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Title:
The Stars in Their Courses
Author:
Terri
E-mail:
xgrrl26@yahoo.com
Rating:
PG-13
Disclaimer:
I don't own them. Darn.
Warning:
BadJean! Ahead
Archive:
WRFA, Mutual Admiration, and the Peep Hut. Everybody else, ask, por
favor.
Feedback:
Please! Pretty please? Good, bad, and ugly welcome.......
Summary:
Sometimes things turn out like they're supposed to, no matter who tries to
screw with that or how.
Comments:
First of all, the title is doubly stolen - both from Judges, verse 20, and
from the brilliant Shelby Foote account of the Civil War's Gettysburg Campaign.
This was inspired by a Jen G plot bunny that involved Logan meeting a late-pregnancy,
just-escaped-from-the-lab Marie. This one didn't go quite that way,
and that's bunny's still got a tooth or two in my butt. It was also
inspired by my recent NiceJean - the pendulum had to swing back the other
way eventually...........
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She first
noticed the man when she caught him staring at her across the bar. The
look on his face gave her no clue as to whether he was thinking someone so
obviously pregnant shouldn't be in a bar, whether he had some sort of fetish
for women in their ninth month, or whether he was just curious, but it was
definitely a look that carried more than a little interest. She gave
him a tight, not-overly-friendly smile, and looked back away. She heard
movement, and the next thing she knew he'd scooted down the bar to sit next
to her. She looked over at him again, this time not able to hide her
nervousness.
"Hey," he
greeted, trying for a smile. "I'm Logan." He said it like she
should know that, like she should know him. That made her very uneasy.
"Hello,"
she responded perfunctorily, turning to face forward again. She felt
his eyes on her.
"How are
you feelin'?"
She didn't
turn to look at him. "I'm fine, thanks." She'd gotten used to
total strangers asking about her and the baby, some even touching her stomach.
That never failed to freak her out.
"You don't
remember me at all, do you?"
This time
she did turn toward him. "Leave me alone." She grabbed the small
backpack resting at her feet and scrambled off the stool without a hint of
grace. As she made for the door, she felt his eyes on her back.
As soon as she was outside, though, she felt marginally better, and she paused
to take a deep breath. She heard the door open and close behind her,
and she knew without looking that it would be him. She began walking
across the parking lot, hoping he'd take the hint. She'd gotten a ride
from a cross-roads trucker to here, and didn't have anywhere to go from here,
but he didn't know that. At least, she hoped he didn't know that.
"Can't do
that, Marie," he called from a few feet behind her. She stopped at
the mention of her name. From what she *did* remember, she hadn't told
anyone that, she'd always made up an alias or a flashy-sounding name as a
cover. She did turn to face him then.
"Who are
you? What do you want with me?" She put her free hand protectively
over her stomach.
"I'm Logan,"
he repeated. "I came lookin' for ya. I came to bring you home."
"I don't
have a home," she said bitterly, then turned and resumed her slow march to
the edge of the lot. She had no clue what she'd do when she got to
the road - start walking, she supposed.
"Yeah, ya
do. It's with me, darlin'." Something about that endearment and
the way he said it jostled at her damaged memory. There was little
she knew about her life that went back more than six months, but she knew
somehow that she'd been called "darlin'" before, and by this man.
Without
turning back to face him, she asked, "How did I know you?"
"You and
me made that little baby you're carryin'. Marie, I know - I know you
don't remember, but we were in love." She said nothing, trying to process
that information - if he was the father.
"Do you
know what - what happened to me?"
He nodded.
"We lived - we lived in a mansion with a buncha other mutants. You
- you figured out that you're a mutant, right?"
"Yes," she
answered softly.
"Yeah."
He smiled at her reassuringly. "Anyway, we lived there for a while.
I was - well, it's kind of a long story. Can we - I got a camper, a truck
and a camper in the lot, over there. Can we get in outta the snow and
talk?"
"I don't
know" She'd felt very skittish around strangers since she'd woken up
in the ladies' room of a sleazy Alberta bar six months ago, remembering almost
nothing about her previous life. Her gut kept relentlessly telling her
to trust no one, and she listened to it. But her instincts weren't
sending up any red flags with this guy, and she didn't quite know what to
do with that.
"It's OK,
darlin', it's OK." He extended a hand toward her and she found herself
walking forward to grasp it.
Later, they
sat together in the truck as he drove. He said he wanted to try to beat
the impending snowstorm to see if they could make it to Grimshaw. There
was a hospital there, he said, and for some reason, he insisted she was very
close to having the baby. Her own best guess put her due date about
another two weeks off, but he seemed sure. He hadn't done much explaining
about what had happened to her, he just repeated that he loved her and how
glad he was to have found her.
"And I swear,
Marie, I'm never gonna let anythin' bad happen to ya again. I promise
it."
"Um, OK,"
she said timidly, interrupting him, "but could you tell me what happened
to me?"
He looked
over at her, giving her a sad smile. "Sure. Sure, darlin'.
It's not - it ain't a happy story, though, and I don't wantcha to get too
upset."
"Please,
I have to know."
He nodded
and took in a deep breath. "OK. You and I met kinda like this.
We met about two years ago. You'd - you'd gone hitchhikin' up to Alaska,
and I ran across ya in a bar, kinda like that one right there. I've
been lookin' for ya everywhere, Marie, for months. I knew - I knew
you'd be up here in Canada somewhere, but I - it just took me a while to
find ya. I'm sorry, baby."
"OK, we
met, what happened then?" She was trying not to let her impatience
come through. She wasn't doing a very good job of it.
"We, uh,
ran into some trouble. That place we lived before with a buncha other
mutants., the one I toldya about? Some of them came along and helped
us out. That's how we ended up movin' in with 'em. It was a school,
and you were, uh, still in high school when we met, so you stayed there to
finish up while I went off for a while."
"Where'd
you go?"
"I was lookin'
for somethin' - look, it ain't real pertinent to what happened and that's
a whole other long story in itself. I'll tell ya later if you want."
"OK."
She found herself leaning forward a little.
"When I
got back, well, you were done with school, and we were talkin' 'bout what
we were gonna do. Thought maybe we'd go up to Alaska, since you were
kinda headed there in the first place. But before we left, well, somethin'
happened."
His features
had tensed and Marie knew he was coming to the bad part of the story.
Still, she needed to know. "Go on."
"There was
this woman there, she was a telepath and a telekinetic. Her name was
Jean. Do you - do you remember her?" Marie shook her head no,
and Logan seemed a little relieved at that. "She, uh, she and I - well,
we slept together. There ain't really excuse for it on my part.
I shouldnta done it, 'cause I've been in love with you since the day I metcha.
But she - well, I did it. It's on me. You should know that."
Marie's eyes
were wide. Mostly, she was trying to figure out why the hell she'd sleep
with this guy after he cheated on her. Or was she already pregnant when
that happened? Or -
"I know
it's bad. Real bad. I shouldnta ever done it, and I'm sorry as
hell that I did. You - you found out about it. Well, Jeannie
told you about it. You got pretty upset and I tried to fix it, to apologize,
but you - you were mad. You were real mad. Not that I blame ya."
He looked over for a long moment to check her reaction. Shock and confusion
seemed to be battling for predominance, judging by her expression.
"Anyway, I found out later that she just did it 'cause she wanted a baby
- she was engaged to this other guy, Scott, and they were havin' trouble
gettin' pregnant. She's gettin' a little older and, well, it ain't
an excuse."
"So - if
she was sleeping with you and she was the one who wanted the baby, how did
I wind up pregnant?"
Logan almost
laughed at that, but he caught her desperately lost expression. "Well,
like I was sayin' you were mad. You came to my room, and you gave me
back these." He fingered the dog tags hanging around his neck.
Marie leaned closer to get a better look at them.
"I remember
those. I remember - I remember them in my hand."
"Yeah."
When he spoke, it broke her reverie, and she leaned back against the seat.
"I gave 'em to ya before I left. Wanted you and everybody else to know
you were mine, darlin'. Wanted ya to be sure I'd be back for you 'cause
of that."
"But you
weren't mine - you were hers, Jean's." It wasn't quite a question or
a statement.
"Nah.
I just - I just fucked up. You were still real young and we - I hadn't
even kissed ya. Some part of me thought - well, just this one fling
with Jeannie. Just once, and then it'll be Marie for the rest of my
life. Honestly, it didn't even - after it was over, I felt like shit.
If I could go back and do it all over, I would."
"Well, uh,
if you'd do it over, why are you telling me all this now? I mean, I'd
never know the difference."
"I owe ya
the truth," he said thickly. She just nodded her understanding, and
he continued. "You were mad and you gave me the tags back. You
said that I was with Jeannie 'cause she was prettier and 'cause of your skin
- which ain't true, not at all - but that's what you thought. I toldya
it wasn't that way, but, well, you didn't believe me. For the next
coupla weeks, I tried to figure out how to fix it, how to get you back.
I was desperate. You were - you were real nice to me, actually."
He paused abruptly after that, and Marie thought his eyes held a few tears.
He swallowed hard, then went on. "You said you'd always love me, and,
you know, that we'd always be friends, always look out for each other, but
that you weren't mine any more and you couldn't be around me too much 'cause
it hurt. That broke my heart right there, I don't mind tellin' ya."
Part of
Marie wanted to say, 'good' and part of her felt sorry for him, so she settled
on saying nothing, waiting for him to speak again. When he did, he
had resumed a little equilibrium. "Well, we were just kinda goin' on
that way when Jeannie came to me and tried to get with me again. I
told her I didn't wanna - then, I didn't know why she was doin' it, but I
didn't wanna fuck up anythin' with you any more than I already had.
She got real pissed off, and she kinda took it out on you - snide little
remarks, that kinda shit. She's the kinda person that don't take too
well to not gettin' her way. You, uh, you were pretty nice to her anyway.
That's - that's the kinda person you are." He smiled at her, but she
only returned a serious look. "Anyhow, in the middle of all of this
shit, you got attacked. You were on your way to the art museum in town,
and some asshole named Sabretooth, he grabbed ya. It was a little scary
'cause he's - well, he's an asshole, like I said. I'd been kinda keepin'
an eye on ya, and when you didn't come back I knew somethin' was up.
We rescued you, but, uh, you were hurt. You were hurt pretty bad."
"But I don't
- I don't have any scars or anything." Marie felt a slight twinge of
discomfort, and she shifted in the seat.
"Yeah, well,
I'm, uh, gettin' to that. Do you know how your skin works?" Marie
nodded. She remembered the waitress she'd accidentally touched.
The memory still made her shake a little. "Well, my mutation is healing.
So, when you touched me, I could heal ya. I touched you and made you
all better."
"Didn't
that hurt you? Are you immune to me or something?"
"I am now,"
he answered softly. She shot him a questioning look, and he elaborated.
"'Cause of the baby, darlin', 'cause I'm the father. I dunno all the
medical explanations, but the doctors and scientists at the school think
it kinda works that way."
"Oh," she
replied. She didn't know if that made her feel better or worse.
"Yeah.
Don't - don't worry. I know how sensitive you are about bein' touched
and I ain't gonna touch you, 'specially on your skin, if you don't want me
to. Don't worry."
"OK."
She accepted his assurances cautiously. He was right, she was sensitive
about being touched, even through many layers of clothing, and she wasn't
at all sure whether she wanted the cheating father of her child to ever lay
a hand on her.
"Anyhow,
after - after I woke up outta the coma - "
"I put you
in a coma?"
Logan cursed
himself for blurting that out and making her worry. "Yeah, but, uh,
it's OK. It happens every time I touch ya." Seeing the next question
on her lips, he preempted, "Three times now. Three times." She
sat back in shock. "I'm glad I could do it. I never regretted
any of those times. I didn't mind the comas if it meant you were gonna
be OK." That sounded silly even to his own ears, and he wondered, not
for the first time, what she must be thinking.
"Thanks,"
she stammered out blankly.
"Anytime."
She looked at him, wanting him to continue. "After I woke up, I went
to see ya, which is really the start of how this whole thing happened.
I went to see ya, and I shouldnta. Well, kinda. Lemme just say
up front, I ain't sorry, not one little bit, about anythin' that happened.
I love you so damn much, Marie, I - I'm just glad it happened, OK?
But I know - I know it was kinda takin' advantage of you and that I shouldnta
done."
"Taking
advantage?"
"Yeah.
After I touched you, you had a helluva lotta me in your head. You -
you understand how that works?" Marie nodded slowly. "Right.
I went to ya, just wantin' to make sure you were all right, you know?
I just hadta know you were OK. But when I got there, you were so soft
and you wanted to touch me and hug me again, and I just kinda lost it with
that. It was what I wanted so bad, you know? I know it wasn't
maybe what you really wanted - it was just 'cause there was so much of me
up there and I wanted *you* so bad, but I just wasn't thinkin' too clearly
at the time. So we, uh, made love. And it was just the best,
most beautiful thing I've ever known in my whole life. I wantcha to
know that, darlin'." His voice was getting thick, and tears threatened
again, but he went on. "As I was, uh, pullin' outta you, the condom
broke or tore or slipped or somethin'. You were touchin' my skin, and
I was hurt a little, but just a little - you musta thrown me offa you real
fast. I dunno exactly what happened, but you called Jeannie - she's
- she's the doctor where we lived - and when I woke up, you came to see me.
You, uh, said." His lips pursed together and she saw his jaw muscles
twitch with trying to regain control. "You said that we couldn't be
around each other any more, that you were sorry that we'd been together,
that you were dangerous, and that you wanted to leave the school. I
tried - Marie, baby, I tried so hard to convince you not to do that, not
to think that, but you were set on it. I finally said that I'd leave
the school - I was the one who did wrong, and I wasn't about to make you
feel like you hadta leave your home 'cause of somethin' I did. I dunno
what you thought about that, but you didn't fight me on it. Not at
first, anyhow."
"Not at
first?"
"Things changed.
I was - well, to be honest, I was takin' my time gettin' my things together
to leave. I didn't wanna leave ya and every time I thought about it,
I got sick to my stomach, so I was procrastinatin'. Just when I was
finally draggin' my sorry ass out to the truck and packin' up, you came out
to stop me. You were cryin' a lot, and I hate to admit it, but I was
kinda glad at first. Never wanna see you hurtin', baby, but I thought
maybe it meant you decided you didn't wanna see me go. But, uh, you
got yourself together and told me that you were late so you took a home pregnancy
test and found out you were carryin' a little one. You said you thought
it was only right to tell me before I left. I didn't know what to do
for a second. I ain't proud of it, but I'll admit that I was happy
there was somethin' to tie us together. Still am." He smiled
gently at her. "So, I decided to stick around, and you agreed to stay
there too, at least until the baby was born. You were only about a
month along - five weeks, Jeannie said after she examined ya." His
face turned dark.
When he
didn't continue, Marie prompted, "And then?" Feeling another twinge,
she changed positions again, trying to get comfortable.
"I didn't
realize what was gonna happen. If I'd have seen it comin', well - I
just woulda never let you get hurt. After Jeannie looked ya over,
she came up to your room to talk to ya. I was, uh, keepin' a close
eye on you and the baby and all, so I kinda eavesdropped, which I know ain't
right. But anyway, I overheard her talkin' to ya 'bout whether or not
you wanted to have the baby. She said you were young and had your whole
life ahead of ya, and that she'd understand if ya didn't want a baby to tie
ya down. She said that her and me - we were tryin' to have a kid together
- which was total bullshit - and that she was ready for that, she was older
and ready. I heard you cryin', but I waited until she left to go in
and tell ya she was full of it, and that I only slept with her that once,
that I didn't wanna make a baby with her. Well, I think you kinda knew
that from havin' me in your head and all, but you were still pretty upset."
"After I
got you to sleep, I went to find Jeannie and confront her. She was
with Scooter - uh, Scott - her fiancée, and he didn't know I'd been
with her. I told him all the shit that had happened, includin' what
she'd said to you about a baby, and he freaked. It was a big screamin'
argument. The long and short of it is - I told her to stay the hell
away from you, and Scooter broke off their relationship. I went to
bed thinkin' everythin' would be better in the mornin', 'cause at least now
it was all out, ya know? Sure, Jeannie was pissed, but I never expected
her to do anythin' like what she did."
"What did
she do? She - she did something to me, didn't she? You said she
was a telepath and she - she messed up my head, didn't she?"
"Yeah," Logan
answered softly. "You were gone the next mornin'. Found out from
Jeannie a coupla days later what happened. She said - she said somethin'
in her just snapped after that big argument, but now she felt guilty.
She said she implanted a strong suggestion in your head to leave the school,
to head back to your family in Mississippi. She made ya think that
you - that your family would help you get an abortion, and she made ya think
that that's what you wanted." Marie's jaw dropped open at that.
"I'm so sorry, darlin'. I shoulda - I shoulda known somethin' was wrong
right off when you were gone. But I thought maybe you were upset and
needed some space or somethin'. I started lookin' right away, but not
- I didn't realize what happened. By the time Jeannie fessed up, I'd
lost four days. I was lookin' for ya goin' north, headed to Alaska.
I didn't know you were makin' for Mississippi."
"But - but
I didn't go to Mississippi. I woke up pregnant in Alberta. I
didn't go to Mississippi and I didn't abort the baby." Both of her
hands were resting protectively on her stomach now.
"Nah, you
didn't." Logan smiled at her with what she thought looked a lot like
pride. "You started off headed that way, but you stopped somewhere
in Kentucky and changed direction, started headin' north. I think somewhere
in your head you were tryin' to get back to where we met, tryin' to find
me. I mean, I dunno if that's so, I just - I just thought that might
be it 'cause I eventually tracked you to Laughlin City, the little town we
met in. You were in the bar there about six months back and the bartender
remembered ya sayin' somethin' about did you come in with anybody or anythin'
- he thought you were drinkin' a little too much, but I thought your head
mighta been givin' ya trouble and you didn't remember things. Jeannie
said that the results of what she did could be unpredictable 'cause of your
mutation and the other people you got in your head. That's why nobody
could find ya telepathically either. If I - if I hadta make a guess,
I'd say that somethin' up there in your head was tryin' to break through
Jeannie's 'suggestions' and it finally kicked in once you got to Laughlin
City. I - I dunno if your memories wiped out 'cause you were surprised
you didn't find me there or what happened. I'm so sorry, darlin'.
I'm just so sorry."
"Logan"
"I really
am sorry. I know - I know it's a little scary for ya right now, not
rememberin' anythin' and all the stuff I told ya - well, I'd understand if
you think I'm an asshole. But, really, I - "
"Logan, I
think - I think I felt a contraction." His eyes widened at that.
"It was like a spasm that hurt. I think it was a contraction."
"OK.
OK. Just - just relax. We're, uh, we're still a ways out from
Grimshaw, but I think we'll make it to the hospital. Just try to relax."
"But the
snow - it's getting worse." Neither one of them had much noticed while
they'd been talking, but Marie was right. Visibility had dropped considerably
and when Logan looked down at the speedometer, he saw he'd been going about
30 kilometers an hour. That wasn't going to get them to Grimshaw in
time. He glanced back at the camper quickly, then returned his eyes
to the road.
"Uh, Marie?
Maybe we should come up with a plan B, you know, just in case we, uh, don't
quite get to the hospital in time. Not that we won't - just - just
in case."
"OK," she
agreed unsteadily.
"We got
two options here. We can call for help from the x-men. Jeannie
- she's the doctor still, so I dunno if you'd wanna do that."
"Owww."
Marie winced at that contraction. "Are they supposed to come so fast
all of a sudden?"
Logan knew
the answer to that was no, but he just went on. "The other option would
be to pull this thing over and do it here, in back. I think I got a
few clean blankets and sheets back there, but it's not - it's not really
a good place to be havin' a baby and I've never helped to bring a kid into
the world before." He tried not to look as worried as he felt.
For her
part, Marie felt like she was between a rock and a hard place - either have
a woman who'd wiped her brain and tried to kill the baby help her deliver,
or give birth in a dingy camper with a guy who admitted to treating her pretty
shabbily. Thinking that at least Logan hadn't tried to kill her and
seemed to be interested in keeping both her and the baby alive, she made
her decision. "Pull over. Pull over, then. It's coming.
It's coming pretty soon."
Logan drove
down the road a little until he found what looked like a deserted rest stop.
He pulled in, parked the camper in back, and looked over at Marie, who was
in obvious discomfort now. "Hang on, darlin'. It's gonna be OK."
As he got out of the truck to go around and help her move to the camper, he
telepathically reached out for Professor Xavier.
/Chuck -
I got a situation here./
A moment
later, the response came. /I am so glad that you have found Rogue.
I will confer with Jean on the rapid onset of labor and contact you momentarily./
Logan opened
the passenger side door and slid one arm under Marie's legs and another behind
her back. "Hang on. I gotcha." He scooped her up and swiftly
went around to the camper door. He thought for a moment about where
to put her, easing her onto the floor and then gathering up some blankets
to put underneath her to make her comfortable. She scooted over a little
from where he'd placed her so that she could half-sit up against the wall.
"You doin' OK?" She nodded, but he could tell she was very scared.
"It's gonna be all right. I'm here with ya, I found you now, and you're
gonna be OK."
"Logan, the
baby - just - just make sure the baby's OK." He wanted so badly to
hold her to him, to kiss her and tell her she'd make it through this, they
all would, but he couldn't. "I'm just - oh!" A gush of wetness
spread between her legs, staining her pants. "I think that was my water
breaking."
Logan nodded
and tried to smile. "Let's get those pants offa ya, OK?" Stripping
off his gloves, he lifted her sweater a little to look for the waistband.
His bare hand brushed the skin covering her swollen stomach and he smiled,
basking in the brief touch. He gently undid her pants and slid them
off her, leaving her socks on and covering her with a blanket for a little
warmth. "Don't be scared, darlin'. It's all gonna be OK."
/Logan,
we do not know what is causing the rapid labor, but it may not necessarily
be a problem. Can you sense her heartbeat?/
/Yeah.
Seems good. Regular, strong. Breathing's OK too. Her water
broke./ Logan wondered if Jean really didn't know what was wrong or
if she was in some way still trying to hurt Marie. She'd seemed so
contrite and remorseful when she'd told Logan what she'd done, but.
/All right.
Monitor her carefully. When the contractions are a minute or so apart,
she'll be ready./
/Gotcha./
Three hours
later, Marie was in a lot of pain, but close to delivering the baby.
Logan knew she'd had an exceptionally short labor, but it seemed like an eternity
to him. One more good push should get the head through - he could already
see a little bit of dark hair amidst the blood. "Whenever you're ready,
Marie, one big push, OK, darlin'?"
She nodded
and gritted her teeth. "Mmmmmph!"
The head
came through and Logan helped gently pull the baby out up to it's neck.
"Good! Good! I can - I can see the whole head! Good, Marie!"
She pushed again, without waiting for Logan to tell her to, and the baby
came out up to the shoulders. "Got it!" Logan eased the child
the rest of the way out before remembering Xavier's instructions to suction
out it's nose and mouth. Not having any medical supplies to so do,
he improvised, leaning down and placing his mouth over the child's face,
then spitting out the remnants of blood and fluid.
"Logan?"
Marie panted. She was covered in sweat and blood and looked completely
exhausted.
"It's a
girl, darlin'. It's a girl." The child squirmed in Logan's arms
as he awkwardly held her, using a slightly extended claw to sever the umbilical
cord.
"Is she
OK?" Logan moved within Marie's range of vision as she tiredly lifted
her head to look at her child.
"Look -
she's beautiful."
/Logan -
she must deliver the afterbirth. Check for fragments or tears in it
- that could indicate a problem./ Chuck's mental voice reminded him
that there was still work to be done.
"Come on,
darlin', just a couple more pushes now." Logan held the child close
to him as he moved back between Marie's legs. There was no place to
set the baby down - the floor was covered in blood and amniotic goo, and
he'd need to get the clean blankets out of a trunk. "You gotta, uh,
just get the rest of it outta you." She nodded and bore down again.
Two more tries had the placenta out - and whole, Logan noted with satisfaction.
She'd be OK.
/Well done.
Congratulations, Logan./
/I owe ya
one, Chuck./ With that, Logan signed off.
"Logan?"
Marie looked just about at the end of her rope.
"All done,
baby. Do you wanna hold her?" Marie smiled broadly as Logan handed
her their daughter. Smiling down into the little girl's face, Marie
cooed softly to her. The girl cried some more and squirmed. She's
got my temperament, Logan thought.
"I think
- I think she wants to be fed, and I'm, uh, milk's coming out a little.
Can you help me sit up?" Logan did as she asked, and couldn't resist
stroking Marie's hair a little when she was in position. She just gave
him an exhausted smile, and then gave him the child while she pulled her
sweater over her head, then her undershirt. She wasn't wearing a bra,
and she was totally naked now, but she'd long since lost any concerns about
modesty. Logan handed the baby back, and Marie winced a little as her
daughter latched on to her breast.
"You did
real good, Marie. Real good." Logan went to retrieve a few clean
blankets for them. Setting one out on the small cot, he gingerly carried
Marie and his daughter to it, then tucked it in around both of them.
She smiled at him in gratitude, and leaned back against the wall for a little
support. "How're you feelin'?"
"Everything
hurts," she summarized, "but I feel fantastic."
Logan reached
out to stroke her hair again. His hands were covered in her blood, but
neither one of them seemed to notice. "Do you know what you wanna name
her?"
Marie nodded,
her eyes already drifting closed in exhaustion. "Natasha," she whispered.
Logan thought that the name somehow suited the child.
"What about
a middle name?"
"You pick,"
she sighed. "I'm too tired to think of one."
"You'd -
you'd let me pick it?" Logan stammered in surprise. He felt his
eyes sting hot again with tears when she nodded confirmation.
"You helped
me a lot. I couldn't have - I don't know what it would have been like
if you hadn't been here." Some tears of her own fell, but she was smiling
too.
"Marie,"
he said without hesitation. "She should be Natasha Marie." Logan
looked down at his daughter as she fed, all concerns forgotten for the moment.
The storm
had been the worst in remembered history, dumping almost two feet of snow
in a few hours. They couldn't get moving for about three days, but they
finally did make it to Grimshaw. Both Marie and Nat (as Marie had taken
to calling her) were doing well. The camper was doing less well - it
hadn't been cleaned since the birth, and that, plus having to improvise diapers
for Nat made it quite aromatic. When they arrived at the much-less-than-four-star
Dee-Jay Motel, Logan first watched Nat while Marie cleaned herself up, then
set about taking care of the camper. In a way, he didn't want to clean
up the blood or throw out the placenta - they were reminders of the birth,
an event he was absurdly grateful he got to witness. On the other hand,
they'd have to live in the camper for the foreseeable future.
He hadn't
really discussed plans for the future in detail with Marie. She hadn't
said anything, seemingly content to come with him to Grimshaw. In fact,
she hadn't said much of anything about anything at all that Logan had told
her, and he was beginning to wonder if she'd somehow forgotten what he'd said.
When he returned from cleaning up the camper, he showered, thinking through
whether and how to start a conversation with her about all that.
She resolved
the problem for him when he emerged, wrapped in a towel. "Hey - can
we, uh, talk a little?"
"Sure," he
said, losing the towel and climbing into one of the two double beds.
Marie watched him casually from the other bed and waited for him to settle.
Nat was lying with her, already asleep.
"I have
a proposal."
"A proposal?"
Marie nodded. "Like what, a marriage proposal?" That would be
entirely too much good luck, Logan thought.
"No, no,
like - like a 'this is what I think we should do' proposal."
"Oh," he
answered softly, a little disappointed.
"I've given
what you've told me a lot of thought. I don't think - I really don't
understand why you ever slept with Jean if you really did love me."
Logan winced at that. "I don't want someone who's, you know, cheating
on me all the time. I don't want to set that kind of example for Nat."
Her voice was soft, not accusing.
"Marie,
I - "
"Let me
finish, OK?" She smiled a little at him, and that gave him a slim thread of
hope that this wouldn't be all bad. "But I do believe - I do believe
that you're sorry for what happened, that you pretty much regret it."
"I do, I
really do, I - "
She held
up a tiny hand, halting his explanation. "You're not really on board
with the whole letting me finish thing, are you?" Her eyes held a hint
of mirth, of the teasing he used to love. He pantomimed zipping his
lips shut in response, and that earned him a smile. "So maybe - maybe
it was just a mistake, and maybe we've both paid enough for it. In
any case, you're Nat's father, and I want you in her life. She should
know you and get to spend time with you and just - she should have a dad
in her life. I know neither of us really planned on her, but she's
here now, and we both - we both really wanted her to come into the world."
Her voice softened even more at the end, and he thought for a moment, she
might cry, but she steadied herself. "So, here's what I'm thinking
we could do. It's just a suggestion, so let me know if you have any
other ideas." She paused a little and cleared her throat. "I
don't want to go back to the school if this Jean person is still living there.
I don't really have anywhere else to go, though, and, um, it seems like you
don't either. So I think we should just pick a place to settle - somewhere
up in Canada would be fine with me. We should pick a place and then
one of us, or maybe both of us, depending on the money, should get a job.
We'll just try it out, OK? We'll just start over and try raising Nat
together and we'll see how it goes."
"That's
good, that's good, I really, really like that proposal."
"Well, good.
But - but I want to be clear - I'm not - we're not just playing house here,
Logan. If you don't want me, if you wind up cheating again, I'll leave
and go my own way. I can take care of myself and Nat, I know I can.
And I'd never take her out of your life, but - but I couldn't live with you
if it's just not right."
"I want
you. There's no more cheatin'. Never. I want you, Marie."
"I think
I want you too. I remember flashes of you, feelings about you.
I know - I know I loved you a lot, once. But let's see. Let's
try it and see, OK? I don't mean to be all bitchy or to make it sound
like you have to pass a test or something. Just - just do what you
want to do, and let me see if I can fit in with that, if I can make a life
with you, OK?"
"OK," he
agreed, smiling more than she'd ever seen him. "OK."
Two years
later, they'd settled in Yellowknife. Logan was running a small bar
that was doing quite well - he'd used his savings to buy them a cozy, remote
house and a burned-out storefront in town. He'd spent two months renovating
it, then another two months getting a liquor license, but now, after a lot
of very hard work, it was beginning to show a more-than-modest profit.
Logan still bartended himself three nights a week, but he had hired almost
a dozen employees by now. For her part, Marie occasionally did freelance
photography for the local newspaper. It didn't bring in a profit, not
much, but it was something she enjoyed.
Nat favored
her mother in looks - same hair, same eyes, same mouth - but her father in
attitude. An outsider would've called her a fussy, demanding child,
but her parents tended not to mind too much. Logan even pronounced
it 'cute' when Nat knocked over his motorcycle one day.
They were
all getting along well, Logan thought. It had taken him more than a
year to earn enough of Marie's trust to become her lover again. He'd
never strayed, of course, despite having had more than a little opportunity,
thanks to the bar, and he thought she finally felt comfortable about that.
When he would ask, Marie would always say that she thought they were
doing well. The only thing that gave Logan pause was Marie's reluctance
to have another child with him. He wanted to try for a sibling for
Nat. He liked the idea of his daughter having a big family - something
both he and Marie lacked. But she'd been saying she wasn't ready, all
the while assuring him that things between them were going fine.
They'd just
finished celebrating Nat's birthday the evening before when it happened.
Jean, Scott, and Storm wandered into Logan's bar. There'd been a fight
not far away, and they'd lost the Blackbird. Scott confessed to asking
the Professor to direct them to a mutant-friendly ally who could help, and
the Professor had given them Logan's location. Just as Logan was thanking
God that Marie hadn't stopped by to help him open up that night, she swept
in through the front door, holding a well-bundled Nat in her arms.
She didn't recognize any of the x-men, but she caught on to the fact that
they recognized her.
"Logan?"
He came out from behind the bar and joined her. "What's going on?"
Putting a
steadying hand at her back, he said, "These're some old friends. They,
uh, broke down a little ways outta town and they need some help. This
is 'Ro, Scott, and, uh, Jean." He hadn't wanted to scare her, but,
on the other hand, he didn't want to pull any wool over Marie's eyes about
who they were. She let out a little gasp and a look of shock flitted
across her face for a moment, but she remained otherwise fairly unexpressive.
"I was just gonna have a little talk with them in the back."
"I'm going
with you," Marie announced, her eyes fixed on Jean.
"All right."
Logan didn't want to subject her to having to deal with them, but didn't
want to say she couldn't join them either - Marie might think something was
going on between him and Jean. So, he simply led them all to the small
back office and shut the door behind them.
Scott spoke
first. "How are you, Rogue?" Marie scrunched up her nose at that
name, and Scott amended, "Marie - I uh, meant Marie. Sorry."
"I'm fine,"
she answered coolly while beginning to un-bundle Nat.
"Look," Logan
began, "I'll do what I can to help ya get movin' but that's it. I don't
appreciate you bargin' into my bar like that." He kept glancing to Marie,
hoping to see some readable reaction. Her gaze was fixed intently on
Jean, whose eyes were in turn fixed on the floor.
"If you
could lend us a little money or give us a vehicle, that would be immensely
helpful," Storm put in. Logan moved around the desk and bent down to
open the safe beneath it. Extracting a large wad of bills, he handed
it over to 'Ro.
"There.
Now go on, get on your way."
"The Professor
will pay you back immediately," Scott offered.
"Yeah, I
know. Now get out." Scott smiled tightly, and headed for the
door with Storm and Jean following. Just as Jean passed Marie, though,
she stopped her with her free hand.
"I think
you and I and Logan should talk," Marie said firmly.
"I - I don't
really want to," Jean stammered and tried again to move. Marie held
her in place.
"I don't
really care," Marie said decisively. "Logan, hold Nat." Their
daughter's dark and curly hair spilled out of her snowsuit as Marie handed
her over. Logan thought that there was a better than average chance
that Marie was about to kick Jean's ass instead of talking. He could
smell Scott and 'Ro just outside the office door, waiting. "How dare
you do what you did to me?" Jean just looked at the floor. "Don't
you even have an answer for that?"
Jean raised
her head, and there was a half-defiant, half-angry look in her eyes all of
a sudden. "What do you want me to say, Rogue? Huh?"
Marie reacted
to the use of that name and put both hands on her hips. Oh yeah, Logan
thought, ass-kickin' for sure. "I'd think you might want to apologize
for stealing eighteen years of my memories and almost succeeding at manipulating
me into murdering my own child. But then again, maybe not. Maybe
you're not sorry for that, hmm?"
"I've suffered
too, more than you even know! I lost Scott, I lost the respect of the
Professor and the team, I lost everything!"
"Good," Marie
responded. "You deserved that. You deserve a lot worse."
Jean snorted and tried again to move past Marie. This time Marie let
her, but knocked into her shoulder a little as she passed. "You deserve
to never have kids, that's what you deserve. I'd never want anyone
to have to suffer you for a mother." That statement, and the detached,
even tone in which it was delivered, caught Jean and she turned, almost involuntarily
to face Marie. Marie met her disbelieving gaze unflinchingly.
Jean's eyes flitted to Logan, seeking support, but he only offered a shrug.
"Now get out of our bar."
Jean headed
for the door, but paused and turned after opening it. "You know, Rogue,"
she twisted the name, fully aware of Marie's reaction to it, "you should
be happy. You got what you wanted. And Logan - he'll never leave
you now. He'll stay with you forever, he pities you and blames himself
so damn much. You should be thanking me." With that, she closed
the door with a slam behind her. Marie looked at Logan momentarily,
as though she was deciding something, then she moved quickly to the door
and opened it, going after Jean.
"Shit,"
Logan cursed, and he shifted his hold on Nat and hurried to follow her.
Marie caught
up with Jean in the middle of the bar, and whirled her around by the arm.
Before Jean could recover, Marie spit into her face. Jean let out an
'ew' and put a hand up to wipe it away. Marie landed one good, solid
punch to her face, breaking her nose. She wondered why Jean wasn't
just using her powers against her, but before Marie could fully process that
thought, Scott effectively tackled Jean from behind, pinning her to the floor
as she drew back to swing on Marie. Marie looked down at them in surprise.
"Stop it.
Just stop this." Jean squirmed a little, then gave up and started crying.
"Mom!"
Nat squirmed in Logan's firm grasp, wanting to go to her mother. Logan
ignored her for the moment, keeping her in his arms.
"I'm sorry,
Marie," Scott offered as he slowly got up off of Jean. "I'm sorry about
that."
"Why didn't
she just - "
"The Professor.
The Professor took away her telepathy after - after what she did to you.
He didn't mean for it to mess up her telekinesis, but" Marie looked
down at the sobbing heap that was Jean. "She's still our doctor, still
on the team. But she's - her powers are gone."
Marie frowned,
almost in sympathy, but Logan just grinned ferally. "Bad!" Nat pronounced,
as she flung her arm in Jean's direction, as though she were trying to hit
her.
"Come here,
baby," Marie took Nat in her arms, and Logan protectively put an arm around
them both. Scott helped Jean to her feet, but then settled himself next
to 'Ro, placing a comforting hand on her back. Jean was still crying,
still looking down at her feet. "I think you all should leave," Marie
said softly, and they obeyed. Logan closed the bar door behind them,
and locked it tightly.
"Maybe she
was right," Marie said out of the clear blue sky, weeks later, as she and
Logan and Nat ate breakfast in their sunny kitchen. "Maybe I should
be thanking her."
"Maybe I
shoulda killed her as soon as I found out what she did." It came out
in a growl, causing Nat to turn her attention from her toast and smile at
her father like a little savage. Logan smiled back, and winked.
"No.
She could've killed Nat, that's true, but she didn't. She doesn't really
deserve to die. I think - I think she got what she deserved.
She can't ever do what she did to me to anybody else. She lost Scott.
Everyone whose opinion she valued thinks she's awful. And I meant what
I said about her not having kids - she deserves not to, for trying to kill
my child, and she probably won't ever have them. I think she got what
she deserved."
"Still don't
mean ya should be thankin' her," Logan grumbled.
"Maybe not
thanking her, but maybe - well, she's part of the reason my life is the way
it is now. I don't know - I'm not sure what would've happened to us,
to you and me, if I hadn't lost my memories. I don't know if I would've
been able to love you like I do now." Logan looked at her with surprise.
"Sorry," she apologized softly. "But - but sometimes I think that.
Sometimes I think if I hadn't had Nat with you, if you hadn't helped me give
her birth - well, there wouldn't have been that kind of bonding experience,
that kind of really good, deep bonding experience between us. It really
- I really trusted you a lot because of that."
"Mowe bacon!"
Nat didn't like not being the focus of attention.
"More bacon,
please," Marie gently corrected, smiling at her daughter.
"I love
you, you know. I love the family and the life we got." Logan
said it gravely, and Marie kissed his cheek on the way to deliver Nat's bacon
to her.
"I do too.
Whatever way it happened, I'm glad it's like it is now." She settled
into her chair and gazed softly at her husband. "I'd just add one little
thing."
"What's
that?" Logan caught the playful look on her face - he knew she was
up to something.
"Oh, I was
thinking, you know, that you should get off the stick and start helping me
make a little baby brother or sister for Nat.." Marie idly twirled
her spoon in her coffee cup, trying to maintain an innocent expression.
"I should
get off the stick?" Logan teased. "Well, we could start work
on that right now, darlin'."
"No!" Nat
intervened. "Pway foost!" Marie laughed at that and so did Logan.
"All right,
all right," Logan appeased his daughter. "Playtime first, then when
you nap, me and your mom will get started on that little project."
Nat brightened at that, and resumed eating her breakfast. The warm
glow in Marie's eyes told him she agreed with his plan. Logan reclined
in his chair, thinking that maybe he didn't have to be thanking Jean, but
maybe the forces of the universe hadn't totally screwed them all over when
things happened as they did. Maybe there was somebody up there looking
out for them after all.
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