Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Comments: This is in response to Jonas' birthday bunny, asking for a fic of any kind where Logan finds out he was grown in the lab and is actually the same age as Marie or a year or so younger (this bunny actually originated with Khaki, but Jonas borrowed and reflung it for his birthday :) This doesn't actually have much to do with that, and I hope they forgive me ;) Someone else is free to take another shot at the bunny :) This also has a section (the notes) inspired by Evamaria's e-mail correspondence series From Sassychick, To Lonewolf - I hope we see more fic to come from her! A couple of words about this Logan - he's a little bit of a thinker, and he's thinking some fairly mooshy thoughts about Marie. I know some people don't see him that way, but I do, and darn it, this is my fic ;)

A lotta times, I just watch her. She never knows I'm doin' it, I don't think. I like to look at her, I learned that early on. She's got a beauty about her that don't have much to do with looks. She's got a grace about her. Dunno if that's a southern thing or what, but she's got it in spades.

Of course, I like it best when it's just her and me. I don't like sharin' her with anybody, not for any amount of time. I think that's how the watchin' thing started. When she'd go off to 'give me space' and be with her other friends, I couldn't help taggin' along. I tried tellin' myself that I was keepin' her safe, makin' sure nothin' happened to her, keepin' my promises. But you can only lie to yourself for so long; the truth rears it's ugly head sooner or later, and the truth here was that I couldn't stand to let her outta my sight.

It's part jealousy, I know. I see the way the Cajun flirts with her, the shy little looks the ice cube kid gives her, and Hank's warm smiles. They all know she's mine, and they all know enough to keep their distance, not to go too far with it. I guess I just keep thinkin' that one day, she'll look at one of 'em and think to herself - why did I hook up with Logan when I coulda had somethin' else, somethin better? She worries 'bout me and Jeannie all the time, I know. I try to tell her not to, but she does. I worry twice as much 'bout other guys. Hell, even Scooter's given her a look once or twice. If I ever catch Chuck at it, well, that'd cover just 'bout every male in the mansion.

It's not love, what they have for her, I do know that. None of 'em love her, not like I do, and I think that's why she's with me. Somewhere, she knows that. And none of 'em have had the chance to prove it to her, to show they'd give their lives for her like I have. She knows I love her, deep down, all the way through me. I know that's why I'm with her. I can feel the love she has for me, plain as day. I don't think even before, in the years I can't remember, that I was ever loved by anyone. I got that with Marie, and I'm not a big enough fool to do anythin' to mess that up. Problem is, even though nobody else loves her like I do, they could. They could if she gave 'em half a chance, if she got to know 'em, if she let them know her.

But even if it's not love, it's certainly lust. Like I said, beautiful, and in a way that's more than just looks. I've been sleepin' with her for more than six months now; I don't think there's much we haven't tried. But, still, every time I look at her all I can see is this innocence, this light. She still looks like she's some blushing virgin, but there's just a little hint of vixen in there too. Irresistible combination, and I know I'm not the only guy who feels it below the belt when they see her. 'Course, lotsa the x-women are drop dead gorgeous. But none of 'em have that sweetness that Marie does. None of 'em draw me like a magnet. None of 'em make me wanna fall to my knees and thank God for puttin' 'em in my life. Makes my heart break to think 'bout tellin' her the news I gotta give to her today. Makes me wanna put it off as long as possible, let her enjoy her time on the patio sunnin' herself and talkin' with her friends.

She's good about stuff like that. I know it sounds bossy or whatever, but if I ask her to do somethin', she does it. It ain't about pushin' her around, it's about trust. She knows I'm askin' for a reason, even if she don't know what the reason is yet. She trusts that, and I need that. I couldn't live with someone second-guessin' me, always havin' to hear the whole story, not able to take anythin' on faith, not even a little bit. This is why she really shouldn't have any worries 'bout Jeannie. Jeannie's the typical scientist, right down to a T. Wantsta know the ins and outs, the whole explanation behind anythin' before doin' it. Makes her a damn good scientist, but only a so-so teammate. Sometimes you gotta just trust your gut.

"Darlin', we got a postcard in the mail. Looks like it's from your mom." Her eyes are goin' to it, flew right there as soon as I pulled it outta my back pocket. I know she'd like to grab it outta my hands and see it right away, but I don't wanna have her find out by readin' the words, especially since her Mom musta been pretty pissed when she wrote it. And she's gonna let me tell her, she's waitin', lettin' me get the words out my way. That's the trust thing again. "I'm sorry, Marie, but it says that your Dad died. He was shot by some guy who was a member of the FOH in his driveway. I'm so sorry, darlin'." Wide eyes, hand over her mouth. "If you wanna read the postcard, I'll give it to ya, but I don't think your Mom was thinkin' right when she wrote it."

"Kinda." That's the hard part right there. I'd give anythin' not to hafta tell her hard truth like that, not to hafta see the hurt on her. But I gotta be honest with her, always. That's how the trust thing happens. I know at least that much. And I know she'd be honest with me too. "She wasn't thinkin' on this right, Marie, it's not your fault."

"Oh, Logan" Big tears now, and she's huggin' herself to me. I thought she'd probably cry, even though he was a bastard. She always told me he was mean, a real asshole, and he only got worse when he drank, which was a lot. Said he never hit her, oh no, 'cause that'd leave a mark for social services to find. He just beat on her mom, and fucked with Marie's head from day one. Always tellin' her she was a piece of shit, no good, somethin' to be ashamed of. Problem is, Marie says, he wasn't that way all the time. There were just enough times when he was OK, when he took care of her, when he said somethin' nice, to make her not able to totally hate him. Even when he kicked her out for bein' a mutie, she still didn't totally hate him - mad, yeah; hurt, yeah. But she sees the good, even in him. I knew she'd be sad he was dead, and I knew she'd be feelin' like it was her fault, even though I know, and even she knows deep down, that it ain't. But I think what she's probably most sad 'bout is that she never got the chance to fix their relationship. Not that that's all on her shoulders - her asshole Dad shoulda been the one to do the fixin' - but they parted on bad terms and things never got fixed. I know that's a big part of what's makin' her cry now.

"We could still have one here, if you want." Sometimes, things just pop out. I honestly dunno where that one came from. Probably outta wantin' to make it all better for Marie, wantin' to do somethin' to help her through this. Lord knows brilliant ideas ain't my specialty.

"Do you think we could - do you think it could be just you and me? I mean, it's kind of private, just for family. I don't think I'd want anyone else there." Just gonna nod 'cause the thing she said 'bout us bein' family has me a little choked up all of a sudden. "Maybe just us, out in the woods, by our lake? I think I'd like that."

Sometimes it takes me a while to figure things out. Wasn't that way with Marie. I knew she was somethin' special right away, and I figured out that she was the girl for me 'bout ten days after I met her. Problem is, I was about three thousand kilometers away from her when it hit me, and the last thing she remembered me doin' was chasin' Jeannie. 'Cause of that, when I got back, Marie steered clear of me. She wouldn't shove me at Jeannie, 'cause Marie and Scooter were friends, but she would make sure to leave me alone with Jeannie when she could. At first I didn't get why she was doin' that - I thought she was mad at me for goin' off. She did say she didn't want me to go. So I asked her that and we had this big talk about me leavin'. I still didn't catch on that she was weird 'cause of Jeannie, though, until Jeannie said somethin' 'bout me bein' mean to Marie by leadin' her on like that. I think Jeannie coulda just about swallowed her tongue when I told her I wasn't leadin' Marie anywhere I didn't wanna go.

Of course, bad timin', the kind that has followed me for mosta my damn life, reared its ugly head just before I could finally get things straightened out with Marie. Chuck had another lead for me, an urgent one. Some Canadian mutie rights group uncovered a records stash that detailed lotsa mutant experiments. I might be in there, Chuck said, and I oughta go find out before the government gets there and impounds the records. I hadta leave just an hour after he told me, and I hadta take the blackbird (and Scooter, much to my dismay) to get there on time, so there was no time to talk to Marie. I threw some stuff into a bag in case Scooter and me got stuck out there, and I stuck my head in Marie's door to tell her I was goin' and that we hadta talk the minute I got back.

It was weird. I was thinkin' that I didn't wanna go, didn't wanna find out. What if I found out somethin' horrible, somethin' Marie couldn't overlook? I almost told Scooter to turn the damn plane around half a dozen times. But I kept thinkin' on how Marie came to see me off, hugged me, seemed to really want me to find out. I felt her slide somethin' in my denim coat pocket and she said to read it when I got there. That hit me hard - the idea that I'm leavin' her on short notice, somethin' I know from the big talk that she don't like, and still she took the time to write me some little note insteada gettin' all mad 'bout it and poutin' or somethin'. If it was her goin', I woulda pouted.

Anyhow, I get there and come to find out that those damn government bastards made me - literally. They cooked me up outta some DNA in a test tube, actually grew me in the lab, and then accelerated my agin' to force my mutation to come out. I don't remember anythin' before the damn lab 'cause there *is* nothin'. Ain't that a kick in the ass. Well, just as I'm standin' there, waitin' at the pickup spot (no way Scooter was comin' with me), the corner of Marie's little envelope starts pokin' me in the chest. I figure no way can anythin' get any worse, so I read it like she said to.

She wrote it by hand, in her pretty script, on real nice paper. I read it through once, and my legs went right out from under me. Good thing no one was there to see me fall ass-first inta the snow. I musta read it a dozen times as I waited for Scooter, and I can still remember the words: Dear Logan. I hope you found the answers you need and I want you to know that I understand if you don't want to tell me what you found. Just know that whatever it is, if you did decide to tell me, I'd say that I love you very much and that nothing can change that. That's the truth, no matter what you found. Come home safe. Marie. Scooter found me like that, still lookin' at the note, ass half-frozen.

I never did tell Marie what I found, and I think she really is OK with that. I just - I know what her note said, and I believe it, but she don't need anythin' else on her, and I know she'd worry over me about it. So I never did tell her. Plus, in real years, I'm a year younger than her and that's just a little weird, you know? She don't need to feel like she's gotta look out for me or somethin'. So I just came back, crawled inta bed with her, and wrapped myself around her. When we woke up, we had the talk about the Jeannie thing, and we've been together ever since. I did make sure to say thank you for the note and I told her that it meant a lot to me. I try to do things like that, you know, to be considerate. Marie always says that's important to her, for her to try to be considerate of other people, so I try to be considerate of her. Which is why I decided to write her a little note for her father's memorial ceremony thing.

It took me a while to settle on the right words. It wouldn't be respectful to insult her dad at this kinda thing, but I'm not gonna say anythin' nice 'bout the fucker. I finally settled on: Dear Marie. I know it's sad that your dad died, but I'm gonna be here to take care of you always. I know it's not the same thing, but I'm gonna be the man in your life now, and it's gonna be good. You don't hafta worry about not having a family 'cause we're family now. Love, Logan.

There's nothin' better than a happy Marie, and I'm glad she's bouncin' back a little from the news 'bout her dad. She cried a lot at the memorial thing, and talked a lot about her past with him. I think the note helped, even though she cried a lot when she read it. Those were good tears, I think, and she said that she agreed, that we are a family now. She smiled when she said that part, and she's been smilin' more and more today. 'Course, us spendin' the day in bed together usually does make her smile.

I've noticed a lotta things 'bout Marie when we have sex. One - it means a lot to her. What with the skin issues, we hafta be careful, and it's kind of a big production. But it means a lot to her that I've always been ready, willin' and able to do it with her whenever she wants, as often as she wants. Even if she didn't tell me that straight out, I'd know by the little smile and sigh she gives out every time I suggest sex.

It means a lot to her on an emotional, not just an appreciation, level too. She really uses sex to communicate love. It's how it's supposedta be, I know, but I just never really experienced that before Marie. You can see her bein' gentle, passionate, carnal, tender - all those things come out durin' sex and not only can you see 'em, you can feel 'em. At first I just soaked that in. I mean, when you've never experienced somethin' like that, you just get overwhelmed and excited and you want as much of it as possible. After a while, though, I started tryin' to return the favor, to show things to Marie and make her feel things too. I'm still workin' on that - I'm not Mr. Openness - but I'm gettin' there.

The other big thing I noticed was that Marie wasn't self-conscious about her body, not one bit. I thought she might be. Not 'cause she's not good-lookin' or somethin' but 'cause aren't all teenage girls supposedta be a little unsure about themselves in that department? I know her former roommates probably spend 90% of their life primpin' and paintin' their faces and doin' their hair 'cause they're obsessed with improvin' what they got. Not Marie. She hardly ever wears makeup, and the hair gets brushed, but that's 'bout it. She dresses nice, smells nice, all that, but she doesn't fuss about it, and she seems pretty damn OK with how she is. And you know, I like that. It might be 'cause I'm up in her head, tellin' her she looks good or it might be just how she is normally, but I like it. It makes her sexy, in bed especially, but all the time too. There've been times I've just hadta jump her 'cause of the way she was standin' or sittin' or lookin' at me.

Which is another thing about Marie that I've noticed from watchin' her - she always smiles when she sees me. Nobody, but nobody does that. Just Marie. I've had women smile at me like they wanted to fuck my brains out, I've had 'em smile at me nervous, like they were scared of me, and I've had 'em smile at me like they were humorin' me - like I was stupid or some kinda freak. Marie's smile doesn't say any of that. It just says - hey, glad to see ya. I like that best of all, someone bein' glad to see me. I like it even more that that someone is Marie.

"I love you." Shoulda known that was comin'. It's like clockwork - she always says it before fallin' asleep and she always says it when she wakes up. She says it a lotta other times too. At first it freaked me out some, but now I like it a lot. Constant love from someone you love a lot - well, you can't beat that.

"Love you too." There she goes, she'll sleep now. I'm gonna stay up and watch her a while. Like I said, I like lookin' at her. She's easy on the eyes and easy on my heart. I love the hell outta her, you know? She's all I think about, all that matters to me. I wanna do right by her, always. Never thought a guy like me would find doin' the right thing to be easy, but she makes it pretty simple, pretty natural. That's how I'd describe her if somebody asked - she's a person who makes ya wanna be good, be better than you are. That's Marie. And I got her. I got her and I'm never lettin' go.