Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

Comments: This just stuck in my head until I wrote it down. It's just a little ficlet, and I'll warn you that it's not my usually fairly cheerful holiday fic. It is rated R, but (I hope) doesn't break the spirit of Cold Turkey Week on DDFH ;) I'd love to have someone do Scott, Ororo, Jean, or any other POV on these events (hint, hint......) Or I might come back to it one day when the bunny attack thins out.............

It was the second Christmas that Logan had been home, the third since he'd picked Rogue up, the eighteenth that he remembered. The first Christmas after Marie (which was how he now divided all of his remembered life - Before Marie and After Marie), he'd spent with Jean. He'd taken her to Vancouver, shown her the sights. They spent the actual holiday in bed, which was how they spent most days during the eight months they'd been together. He didn't get her a present, and there were no decorations. She'd said 'Merry Christmas' but that was just about all that had marked it as a holiday. By that time, he and Jean were already falling apart, already on their way to leaving one another.

He came back to the mansion a few weeks before the next Christmas. A lot had happened in the ten months he'd been gone. Jean had headed for Westchester immediately after they split up, and was already working on trying to get Scott back. Storm had gone back to her native Africa for an extended leave. There were some new mansion residents - the doctor, Hank, and some Cajun.

At first, Logan thought that the most important thing, Marie, hadn't changed. She was still there, and seemingly not holding a grudge about how he'd left with Jean. The circumstances had been bad - he'd split without telling anyone until days later, and had gone right after Marie confessed her love for him. He wouldn't have blamed her for being furious. The fact that she wasn't gave Logan a lot of hope. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew she wouldn't welcome him back like nothing had happened, but she was still in Westchester and still on speaking terms with him, and that was a start.

It wasn't until well after New Year's that he found out that Marie had changed too, just not in obvious ways. Marie herself never breathed a word, but others whispered about 'the attack' and Logan was soon made curious enough to start digging. After while, he started piecing together what had happened while he was on his ten-month sojourn, while he'd been trying to convince himself that he would only hurt Marie if he ever returned her love. Much to his grief, he found out that Marie had been badly hurt in his absence.

There had been an attack on the mansion about two months after his departure with Jean, and both Marie and Storm had been on the receiving end of Sabretooth's particular brand of brutality. He had kidnapped them both from the mansion gardens, and had held them captive for four days. According to the mission report, Marie finally got herself out of the power-suppressing collar he'd forced on her and managed to absorb him completely, killing him. Sometime after Easter, Logan found out the full details, when he was finally able to find someone with the skills needed to hack into the mansion's medical records database.

Marie had healed completely from the attack, thanks to Sabretooth's powers, but the pictures of Storm that he found in his search of the files gave Logan a very good idea of what Marie had been subjected to. Storm was scarred in claw-marks from head to toe, was missing one ear, and the notes said that she would never bear children. The medical files on Marie did bear some information on her mental and emotional injuries. She spent nineteen days in the mansion's padded cell, trying to assimilate or purge Sabretooth from her head, trying to stop him from taking over or driving her insane. In the end, she managed to somehow beat him back. There was a note in her records from the Professor, saying that he was surprised that Marie had prevailed, but very pleased with her efforts. There was no indication that the Professor had tried to help her. Logan wrecked his room that night, demolishing every last bit of furniture.

By the time that Memorial Day weekend had come, he'd learned several other relevant things about how Marie had changed. She'd managed to learn control of her powers somewhere along the way, the medical files had said so, but she still covered herself head-to-toe and had told no one of that development, except for Hank, who served as her treating doctor. She didn't like for anyone to touch her and in fact rarely let anyone approach to within arm's reach of her. It appeared that she wanted to avoid skin-to-skin contact at all costs.

She didn't leave the house much, and never visited the gardens that had once been her favorite spot. Kitty and Jubilee avoided Marie, as did almost everyone else at the mansion except the Professor, Scott, and Hank. Logan guessed that she hadn't been pleasant when Sabretooth had been in control of her, but cursed the kids for not being able to forgive her something that wasn't really her fault.

Logan noticed some other things, things that had escaped him up until he'd really started observing Marie closely. She avoided Jean - that was to be expected, but Logan was surprised by the extent to which Marie did so. She literally never spent a single minute in the same room as Jean. If Jean came down to breakfast, Marie left in the middle of her meal. If Jean was in the hallway, Marie did an about-face and went down the back stairs. If Jean came into the rec room to watch TV, Marie left, even if it was her favorite show, and headed to the library to read. The thing that struck Logan the most, though, was that as soon as Jean entered a room where they'd been talking or watching TV or just hanging out together, Marie always got up and left without a word. Always. It was as though Marie felt she were interrupting them somehow, or keeping Logan from Jean.

Logan processed it all through the summer, then asked Marie to go away with him for Labor Day weekend. He'd planned to talk it all out with her, confess his knowledge about the attack, and swear to never let any harm come to her ever again. He thought that getting her away from the mansion, away from all those bad memories, would be most conducive to her wholeheartedly accepting him back into her life. Marie declined his invitation, however, and gently suggested that, since Jean and Scott didn't seem to be working things out, he should ask Jean to go. She didn't say it with any hint of malice or spite - she genuinely was prompting Logan to take Jean instead of her. That rocked Logan back on his heels - he hadn't really understood until that moment that Marie had no idea he loved her, that Marie was still deeply convinced he loved Jean.

Logan didn't end up going anywhere over Labor Day weekend. Friday night and Saturday, he kept his customary watch over Marie, trailing her wherever she went, and trying to keep her from noticing that so she wouldn't be freaked out by it. By Sunday, he'd come up with another plan for talking to her. He waited until she was almost ready for bed, until she was relaxed, before knocking on the door. She voiced her usual soft 'come in.'

He blurted out in an ungraceful manner that he loved her - always had, always would; that he knew what had happened with Sabretooth; that he knew about her control; and that he wanted to start building a relationship with her again. She sat on the bed and cried a lot before saying that she never wanted him to find out about Sabretooth because she knew he'd just feel guilty, guilty enough to convince himself that he really loved her instead of Jean. In the long run it won't fix anything, Marie argued, it'll just hurt more when you stop fooling yourself and realize that Jean is the love of your life. Besides, she added, Jean was good, beautiful, clean - Marie explained that, since Sabretooth, she could no longer offer Logan any of those things.

Logan sat stunned for a while, but then knelt before her, took her gloved hands in his, and set about telling her how wrong she was. He wouldn't let her interrupt; he went on, literally, for hours. Marie finally acquiesced, and agreed to let Logan's request to move in with her and start a relationship, but not to his request to touch her, with her powers turned on, so that she could see for herself what he felt. Logan welcomed her words, but they felt hollow. He thought that it was almost as though she'd gone along with some sort of game - she was pretending that she believed him, humoring him, but keeping her own heart well-hidden, not really believing it herself.

By the time their second Christmas had come around, though, things were starting to change. Marie was letting him sleep in bed with her, and was letting him touch her - with her powers turned off - more and more. He always held her close through the night, and made sure she awoke surrounded by his embrace. He wanted the first thing she felt every morning to be a sense that she was safe, and loved.

He stayed with her every minute of every day, and she'd finally stopped fighting him on that. Instead of her usual downcast look or total lack of reply, she'd taken to saying "OK" when he told her he loved her. She tried to rebuild her friendships with some of the other residents, and she seemed bolstered by Storm's return for Thanksgiving, not upset. Logan had even caught her looking at him with affection once or twice.

The biggest change had been the garden. They'd taken a walk out to the spot of Marie's abduction together a few days ago, the snow having changed the landscape just enough to make it bearable to her. Marie didn't talk much, but Logan could see the play of a thousand emotions across her face as she let herself remember what had happened, probably for the first time. She stood there, staring and whispering to herself a little, for almost an hour. Logan waited patiently by her side, occasionally kissing her forehead or rubbing her back. At last, she seemed to abruptly run out of energy. Her legs went out from beneath her, and Logan caught her, kneeling to the ground with her. She didn't say much, but she cried a lot, and he held her, murmuring words of love and promises of protection. Logan thought that helped. In any case, Marie seemed lighter afterward - she decorated their room with soft, blinking lights and baked some holiday cookies for the mansion. She was smiling more than she ever had since Logan's return. And last night, she talked with Logan, really talked, for the first time about their relationship. She'd said that maybe they could try being together, that maybe she was ready to take a chance on him again. He fought back his own tears and thanked her - just sincerely, genuinely thanked her. He held her especially close last night.

Now, as Logan stroked her hair while she slowly emerged into wakefulness on Christmas morning, he felt hopeful, almost optimistic for their future. He wanted badly to believe that he could give Marie the love that she needed and that she could accept that gift from him. If he could have that, he thought, he'd never ask any of the powers that be for another damn thing.

"It's all right," Logan whispered. "I got you. Don't get any better than that. You're the only thing I want for Christmas. You're the only thing I've ever wanted, darlin'." Her eyes softened, and he gently rolled her on her back. Reaching over her for the nightstand drawer, he retrieved a small, wrapped box. "Here ya go."

Marie lay back and Logan leaned on his side right next to her. He was always touching her now that she let him. He gently stroked her stomach as she unwrapped the gift and opened the box. Her eyes went wide and she let out a small 'oh' before looking up at Logan. "They're - they're beautiful, but - but they're really not for me. I - I can't accept - they're so beautiful, but I can't accept this. I mean, this - these aren't a gift for - for me."

"Can I ask you for another present?" He nodded. "Would you kiss me?" He nodded again. After a few moments, during which Logan only stared into her eyes and stroked her cheek, Marie clarified, "Now?" Logan nodded once more, then slowly lowered his lips to hers. It was a gentle, tender kiss, one that Logan wanted to be sure wouldn't scare her. He let her kiss back all she wanted, and took his cues from her. When Marie finally stopped moving her lips against his, he pulled away. "That was very nice," she whispered.

"Just like this. Just by being with me, staying with me, reassuring me. I know - I know I'm high maintenance and I come with a truckload of baggage, but - but being with you, it's really made me feel like I'm alive again, you know? Like there's something more than just pain in this world for me. Like maybe I could have something good."

"I'm gonna make sure you have everythin' good, Marie. Everythin' good from here on out." He lowered his head toward her a little, suggesting another kiss. She hesitated for a moment, but leaned up to press her lips to his. They spent most of their day like that - entwined in each other's embrace, talking, and letting themselves feel a little joy.