oh, you know, finished school, started training for the team." [I can tell by his reaction that he doesn't like that any more than you do.] [Hell no.  And why should he?  I toldya that - ] [I know.  Logan, I'm a little worried about him.  He looks tense.] [He's sittin' on his bed with you.  That's why he's tense.  He just don't know how to be around you, honey, that's all.] "Marie.." [Oh God, that's the first time he's called me that, the first time I've heard it from anyone but you in so long.] "..you know, I, uh, decided to come back to, um, you know, keep you safe.  I promised to take care of you, and you don't hafta go joinin' the team.  You can depend on me." [Us.  You can depend on us, darlin'.] "I know.  I know.  I just - I feel so grateful to the Professor for all he's done, for putting me up, paying for everything.  I feel like I should do something to pay him back." "You don't owe him, not that, Marie, not puttin' yourself in danger like that." [Should I tell him about the powers?] [Yeah, darlin'.  He'll understand, just like I did.  It's all me.] "I, uh, some things happened while you were away.  I absorbed a mutant with super strength and the ability to fly, like Storm.  I still have those powers.  That's part of why they wanted me to join the team." "How'd that happen?" "Well.I, ah, I killed her.  I - she was sent by Magneto to attack me, here, at the mansion, and I killed her.  I didn't mean to.  I really didn't.  But she didn't give me much of a choice.  I - I feel really bad about it and I know it's really weird." [It wasn't your fault, darlin'.] "I'm sure it wasn't your fault, Marie." [See?  It's all me.] "I still feel awful.  And it is weird." [But I'm just so grateful to you for taking care of her once she got in my head.  She was crazy and I don't know what I would've done without you up there, Logan.] [It's just me and you up here now, darlin'.  Just like I promised you it would be.  I promised you it'd be OK and it was.  I'll always be here to take care of you, baby.] "It ain't weird.  It's just how it is.  Is she - is she still in your head?  Like I was?" [I don't know how to answer him.] [Whaddya always tell me?  Go with the truth.  It's simple.] "No.  You - the part of you that was in my head, um, well, you decided to stay there.  And you killed off everybody else - Magneto, Carol - that was her name, and my boyfriend." "I killed them off?" [He's looking at me weird, like I've grown a third head or something.  See?  He does think it's weird.] [He don't think you're weird, he thinks I'm weird and he's maybe a little pissed that I'd go killin' people inside your head.  He's worried about you, that's all.] "Yeah.  That's - that's what you called it.  And I could even kind of feel you fighting them in my head, butwell, you kept me pretty shielded from it." [Hope that helps.  And you did - you did keep me protected from most of it.] ['Course, darlin'.] "Marie, am I - what am I like up there?" "You'll think I'm nuts." "Nah.  Tell me, come on." [I really like the way he's looking at me now.  And the way he's holding my hand, rubbing it just a little.  He's never been afraid of me, has he?] [No, we haven't.  We love you, we're not afraid.] [How should I explain it to him, you and I?] [Start with how it feels.] "Well, it's like you're a part of me.  Not just my brain, all of me, everywhere.  You're so strong inside me.  But you're distinct too.  So distinct that I can talk to you, carry on conversations in my head.  I call him inside-Logan.  You're outside-Logan." "What do we talk about?" "Oh, just stuff.  Anything.  Everything.  It's - you're with me all the time so we just talk about what's happening around us, what's going on day to day.  You kind of act like a traffic cop when the Professor or Jeannie calls, you know, in my head.  You don't like anyone else but you and me to be in there.  You've - you're really helpful to me.  You always say nice things to me, make me feel good." "You sure that's me in there?" [That was a joke, but he's sad - what's wrong?] [Dunno.  Maybe - maybe it's 'cause of somethin' he found out or - ] "Are you talkin' to me now, Marie?  I mean, inside-Logan." "Yeah.  All the time." [Now he is looking at me like I'm nuts.] [You're not.  It's just hard to understand for other people.] "What am I sayin'?" "Right now?" "Yeah." "Well, just that - you're reassuring me I'm not crazy and that it's hard for people who haven't experienced this kind of thing to really understand."  [Was that OK?] [I think he'll get it.] "I said that?  In those words?" "Well, no. You talk more like you.  But that was the gist of it." "All this time.." "You're strong up there, Logan.  You've gotten me through a lot.  Not just Carol.  The nightmares - "  [Damn.  I shouldn't have said that.  It made him wince.  Damn.] [It's OK.  We're just - you know we feel bad 'bout that, darlin'.  I'd give anything to kick those outta your head too.] "Look, Logan, I'm OK.  I am.  The nightmares - you're there to help me through, and it's not your fault I have them." "How can you say that?" [Why is he mad all of a sudden?] [Dunno.  Could be just frustrated or - ] "*I* put them there, Marie.  *I* did that to you.  That's - that's who I am.  Those are the kind of things I do.  Don't - why don't you see that?" [Why - Logan, why is he being mad?  He's - he's mad at me.] [Grrrrr..] "You gotta get it through your head kid.  I'm not - I'm not one of the good guys, all right?  You'd have been a helluva lot better off if you never met me." "That's not true, Logan.  I'd be dead if I'd never met you.  Several times over.  I thought - you said you came back to take care of me."  [Help me - I don't - I don't understand what's going on.] [He's bein' an asshole, that's what.] [But why?  Did I do something wrong?  Did I - ] "What're ya doin'?  Talkin' to me in your head?" "Y-yeah." "Well, ask him.  Ask him what kinda man I am.  He'll tell ya." [He won't even look at me.  Help me, help me.  Tell me what I did wrong.  Tell me what I did to make him mad.  I'll stop doing it, I - ] [It ain't nothin' you did.  I think - he's pissin' me off and it's hard to think straight, but I think he musta found out some real bad shit and now he's mad 'cause you're still bein' the same old Marie to him.  He thinks you shouldn't be like that or somethin' 'cause he found out some bad stuff about us.] "He says you're mad.  He says - he says maybe you found out some bad things about your past, but you're not a bad person." "He's a fuckin' liar."  [I'm scared.  I don't - I can't stop making him mad.] [I ain't gonna let him pull this shit on you.  You just leave, Marie.  You just go back to your room and let asshole here stew a while.] [No.  I - he just got back, and I missed him so much.  I don't want to leave him yet, please.] "Logan, you are - you aren't bad, not - I don't know how to say it, but I have you in my head, I know you're not bad.  You - you did all kinds of good things for me." "You - " [Good.  Turn around and look at her and look at what you did, asshole.  She's about to cry and it's your fuckin' fault.] [Don't - stop it, stop yelling at him.  I can't - ] "Shit.  Shit, I'm sorry, Marie." [He's - I just don't understand.  You don't - you never get mad at me like that.  Not at me.] [He ain't mad at you, darlin', he's just takin' it out on you.] [Why?  Tell me, just tell me what I did to make him - ] "Marie?  Say somethin', please.  I'm - I'm really sorry.  Please?" "I don't understand.  I don't know what I did, Logan - I - " "Darlin', you didn't do nothin'. You didn't.  I'm - I'm bein' - I dunno how to do this, Marie.  I'm bein' shitty 'cause I just dunno what to do now.  C'mere.  It's OK.  It's OK, I promise.  C'mere." [Oh, it feels so good for you to hold me.] [Mmmmm.] "You did find out something, something bad." "Real bad." "You can tell me.  I'll still - nothing would change how I feel about you or how I look at you." "I can't.  I can't, kid." [No - don't let her go, not yet.  Not yet, wait - ] "I'm just.I'm all fucked up, all right?  I didn't mean to yell at ya.  I don't - I don't wanna upset you.  That's not what I wanted.  OK?" "OK."  [Anything, just please don't be mad.  Please just be my Logan, the Logan I remembered.  Please.  I need you.] [You got me, always, no matter what he does.  Just remember that, darlin'.] "Maybe - maybe you should go, huh?  I'll get settled in here and catch up with ya later." "O-OK." [I don't want to go.] [It's best.  For now.  He's too - he ain't thinkin' right.] [But - ] [Trust me, darlin'.  It'll be OK.  Trust me.] [But it's been three days, and he's hardly talked to me at all.] [It's not you, baby, it's not.  And it ain't gonna get any better by you just layin' awake at night.  Come on, darlin' try to get some sleep.] [No, I don't think I can sleep.  You go ahead, though.  It's OK, I'll just stay up and think a while.] [Nah.  I'll stay up with ya.  I don't need that much sleep.] [Are you sure?  Because - ] ".unnnhhh." [That's Logan, isn't it?  He's having a bad dream, isn't he?] [Stay here, Marie.] ".aaahhhh, noooooo" [He is having a bad dream.  I'll just go over and wake him.  I - ] [No.  No, Marie.  Stay here.] [I can't.  I have to try to help him.] [Marie, no!  The last time we fuckin' stabbed ya!] [It was an accident.  And I'll be more careful.  Look - look, he is having a nightmare.  God, it looks bad.] [Careful, Marie, careful.] "Logan?" "Mmmmpphhhhnooo" "Logan?  Wake up.  Wake up, please." [I think he's - ] [Get back!] "Oh!" "Arrgghh!!" "Logan!" [Marie, Marie - ] "Shit!  Are you OK, kid?" "I'm fine.  I'm fine.  You missed me." "Shit.  Goddammit, Marie, what were you doin'?" "You were having a nightmare.  I could hear it next door and - " "And dontcha remember what happened the last fuckin' time?  I coulda killed you.  What the hell is wrong with you?" [I - I - that hurts.  That really hurts.  Why is he yelling at me?] [GRRRR.] "Well?  What were ya thinkin'?  Huh?  What if I'd hurt you?" "I - I - I'm sorry.  I'm sorry." [I don't know, I don't know what I was thinking, I just wantedI don't know.  And he's right, I just - if he'd hurt me then he would've touched me and I would've hurt him again.  No wonder he's mad.  I - ] [Stop it, baby, stop it.  You didn't do - ] [But I did do something wrong.  You tried to stop me, and I went ahead anyway.  I could've killed him.  Oh, God, no wonder he's madhe's just standing there staring at me, trying not to yell anymore.  Oh, God, Logan, I screwed up.  I screwed up so bad.] [No!  Listen to me - ] "I'm sorry, Logan, I'm sorry.  I'll go now.  I'll go right now." [Please stop cryin', baby.] [I can't.] [He loves you, darlin', he does.  He's just real fucked up right now.  He's takin' that out on you and he's got no right to do that.  But he's not himself.] [You mean he's not like you.  He's not like he was.] [II dunno about all that.  I just know he does love you, we both do.] [Oh, Logan..I don't think he does.  I really don't think he does anymore.] [Please, baby, calm down, you're gonna hyperventilate.] [I can't.] [It's OK.  It's OK.  It's gonna be all right, honey, I'm always with you.  I ain't leavin'.  I'm here with you always.  I promise.  I promise.] [It hurts so much.] [I know, darlin', and I'm so sorry.  Just - give him some time, give him another chance.] [I don't know..] [You don't hafta do it now.  You don't hafta think about it now.  Just try to calm down a little, all right?] [It just hurts so much..] "You're leaving, aren't you?"  [I can't believe it, he was just going to leave without telling me.  If I hadn't stopped by his room, I'd have never known.] "Yeah." "Please, don't.  Please stay."  [He wants to, darlin', I can tell, but..] "I can't Marie.  I'm no good to you or anyone else any more." "That's not true." "It is, kid, it is.  I thought.." "Tell me, please." "I thought that I could come back and you'd be my Marie and I'd be your Logan.  It ain't workin' out like that, though." "But I can be what you want, just tell me - " [No, Marie, don't - ] "It's not you, darlin'.  It's not.  It's me.  I can't be - I can't be who you think I am anymore.  I - I think I'd better go while you still remember some of the good stuff about me, not just me yellin' and makin' you cry.  I.at least this way, you'll remember some of the good stuff about me." "Please" "Come on now, don't cry.  It's gonna be all right.  You're gonna be all right." "No, I'm not.  I - I don't want you to go." "It's for your own good, darlin'.  I ain't fit to be around.  I ain't." "I don't want to be without you.  Please.  I - I love you." "I know, kid.  But you're so much better than me.  You deserve so much better." "Logan - " [Goddammit, all right, keep your pants on, Chuck!  He wants you, Marie, there's a mission.] [Good God, not now.] [He's screamin' for ya.  It's Sabretooth.  And Magneto.] [Crap.] "Marie?" "It's the Professor.  There's a mission.  I've got to go.  Please - please don't go anywhere until I get back.  Please, Logan, promise me that." "I can't, kid, I gotta - " "Please, Logan, I won't go unless you promise and they really need me, please!" "OK.  I promise..." "Logan.." "I promise.  Now - go, go on." [Marie, just hang on.] [Logan..] [You hang on.  You stay awake, Marie.  You listen to me.] "massive blood loss, Scott.  Not to mention the scarring even if she survives" [I'm so tired..] [I know, darlin', but you gotta stay awake, keep talkin' to me.  Stay with me.  Can't lose you, baby, hang on.] [Sabretooth?] [Don't worry about him now.  That fuckin' asshole, I'm gonna - ] [He got away, didn't he?] [Don't worry about him now.] "..Logan?  He could be our only chance if she doesn't respond to .." [He's gone, isn't he?  He'd be here with me if he wasn't.  He - he broke his promise, didn't he?] [Darlin', please don't - ] [Just tell me.  He's gone, right?] [I'm so sorry, baby.  But just remember I'm still here, I'm with you.  Always.  Stay with me, Marie, just stay with me.] [I don't want to lose you too, Logan] [You ain't gonna ever lose me.  I love you so much.  So much.  You're so beautiful, so good, darlin'.  You just hang on.  You just stay with me.] [I'm so tired.  I miss him so much, and I..I don't know if I] [Please, darlin', for me?  Hang on for me.  I need you.  Please.] "gone.  How the hell are we going to find him?" "The Professor can use." [I'm just so tired..] "Marie?  Shit, Jeannie, just let me do it." "No.  We don't know - she's been having some unusual brain activity, and it's too much of a risk.  She's responding better now.  Give it some time, Logan." [Logan?] [I'm here, darlin'.  Right here.  How're ya feelin'?] [Crappy.  Everything hurts.] [I know, I know.  You're gonna be all right, though, I can smell it on ya.  You're gonna be fine.] "Marie?  I thought I saw her open her eyes a little, just for a second.  Jeannie?" "It could just be a muscle twitch, Logan.  She's doing a lot better, but don't get your hopes up too much.  It's hard to tell what's really going on in there with the abnormal brain wave patterns, but my guess would be that she won't regain consciousness for a while." [Well, good.  Because I really don't feel like getting up.  Not while everything hurts like this.] [You just rest then.  I'll watch over ya.] [Logan?] [Yeah, darlin'.] [Don't - you can't let him touch me.  I don't know what'll happen to you if he does.  Don't let him.] [Marie, if somethin' happens and he needs to, I - ] [No!  Promise me.  Promise me you won't] "Jeannie?  What's that beepin' mean?  What's wrong?" "Her heart rate jumped.  So did her breathing.  I - I don't know why yet.  Give me a minute.." "Jeannie!" [You know I can't make you that promise, baby.  If you need it to save your life, I'll let him do it.] [I won't want to - please, just don't let him touch me.  Please promise.] "It's calming a little, I think.  I'm not sure what happened, but I think she's returning to normal now." "Is there anythin' you do fuckin' know?" "Logan." "Huh?  She's layin' here and all I'm hearin' outta you is 'I don't know' - she could be dyin' while you're tryin' to figure it out, goddammit!" "Logan, calm down." [All right, all right.  I promise this - I'll try everythin' short of riskin' your life to stop him from touchin' ya.  OK?] [OK.  Thanks, Logan.] "Why should I be fuckin' calm, Jeannie?  You sent her out against Sabretooth, and she comes back lookin' like she's been put through a shredder and missin' half her blood.  What the hell were ya thinkin', puttin' her on the team, sendin' her up against him?  You were supposedta fuckin' protect her, take care of her, keep her safe!" "She saved all of our lives, Logan.  And the lives of a lot of innocent people.  It's what she wanted, Logan." [I'm getting tired again.  Is it OK for me to sleep for a while?] [Sure, darlin'.  You just rest.  I'll watch over ya.] "It ain't what she wanted.  It's what she felt obligated to do.  'Cause of Chuck helpin' her.  It ain't what she fuckin' chose!" "Logan, you left her with us.  For more than a year.  Of course we helped her.  What did you think we'd do?" "I didn't think you'd blackmail her inta joinin' the team!" "That's enough, Logan.  Why don't you take a few minutes to calm down?  I'll be right outside if she needs me." [I wish he wasn't so upset..] [Don't worry about him now, darlin'.  You just rest up.  You just get better.] [Good mornin', beautiful.] [Good morning.] [How're you feelin'?] [Better.  A lot better.] [Good.  You look better.  You look beautiful too.  Did I mention that?] "Jeannie?  I think - I think she smiled." "Really?" [Flatterer.  I know.I know what he did to me, Logan.  I know how it must look.] [It looks fine.  You're still my Marie.] "There - see?" "I think you're right, Logan.  Let me see." [Thanks for taking care of me.  Thanks for not letting him touch me.] [Anytime.] [I guess I have to open my eyes and talk to them pretty soon, huh?] [Whenever.  There's no rush.] [They're worried.  He's worried.  He must have been really worried to come back.] [Or maybe he finally just got his head outta his ass.] [Logan, I'm a little afraid..] [Tell me.  Go on, darlin'.] [All of it?] [All of it.] [I'm afraid once he knows I'm OK, he'll leave.  I'm afraid he'll yell at me some more, and be like he was.  I'm afraid he'll look at me..because of the scars, you know? I'm afraid he'll pity me or be disgusted.] [How could he?  You're our Marie.  Our beautiful Marie.] [Logan, I love you, but I know Sabretooth got me good.  Right across my cheek, along my left cheekbone.  It still hurts a little, I can feel it.  Not to mention the rest of me - arms, back, front, legs, he pretty much covered everything.] [Don't matter to me none.] [That's because you're on the inside.  It'll be different for him, looking at me on the outside.] [I don't think so, but whatever you wanna do, darlin'.  It's up to you.] [OK.  Hang on to me tight, OK?  I'm - I'm going to really need you a lot.] [You got me.] "Hey - Jeannie, are you out there? - She's - Marie?  Kid?" "Hey." "Look at that - she's - hey, you're talkin'.  Hey, darlin'." [He looks really bad.  Almost like he's going to drop from exhaustion.] [He's fine.  He heals.  Don't worry about us.] "Hey." [Why does he look so worried all of a sudden?] "That's not - uh, can you say somethin' else, darlin'?" "Sure.  What should I say?" "Oh.  Oh.  Nothin'.  Just got worried there for a second.  Whew." [He's so jumpy.  I've never seen him like that.] [He was real worried about you.] [But you never get like that.  Even when..even in really bad times.] ['Cause I'm in here.  I can feel you all the time, and I always know what's goin' on.  He don't.] "Hmmm." "What was that, darlin'?" "Oh.  Nothing.  How - how are you?  You don't look so good."  [I'm really worried.] [We're fine.] "I'm fine. Just a little tired is all.  Haven't slept much in a while, nothin' to worry yourself over, kid." [See?  Toldya.] "Look at you smilin'.  You've been doin' that a lot this mornin'." "I thought you left." "That's - that's why you were - " [Oh, God, I didn't mean it like that.]  "No, no - that's not why I smiled.  I just - I thought you left.  I'm glad you came back.  That's why I smiled.  I'm glad you're here." "Listen, kid, they wouldn't let me touch ya.  But I'm gonna do that now, OK?  'Cause I - " "No." "What?" "No, Logan.  I don't want that.  Don't touch me." "Marie, honey, you might not remember, but you got hurt real bad.  He, uh, he cut you up pretty bad.  You've got - you've got - " "I know.  I can feel the cuts.  They still hurt a little.  I know." "But, then - " "No.  I don't want to change the you in my head, inside-Logan.  I don't know what would happen up there if you touched me again, and I don't want to risk it." [I knew it'd disappoint him, but, God, he looks just crushed.] "I got it.  I got it." "Logan?" "I musta fucked up even worse than I" "Logan?"  [What's wrong with him?] [Dunno.  But I think he might actually tell ya.  He's too tired for any kinda bullshit.] "I'm sorry.  I just want you to know that." "For what?" "For..for bein' so..for bein' the kinda person that you'd never wanna be touched by." "Logan, that's not what I meant, I - " "It's OK, Marie.  You don't hafta explain.  I mean, the fact that you'd rather live with the scars than touch me again, I.I understand." "No.  No.  Listen to me, Logan, listen.  It's not that.  I don't really care about the scars, one way or another.  I justinside-Logan, I need him now.  I need him a lot." ''Cause I can't give you what you need." "I just need him.  He's - he's lived with me for all this time, all the time.  He knows me and he's always there." "Not like me.  I leave." "I didn't mean it that way."  [Help me, this isn't coming out right, he's taking everything all wrong.] "But it's true." "Logan, please.." [Don't get yourself upset, darlin'.  You need to save your strength.  Come on, it's gonna be OK.] "Tell me what you need, Marie."  [Oh my God, I've never seen that look before.  His eyes - it feels like they're burning into me, and he looks so.desperate?]  "Tell me what you need, and I'll try to do it.  I swear to God, I will.  I'll try my hardest, whatever you want." [What do I say?  What do I tell him?] [Whatever's in your heart, darlin'.  Just tell him somethin' 'cause he looks like he's gonna lose it any second.] "I just want you to stay.  OK?  Could you do that?  Could you stay?" "Yeah.  I can do that.  I can do that, Marie." [You know, when I said 'stay' I didn't really mean for him to move me into his room.  I kind of miss Jubes.] [I don't.  She's loud.  We may be cranky and weird, but at least we're quieter.] [Grumpy.] [Sleepy.] [That's not my fault.  You generate a lot of body heat.  It makes me sleepy.] [I'm glad you decided to move over here - it's nice to feel him holdin' you at night and it's workin' out a lot better for when there's nightmares.  You need someone to rub your back when you wake up cryin'.] [You always made me feel better.  You did a good job.] [Yeah, but now it's like - team me.  Team Logan is here to comfort you now.] "Marie?" "Sorry.  Inside-you said something funny.  He called the both of you 'Team Logan' and that just kind of made me laugh." "I'm all for you laughin', darlin'." [I know he still feels a little weird about you and me.] [He'll get over it.  He likes being with you like this, you know?  He really likes it, I can tell.] [I like it too.  I just wish he wasn't so sad so much of the time.] "I like to see you laugh too." "You make me plenty happy." [Whoa, that's the first time he's said anything like that.] [He feels it a lot, though.  I can tell.  He just doesn't usually say it.] "I'm glad.  It was all part of my plan."  [I think he likes joking with me, playing a little.] [He does, just like I do.  It's all me.] [Why does he do that?  Stroke the scar on my face like that?  I would think he wouldn't want to touch it, even through gloves.] [I dunno, but I'd guess that he wishes he could fix it for ya.  Feels nice to touch you that way too.  Just feels good.] "And what plan was that, darlin'?" "Oh, you know, the get-Logan-to-be-happy plan.  There were several components." "Yeah?" "Oh, yes.  Joking, watching hockey, drinking beer, buying you cigars, perhaps even tickling."  [Although it's not fair that you feed me knowledge of where he's most ticklish..] [All's fair in love and ticklin'.] "Gonna try that again, huh?" "Well, yeah.  It's actually made you *almost* laugh a couple times now.  I'm keeping it up until I hear a giggle." "I don't giggle, darlin'." [Damn right, Team Logan don't have any gigglers.] [Oh, I've heard a giggle or two out of you..] [Just when you do somethin' too cute to stop myself.  That's your fault, really.] "Well, I guess I'll settle for some cuddling, then.  At least for now." "You go on and drift off - you need your sleep.  You're still recoverin'." "Mmmm-hmmmmLove you." ".Darlin'?  Were you - were you talkin' to me or him?" "Both." "It's OK, Logan." "I, uh, I got carried away.  It won't happen again." "It's OK." [A little help here would be nice.] [Sorry, darlin'.  That just felt so good] "I'm - uh, I won't do that again." "I wouldn't mind if you did.  You know, if you decided you wanted to." [Are you with me?] [Yeah, OK.  Uh, OK..] "I shouldnta done that.  I don't wanna - I don't wanna take advantage." "You're not." "Yeah, yeah, I kinda am." [Logan, he's getting out of bed.  He's really upset.  Help me out, here.] [I dunno why he would be upset.  That was fuckin' spectacular.  I've been wantin' to do those kinda things with you for so long.] [I liked it a lot too, but - ] "I'm - you don't know the whole story 'bout me, darlin'.  If you did, you - well, you wouldn't want me doin' those things to ya." "So tell me the whole story - Logan, there's nothing that you could say that would change my feelings for you." "I know you believe that, darlin', I do." "It's true.  I know - I know this is about what you found out, about your past.  Please, just talk to me, just tell me.  We can work our way through it." [I think he might - he looks like he's thinking about it.] [I hope he does.  It's about fuckin' time.  But, uh, darlin'?  Brace yourself, OK?  'Cause it must be some seriously bad shit.] [Whatever it is, I love you both.  You know that.] "I was a monster, Marie.  I killed, I tortured, I was like some kinda animal.  I was no better than Sabretooth - shit, I was actually probably a lot like him." [Oh, God.] "I didn't care - women, childrenaccording to some of what I found, even whole families.  Whatever they told me to do, I did it." "Who?  Who's they?" "Government.  Black ops.  Totally covert.  It says in the files I found that they picked me out 'cause of my 'violent tendencies' - they knew I wasn't right, that I was some kinda animal, not a person.  They put all the metal in and put some kinda chip in my brain.  Whatever they wanted, I did.  No questions." "But - but they controlled you.  The chip - " "The chip just let loose what was already inside me, Marie, that's all." "That's not true - well, it's - " "Ya see?  Even you know.  You know there's that stuff inside me.  You know better than anyone, probably.  You got me in your head, after all." [Help me.  I have to say the right thing here..Logan?] [Sorry.  I - shit, it's bad.  Marie, I dunno.how could we have done that shit?] "OK, all right.  You - you're both going to listen to me for a second, OK?  You're not some kind of animal.  You're a person, a really good person, one of the best people I've ever known.  Yes, there's - there's a side to you that's fierce and protective and that'll fight for what's important.  But they took that and twisted it and had to plant a chip in your head to *make* you do those things.  It wasn't your choice, it's not what you wanted." "Marie, they knew - " "Logan, why would you put so much stock in what their opinion of you was?  Look at what kind of people they were." "But." [And you too - don't sit back there and mope.  You know I'm right.] [But, the stuff he said we did] "It wasn't right.  What they did to you wasn't right, what you did to those poor people wasn't right, what you're going through now that you've found out isn't right.  But it just means that those people, the government people, were awful.  They were the animals, the monsters.  They made all this happen.  The blame for it is on their shoulders, Logan.  And you..they hurt you too." [Baby, I dunno..] [I'm right.  I'm right on this.  Trust me, Logan.  I *know* you.] "Logan?  Say something?" "I - I don't have anythin' to say." "Please tell me what you're thinking." [Please?] [I love you.  I love you so much.  You're - you're just everythin' to me, darlin'.  Everythin'.  And I'm so glad you're not - I'm so glad you don't think bad on me 'cause of this.  I - you just amaze me.] "I love you.  A lot, Logan.  A lot." "How can you?  I'm.I'm" "Loyal and brave and strong and *good*, so good." "I'm some piece of shit they picked up and - " "Don't say that about yourself.  Don't.  It's not true." "Marieyou.you're just seein' me that way 'cause." "Because of what?  Why do you think I see you that way?" "Just 'cause I saved your life or somethin'.  That's all.  I happened to do somethin' good once, and you just happened to be there for it." "You saved me three times, Logan - once by picking me up, once by letting me touch you, and once from Magneto.  You risked your own life, knowingly, doing it.  What kind of person does that?  Nobody does that, Logan.  Not the Professor, not any of the x-men, not my friends here.  None of them would take those risks for me, just for me.  They wouldn't.  They'd sacrifice me in a heartbeat if it meant saving someone else.  I know that.  I know it and I understand it.  But that's not what you'd do.  You'd risk your life for mine.  What kind of person does that, Logan?  A bad person?" "Not a good person, either, darlin', just a person who loves you and would give anythin' in the whole world to keep you safe and happy and to do right by you." [Finally, he says it.  We do, you know.  We really do love you a lot.  Both of us.] [I know.  But I'm glad to hear him say it too.  And I'm glad he's letting me hug him now.  It's a good sign. I'd better tell him back.] "I love you too.  And I'm glad you told us." "Us?" "Oh, uh, me and inside-Logan." "What - what's he sayin' to you 'bout all this?" [Can I tell him?] ['Course.  We're Team Logan, right?] "He's upset, and surprised, but he's telling me that he knows I don't think badly of him and that he's glad about that.  He says he loves me, and I'm telling him I love him too.  That hasn't changed.  It's awful, but he feels OK with me, I can tell." [You left out the part where I said you're amazin'.] "He's a pretty smart guy, huh?" "You both are." "So you don't - you don't think.." "I think I'll probably never stop loving you, no matter what.  And I don't think I'll ever have anything as good as you in my life.  Nothing - nothing on the outside changes what's between you and me, Logan." [He's hugging me really tight now.  I think it's going to be OK.  I think he's going to be OK.] [We all are, darlin'.  Thanks for gettin' us through it OK.  You *are* amazin', you know that?  And beautiful.  And sexy.] [Sweet-talker.] [Love you.] [Love you too.] "I'm a little jealous of him sometimes, you know?" "Why?" "'Cause he gets to be on the inside with you, 'cause he's with you all the time." "You don't really let me out of your sight much." "But still, he's there when you're out shoppin' with the girls or just by yourself in the shower or somethin'." [Tell him I'll gladly let him go along on the shoppin'.  But the showerin's non-negotiable.] "He says he'll let you have the shopping.  And I might be convinced to let you hop in the shower with me.." "I was actually thinkin' 'bout that too.  I can get a holda one of those wet suits Scooter uses for trainin'." "I could wear the wet suit." "Aw, then the shower wouldn't be as much fun for me, darlin'.  I'd like you in there without a stitch." "Really?" [Duh.  Team Logan likes you naked.  This is a surprise?] [Well, the scars..] "Yeah, really.  Why?" "I'm just a little surprised.  I don't think - well, I don't like how I look naked that much." [You look all kindsa good naked, baby.] "The scars bother you?" "Well, yeah.  They're pretty ugly." [Nothin' could ever look ugly on you.] "Nah.  They're just there.  Sometimes, I don't - well, it makes me remember what happened, that's all.  And that pisses me off.  The next time that bastard comes anywhere near me, he's gonna get his fuckin' heart ripped out.  But I don't think they're ugly.  They're just there, that's all.  You're - you're still beautiful.  Um, I mean just plain beautiful.  Like always.  Forget I put in 'still'.  You're beautiful, period." "They bother you." "Nah." "Come on, it's - it's OK, you can be honest.  It's OK if they bother you." "Do they - do they hurt?" "No, sometimes they get itchy, but they don't really hurt." "I wish there was a way to fix 'em." "They do bother you." "No, baby, not like you think.  I just - remember how I said I was a little jealous of him?  I just remember how much you didn't want me touchin' you, how much you were protectin' him." [It's more than that - he - the scars bother him on an aesthetic level too, but he doesn't want to tell me that.  He's trying not to hurt my feelings.] [I dunno.I think what he said is right.  The you and me thing - it's hard for him to understand, and we're a jealous guy by nature.] [But you're never jealous of him.  At least not that you tell me.] [Nah.  But I'm in here with you, you mellow me out a little.  And, darlin', you never leave me any room to doubt how much you love me, both of me.  It's all me, it's all good.] "Marie?" "Sorry.  Just talking to him a little about that, and about the scars." "I didn't say stuff right.  I don't - you're beautiful, and I meant that. I really, really meant that." "OK." [It's harder to tell with him.  I can feel it from you pretty directly.  But I'll take his word on it.] [Good.  'Cause we really wanna see you naked more often.] "I don't care at all about the scars.  And I don't mean to be an asshole about him.  I know he helps you a lot, and whatever of that came outta me, I'm grateful for." "He's just been living with me longer, that's all, and on the inside, it's a lot easier.  I can feel him and he can feel me.  But with you - you can hold me and touch me and kiss me.  I like that a lot too.  And I think I'm starting to - we're starting to mesh the same way that we do on the inside." "He don't mind?" "No.  He knows you're a part of him too." "Even when I'm touchin' you, lovin' you?" "Oh, he really likes that.  He likes knowing it's him, uh, you know, you, both of you, with me then.  And it feels so nice for me.  He likes the things you do with me a lot." [I've got to be fire-engine red.] [You're cute when you blush.] [You're cute all the time.] "I don't think - well, whenever someone else tried to, uh, you know, make a move on me or something, he growled a lot.  But he calls the two of you 'Team Logan' all the time - he knows it's all the same you, uh, basically." "Tell him thanks for me.  Thanks for the stuff he did for you while I was gone and all the stuff he's still doin' for you." [That was hard for him to say, but I think he means it.  He's still a little jealous, but he means it.] [If he does get that shower thing goin' with you, he'll be thankin' me plenty.] [We make for one bizarre couple.  Or, um, triple?] [Kinky.] [Stop that, I'll blush more.] "You're real cute when you blush like that, baby.  Come here.  I wanna get close to you." "We're just about as close as two or three people can get, you know?" "Yeah, darlin', and I like it that way." [We all do, isn't that right, baby?] [Absolutely.  Maybe we're a bizarre triple or whatever, but it's working for us.  It's working for us really well.]