Terri's Peep Hut ~~ Fiction Archive

You Can Sleep While I Drive

Title: You Can Sleep While I Drive

E-mail: xgrrl26@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: Nobody belongs to me. Darn

Archive: Ask, and I'll say yes

Feedback: Please! Pretty please? Good, bad, and ugly welcome.

Rating: PG-13, language

Summary: Response to Caroline's challenge. Logan and Rogue hash a few things out while Rogue drives.

Comments: I don't know if I met the challenge - went a little shorter than Caroline wanted, I'm sure :) I hope she likes it anyway. Thanks to my brbf, who had some great suggestions for this one. I was really floundering for a while there, and you just made it 1000% better.

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"You know what? I'm getting pretty tired of your attitude."

"You know what I'm talking about - you've been quiet, pissy, and I can tell you're just about a day or two from packing up and leaving. Again."

"Don't 'Marie' me. I'm sick of it. I'm not dealing with it anymore. Four years of this crap, Logan. You're here for a few months, gone for a year, back for a week, gone for a month. It's bullshit and I'm sick of it."

"Well - fine, then."

"That's damn right it's fine, Mister. I'm tired of it, and I'm going to put a stop to it."

"Whatever's bothering you this time, whatever horrible secret from your past you've uncovered, whatever you're thinking you failed at, whatever you're beating yourself up for or pissed off at this time, in short, whatever you've got up your ass, I'm putting a stop to it."

"Don't interrupt my stop-putting. Just go - go get your bag. I know you're already packed. Yeah, I know. Go get your bag and meet me in the garage in fifteen minutes. 'Cause guess what? I'm already packed too, and we're getting out of here. No more lone ranger bullshit, I'm going with you and we're going to hash out whatever crap we need to."

"Marie, I don't wanna - "

"Just do it, Logan. I can't cope with this any more. We've got to do something, or the next time you leave, I don't know if I'll be here when you get back. I don't want that. So, go. Go get your stuff. Just do it."

"..All right. See ya in the garage."

"Whoa, chica. Take charge. You go, girl."

"I - I didn't mean for you to hear that."

"I know. I was eavesdropping. Dude, I didn't know you had it in ya."

"It's got to get better, Jubes. I can't do this any more. We've got to work a few things out, or there's not going to be anything left of our relationship."

"Well, good luck. Did you tell the Prof you were checking out?"

"No. It, uh, kind of just came to me right now. I just kind of reached the end of my rope just this second. I'll - I'll call him from the road. In fact, I, um, I'd better go pack."

"So, are you gonna say somethin' or just drive?"

"I'm gathering my thoughts."

"Well, you've been gatherin' your thoughts there for almost an hour now."

"You in some kind of hurry?"

"OK, do you want to know what I'm thinking?"

"Yeah, actually, I do."

"I don't like our relationship any more."

"I don't like our relationship anymore."

"Whaddya mean by that? What's wrong with our relationship?"

"It hurts. It hurts me. And it has for a long time."

"What the hell did I ever do to hurt you?"

"I'm not saying you do it on purpose, Logan, but some of it still hurts anyway. Like when you leave without saying goodbye."

"But you know I'll always come back."

"That's not really the point. I wake up every day, not knowing whether or not you'll be around. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I dunno. I just - you know I can't stay there all the time."

"I'm not taking issue with that. I know that, and I understand it, I do. But it hurts that you just up and go and never give me any warning. Abandonment issues."

"It's giving me abandonment issues. You're here, you're gone. There's no telling which one it'll be. You never give me any warning, I just find your room empty and all your stuff gone, and that's how I know."

"I ain't no good at sayin' goodbyes, Marie. I don't like to do it."

"Look, I'm not saying we have to have some big emotional scene, but a 'Hey, I'm hitting the road tomorrow,' would be appreciated. At least that way I'd know, and I wouldn't just go into your room and find you gone."

"But you know I'll come back, right? I mean, you know that, dontcha?"

"I know you'll try. But what happens if something happens to you while you're gone and you can't get back? I'd never have had the chance to say goodbye, not even, you know, just that, just - goodbye. How do you think I'd ever be able to cope with that?"

"Shit, Marie, I can take care of myself. Nothin's gonna happen."

"No, it ain't fine, is it?"

"So - what - you're mad 'cause I never tell ya when I'm goin'? Whaddya want? You want me to tell ya from now on?"

"No, not if it's such a chore to you, Logan, just forget it."

"I didn't say it was a chore, I - shit - I just wanna know what you want here."

"All right. Fine. I do want you to tell me before you go, at least that."

"Meanin' there's somethin' else you want in that department?"

"It's not worth arguing about it, it's small."

"Whatever. Get it all out. That's what this little pointless drive is, right? We're supposed to get all this shit out."

"OK, if you want to know. I wish you could call or write when you're gone a long time. Almost a year, Logan, and I didn't hear jack shit from you. I had no idea what was happening to you, or if it'd be three years, or ten, when I saw you again."

"I ain't much for callin' and writin'. I just - I don't wanna interfere with your life. When I'm gone, I'm gone."

"Interfere with my life? Don't you know how much of my life you are?"

"Aw, c'mon, Marie, admit it. You kinda like it when I'm gone. What'd you say that one time? You get to be you, just Rogue, without me hangin' over ya."

"I did not say that. When did I say that?"

"That second time I came back and you were datin' what's his name, the French one. You said you got to go out and have fun without me hangin' over ya."

"That's not what I meant - I - all I meant was that - well, that night, you'd just come back and you were following me everywhere, even to dinner with Remy. Not that I didn't want you along, I was just - I was being facetious."

"I dunno what that means."

"I said it but I didn't mean it. It was meant to be funny or something."

"Well, I think you meant it. 'Cause you don't have any problem havin' fun when I'm gone."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on. You date, you go out with your friends, you hook up with one of them little mutant guys always sniffin' after ya."

"As opposed to what, Logan? I'm supposed to spend all my time sitting in your empty room and crying? And I can't even believe you're complaining that I date!"

"Well, I am! Shit, and when I come back, you just go right on with whoever it is. You don't even push 'em aside or change your plans with 'em to make time for me. Even when I haven't been back for a long time."

"Whoa. Whoa. There are - there are so very many things wrong with that, that I feel I have to give you an itemized response. One: You have no right, NO RIGHT to complain that I date. The rule in that situation is this - if you're not interested in dating me AND dating me at the present time, you have no basis for a complaint."

"Just 'cause I ain't datin' ya don't mean - "

"Yeah. Yeah, it does mean you can't be mad. You've never expressed the slightest interest in me that way. In fact, you've made it pretty clear and explicit that you don't have that kind of interest in me. So don't begrudge me going out with someone who does."

"I'm tryin' to protect ya from - "

"From who, Logan? Bobby? Remy? Piotr? Kurt? Which one of those people can't I handle myself with? Which one has ever tried to hurt me or treat me unfarily? Hmmm? Oh, wait, that's right, how the hell would you know, you're never around!"

"Jesus Christ, kid, I'm tryin' to look out for ya."

"That's another thing - I'm not a kid. I'm 22. Not a kid. And I think it would do us both a lot of good for me to just let you out of that promise to take care of me."

"But let's table that for now because I'm not done with my itemized response. Two: You bring home a new woman every other night when you're back. The rule in this situation is - when you're living in the Glass Slut House, you can't throw stones. At least I date them, Logan, at least I have relationships, not one night stands."

"That's my fuckin' point exactly."

"Well, I don't have itemized points or any fancy shit like that, but it irritates the hell outta me that you just fall in love with these guys left and right."

"You heard me, k - I mean Marie. You change who your heart belongs to like you change your socks. I thought I'd always have a spot in there somewhere but every damn time I come back, you're all over the moon about some snot-nosed x-brat and it's like I don't even fuckin' exist to you."

"And that's somehow worse or more of a betrayal of our relationship than you nailing every redhead in a fifty mile radius?"

"They ain't all redheads."

"Whatever. Answer the question. Because don't you think - "

"Three: Am I supposed to suddenly cancel plans or change my whole life around because you decide it's time to come back and see cute little kid sister Marie again? You're complaining that I don't drop everything and fawn all over you the minute you hit the grounds. Well, the rule in this situation is - you don't ditch people who've been there for you day in, day out, no matter what."

"And that's some kinda jab at me bein' gone again, huh?"

"No, not really. It's a jab at you for expecting to be welcomed home by me dropping everything and everyone for you. Of course, I kept dates with Remy, of course I still went to parties and out shopping with my friends. Because, Logan, I don't know when you're coming back. Ever. I can't not plan to go places and do things just because that day might be the day you decide to come home."

"I ain't sayin' that - I just - I thought I was the priority, that's all. You're top of mind with me, Marie, always. Believe it or not. There's nothin' I wouldn't drop for you. Shit, the first time I came back, you did - you did drop everything."

"Well? Say somethin'."

"I did because I was still in love with you then. I know - I know you hate to talk about it, but that's the truth."

"Marie, you know - "

"I know. I know you don't love me, not like that. You made it pretty clear that first time back."

"I didn't mean to hurt ya. You were - you were still just 18, Marie, and I - "

"Didn't love me. I get it. No need to hammer that point home, really. Your reaction there when I told you I loved you pretty much said it all."

"I didn't mean to - "

"Look so horrified and embarrassed? Well, you did. But you actually were pretty gentle. You at least tried to let me down easy, and I did appreciate that. It never made it hurt any less, but I did appreciate that."

"If you'd let me finish a damn sentence, what I was gonna say was that I didn't wanna be that to you. I didn't wanna be your lover. I - neither one of us was ready for that, Marie, and it woulda just fucked a lotta things between us up."

"Logan, either you love someone or you don't. It's simple. It's one of the few simple things in life. You do or you don't. And I loved you that way but you didn't love me that way. I'm not - it's not like I'm mad at you for that or hold that against you, but there's still some hurt there, OK? Just - that's all I can say about it."

"Four: When I wanted to spend time with you, you shook me off. The rule in that situation is - "

"Wait a minute. Wait a minute. When did I shake you off?"

"When you came back the third time and you and Jean went off to that thing, that conference."

"I only went 'cause it was on mutant experimentation. It coulda had somethin' pertinent to my past, that's all."

"You could've asked me to come."

"Why? You were fine with your friends, you were always doin' stuff with 'em. And I know you don't like Jeannie."

"You've always had some kinda thing with her, you have. You're jealous of her for some damn reason."

"For some reason? I'm jealous of her *for some reason*?"

"Yeah. I never could figure - "

"OF COURSE I'm jealous of her! For some reason. That's rich. That's - that's almost funny. For some reason. For lots of reasons, Logan. She's beautiful and smart and poised, and everything I'll never be. She can touch - anyone she wants, anytime she wants. Everybody - including you - loves her. She's the beautiful, perfect Jean Grey, and I'm just goofy looking, weird Rogue. Untouchable Rogue. Dangerous Rogue. She's the person you love and can't have, and you're the person I loved and couldn't have. Yeah, no reason for me to be jealous there. Right. And all the sexual fantasies of her that I got from you - yeah, no reason for jealousy there. Hey, just because I'm not the kind of girl you can bend over a pool table and just have at it with, why should I be jealous?"

"Is that what you really think?"

"You're so fuckin' off base it's not funny."

"Yeah. Shit, yeah. Beautiful - sure Jean's beautiful, but so're you. You're one of the most beautiful women I ever laid eyes on. You're not whatever you said - goofy looking."

"You have to say that because - well, because you're my dad/big brother/friend/whatever. It's in the job description."

"Nah. I ain't your dad or big brother or whatever. I meant it."

"Then..then why haven't you ever wanted me, Logan? Why? Is it because of my skin?"

"Oh, hell no, darlin', hell no."

"I never said I never wanted ya. I just - it's - it wasn't right, Marie. When you told me you loved me and all, it just wouldnta been right."

"Because you didn't love me?"

"Nah. Because I did."

"I wanted to protect ya. Even if it was from me. I found out - well, I found out a lotta bad shit about me, and I just - I couldn't deal with you. I just couldn't do it. I mighta had those feelings, but I wasn't - I was needy, all right? I hate fuckin' admittin' it, but I was needy. And I needed you to just love me and not ask for anythin' back. When you said all that stuff about how you felt, I realized - I realized I wanted to take it, and I didn't particularly give a shit about how it would affect you. I wanted it for me. That was what made it wrong, Marie. Really wrong. Plus you were - you were just 18 then, and you had your whole life aheada ya. Why - why tie yourself up with me, huh?"

"Why didn't you say all this then?"

"I couldn't. I just couldn't. And I had a feelin' that if I did, you'd do somethin' or say somethin' and I'd just give in to what I wanted, damn the consequences."

"I wish you had told me that, Logan. You could've saved me a lot of anguish over the years."

"You bounced right back. You got over it, and over me."

"No. Not really. I learned to live with it, that's all. It took - it ripped a piece out of me and that'll always be gone. But I learned to compensate, to go on anyway."

"Whaddya mean? All this time, you're still upset about that?"

"It still hurts. I don't have the energy to still be upset about it, actively, but there's this dull ache in me that won't ever go away."

"'Cause of that? 'Cause of me?"

"I don't blame you, Logan, I - "

"But it's 'cause of me, that's what you're sayin'."

"Not exactly, but - "

"Why didn't you ever say somethin'? Or kick my ass? Or cry? Somethin' to let me know it was botherin' ya."

"I didn't want to show you that. You - I wanted to be your friend and I thought you'd just get further and further away from me if I acted like the heartbroken little girl I was. I didn't want to make it any worse. And when you started bringing women back to the mansion, I figured..well, either he's trying to hurt me, or he really must think I've gotten over him. So I acted that way."

"How could you do that to me?"

"How could you put on an act like that with me? I thought we were always straight with one another."

"I was selfish. I didn't want to let you go, not completely, and I thought if I told you the truth, it'd drive you away. I was being selfish."

"Nothin' would ever drive me away from you. Nothin'."

"Logan..do you see how I might not think that, given how often you leave? Given how you leave and don't tell me?"

"Yeah. Well, there it is. No acting any more. Now you know."

"Tell me how to fix it."

"You can't just fix it, it's not that simple. You don't love me, and I wouldn't want - "

"You don't, Logan. You've told me that - "

"I told you once. Only once. That time when you were 18. And I never said I didn't love you, just - "

"Just not that way."

"Logan, don't. It won't fix it to have you pretend that you - "

"I lied 'cause I wanted to protect you and 'cause I couldn't deal with it, I toldya that, Marie. I never said I didn't love you like that since. Do you remember - there was this one night, 'bout two years ago. You and me were sittin' out on the grounds, havin' a picnic. You were layin' flat on your back, lookin' up at the stars, and I said none of 'em were as beautiful as you. And you said I was a bad liar. And I said you were the kinda woman that men fight monsters for and go on quests for. You just smiled, but what didya think I was tryin' to tell ya, Marie?"

"I - I thought you were trying to make me feel better. I just broke up with Kurt and - "

"I was tryin' to tell ya that maybe it was the right time. But you didn't - you were so upset about that guy. I figured - maybe it wasn't the right time."

"Good Lord Almighty, Logan, would it have been so much trouble to just come out and say it? Do you know how much trouble that would've saved?"

"I ain't very good at that."

"You're doing pretty well right now."

"I don't like thinkin' our relationship hurts you. I don't want that."

"What do you want? Flat out, no beating around the bush."

"I don't wanna hurt you anymore. I wanna - I don't like leavin' you, but I can't stay at Xavier's Mutant Petting Zoo all the time. I guess what I'm sayin' is I wanna take you with me sometimes. And I wanna say that maybe it's the right time now."

"Is that a good stunned or a bad stunned?"

"I said, OK. All of that - what you wanted - it's OK with me. And I think it's the right time. I think it's a prime time."

"Can I say somethin' else?"

"You said you were goofy lookin' and weird. You ain't goofy lookin' but you are weird. It's one of the things I love about ya."

"What makes you say I'm weird?"

"I put your bag in the back, and all you packed for the trip was underwear and socks."

"Well.uh, I was in a hurry. And those are the essentials."

"And we've been drivin' in circles."

"Not everyone has your super-directional-sense, you know. Some of us are directionally challenged.."

"Where were ya tryin' to go?"

"Um, I didn't really have a plan."

"Uh-huh. Well, I got an idea. We can head up north. Maybe take you to see Alaska, finally. Whaddya think?"

"Yeah. We can get you clothes on the way."

"I could fall in love with you all over again."

"Well, that's my plan. Glad to have you on board. Look, why don't - why don't you get some sleep? Pull over and we'll trade. You can sleep while I drive."

"That's a song, you know."

"Yeah. Right there's a good spot. Trisha Yearwood isn't it?"

"She covered it. Melissa Ethridge did the original."

"Lesbian rock singer. She's really good. Very good with the angsty love songs."

"Oh. I listen to the country stations, mostly. Not so much the lesbian rock stations. Put your seat belt on. Put the seat back."

"I used to listen to her a lot."

"Yeah, well you won't need to any more. You go on, get some sleep now."

"Logan, say it. Say you love me."

"I love you, Marie."

"Hmmmm. I'm going to have really good dreams."

"Ain't you gonna say it back?"

"Well, OK. I love you too. A lot."

"Me too. Go to sleep."

"Wake me when we cross the border. And I'm not letting you out of it now."

"Your promise to take care of me. I don't want to let you out."

"Are you gonna talk or sleep?"

"I'll sleep, you drive for a while."